Start Me Up

"So... can you believe we're done finally?" Pekka asked Tessa as they stood in the living room waiting for all of the guys to come back from their self-guided tour of Pekka's new and improved living spaces.

She turned to look at him and smiled gently, "Seems like just yesterday you were begging me to help your poor, hopeless house out."

He let out a laugh and he handed her a glass of water, he had a beer bottle for himself in one hand. Her brow raised and he explained, "I've never seen you drink, and I think I remember at one point in time a while back you told me you don't."

"You have a very good memory." She informed him. She had, in fact, mentioned it once, over three years ago while she was visiting and they had all gone out for dinner.

Pekka smiled over at her and, knowing they wouldn't be alone for very much longer he asked her softly, "You hear from Shea yet?"

Tessa shook her head, "No, but I wasn't expecting to."

It had been two weeks since Amelia had found out their little secret. She hadn't heard from Shea at all, and Amelia hadn't returned any calls or texts from her, even her own mother wasn't talking to her currently. She wasn't surprised that her sister wanted nothing to do with her, and she wasn't surprised that Shea still hadn't even sent her a text message but it didn't mean it didn't hurt a little.

Pekka told her, "You just say the word. I'll kick his ass in practice tomorrow."

"I'd like to see you try." Tessa said with a soft smile.

He grinned down at her and informed her, "Blockers have been known to hurt. I could just beat his ass with one. Take him down with a good couple of whacks to the face with it and call it an accident."

"What 'I forgot he was on our team?'" Tessa asked him in amusement.

Pekka nodded, "I could think of a few excuses. I could always claim I blacked out and came to when he was on the ice knocked out."

"You so wouldn't get away with that." She told him.

Pekka grinned and informed her, "They call it goalie rage. Look it up, it's a real thing."

"You're too good to me Pekka Rinne." She joked, allowing him to wrap an arm around her shoulder and pull her into his side.

When he heard footsteps on the stairs Pekka leaned down and spoke softly in her ear, "I'm serious. You say the word and I'll knock some sense into him... literally if needed."

With that, he pulled away from her and took his spot about a foot away as the guys rounded the corner and joined them in the living room. Tessa forced a smile on her face and asked, "So what do you think?"

Roman told her, "Can you do my house?"

Craig joked, "You live in an apartment dude."

Roman shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe not anymore."

"What?" Colin asked him, brow raised in questioning as everyone else around them seemed to tune into the conversation happening now.

Roman again shrugged and he said, "So I bought a house."

"Say what." Ryan stated, blinking slowly as his eyes locked on Roman much like the rest of the guys.

"I have my reasons, I'm not telling any of you yet." Roman stated, and then he turned to Tessa and asked her, "Would you consider it?"

She could feel everyone looking at her, and she sighed. Now or never she supposed. She gave him a soft smile and announced, "Wish I could but now that this house is done I'm taking off."

Roman's brow lifted and he asked, "Back to St. Louis?"

"Yeah, probably. I'm not entirely sure yet." She said with a nod of her head.

Craig asked her, "Who's gonna make me waffles now, though?"

"Maybe it's time you find a girlfriend?" Tessa joked, and while everyone laughed and started up conversations about the house and their favorite parts Tessa excused herself to refill her water glass.

That was when Roman followed her into the kitchen, and he leaned against the counter and asked her, "You're really going back to St. Louis?"

Tessa nodded, "I just... this is not the right place for me."

"I think maybe you should hold off on that decision." Roman told her, and when her brow raised he sighed and told her honestly, "Amelia went back there. I just thought ... if you were planning on going there you probably didn't know that yet, and that maybe you should know that before going."

Tessa set her glass down and turned to face him fully, and she wanted to ask what he meant by that, but instead she asked, "How do you know that?"

"Shea told me... and I take it no one told you." Roman spoke softly, he was upset that he had even mentioned it. She wondered what Shea had told him, if anything, about what had happened. Tessa's money was on little to nothing.

"That would require either one of them to be speaking to me." Tessa stated, tucking her hair behind her ears. Tessa had assumed that Elanor was here in Nashville with Amelia, or that Amelia had gone home to visit after finding out about her and Shea, it never even crossed her mind that her sister might have moved home. Though the more she thought about it the more Tessa realized it made the most sense in terms of options. Amelia's whole life was in St. Louis, the only thing keeping her in Nashville had been Shea and his career.

