Cheaters = Losers

I woke up slowly, stretching out in the large double bed that I had all to myself, revelling in the feeling of being completely alone. I wasn't scared of being alone, I knew Billie was just across the hall and there was something peaceful about my own company in mornings. I checked the clock, after a busy day travelling and a late (well, technically it was early) night I thought I might have slept through till at least ten. But no, when I checked the clock on my bedside table it read 8am. Eight. That was ridiculously early and it meant I'd had maybe five hours of sleep maximum, so I was unsure of how I was still alive.

I noticed a record player in a corner that I hadn't seen last night, a vintage chest beside it that was stacked with old vinyls. Mine had also been placed by it. I grinned to myself and within seconds the soothing sounds of Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers serenaded me as I unpacked my bag, putting everything away to really make the room feel like home. Once I'd done that I was about halfway through the record and the morning sun was streaming through my white curtains, warming the room. I decided to dress in a pair of shorts that came to my mid-thigh and a simple white spaghetti strap top. By that point, there was no way I could ignore the gnawing hunger bubbling in my system any longer and I decided it was about time I actually left my room and took myself on an adventure to the kitchen.

I left the room quietly and pausing outside Billie's door for a few seconds allowed me to hear his heavy breathing. Billie was still asleep so I crept quietly down the stairs, finding my way to the living room was easy because it was the main downstairs room with most of Billie's other rooms feeding into it. I remembered seeing him come from the door behind me to my left with the beers and guessed that was the kitchen, doing a small victory dance when I indeed found myself stood in a very large kitchen.

I eventually found my way around, fixed myself a bowl of cornflakes and was sat at the island, staring out of his back window at the pool when a voice made me jump.
"Hey, Lils," I nearly choked on my mouthful as Jimmy sauntered in and sat on the surface opposite me nonchalantly.
"Uh, hi, Jimmy," I managed and she laughed.
"I made you jump, didn't I?" I gave a small laugh,
"Well I wasn't expecting visitors at this time, I'm not going to lie," I said cautiously, Jimmy seemed like a great person, but she was also slightly terrifying and I had a feeling that those who got on the wrong side of her were not seen again.
"Don't be so scared of me, I promise I don't bite," she laughed again, then paused for thought. "Well, I bite Tré but that's different," she watched me with an amused look as I nearly spat out my mouthful in shock.
"What the fuck!? Why would you tell me that?" I gaped her as the girl burst into laughter.
"Man," she gasped, "You have got to get used to talking about sex if you're gonna hang 'round with us,"
"I can talk about sex," I responded grumpily, staring into my cereal.
"Yeah?" Jimmy questioned
"Yeah," I could feel my voice tailing off and my face heating up as the subject came around.
"Hey," Jimmy was in front of me, her warm brown eyes attacking my grey ones. "I like you, kid, so that means I'm gonna have all these shitty girly conversations with you, okay? So like it or not, you're not gonna have much of a choice," she laughed softly and waited until I nodded and cracked a smile to continue.

"So, are you a virgin?" I nearly choked, for the third time, on the last of my cereal at the bluntness of her question, and instead of answering I simply took my bowl to the sink and began to wash it up. I could hear her nails tapping softly and I realised she was seriously expecting me to answer.
"Oh, well if you must know, I'm not," I wasn't sure why I felt as embarrassed as I did, maybe because Jimmy, quite clearly, was not a virgin. She jumped up at my response as if she had been given a new lease of life.
"I knew it! Was it Billie?"
"Was what Billie?"
"Did he do it? Y'know, take your virginity?"
"Jimmy, what the fuck!? No! I've not even slept with him," Jimmy quietened a little, but watched me sceptically.
"Sit," she demanded. We ended up sat together on the bar stools in Billie's kitchen for a while as she demanded I explained the whole situation with Billie to her.

