Start Me Up

"You've reached Amelia, leave a message and I'll get back to you." Tessa pulled her phone away from her ear and hit the little red phone icon to end the call with a sigh. She set her phone on the coffee table in front of her, leaned against her elbows on her knees and stared at it as if that might make Amelia call her back or even text her again.

She had given her space, all day and night before and now she was hoping she would at least be willing to talk today but it seemed like that wasn't the case. Tessa hadn't heard from Amelia or Shea since yesterday, and she wasn't holding her breath but part of her was still hoping that maybe Shea would have had the decency to let her know what the hell was going on the same way she had given him the heads up earlier.

She was exhausted; she hadn't slept a wink the night before, she had been too worked up to even get into bed so instead she spent a few hours pacing the floor trying to think of what she could say to Amelia and when she came up with nothing she decided to flick through channels on the TV for a few hours. That worked about as well as the pacing.

She decided to try something out of desperation, and this time when she picked up her phone she called her mother instead of Amelia. Elanor answered after the fourth ring, and instead of a hello all she got was, "She doesn't want to talk to you."

Tessa sighed, "I know. I just... wanted to make sure she was okay."

"Okay? You think it's possible for her to be okay right now Tessa?" Elanor asked her, her voice low but sharp and it was clear that wherever she was it was close enough for her to not want Amelia to overhear.

Tessa explained to her mother, "I know. Okay wasn't the right word. I just... she won't talk to me, and I don't blame her but I just wanted to... I don't know... how is she?"

Elanor didn't hold back when she told Tessa, "She's a mess, what do you think? Her big sister ruined her life, so yeah she is upset, and no she does not want to talk to you."

"It's not like I wanted this to happen. That doesn't excuse what we did, but we didn't start this whole thing to hurt her. I didn't fall in love with Shea to hurt Amelia." Tessa stated, and the moment the words came out of her mouth she paused. She was too surprised to speak. She had never used those words and Shea in the same sentence. She hadn't even been aware that she was going to use those words about him.

Elanor, however, was not having it. She spoke with anger in her voice, "Love Tessa? You're gonna try to tell me you love him? How can you? No, the way you feel about him is influenced by the way made you feel while you two were fooling around behind your sisters back. That's not love, and I hope that some day you realize just how much you hurt Amelia and that you realize it was lust, not love."

Tessa sighed, pushed her hair out of her face and said, "I guess I'll call back later."

She was met with the dial tone.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when someone knocked on her door. She got up and headed toward it, swinging it open and she hoped she didn't look too disappointed to find Pekka behind it. She must have because he smiled and stated, "Either I'm really disappointing to see or I'm not who you were expecting."

Tessa forced a small smile on her face and she stepped aside and told him, "I'm really sorry about not showing up yesterday. I should have called you or something to let you know."

He shrugged, "I was just worried, so I thought I'd stop by to make sure everything is okay."

"Oh."

His brow raised and he asked her, "Is everything okay?"

Tessa shook her head and sat down on the couch and as Pekka followed her she told him, "Amelia found out... about Shea and I."

Pekka sucked in a deep breath of air and he got up and went into the kitchen. Tessa watched as he rooted through her cupboards for a mug, a tea bag, and the kettle before he went to work at the stove. Five minutes later he came back with a mug of tea and he told her, "You look sad. My ex used to like tea when she was upset and I don't know, I thought it might help."

Tessa smiled gently and took the cup from his hands, wrapping both of her own hands around the steaming mug. Maybe Roman was right; maybe she should have let Pekka take her out on a date. Maybe then she wouldn't be in this situation. Then again, if she had bothered to listen to the more sensible part of herself she wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

But she could hit up the scenario booth as much as she wanted, it didn't change anything. This was the situation she was in, there was no changing it. She just had to figure out how to be okay with it, how to deal with it. She had to figure out how to deal with the fact that even if she could get Amelia to talk to her again it would probably not be for a very long time. Tessa had to be okay with it, she couldn't change it now because she had done what she had done.

