Start Me Up

After getting off of the phone with her mother Tessa couldn't even watch the rest of the game, she turned it off and put her food away, her appetite was another thing that had disappeared the moment her mother had spoken those words.

Pregnant.

Amelia was pregnant.

Tessa knew that the possibility of that baby being Shea's was a high one, and that scared her to death. She and Shea had never, ever, discussed children so she had no idea how he felt about the idea but she knew that Shea was the kind of guy that would take responsibility if it was his. She loved that about him; how grown up he was about things, how he wanted to do the right thing all of the time. She could never fault him for that, but Tessa wasn't sure she would ever know how to feel about this.

There was a possibility that it wasn't Shea's, that was true, but Amelia was never into sleeping around, and there was no way that she had time to meet someone, date and then get pregnant in the time that she had been away from Shea.

So that left three options; either she had a one night stand, doubtful, or she had been cheating on Shea, also doubtful, or it was Shea's baby.

When her phone rang from the kitchen counter Tessa realized the game was over, it was Shea calling her. She knew she couldn't tell him over the phone, that wasn't right, but then neither was waiting days to tell him either. Honestly, it wasn't her place to say anything, but her mother had made it very clear that they were banking on her telling him, so that Amelia didn't have to. It wasn't right but she knew he deserved to know. Maybe she could just wait and see what happened after Amelia's doctor appointment next week.

When she picked up the phone she still didn't know what she was going to say. So she picked it up and didn't say anything, not that she had to because Shea spoke first, "I really need you to just open your birthday gifts because I need a pick me up."

Oh god.

So they had lost.

Tessa cleared her throat and asked him, "Do you want to talk?"

"Not really. Honestly, Tessa, I just need a distraction." Oh, she had a distraction for him alright.

So she picked up the box by the TV and brought it over to her couch, where she sat down and told Shea, "Okay, card first?"

"Yeah, card first." He told her softly, a small smile on his face as he dropped onto the bed in his hotel room and waited as she pulled the card out to read it.

It was a very plain birthday card, but what he had written inside of it nearly made Tessa cry, though she wasn't sure if that was from his actual words or the stress of her previous phone call. Maybe it was both.

'There are a lot of things under the what I love about you list, and if I wrote it all down you'd have a three part novel so I'll keep it simple. I love you because you keep me on my toes, you make my life fun again, and you make me the happiest I've ever been. I'll see you in a few days, happy birthday- Shea.'

"I make your life fun again?" Tessa asked him curiously.

He told her, "You do. I've never felt this way Tessa with anyone. I've never had anyone come in and just completely throw my life for a loop like you have, and I mean that in a good way."

"I'm flattered... I think." She said, chuckling a little to herself.

Shea smiled and told her, "Alright, open the big box first. Not the long skinny one, the other one."

So Tessa pulled that one out of the box and upon seeing how nicely it was wrapped, with a bow and everything, she asked Shea in amusement, "You paid one of your teammates to wrap this didn't you?"

Shea scoffed, "No... I had Harper wrap them while she was here."

Tessa laughed and she pulled the wrapping paper off of one end and then she followed the tape slowly, listening to Shea huff in annoyance and impatience. When she pulled the paper off to reveal a shoe box Tessa stared at it in surprise. She asked him, "Shoes?"

"Just open them. Make sure I got the right ones." Shea told her, waiting rather impatiently.

So she pulled the top of the box off to reveal a pair of army green peep toe ankle boots with gold zippers down the fronts. She picked one out of the box and then she asked him, "How did you know I liked these?"

"Would you believe me if I said that I pay attention and know what you like?" He asked her curiously.

With a smile Tessa told him, "Yes, actually I would."

That boosted his confidence a lot, and he then had no issue telling Tessa, "Well, I picked out a handful of shoes at that shoe store you like so much and then I may have asked Harper to tell me which ones you liked best last time she was here."

"You really didn't have to." Tessa told him, still staring at the shoe in her hand.

"I know, but I wanted to. Now you'll think of me when you wear them, and I know you enough to know that you'll wear those all the time so really by getting you those I've just found a way for you to think of me all the time." Shea joked, and she let out a laugh. Tessa rolled her eyes when he told her, "Now put the shoe back in the box and open your other gift."