"So you aren't dating, but you kind of are and you want to be official and we don't know what Billie wants except I do because it's Billie and he's obliviously obvious," she finally stated after a long pause once I'd finished talking.
"Um, what does Billie want?"
"Duh! To be with you," I just stared at her. "And," she continued, ignoring my look. "We know sex is on the cards, and soon,"
"Excuse me?" I was almost freaking out at Jimmy's words, and I wasn't sure if it was the good kind or not. She just rolled her eyes at me in a friendly way.
"Please, he let you stay at his immediately, you nearly had sex on the second day and he showered with you yesterday. I'm not sure how blind or stupid or whatever you are, Lily, but you've gotta be a pretty fucking big dumbass to miss those signs." I could feel myself coming round to the idea.
"I guess it is then,"
"Well, do you want to?"
"Want to?"
"Fuck him?"
"No, I know what you meant. Of course, I want to," Jimmy gave her bark of a laugh.
"There we go! I knew you had it in you!" I didn't really know how to respond to her, other than to look down and despise the throbbing heat in my ears as we talked about having potential sex with the guy upstairs.

"Well, that brings me on to my next point, what are your plans for protection? And I'm asking you because Billie is a dumbass dipshit who will forget the meaning of the word the second he gets hard," I had to laugh at that.
"I guess he doesn't seem like the type to have much control when it comes to down south," I found myself mumbling again. Jimmy seemed to think I was hilarious, almost collapsing with laughter.
"Oh my god, that's such a polite way to say he thinks with his dick. So, what are you gonna do? Because girl, this shit is important,"
"I know, I was just gonna go for a condom," I half questioned. Jimmy physically cringed.
"What? Did I say something wrong?"
"No, it's just I wouldn't really go for a condom,"
"Why? I've only ever done it with one,"
"Well, they do the job, but getting it on can be kind of a mood killer and it doesn't feel as good if you know what I mean?"
"Okay, so what do you suggest?"

"Pancakes?"

Billie came wandering through and while I may have refused to admit it, my heart might have stopped a little bit upon seeing morning Billie. He was wearing a pair of big shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt, which in itself shouldn't have been sexy, but it was and he looked tired, dark hair was sticking up in every direction with little curly bits and flattened areas in a true bedhead, which shouldn't have been adorable, but it was. When I stared at him blankly he gave me a deadpan look.
"Well, you said what did I suggest," my heart started thudding wildly, praying that Billie did not hear Jimmy and I talking about having sex with him, "And I suggest pancakes, oh, hey, Jimmy," he gave her a small smile as he noticed her for the first time. Did I mention he's fucking adorable? I wanted to kiss him so badly right then. "You were talking to Jimmy weren't you?" I nodded, pulling that face of pure awkward, my lips pressed into a forced smile of cringe.
"Yeah,"
"Well, now I just feel stupid, pancakes anyone?" I was about to accept when Jimmy butted in.
"As fantastic of a chef you are, Bill, and as much as that sounds great, Lily and I were just about to hit the mall and do some shopping, but Tré should be waking up soon and he'll need feeding," she sent him a wink and dragged me upstairs.

"We were?" I found myself asking as I was sat on a bed, Jimmy quite happily rooting through my wardrobe that I'd just set up.
"Are, honey, we are," she threw a pair of jeans at me and a shirt that didn't have some form of Green Day reference on it with a roll of her eyes and continued. "Right," she stopped abruptly after, clearly reaching the end of my clothes. I looked at her
"What?"
"You need more clothes,"
"Dude, I moved across the world in a backpack, you think?" She simply laughed, and dragged me back downstairs. Billie was wandering across the house, now gloriously shirtless. He had his cheeks puffed out with food and when he saw us coming down the stairs he swallowed comically and it would have been impossible to miss the way his eyes roamed up and down my body. Eventually, his eyes met mine and he sent me a flashing, cheeky grin.
"Hi, girls," he said, his voice sultry. I could feel my throat closing up and the blood rushing to my cheeks at Billie's suggestive manner.
"Oh my god!" Jimmy exclaimed although I was a little distracted by Billie to really notice, saying as his eyes were still trained on me and he was casually tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. "Will you two just fuck already?"