She surprised him when she set the mug on the coffee table, turned to him and kissed him. It took him maybe half a second though to respond, and then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him as she grabbed onto the material of his shirt. He didn't like the idea of taking advantage of Tessa in her state right now or betraying Shea in any kind of a way but he was a red blooded male and a gorgeous woman had kissed him. What was he supposed to do?

When they pulled apart Pekka raised his eyebrow at her and as she tucked her hair behind her ears again he asked her, "You mind filling me in on what exactly that was?"

She smiled gently and told him, "I don't know... I guess I needed to know if there was anything there."

"And was there?" He asked her curiously.

She shook her head, "I don't think so... right?"

He nodded, "Yeah... as much as I hate to admit it... I've had more passionate moments with my blocker than I just did kissing you."

Tessa let out a laugh and told him, "You really know how to make a girl feel special."

"I aim to please." Pekka told her with a grin.

She didn't really think there would be anything there with Pekka, especially not anything close to what she felt when she kissed Shea but for some reason, she felt like she had to at least try. She didn't know why she felt like that, but she did. Maybe she needed to make sure that what she felt with Shea wasn't just her rebounding from Jacob.

Pekka pulled her out of her thoughts when he asked her, "So... what happened?"

She sighed, tucked her blonde hair behind her ears and told him, "Shea came over the other night after you left. I wanted him to leave, but then he said he wanted to talk about things so I let him in."

"And... I take it he didn't really want to talk about things? At least not with words?" Pekka asked her with a small smile.

Tessa shook her head and informed him, "No, actually he did. We did talk. Part of me now wonders if everything that he said was just him saying what he thought I wanted to hear."

"What did he say?" He asked her.

She paused, a little hesitant to betray Shea's confidence but then she told Pekka, "Basically... he told me that he wanted the chance to... I don't know, show me what I've been missing."

"Would you let him?" Pekka asked her curiously.

"It doesn't matter if I would... this is done." Tessa stated, and then she sighed.

Pekka pushed the conversation forward by asking her, "So then what?"

"Then... some things happened between us. Because obviously we're terrible people." Tessa muttered and Pekka reached over and pinched her thigh gently.

"So... wait... did Amelia walk in on you guys like... doing the nasty? Could it have been a scene out of that Shaggy song?" Pekka asked her, and he was glad when he saw the corners of Tessa's lips turn up into a small smile. It meant she wasn't completely off of the deep end yet. He could work with this.

"No. He left that morning, and Amelia came over that afternoon... Shea left his watch on the floor in my bedroom and she found it. Put two and two together I guess." Tessa explained to him, and she ran her hands through her hair again, pulling it away from her face.

"And I take it you haven't heard from either of them yet?" Pekka asked her curiously, and when Tessa nodded he had to admit he was a little surprised with Shea. He had half of the mind to text him right now and tell him that the least he could do was let Tessa know what the hell was going on. He told her, "I could text him, right now. Let him know he could keep you updated at least."

"No, don't bother." Tessa told him, and Pekka raised his eyebrow so she continued, "It's just... what's the point in knowing? It doesn't change anything."

"The hell it doesn't." Pekka told her.

Tessa nodded, "Yeah, it doesn't. When Shea was here that morning... we talked about everything and we decided that for now it was better to just stop what we were doing, go our separate ways and figure things out for ourselves and then revisit the idea of us as a couple sometime in the future when we could make a better decision about it."

"So you let him have his cake and eat it too." Pekka mumbled.

"What does that mean? I didn't let him do anything." Tessa told him, her voice raising as she got defensive.

He sighed and explained what he meant, "You let him have you without ending his relationship, and now that Amelia knows about you two not only have you lost her but you're letting Shea just walk away from you. So really, your relationship with your sister is irreparably ruined and on top of it, you don't even have the reason that relationship got ruined."

Tessa sighed, and her eyes welled up with tears and she asked, "What was I supposed to do? It's better like this."