She laughed and did as she was told, putting the shoe back in the box before she grabbed the long, skinny box. Tessa told him, "The shoes were enough Shea, more than enough actually."

"Well I saw this online one night when I couldn't sleep and I thought it would go great in your apartment." Subliminal thought: He thought it would go great in a place that they could live in together.

So Tessa pulled the wrapping paper off and opened the box to find herself staring at a cutting board shaped like the state of Tennessee. On one end, upon closer inspection, she realized that neatly carved into the wood was the letter's S and T. She had been on the verge of a meltdown when she read the card, and that seemed to come back again.

Shea heard her sniffle on the other end of the line and he asked her, "Are you crying?"

"Shut up." She told him, and he laughed.

He explained to her, "It's cheesy, I know but... you're building a life here, one with me, this is our home now."

"Stop it, I'm already blubbering like an idiot." Tessa told him and he let out another laugh at her. She wiped at her cheeks, and then she placed the cutting board on the coffee table and pulled her knee's to her chest on the couch.

She was quiet for so long that Shea had to ask her, "Did I lose you?"

"No." Was all she said.

After another round of silence Shea asked her, "Tessa?"

"Hmm?"

"What's going on?" He asked her, his voice lowering just slightly as she had learned it often did when he was concerned.

She sighed, tucked her hair out of her face and she spoke, "There's something I need to tell you, but I don't know whether I should say it over the phone or wait until you're home."

"Tell me now." He had to admit he was a little concerned.

Tessa confused the hell out of him when she asked him, "When was the last time you and Amelia slept together?"

"What?" He asked in confusion, brows furrowing as he waited for an explanation.

"Damnit. That wasn't supposed to come out like that." She muttered, and Shea, still laying in his bed in his hotel room, stared at the ceiling in confusion as he waited for her to say whatever it was that she was trying to. After a moment to gather herself she dropped the bomb on him without bothering to say it better than, "Amelia's pregnant Shea."

He felt like all the air had been sucked right out of his lungs. He could barely squeak out, "How long?"

Tessa took a breath in, and then she told him, "I don't know, she doesn't know. She finds out next week. Apparently, she didn't want you to know until she knew for sure but my mom thought you deserved to know so she convinced Amelia to let her tell me. I'm sorry, it should have been her."

Shea nodded his head and, the small part of him that was a little vindictive, muttered, "Yeah, but she never was good at being honest."

Tessa didn't bother to ask what that meant, whatever that was, was between Shea and her sister and she had decided, recently, that she didn't want to get in the middle of that kind of stuff, the less she knew the better. Clearly, life, or at least her mother, had other plans for her.

Shea offered up freely to Tessa, "It's been months. At least five."

Tessa had no idea that things had been that bad between them. She hadn't realized she sounded so surprised when she said, "Oh."

That was until Shea told her, "I told you, things were rough between us for a long time. She tried but I just never was able to... get that far."

Tessa leaned back against the couch and sighed, telling him, "I'm sorry."

"Fuck." Was what came out of his mouth first and then he surprised Tessa by asking, "What do we do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Us, me and you. If this kid is mine... what do we do?" Tessa had, up until now, completely taken herself out of the equation when it came to what happened if this baby was Shea's.

"I think we should talk about this in person, and you sound exhausted so you should go to sleep Shea." She wasn't really, purposely, trying to get out of the conversation. He did sound exhausted, and they should talk about it in person, not over the phone but Tessa would be lying if she said she also didn't need a breather.

Shea sighed and said, "Yeah... I guess so. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay, goodnight Shea."

"Night Tess." When he hung up the phone Shea got up from the bed and grabbed his wallet with his keycard for his room in it, shoving it and his phone into his pocket before he left his room and headed down the hall.

He knocked loudly on Pekka's door, and when it opened he walked right in without so much as a word, and he paced back and forth in front of the beds. And he paced and paced. Until Pekka threw a pillow at him as he sat down on his bed and asked him, "You okay there?"

It came out quickly, and not at all the way that Shea had wanted it to, "Amelia's pregnant and she has no idea how far along she is so we have no idea who's kid it is and Tessa's acting weird because I opened my big mouth and included her in all of it without even stopping to think that maybe she wouldn't want to be involved at all."