Billie pulled backwards a little and barked a laugh which caused me to finally move, my face now definitely red.
"Well, if you stopped invading my house, I might have a chance," I finally made a sound, although it was only a strangled noise. Both Billie and Jimmy stopped to look at me,
"Uh," I mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. Billie laughed softly,
"Sorry Lil, I forgot to warn you, Jimmy and I talk like that a lot, y'know?"
"Uh-huh," I managed and they both laughed, Billie sending me a wink when Jimmy wasn't looking before I was dragged out of the house, shouting a goodbye.

I was rudely deposited in front of yet another flashy sports car, it was really going to take me a while to get used to this new lifestyle. Jimmy watched me with amusement as I suspiciously eyed up the model. It had a horse on it - I thought it was a Ferrari, but only heaven knows.
"What?" Jimmy broke my dubious gaze. "I'm a car girl, okay? Now get the fuck in, bitch. We've got a big day,"
I edged myself into the leather interior as Jimmy flung herself in the other side, sending me a grin. "Having a boyfriend in a band kinda pays off," she laughed before revving out of the drive.
Within the first few seconds, I found myself wishing it was Billie driving me instead because Jimmy was scaring the living shit out of me. She had this awesome rock radio station on at a volume so loud it was pointless trying to talk, and I was pretty sure she couldn't hear the traffic either, but that didn't seem to bother her because Jimmy's driving style was rather unorthodox, as in speed-through-everything-and-yell-at-anyone-in-the-way.

We must have arrived at the mall in record time and I was ashamed to admit that I was more than a little dizzy. Jimmy was dancing ahead,
"Come on, dumbass!"
"I am, asshat!" I managed to yell back, deciding that I could deal with the potential punch. Instead, Jimmy was laughing
"There's my girl!" And with that, we made our way through into hell. The second we got inside I wanted to leave, my senses were being full-on assaulted here; with loud and bad pop music blaring through speakers and the sounds of shouting parents and screaming brats, uh, kids; too many food scents mixed to cause something quite unpleasant; there were colours everywhere in disorganised mess, with everything from abandoned clothes to the fucking play den in the centre to slushies (I think they were called Slurpees over here) spilt across the laminate flooring; and there was a chemical taste in my mouth from endless perfumes, aftershaves and deodorants. Before I had time to think I was in the dark safety of Hot Topic, Jimmy beside me with a grim look. She turned to me with an expression that looked like she'd just seen the apocalypse.
"God, I fucking hate this place on Saturdays. We'll be safe in here,"

We stayed in Hot Topic for a while, stocking up my wardrobe, although Jimmy had to keep dragging me away from the merchandise.
"No, you do not need another Green Day top, Jesus Christ woman, you live with the man!"
"But I don't have that one," I protested like a child, looking longingly back to the Know Your Enemy shirt I'd found with the spies on it.
"No," Jimmy said in what can only be described as a parental tone. And so I returned to leafing through t-shirts that did not have bands on them. It was five minutes later when I found myself distracted yet again.
"Oh my God, what problem are you having with fashion? We are not here to shop for music!" Jimmy exclaimed as she literally grabbed my upper arms and wheeled me to the changing rooms. We left an hour later with a lot of very nice clothes, and the Green Day shirt, all of which went worryingly on Jimmy's credit card.
"How are you affording this?" I hissed at her, after nearly having a heart attack at the receipt. She waved me off casually,
"Tré," she stated while consulting a map, bags swinging from her arms and taking off in the opposite direction, leaving me cursing at tall people under my breath and scampering along behind her like a hobbit.