"No, it's not. There's no reason for you two to continue with this stupid plan now. Amelia knows, you guys might as well try having a relationship now. At least now you won't have to sneak around or worry that she'll find out and what she might think. She already knows, so why are you sitting here feeling sorry for yourself and not going over there to tell him how you really feel about him?" Pekka asked her, turning in his spot to face her completely.

"Because real life isn't a romantic comedy?" Tessa asked him. He rolled his eyes and Tessa told him softly, tears spilling over her cheeks, "Because what if I go there and he doesn't want me anymore? I cannot handle being tossed aside again."

She put her head in her hands, elbows on her knees and cried and Pekka reached over to rub her back gently. He didn't know what to say to her, and he certainly didn't want to make it any worse for her. So he comforted her the best that he could while she cried and he stayed quiet.

Tessa straightened up, pulled her hair away from her face for what felt like the hundredth time and she asked him, "What did I do? Did I seriously just ruin my sister's life for this? Did I really ruin a lifelong relationship with her? And for what? For Shea? What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Nothing." Pekka told her, and when she turned to glare at him he continued without missing a beat, "Look, is it conventional? No. Dating your ex brother-in-law isn't exactly mainstream but Tessa you two are good for each other and I'm sorry but I can't understand why you wouldn't at least give it a shot. It's obvious you have real feelings for him, and he makes you happy. Shea has made you happier than you have been for years and you know it."

"I know." She mumbled.

"And Shea... I don't even know what to say about him except that he's like a whole new Shea and everyone has noticed, and it's because of you Tessa. He's happier, a lot more fun to be around, and he has this like new view on life. I've never seen him work this hard, I've never seen him so determined to go all the way this season. He's just... got that... I haven't seen him like this since early in his career. That's because of you." Pekka told her honestly.

She sighed and said, "No it's not."

"Yes it is. If you ask me, Shea's been one foot out of the door with Amelia for months. Maybe even since they got engaged. The idea of forever changes people, and I think it changed him in a way he didn't expect. It was like he suddenly realized that he didn't want that with Amelia, and then you came along and he was seeing you in a different way, a way he never did before and he realized that he wanted forever with you Tessa." Pekka informed her, and when she didn't say anything right away he continued, "I'm gonna tell you something that he'd be real mad at me for telling you. I was the first person he told when he decided he wanted to end things with Amelia, I think I was like the dry run for his dad or something. I asked him if it was because of you, and he told me that it wasn't at all about you but that when the dust settled he was planning on telling you exactly how he feels about you."

Her curiosity was piqued, she asked him, "And? How does he feel about me?"

Pekka smiled gently and told her, "I think you already know that."

- - -

"So... Harper's coming to visit for a whole week this month." Shea looked over at Roman in surprise when he said this. His brow lifted and Roman nodded, a big, goofy grin spread out over his face as he said, "Yeah. We have that long home stretch toward the end of the month, she's staying for most of it."

Curiously Shea asked, "What about... after that?"

"Like after this season?" Roman asked him, and when Shea nodded he shrugged his shoulders and stated, "I don't know. We'll see what happens."

"You're not gonna want to do long distance next year again dude." Shea stated, and Roman rolled his eyes.

"So what, I'm supposed to break up with the first girl I've actually really liked since getting here just because long distance is hard?" Roman asked him, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Probably would be the smart thing." Shea said, leaning back into the couch with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What the fuck is up with you?" Roman asked him, and Shea's brow lifted, "I'm just saying, you're back playing and we're doing well. You should be on top of the world and yet here you are acting like a grade a asshole."

Shea sighed and he ran his fingers through his hair before he stunned Roman by telling him, "Amelia and I... we uh... ended things."

Roman blew air out of his mouth and then he asked Shea, "Is it because of Tessa?"

Shea's head snapped over to his defense partner, eyebrow raised and a look of alarm on his face as he asked, "What?"

Roman couldn't help but let out a laugh. He explained to Shea, "You two so weren't that stealth at dinner."