"I'm sorry Tess." He told her, watching as she nodded her head slowly. She didn't need to hear that, so he changed the subject and told her, "Harper gets here tomorrow to visit."

"Yeah?" Tessa asked him with a renewed excitement.

He humored her, he wanted to talk to her more about Shea and Amelia and whatever was and wasn't going on but he didn't want to hurt her any more than she already was so he filled her in on his own life, "She's here for a whole week."

"That's exciting! Do you guys have any big plans?" Tessa asked him, taking a drink from her glass.

"Yeah I have a few fun days planned, and a couple date nights but I think mostly we're just gonna hang out and enjoy each other's company you know? We don't get to do that much." Roman told her honestly, and then he paused and he asked Tessa, "We have a team thing one of the nights she's here... I don't want to leave her alone... do you think maybe you and her could do something?"

"She's not friends with any of the other wives?" Tessa asked him curiously.

"Sort of. Doesn't help that they're all a lot older, and have been around for a while. She's still a little uncomfortable but she really liked you." Tessa had to admit she liked hearing that at least someone around here liked her. Especially now. And she was glad that Harper had taken a liking to her for other reasons, Tessa was like every other person out there she wanted people to like her and even more than that she wanted the women involved in the men in her life's lives to like her as well. She knew it couldn't be easy to come into a guys life to find out he's close with another woman, and while Harper would get it considering who her best friend was Tessa was admittedly a little worried about when Pekka or Craig got girlfriends.

They were such a big part of why she didn't want to leave Nashville, because of how great of friends they had all become to her and she knew she would never find that somewhere else. But Nashville was Shea's city, and St. Louis was Amelia's so Tessa had to go back to the drawing board. She wondered maybe what Boston might think of her if Patrice liked it maybe she would. Then again maybe she could just move out to California, or South Dakota or something of the sorts. She heard Arizona was nice in the winter.

"So Shea hasn't talked to you at all?" Roman asked her with a raised eyebrow.

Tessa shrugged her shoulders, "It's not like he's forced to be my friend now that he and Amelia aren't together."

Roman shot her a look and he lowered his voice as he told Tessa, "I know about what happened... about you and Shea... I figured you knew that I knew."

She looked up at him in surprise, and she asked him, equally as quietly, "How do you know?"

"That night in the restaurant? I knew what was going on the whole time. Shea is like the least stealth person ever." Roman informed her and she smiled gently.

She told him, "Well he's like a bull moose in a China factory."

Roman chuckled and nodded, "Smitty doesn't know, and I'm not gonna say anything to anyone. I figure your situation is gonna be hard enough, and I don't want to make it any worse by letting the whole team know before you guys can even figure it out."

"Figure what out?" Tessa asked him with a raised eyebrow.

He looked confused, and that was confirmed when he spoke, equally as confused sounding, "You and Shea... you know... your relationship and stuff."

Tessa wasn't sure what to make of his statement, so all she said was, "Oh. Right."

Roman reached out and grabbed her forearm gently, before he told her, "You guys will figure it out Tess, Shea isn't a guy that gives up easy even when things are hard."

I'm not so sure you know your captain that well then.

She just smiled, and was thankful for the interruption when Pekka called out, "Foods here."

That was when Tessa decided to make a break for it. She was slipping back into her shoes when Craig asked her, "You're not staying?"

She jumped and turned around so fast she nearly toppled over, he reached out to steady her with a chuckle and once she was back solid on her two feet Tessa tucked her hair behind her ears and told him softly, "No, I have lots of packing to do."

"So you're really leaving?" Craig asked her in surprise.

She nodded her head slowly and explained, "It's time for me to go do something for myself you know? I can't remember the last time I did anything for myself like this. It's kind of nice to finally get to make my own decisions."

He smiled and nodded his head slowly, and then he surprised her by telling her, "I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too. But there is such a thing as a phone." Tessa reminded him and he laughed.

He asked her, "Can we do breakfast once more before you leave at least?"

"Absolutely." Tessa told him with a nod of her head. When she pulled the door open she told him, "Tell the guys I said bye, and I'll stop by to see them all before I leave for good."