I found her stood outside a shop with a black sign and pink writing, turning to her with a terrified stare.
"No."
"Yes,"
"I'm not going in there."
"Yes, you are,"
"I am not."
"You are, one because you need to buy something from there, and two because you've got to stop being so embarrassed about this,"
"I'm not embarrassed and I'm not buying anything!"
"Grow up, Lils," she said lightheartedly, "It's only Victoria's Secret. It's not like I'm sending you in the sex toy shop!" She said a little loudly and got some disapproving glared from parents nearby. In my moment of hesitation, I found myself being dragged in and before I knew it was face to face with bras and silk g-strings.
"Jimmy!" I whined.
"You're okay," she said, patting my shoulder in mock sympathy.
"I hate you," I scowled, to which Jimmy mimed a tick in the air.
"Best friend achievement unlocked. Now, what do you want?" I stared around, deciding to grit my teeth and deal with this because I might look cute and Billie would like it.
"It's all pink," Jimmy rolled her eyes and sent me to the back where I found a lot of black and red.

"How about this?" She said, barely able to contain herself as she held up a creepy looking corset. I couldn't contain my giggles as I had a bra strapped to my head like ears and turned to look at her. We both ended up nearly collapsing and achieving some very dirty looks from the manicured bimbo at the counter. After much scowling I settled on a less slutty black set that was quite nice, and, according to Jimmy, "Will have Billie putty in your hands," the blonde girl at the counter, who's name tag read Gina, watched us disapprovingly with her fake upturned nose, which was a bad idea with Jimmy, who sauntered off and reappeared with the sluttiest thing she could find, which was a very gothic looking corset complete with fluffy handcuffs and fishnet stockings, smirking at the look of horror on Gina's face. We came out of the shitty store in stitches at the look on the girl's face.
"Hmm," Jimmy was musing "I only bought this to piss her off but actually," she held the black handcuffs up to me "I might make use of them," to which we were both hooting with laughter and shoving them away from each other as if they were cursed. "I'm just kidding. These shitty things will break in thirty seconds flat," she said with casual expertise. I decided against questioning her on it.

"Anyway, on with the mission," she said in a 'Superhero' voice and I found myself stood with her in the back corner of a drugstore.
"Jimmy, I feel wrong just being here,"
"Chill, people do this all the time," she spoke nonchalantly, casually picking up something. "Hey, look it's two for one. Why don't we both treat ourselves?" She asked, shoving a bottle of gunk in my face. This time, there was no denying the blush and I almost took the bottles off her and put them back.
"Jimmy! Too far!"
"Fine," she muttered. "I don't care, I'll buy it. You're the one who has to go up and ask for the pill," we split then, I left Jimmy examining the strange things that people have sex with and I made my way to the counter. There was an old lady at the desk who looked at me over the top of her glasses. Her name tag read Betty and at least she looked kind, I thought to myself.
"Can I help you dear?" I took a deep breath and steeled myself, wishing I had just gone with condoms because I didn't have to talk when I bought them.
"I, um, yeah. I need, uh, the pill?" I asked, hating the nervous squeak I picked up and the kind look she had been giving me had quickly been replaced with a disapproving glance and sniff.
"Morning after or daily?"
"Daily," she seemed to relax a little.
"How many months do you want?"
"Um, I don't know. Three?" I questioned myself. She sniffed again and muttered something under her breath about teenagers before shuffling off, leaving me scowling and grumbling about my height disadvantage. When she returned three round packets of pills were slammed down in front of me.
"Take one every morning starting tomorrow and it will take a week before it takes action, so if you can control yourself wait two weeks before you have sex." She spoke with a stiffness in her voice. "There's a leaflet in there anyway because you'll probably not remember a word I said. And that's eighteen-ninety." I handed the money over and scurried away, meeting back up with Jimmy who was leaning against a post and looking like she owned the place.
"Did you get it?" She asked me
"Yeah, no thanks to that old hag. She called me a teenager!"
"Awww," Jimmy laughed as she patted my head.
"Come on, shortass, let's get lunch and then we'll finish for the day."