"Okay first breathe, you're looking a little blue in the face." Pekka told him, and Shea tried to laugh, he tried but it was the most pathetic sound either of them had heard come out of the mouth of a grown man. He dropped onto the bed, elbows on his knees, head in his hands and heaved out a loud sigh. Pekka asked him, "Do you want it to be yours?"

"That's the thing. I don't know." Shea said, and he stared at the floor as he went on, "Do I want a kid? Yeah, some day, but do I want a kid now, like this, with Amelia? No. I want that with Tessa and if this is my kid that complicates things."

"Well yeah, I would imagine explaining to people that you're a stepmom to your nephew would complicate things a little." Pekka stated without actually realizing he had said it out loud. He nearly slapped his hand to his mouth when he finished talking, and his brows furrowed when Shea let out a laugh. Pekka stated, "Alright, you've officially cracked."

"I don't know what to do." Shea muttered, rubbing his face roughly with the palms of his hand.

"Well...what are the chances it's actually yours? Let's go through this." Pekka asked him, and when Shea shrugged he asked, "When was the last time you and Amelia... did the nasty so to speak?"

Shea rolled his eyes but told him, "Months. November. Early December at the latest."

"Dude, seriously, you haven't had sex in five months?" Pekka asked him curiously. That was before Tessa had even arrived in Nashville.

"I've had sex!" Shea exclaimed.

Pekka's cheeks flushed, "Oh, right, just not with Amelia. Alright, back to before. So you and Amelia didn't have sex for the last five months of your relationship... wow."

Shea narrowed his eyes but told him, "Every time we tried I just... wasn't into it I guess and before that we were careful, so careful."

"Okay, so... say it's yours that would make her about five months along. Plausible but unlikely that she didn't know she was pregnant until now. You're absolutely sure that was the last time?" Pekka asked him, and that was when it clicked for Shea.

He lifted his head and looked at Pekka as if he was going to throw up, "No. Once more. In January."

"Okay... so you're at like... 40% now." Pekka stated with a nod of his head.

Shea put his head back in his hands and muttered, "Oh God. I can't do this. I feel like I finally have shit together again, I'm finally... actually happy. I can't do this to Tessa, I can't ask her to stay for all of this."

"I think you're getting ahead of yourself here dude. You don't even know that this kid is yours, maybe it's not." Pekka reminded him but it did very little to calm him down. The thought track had already been started. Babies were time consuming, expensive, and Amelia lived in a different state. He knew she wouldn't come back here for him, so that meant that the likelihood of Shea ever seeing this kid outside of the off-season was highly unlikely. That wasn't nearly enough in his opinion.

This wasn't how he envisioned starting a family.

He always thought he would meet the right person, they would get married and then maybe a few years down the road talk about kids. Once they had kids they would spend their years in Nashville, and summers would be split between his home and hers so that family got equal time.

In reality however, what he got was thirty with a broken off engagement and was now dating his ex- fiance's sister. That wasn't the picture perfect life he had envisioned for himself. He couldn't complain about that though because Tessa was everything he had ever wanted but he knew that when it came down to it asking her to stick around if this was his kid was a lot.

His life was upside down right now.

Pekka surprised him by asking, "Who told Tessa about Amelia?"

"Her mom, why?" Shea asked him with a raised eyebrow.

Pekka shrugged and asked, "Don't you think, and maybe I'm over reaching or not close enough to them as a family, but... Shea don't you think a mother calling her daughter on her birthday to tell her that her boyfriend might have knocked someone else up is a little... weird?"

Shea hadn't really thought of it, truth be told, but he had to admit, "Yeah... I guess."

"There were plenty of other days she could have called to tell her that, don't you think?" Pekka asked him curiosuly, a raised eyebrow to match.

"But that's Elanor. She hasn't exactly been Tessa's biggest fan since her and Jacob split, and doing this today of all days is exactly something she would do." Shea told him, and he wondered for a moment if Tessa had thought of that too.

- - -

Her phone had buzzed three times and rang once and all Tessa had done was turn it off and shove it into the drawer of her nightstand. She pulled the covers over her head and let out a sigh when the banging on her door started. It was nearly one in the morning, and so to save her reputation on her floor as the quiet one Tessa got out of bed and made her way to the door.

She pulled it open and wasn't surprised to find Shea on the other side, and she asked, "Are you trying to wake everyone up?"

