Start Me Up

One bedroom, newly renovated, close to shopping and schools.

Tessa scrolled through the handful of pictures of an apartment downtown, it was the fourth one she had looked at online since getting up that morning. Part of her knew this was the right thing for everyone involved at this point but then another part of her wondered why she was even bothering. She had a hard time believing that anyone would even rent to her in the first place, but she knew she had overstayed her welcome with her sister and Shea so she would try anything.

Part of the deal with Jacob, after all of the fighting and shuffling of assets, was that rather than the spousal support that Tessa was fully entitled to all she had wanted was enough money to get back on her feet when the time came. In the end, rather than going back to court to be told he had to pay monthly Jacob ended up giving Tessa double what her lawyer asked for. That was the last they had seen or spoken to each other.

That money hadn’t been touched yet, it seemed that every time she tried to pitch in around the house with groceries or gas her hands were slapped away like a child going for a cookie before dinner. She appreciated everything that Amelia and Shea had done for her, but enough was enough. It was time to start getting her life back on track, whatever that meant.

She hadn’t lived alone, really her entire life. She and Amelia had lived together until she was eighteen, and then she had a roommate through two of her years of college, and then she and Jacob had moved in together. This would really be the first time in thirty-three years that she had ever truly lived alone and the thought may have scared her a bit but what scared her, even more, was whatever was going on between she and Shea.

Suck it up Tessa.

She closed out of the current tab she had open and moved onto the next one bedroom apartment that was on her list. That was when Shea came out from down the hall, and into the kitchen. She listened to him shuffle around for a while, and she desperately wanted to ask him where he had been all day yesterday, but, that wasn’t her place.

Shea had, truthfully, spent most of the day at the rink, trying to wrap his head around all of the things that he was feeling. The more and more he thought about things, the more and more he realized that something was going to give, but, was it, Amelia or Tessa? When he came back home, close to dinner time, he announced that he had dinner with one of the guys, another lie, and had gone straight to bed. He had even faked being asleep when Amelia had come in later that night, and once she had fallen asleep he spent most of the night staring at the fan on the ceiling.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing he knew he had woken up at nine-thirty that morning. He vaguely remembered Amelia stirring him earlier to tell him that she was leaving, but that she would be home the very next morning and Shea didn’t even have the energy to fight with her about the surprise one day trip she was headed out on. He simply rolled over and went back to sleep. At least until he woke up, and then he spent half an hour sitting in the bedroom at the end of the hall, afraid to go out into the rest of the house.

He hadn’t known if Tessa was home, if she was in the kitchen or the living room, or maybe she was still in the guest room, maybe she wasn’t even home at all. He really wasn’t sure he even wanted to find out either, at least not with Amelia gone. With Amelia home it was like they had a buffer; someone to make conversation with, someone to keep them from having to spend more than a few minutes at a time alone together.

Shea was honestly afraid of being left alone with Tessa again because he was afraid of what might happen between the two of them this time. He wasn’t sure he had as much self-control this time as he had the last time. Not after sharing that kiss.

But, eventually, he told himself to grow up and he ventured out into the kitchen for some toast, which was when he found Tessa sitting in the living room with her laptop on her lap. He spread peanut butter on his toast, filled a glass with milk and walked into the living room to take a seat on the chair next to the couch.

He glanced at her, and then his eyes drifted over to her computer screen. He asked her, almost panicked, “You’re looking at apartments?”

Tessa kept her eyes on the computer screen, afraid to look over at Shea at that exact moment. She told him honestly, “Yeah, I just think that maybe it’s for the best.”

Finally, she did look over at him, and their eyes met and she watched him for a moment. She took in his deep, warm brown eyes, and his longer than usual hair, the fact that he probably hadn’t shaven in weeks and she bit down on her lip gently as she looked away. There was a moment of complete silence between them, and then Shea nodded his head slowly and he told her, “Yeah, I think so too.”

Tessa nodded her head, and she turned her attention back to her computer as she tried to tell herself not to cry.

It was stupid really, crying over something like that, but it wasn’t as if anything made a lick of sense between them lately. Hearing him agree with her like that, so easily, as if he had been thinking the very same thing for so long, almost felt like a rejection. She didn't understand that, there was not a single reason to feel like that but she did.