Lunch was good. We sat on stools and spoke in accents because we could and because it was funny to watch the idiot who worked there try to understand Jimmy's so-called English accent. Needless to say, she failed spectacularly and ended up sounding like Phoebe in that episode of FRIENDS where she met Mike's parents. Jimmy refused to tell me what she had in her bag from the drugstore, and I decided I was better off just eating my dodgy taco and leaving her to her even rougher looking burrito. I also learnt that Jimmy had the brutal sense of humour that meant I was in fits as she mocked and mimicked the idiots around us, her best one being the gorilla-like teenage boys that wore football jackets.

Afterwards, I found that we hauled all our bags into her car, I wasn't sure how they all fit in there, but I suspected it was an undetectable extension charm, and we were off on another drive from hell, although I was more than confused when we pulled up outside a doctor's office.
"I'm not sick, Jim, why are we here?"
"Duh, to get a clean card," she said and strode in, leaving me wondering what the hell a clean card was.

"Can you just pee in the cup for me, ma'am?" The lady at the desk asked, giving me a plastic cup. I scowled at Jimmy who was sat smugly, reading a magazine with a picture of Green Day on the front. She'd drawn a moustache, glasses and devil horns on Tré. Once I had done, I was not going into detail on that, I then had to take my cup to the doctor who took it and a blood sample before I was returned to my carer in the waiting room, sulking a little with a lollipop hanging out of one side of my mouth and a finger pressed down on a piece of gauze taped around the site where I had been rudely robbed of my blood.

I plonked myself down beside said carer, who had now drawn small hearts around Billie with L's in them and the words Sex God were brandished across his chest.
"Hilarious," I grumped at her while she just sniggered in response. She did let me draw cat whiskers and ears on Mike, though so I decided we were even.

After flicking through my phone, snorting at the pompous English brats on my Facebook and dying on Temple Run countless times, my name was called up to the desk where the same woman slid across what looked like a credit card. It was made of the same material as a credit card and had my name printed on the top corner and had a list of all the STI/Ds with checkboxes beside them. Not one box was checked. I spend a good few seconds flipping the card over and over, more interested in the big words than anything else before Jimmy snatched it off me.
"Nice! You're clean," she said. "Okay, my work here is done. I'll drop you home,"
"Thanks," I mumbled, tucking the card into my wallet. I was acting a little grumpy with Jimmy because she pushed me very far out of my comfort zone today, but I was also very grateful because for once in my life I actually felt prepared for something, and I made sure to tell her when she dropped me off.
"Honestly, dude, don't even sweat it. I'll see you 'round," and with that Tré's crazy girlfriend sped out of sight.

I had just got through Billie's door when he called me,
"Hey, Lil, is that you?"
"Yeah?"
"Wanna come watch some TV?" He shouted from the den upstairs, where I could hear his television blaring.
"Yeah, lemme just put this shit away!" I responded, struggling up the stairs as fast as my aching feet would carry me. When I reached my room I dumped all of my bags beside my wardrobe, vowing to put them away one day and instead pulled on some pyjama shorts and my oversized hoodie.

I found my way to the den pretty quickly and allowed myself to faceplant the side of the L-shaped sofa not occupied by Billie, without so much as a word to the rock star.
"You okay?" He asked me, his voice lightly amused but also a little worried, to which I responded with what could only be described as a dying whale noise.
"Jemima is exhausting," I mumbled into the settee. I heard Billie's laugh and him comment something about her. Before it went still. I had a feeling he was doing something but I felt walked off my feet and honestly couldn't be bothered to look. I gave a weak shriek when hands gently pulled me up and Billie made himself comfortable in the corner seat.

"Rude," I grumbled, before he pulled me into the space between his legs, arms and legs wrapping around to cocoon me and his head falling onto mine. I found my head falling back into his shoulder as I scooted myself backwards into him, he pulled a blanket over the two of us and flicked on an old Disney film.
"It's okay," he mumbled into my neck, lips pleasantly tickling the skin there. "I'll protect you from the nasty shopaholic," I found myself laughing sleepily before settling down into his arms and beginning to drift.