- - -

Hours later, when she had started packing away her things in her apartment, still unsure of where she was going next, Tessa sat on the couch, looked around the apartment and wondered what she was doing. She knew she had to leave, that much was a given, she hadn't belonged here from the get go, but she just didn't know where to go.

St. Louis was out of the question now.

She thought maybe she could go to Chicago, where her father was but that seemed like asking for trouble. They kept in touch sure, but a few phone calls here and there was it.

She liked the south, maybe she could go to Georgia, or Louisiana.

She liked the idea of picking a place on the map and going and starting over, sure, but not enough to actually do it.

So she got up and made her way to the kitchen, pulling the freezer door open on the refrigerator and she looked inside. For some reason, she wasn't sure what had compelled her to do so in the first place, Tessa had made a stop on her way home, and the result of that stop was sitting in the freezer next to what little food she had left in there.

She pulled the bottle of vodka out of the freezer, grabbed a glass from the cupboard next to it, and headed back to the living room. She got comfortable on the couch, finding an old Batman marathon on TV as she unscrewed the cap and poured what looked like an ounce into her glass. She drank that slowly, it was an acquired taste and she was sure she would never grow to enjoy it but still, eventually she finished what was in her glass and poured another.

She was on her third when Tessa heard a knock on her door and the doorknob wiggle. She approached the door with caution, cell phone in her hand and then she laughed at herself. What kind of burglar knocked first?

Still, she looked through the peephole to find Craig standing on the other side of the door and she shook her head in amusement as she unlocked the doorknob and the chain lock before she pulled the door open and smiled gently at him. She told him, "You scared the crap out of me. I thought you were some kind of murderer."

He repeated mostly what she had said before, with a hint of amusement in his voice, "What kind of murdered knocks on the door first?"

She shrugged and moved aside, joking, "A polite one."

Craig chuckled and once he stepped into the apartment he looked around, his eyes falling on the open bottle on the coffee table and he asked her with a quirked eyebrow, "Are you drinking?"

"Yup." She told him, dropping back onto the couch with a sigh.

"I thought you said you didn't drink?" Craig asked her curiously, standing by the kitchen island.

She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't really. Thought it would be a fun thing to try. Are you gonna sit?'"

So he took the spot next to her, taking the glass out of her hand to take a drink from it, and when she raised her eyebrow he explained, "Drinking alone is a sign of alcoholism. I'm saving you from that."

Tessa let out a laugh and told him, "There are glasses in the cupboard."

He shrugged and handed her glass back to her. After a few seconds of silence, he asked her, "Does this have anything to do with Shea?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's just... you two have been weird lately. You're like... skirting around each other, you never want to be in the same room as each other anymore. And... from the types of people you guys were to this, it's a big difference and I've noticed it. At first, I thought it was because of Amelia and him, and then I realized this has been going on a lot longer than since they broke up." Craig explained, and Tessa sighed.

She mumbled, "Does everyone in the whole world know I screwed my little sister's fiance?"

"Wait what?" Craig asked her in surprise, and Tessa's head whipped over in his direction. She should have kept her mouth shut.

"You... didn't know..."

He nodded, "I thought maybe this had to do with... Jacob, you know."

Tessa sighed and told him, "It does. Sort of."

"What does that mean?" Craig asked her curiously.

"It means that... for the first time since we met I'm single and neither one of us knew how to deal with that properly. Instead of being normal, half decent human beings and going about our lives like they were before we started sleeping together." Tessa stated, downing what was left in her cup.

Cautiously Craig asked her, "So... is that why he and Amelia broke up?"

"No... Yes... I don't know." Tessa started, and when Craig's eyebrow raised she told him, "Neither one of them are currently talking to me, so no, I have not a fucking clue what's going on. In fact, I had to find out from Roman that Amelia went back to St. Louis."

Craig sighed, and then he asked her, "So even Shea hasn't...?"

He trailed off because he didn't know what to say to her but Tessa didn't miss a beat, she just kept talking, or rather ranting, "You know, Amelia I get. I wouldn't want to talk to me either. So I totally understand her not answering my calls or even letting me know she's alive, but Shea? Him not having the fucking decency to even text me to tell me something as fucking important as my sister leaving the state let alone giving me just a single fucking update on what the hell was going on, that one I don't understand."