They were both right, though; this was for the best, it just didn’t mean it didn’t hurt hearing it though.

Shea looked over at Tessa and he watched her scroll through pictures of apartments on her computer, and he surprised her by asking, “Do you want to come to the game tonight?”

“Do you want me to?” She asked as she looked over at him with soft eyes.

Surprisingly, Shea’s expression was filled with amusement as he asked her, “I asked you, didn’t I?”

Tessa let out a laugh, her cheeks flushed and she told him, “Alright. I’ll go. Just please find me a seat in the crowd, even if it’s upper bowl.”

“What, the wives room isn’t for you?” Shea asked her in amusement. He wasn’t that surprised, but given the fact that they both wanted normalcy between them he had to at least poke fun at her. He needed to prove to himself that things could still be somewhat normal between the two of them, that things could be almost the same as they were before their feelings got involved.

Tessa rolled her eyes at him, "Being that I am nobody's significant other yes, I don't feel very comfortable in there."

"You could be, you know." Shea told her, and when her brow raised he explained, "Pekka's always had a thing for you Tess, and you know he would be good for you."

There was a slight edge to her voice when she told him, "How many times do I have to tell you? I have no interest in shaking up with your teammates Shea."

He let out a breath of relief, one that didn't go unnoticed by Tessa but that was where the conversation about her and his teammates halted. Shea changed the subject with ease, telling her, "Alright, I'll find you a seat somewhere in the crowd."

"Where I can drink beer and not be judged," Tessa said with a smile and a nod of her head.

Shea let out a chuckle and agreed, "Where you can drink beer and not be judged."

- - -

The ride home from the arena was completely silent. There was no small talk being made, no conversation, there hadn't even been a muttering of hello when they met up to head home. Tessa wasn't surprised, Shea was never a very happy person after losses, not that she could really blame him. He was the captain of the team, and she had to guess that he took losses a little more personally than the rest of the guys in the locker room. Between what she knew from Amelia, and what she had learned over the last few weeks, Tessa knew that Shea tended to bring losses like this home with him and she knew that tonight would be no exception.

So her plan was to get home, and go straight to the guest room and to stay out of his way all night.

Which was exactly what she did when Shea put the truck in park outside of the garage. She got out, unlocked the front door, slipped out of her shoes and went down the hall to her bedroom. Following the plan.

The plan, that it appeared only one of them was following because the moment she pulled her Preds shirt off with intentions to change into pyjamas the door flew open. She turned, out of instinct, and found Shea standing in the doorway.

It was clear that he hadn't intended to walk in on her changing in the way his eyes got a little wide and his cheeks went bright pink but their eyes met and Tessa swore she saw Shea's eyes drift just the slightest bit down to her lacey, mostly see-through bra. They lingered for only a second before his eyes lifted up and they met Tessa's again and his cheeks flushed even more.

He fumbled through his words, "I'm sorry. I should have knocked. I'm just gonna-I'll just... be outside."

Hopefully you didn't see me looking at your chest.

She watched him turn around and head to the door, pulling it closed behind him as he went and Tessa yanked a soft, white t-shirt over her head. She shoved her arms through the arm holes, and then she sat down on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands. She took in a breath of air, let it out and then tugged her hair up into a neat bun at the top of her head. She wondered if Shea would get tired of standing around outside and leave if she just didn't come out now. This was now twice that one of them had walked in one the other... less than decent. Something was going to give, and Tessa knew exactly what that something was and that was exactly why she knew she should have done anything but open that door.

Yet she pulled it open and stepped out into the hall, nearly running into Shea when he pushed off of the wall to face her. He reached out to steady her, even though she hadn't wobbled, and he told her "I really am sorry. I should never have just walked in like that, I don't know why I did."

She smiled gently and assured him, "It's fine."

"No... no it's not. I should have knocked." Shea told her with an affirmative nod of his head.

She could have laughed at that, but she didn't. Instead, she simply told him, "Apology accepted."

He smiled gently and looked down at her, and he spoke softly as he told her, "I was gonna ask if you wanted to watch a movie or something with me. I just... I'm not gonna sleep for a while, and I could use the company honestly."

She shrugged her shoulders but didn't give him a verbal response, or even look up at him. So his hand raised from her forearm to tap his fingers under her chin with a small smile on his face as she lifted her eyes to him.

