Sex and Donuts

I laid in bed into the tightest ball I could get myself formed into, I can't believe what I did at that cafe! I haven't even told Anna yet, I'm THAT ashamed. He doesn't even know my name but he knows my cooch, how classy is that? Plus he had the nerve to ask for my number afterwards, like we could ever be a thing.

I rolled onto my back, finally stretching out onto my queen size bed," but I must admit, it was exhilarating." I said out loud to the walls of my bedroom. I turned over to my side and couldn't help but think about Damion Scott, the man who said I was terrible and boring at sex. I've never had bathroom sex, not even at my own home. How's that for being boring? I tapped my finger on the nightstand, which had my phone not even six inches away from me, I can tell what else was six inches, ayooo.

I finally picked up my phone and pulled up Anna, how should I even tell her that I was being the skankiest skank in this town since Suzy Latten deep throated a banana, and she ended up dying from butt cancer from all the skanky shenanigans, at least that's the rumor.

I stared at Anna's name for what seemed like forever, today is my last day off before a three day streak, I could just talk to her tomorrow at work, but gossip gets around quickly, best to avoid work with this. I finally opened my messages to send her a short but sweet text, Something happened at the coffee shop, come here as soon as you can.

It took Anna a full hour to finally respond, but she didn't respond by text, she was knocking on my door. This is also why I keep her around," so tell me the scoop, I need to know, NOW!" she exclaimed as she walked in.

"Well, I'd say sit down but I still haven't bough a couch." I replied as I sat down on the rug that covered the wood floor.

"Wow, good job." Anna replied, she sat down next to me with her legs stretched out. She had black yoga pants and a black and pink tank top that read: I hope your day is as nice as my butt, with a light blue sports bra underneath.

"So I went to the coffee shop the other day, like, yesterday," I began," I wanted to give Hipster Bitch a nice big piece of my mind, rip him a new asshole, let him know how I really feel, it started great actually, I was yelling at him and everything in the back of the cafe."

"Oooo, fight the patriarchy girl, just fight them." Anna cut in as she took a gogurt out of her purse," continue, please."

"Well, one thing led to another and he kissed me." I stopped there just to see what her reaction of that was.

"So you're 28....he's probably no older than 22....and he kissed you?" Anna asked.

"Yes, he did."

"How was it? Give me details."

"Well, it was amazing as you would think, itchy facial hair but whatever." I said as I scratched my cheek, made me itch just thinking of it," but that's not all." Anna's eyes went wide with curiosity, I just pursed my lips and she gasped.

"Oh you dirty dirty girl, you did NOT!" she yelled with a big smile.

"He told me that the bathroom door locks, next thing I know he's taking off my skivvies and we're going to pound town on a bathroom sink." I admitted," whoever romanticized sink sex is a liar, it was super uncomfortable, the faucet kept digging into my back."

"You're such a little skank." Anna said, trying to keep in a laugh," was the penetration good at least?"

"He's well endowed if that's what you're asking." I paused as I bit my lip," I left the bathroom fully satisfied, but no matter how great I am not going to sink back into that hole."

"I never remember you saying you were satisfied after sex with Damion." Anna interjected," why won't you two become good old fashioned friends with benefits?"

"Because he probably wants me to go back to him, I'm not sinking low, women in the past fought for our rights and I don't think they'd want me to do the tango with the same man." I let out a sharp exhale," he doesn't even know my name, so what's the point."

"That's even skankier, but whatever floats your boats," Anna paused," or I guess flicks your bean." she said a winking at me.

"If you think about it, it's not that skanky."

"Elaborate, please."

"I mean, all we do is tear each other down, men put it in our heads that their penises are so sacred that they change who we are, our vaginas don't stretch out, they're resilient, we crap babies out of them, I don't think a few dongs are going to permanently damage it," I took a big breath," but they put it in public that we have to be Virgin Mary while they can boink every girl they see, it's not fair, my vagina needs more attention than that."

"Damn, that coffee sausage was so good it turned you into a feminist." Anna said as she finished her gogurt.

"It's making me think though, we are supposed to be innocent and angelic, if we act on our primal instincts to have sex then we are slutty, men do it and they are masculine."

"You can go ahead and get all the dick you want, I won't be judging you." Anna opened another gogurt," just give me the dirty details afterwards, but I suppose if you don't want to have sex with Hipster Bitch you'll have to start going somewhere else for your pastries, again."

"Oh, damn."