"Oh." Was all Shea could say.

Roman went on, paying no mind to Shea's silence, "I've been kind of wondering what was up with you lately. You were in such a bad mood for the first few months of the season, which given the fact that you just got engaged I thought was kind of weird, and then you did this complete flip and all of a sudden you were like a version of yourself that I don't think I've ever seen. At first I thought it was Amelia and then... at dinner I noticed you and Tessa. The way you looked at her, the fact that you were practically feeling her up under the table. I'm not stupid, man."

"I never thought you were... I just... didn't know how to say anything. I still don't." Shea admitted with a sigh.

Curiously Roman asked him, "You and Amelia breaking up... does that have anything to do with Tessa?"

"On her end yes, on mine no." When he said this he knew he had confused Roman because his brow lifted in questioning. So Shea explained, "I was planning on ending things that day when she got home."

"And what happened?" Roman asked him.

Shea shrugged, "She was over at Tessa's, I guess I left my watch there because she found it and put two and two together."

"So... how bad was the fight?" Roman asked him curiously, he had never really seen Amelia angry in the time he had known her, but he had to guess if anything warranted uncontrollable rage it was finding out your fiance had been sleeping with your sister.

"That's the thing... it wasn't bad." Shea stated, going on to explain to Roman, "She didn't yell, or scream or even hit me. I expected all three honestly. We just sat down and talked about it, and then she packed her stuff and left."

"That's it? Just like that?" Roman asked him in shock.

Shea shrugged, "I mean she did say she was going back home because she didn't want to see me and Tessa ever again but I kind of expected that."

"So... you and Tess... you guys are a thing now?" When Shea shook his head Roman turned to him in surprise and asked, "What do you mean you're not?"

"Things are too messy right now. You know? I just don't think jumping into things with her now is the right thing. I think we'd be better off to just wait and let things settle down and then see where we're at then." Shea told him honestly, he was frankly hoping that his father would have this kind of reaction when he called to tell him what was going on. Shea didn't know if he was even going to mention Tessa or not to his dad, he figured that would be a decision at that point in time. He was sure that his dad would support him in whatever he did, even this, but Shea didn't want to take the chance of ruining whatever footing Tessa might have with his family before they even got their relationship off of the ground. If they even got their relationship off of the ground.

Shea looked over at Roman in surprise and alarm when the younger of the two reached out and slapped him so hard upside of the head that Shea was sure had it been a cartoon he would have been seeing stars.

He rubbed his head and asked him, "What the hell?"

"Dude you're such a dick."

Shea's brow raised in questioning, "What do you mean?"

"You do realize that the two of you made the choice to have an affair, and now Amelia knows and you're not doing anything about it." Roman told him.

Shea shrugged, "Yeah, okay?"

"So... Tessa has literally lost her sister over this and you're not even going to go over there and tell her that you love her? Do you know what kind of a dick that makes you?" Roman asked him, and Shea could hear the surprise in his voice.

Shea sighed, he wanted to say he knew that, that was all he could think about in the time since Amelia had left, but all that came out of his mouth was, "I don't love her."

"The hell you don't. You don't ruin a five year relationship for sex Shea." Roman told him firmly.

"Lots of people do." Shea retorted back with.

Roman rolled his eyes and informed him, "You're not like lots of people."

Shea knew he was right, he wasn't like lots of people and he didn't do this kind of thing ever. Shea wasn't a cheater, he had never been. He had integrity, at least he used to. He was the kind of person parents were proud of, the kind of guy girls brought home to meet their mom and passed the dad test with flying colors. He didn't do things on a whim, he thought things out and he saw them through.

He was dependable, selfless, hard working and on top of it all he liked to think he was a pretty nice guy. But even pretty nice guys didn't do things like have an affair with their fiance's sister.

Even pretty nice guys would have realized that it wasn't okay to disappear and leave Tessa alone after she just lost the most important person in her life over their decision.