Tessa wasn't sure why but she told him, honestly, "No."

His brow raised, "No?"

She knew she shouldn't do it, and that it would be the worst idea she had ever had but Tessa just couldn't stop thinking about the last time Shea had kissed her. She had never really known just how much muscle he had on him until she felt it through his shirt, or how strong he was until she felt it in the way he held her tightly against him, but what struck her the most was how gentle he could be when he kissed her. She desperately wanted to know if that was a one-time thing, she wanted to know if he was always that gentle or if he had it in him to be just a little bit rougher.

Of course, she knew she shouldn't but she did it anyway.

She leaned up on her tiptoes and wrapped one arm around his neck to pull him closer to her as her other hand pressed against his large shoulder and Shea, getting the picture, leaned down to close the distance between them and he kissed her just like he had the first time, days earlier. Tessa's hand slipped from the back of his neck to the side of it, where her thumb brushed gently against his stubble covered jaw as Shea wound his arms tightly around her back. He pressed her against himself as close as he could without having to worry that he was hurting her but clearly, for Tessa, it wasn't quite enough.

She pulled his bottom lip between her teeth, nipping gently in an attempt to get him to realize that he wasn't going to hurt her if he was just a little bit rougher with her and for a moment she thought she had just ended it all because his grip around her loosened. But, then, he leaned down slightly, grabbed the backs of her thighs with his large palms and he lifted her up off of the ground with ease.

Tessa let out a small squeal of sorts against Shea's lips, and he smirked against hers as he carried her into the bedroom. Tessa wrapped her legs around him, hooking her ankles together at his back as Shea reached up with one free hand and pulled the elastic from her bun out, he tangled his fingers in her hair as his tongue gently brushed against her lip.

Tessa's legs unwound from his waist, and she was glad that he put her feet back onto the ground, and he pulled away from her mouth to allow air to fill both of their lungs finally. As she ran her hands down the front of his chest Shea reached between them and popped the button to her jeans open, before he planted his hands on her hips and he gently pushed the denim down her legs until it hit the floor. His hands slipped underneath the hem of her t-shirt, over the curve of her hips and waist, before sliding around to her back where they ran over her backside.

Tessa struggled with the belt to his dress pants, it was obvious, and Shea let out a small chuckle before he reached down and assisted her by pulling it open with one hand. Show off. She thought. His dress pants hit the floor much like her jeans, and then as Shea leaned down and kissed her again Tessa reached between them and slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt. Eventually, when all the buttons were done and it was hanging open she ran her palms up his stomach and chest, over his shoulders and then she pushed the material of his shirt down his arms and let it fall to the floor as well.

She placed both of her hands on the sides of his neck, her thumbs brushing against his jaw again as Shea picked her up again and her back hit the mattress so softly it almost made her roll her eyes. She surprised Shea by reached up and pushing him over, successfully switching their positions so that he was the one laying on the bed.

Clearly, he was having none of that, because he wrapped his arms around her waist and held onto her carefully as he straightened up, shuffled up a foot or so on the bed and leaned his back against the headboard as Tessa was pressed against him. He pulled away from her mouth, and dragged his lips down her jaw, and then her neck slowly. He pushed her blonde hair to one shoulder and pulled the neck of her shirt down just enough that he could leave a few soft kisses on the top of her shoulder.

Then their eyes met as Shea's hands slipped underneath the hem of Tessa's t-shirt, his rough hands dragging over her soft skin; over the curve of her waist and up and over her ribs, his thumbs brushed against the underside of her bra, and then his fingers brushed over the stitching on the band of her bra gently. Just when she was getting used to his large, calloused and cold hands on her skin he dropped his hands and part of her wanted to sigh.

He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and lifted it up and over her head, tossing it onto the floor somewhere. Tessa, not amused with him taking control of the situation, reached a hand between them, letting the tips of her fingers drag slowly down his chest, and over the front of his boxer briefs. As she did her thing Shea reached behind her, unclasping her bra and easing the straps off of her shoulders and down her arms, before he tossed the barely there material onto the floor and he pulled Tessa closer to him, smirking against her lips as he kissed her softly.

There was no talking between them, they both knew that if they talked it was over and neither one of them wanted to stop.