"You wanted to talk in person." He reminded her.

"I meant like, at a normal time." She told him.

"You told me I could stay the night when I got back." He reminded her of this as well.

So she sighed and stepped aside, letting him and locking the door again before she turned and followed him into the living room. Shea took a seat on the couch, so Tessa followed suit and then she sighed and told him, "I'm sorry for freaking out."

"I'm sorry your mom couldn't have waited an extra day." Shea told her honestly and when her brow quirked he explained, "She just had to call and tell you that on your birthday, of all days?"

Tessa shrugged her shoulders, "That's Elanor."

Shea nodded his head slowly, and then he reached out and took one of Tessa's hands in his and he told her, "I don't blame you for freaking out. All I've been able to think about the last few days was you."

"Me?" She asked him in surprise. When he nodded she asked, "You find out your ex might be pregnant with your kid and all you thought about was me?"

He nodded again and told her, "I finally, finally feel like I found what I've been looking for with you. You are the best thing in my life, and I don't want to do anything that might ruin that... and I could never ask you to do this with me if this baby is mine because that's not fair."

"What about any of this is fair, Shea?" She had a point there.

"I know that all of this is a lot but... there's something that I need to tell you." Shea told her, and when her brow raised he continued, "When you asked me when the last time that Amelia and I were together like that was and I told you it had been five months... that wasn't entirely true. When she came back from that first business trip in January, after we kissed, we had sex. I completely forgot about it until after I got off the phone with you."

"Okay."

Shea went on as if he didn't hear her, "I just... I was mad at myself for kissing you and I was pissed off for feeling the way that I did about you and I thought that if she and I could bring back whatever was missing from our relationship then I could forget about you. I know it's a shitty thing to do, and the last thing you want to hear but I wanted to be honest with you."

"Shea, it's okay. You don't have to explain yourself." He was surprised by her answer, and he hated that he was because Tessa wasn't an angry person, she didn't take things to heart, and he had never felt like he had ever really owed her an explanation for his actions.

"Well, Pekka and I worked it out, and we figure there's only like a forty percent chance it is mine." He told her with a smile, and Tessa let out a laugh.

"Leave it to goalie boy to pull out some scientific bullshit." Tessa joked, and Shea this time laughed.

He hated to change the subject but he had to ask, "So she finds out next week?"

"On the 7th." When Shea nodded Tessa covered his hand that was holding one of hers with her other hand and gave it a squeeze before she told him, "So I think maybe we wait until we hear from her, and then if this baby is yours we can talk about the you and I part of it."

"Does that mean you'll consider sticking around?" Shea asked her in both surprise and mild excitement, he didn't want to get his hopes up too much but it was a relief to hear her say that because for days all he could think of was how surely this would send her packing.

Tessa smiled gently and explained to him, "I don't want to throw away what we have just because things might get harder, because what else is new? It seems we like to do things the hard and difficult way, and I think we need to just roll with it."

"God I love you." Shea told her, leaning over to kiss her quickly. When he pulled back Tessa curled into his side on the couch and he asked her, "So I guess... we just wait to see what happens?"

"Yeah."

"I want to be around if it is mine... but is it terrible of me to say that I hope it isn't mine?" Shea asked her curiously. He had been grappling with that since he found out.

Tessa shook her head, "It's not. I want you to be around if it is yours... but I hope it isn't."

He smiled gently and then he told her, "I want a family just not like this."

"I know."

He couldn't help himself, curiosity got the better of him, and he asked Tessa, "Do you want that? A family, kids, a dog, the whole nine?"

"I don't know, honestly. I don't think I've ever really thought of it before." Tessa told him honestly.

"Not even with Jacob?" Shea was curious and it was evident.

"We talked about it once and decided that with his job it just wasn't a good idea for us."

He surprised her by saying, "You mean he decided."

"Yeah, I guess so." Tessa said softly.

So Shea asked her, "What about now? Would that be something that you'd want... with me?"

"I don't know. I mean, I gave up a lot for Jake and now I'm at the point where you know, I'm thirty-four and I just don't know if that's something that you can take back." She could tell he was disappointed so she added quickly, "But I'm not saying I'm totally against the idea of kids and a family and a dog."

Shea smiled, "Yeah?"

She nodded her head and tangled their fingers together before she told him, "It could be nice someday."