"Yeah... I don't know Tess." He was talking mostly because she wasn't.

Tessa continued, "I mean you would think that the least that he could do was pick up the phone after all of this happened. I mean god, why is it that I somehow always manage to fall for assholes? I just thought for once I found a half decent guy, and sure, this whole situation makes me the world's biggest bitch but... here I am, tossed out of the equation again. Good job Tessa, way to fuck up everyone's lives."

Craig sighed and he reached out, taking the glass out of her hand to set it on the coffee table. He screwed the top on and he got up from the couch, reaching out to grab her hands. He yanked her up and off of the couch and told her, "Enough of this pity party for one."

"It wasn't for one, you were there. One plus one makes three." Tessa stated and they both paused. Craig watched her in amusement as she laughed at herself and said, "One plus one makes two. Either way, not a pity party for one."

"You're drunk." Craig told her, and she nodded her head. He hoped she wouldn't hate him for this in the morning.

It was nearly midnight, and Shea was getting ready to head to bed when someone knocked on his front door. His brows furrowed and he set the glass he was putting away in the dishwasher down on the counter before he started toward the door. He wondered which one of his teammates it might be, or if it was his neighbor who seemed to show up every week now that she knew he and Amelia had broken up.

When he pulled the door open to find Craig standing on the porch, holding up Tessa, Shea's brow lifted and he asked Craig, "Can I help you?"

"She's drunk, I swear I had nothing to do with this." Craig told him.

Tessa looked up at Shea before she turned to Craig and stated, "Oh no. Take me home you crazy person."

Shea stifled his laughter, he could honestly say he had never seen Tessa drunk and it was certainly a sight. Craig rolled his eyes at her and told her, "You were talking my ear off, I figured why not drop you off here so you could talk his ear off, at least then it might make a difference... and wouldn't be so sad and pathetic."

She narrowed her eyes at him and stated, "I don't wanna talk to him."

Craig grinned, "Too bad."

Shea reached out to grab Tessa to steady her when Craig let go of her, and as she fought against his grasp he looked at Craig and told him, "Thanks."

Shea pulled her into the house, with as much of a fight as she could put up in her current state, and Shea was contemplating just wrapping his arms around her and carrying her inside when she seemed to give up and let him drag her into the house.

He asked her, "So, just how much did you have to drink tonight?"

"I'm not talking to you. You can keep me here against my will but you can't force me to talk to you." Tessa told him, crossing her arms over her chest for good measure.

Shea couldn't help it, a laugh bubbled out of his throat and he told her, "You're even more stubborn and annoying drunk."

She rolled her eyes and sat down at the kitchen table, resting the back of her head against the back of the chair as she stared at the ceiling and ask him, "And you're an asshole. Does that make us even?"

Shea sighed and he sat down across from her, sliding a glass of water across the table toward her as he asked her, "You want to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you?"

She lifted her head off of the back of the chair and looked over at him, and she got up from the chair as she told him, "I told you I didn't want to talk to you. I think I'm all talked out when it comes to you."

"I deserved that." She nodded her head when he said this and he got up and followed her down the hall.

He reached out and grabbed hold of her arms, turning her to face him before she could walk away from him, and she surprised him when she reached out and shoved him as hard as she could away from her and she said, "Please, just stop. I told you I don't want to talk. I wanted to talk two fucking weeks ago, not now. Just leave me alone Shea."

He was met with the door to the guest room closing in his face before he could get even a single word out. He sighed, and wondered if he should barge in and make her talk to him, but he knew then she would walk right out of the front door. So he turned away and went into the kitchen, where he gathered a bottle of Gatorade from the back of the fridge, a bottle of Tylenol and the glass of water from the table before he went back to the guest room.

He knocked gently, and then pushed the door open to find Tessa with her back to him, already in bed. He wondered if she was sleeping. So he approached the bed, setting everything down on the nightstand, but she didn't move or say a word to him so he went to go back out to the hallway and down to his own room.

That was until he heard her sniffle. Then he turned around, and he laid down on the bed next to her, slipping one arm under her head under the pillow and wrapping the other around her tightly, pulling her into his chest as he rested his forehead against her shoulder.

He told her softly, as she tried her best not to cry, "I'm so sorry."