Fireproof

The next few weeks came and went as I returned to the department and went back to doing what I loved. I had almost gotten spoiled though on not working and those first few twenty-four shifts that I worked were hard being away from Nikki who I knew was at home doing nothing on the bus. He had spoiled me with all of the cuddling we had been doing and the fun that we had been having and I still really just wanted to stay home with him and cuddle all day long every day. Nikki was different than any guy I had ever been with and I only thought that I had been happy with the others. This was a different kind of happy that I was feeling with him and I didn’t want it to ever go away. He was playful and went along with my shenanigans and was just always up for whatever.

Even with my return to work, Nikki and I had been a lot of fun, but that was about to slow down for a little while. Nikki’s next back surgery was scheduled for in the morning and this one was a little more complicated than the first he had had right after the wreck. He had originally planned on having the surgery done in Los Angeles but had since decided to let the surgeon here in town that had done the first one, do this one as well. I was happy that he was staying close and we were only a few days away from moving back into the new house that Aiden and his friends were pretty much finished building. I was nervous about him having the surgery because I didn’t want to see him in pain, but he had been hurting a good bit lately and this would definitely make him feel better, so it made me feel better as well.

“What’s wrong, love?” Nikki asked as we sat in the living area of the bus watching a movie, but I was staring off into space thinking about tomorrow.

“Huh? Oh, nothing. Just not looking forward to tomorrow, I guess.”

“Hey, quit worrying, okay? It’s going to be fine and in a month or so I’ll be back to normal.”

“I know, I just don’t like the thought of you hurting.”

“That’s because you’re too damn sweet. Come on. It’s getting late. Let’s head to bed.”

Four a.m. came way too early and we both stumbled around like zombies getting things together to go to the hospital. My nerves were kicking full blast as I drove us to the hospital and Nikki picked up on it by the fact that it was still a hundred degrees outside and I was in sweatpants and a hoodie and shaking. He reached across the seat and put his hand on my leg and gave me a sleepy smile that I returned.

The surgery staff was waiting on him when we arrived at the hospital and immediately begin the process of getting him ready for surgery. Once they had gotten all of the information they needed from him and started his IV we were taken to the surgery holding area until they were ready to take him back. I had swapped out my hoodie for the light one he had been wearing before he changed into the hospital gown. It smelled just like him and calmed me a little bit, but not much. I felt like I was going to be sick any minute now.

“Parker.”

“What?”

“You have got to calm down. I have never seen you like this before. I have been through a lot worse than just a few hours under a knife, okay? You know this. You were there with me.”

“I know but I can’t help it. I don’t know what’s up with me.”

“Mr. Sixx? It’s time.”

A way too cheery nurse dressed in green scrubs pulled the curtain back to our little cubby and laid Nikki’s chart at the foot of his bed. Nikki looked at me and smiled and reached for my hand which I gladly placed in his. He squeezed my hand gently as I fought back a very strong urge to panic. What the hell was wrong with me?!

“I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?” He said as the nurse started wheeling him toward the surgery doors that had ‘surgery personnel only’ written on it in big letters. This was where I said goodbye.

“Okay. I’ll be there when you get back and wake up. You’ve got this.”

“Parker?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He had taken the words right out of my mouth. I wanted to tell him that I loved him so bad but I didn’t know if he was ready for that yet. I was more than ready to start saying those three little words to him every chance that I got.

“I love you too, Nik.”

I gave him a quick kiss and watched as he was wheeled through the double doors and disappeared from my site. I made my way back to waiting room where I found Tommy and Mick who had flown in early this morning on a charter plane to be here for the surgery. Vince was tied up in Las Vegas taking care of business for the arena football team he owned but he had already been texting to check on Nikki. Now the long wait started.

Not even ten minutes into the wait I knew I had only seconds to get to a bathroom before I was going to be sick. Thankfully there was one not far from where we were sitting and I made it just in time. I absolutely hated throwing up, but there was no stopping this. When I felt that I could make it back to the seat, I stuck a piece of gum in my mouth and joined the guys again.

“Here, eat some ice chips.” Mick said handing me a cup of ice.

“Thanks.”

We made small talk as the hours creeped by at a painfully slow rate. I kept checking my phone every five minutes and cussing the clock for not moving faster. Vince seemed just about as anxious as I was and he was texting almost frequently as I was checking the time. Finally, two hours more than the estimated surgery time we had been given, the doctor came out looking us.

“Parker?” He asked.

“Yeah, that’s me. How is he?”

“He’s awake and in recovery. However, there were some complications that occurred during the surgery.”

He paused as my heart sank to my stomach.

“Okay so what complications?” I asked after he made no effort to keep talking which kind of pissed me off.

“Part of his spinal cord was damaged during the surgery somehow and it seems to have affected his ability to use his legs.”

I didn’t say anything as I processed what he had just said. Somehow, Nikki had walked into this hospital this morning under his own power, no issues whatsoever with his legs, and now there was ‘somehow’ an issue. That didn’t make sense to me.

“So what, he’s paralyzed now?” Tommy asked, his voice sounded the most intense I had ever heard from him.

“At this point it’s too soon to tell what the lasting effects will be after the damage heals but as of right now he has no movement from the waist down. It’s possible that as the damage heals he will regain full use of his legs again or he may only gain a little bit of use back. It’s up in the air right now.”

Yep, the bitch in me had been unleashed. “What do you fucking mean his spinal cord got damaged ‘somehow’? This was supposed to be a complicated but easy surgery to make repairs to the discs!”

I grabbed the man by the collar of his white medical jacket and shoved him up against the wall he was standing in front of. Tommy and Mick were at my side in less than a second pulling me away from the doctor before I had time to do anything else stupid.

“Parker, calm down. He will pay for what he did in a legal way. Don’t do anything stupid to get in trouble.” Mick said.

“I want to see him and I want to see him now.” I said, as I pulled away from Mick.

“Sure. I’ll take you back there now. I apologize for what has happened.” The doctor stuttered.

“Trust me, you’ll be sorry alright.”

I followed him back to the recovery room where I really shouldn’t have been allowed but he knew it was in his best interest not to tell me no. My heart shattered as I laid eyes on Nikki on who was just starring off into space and I could tell that he was devastated and he had every right to be. I sat down in the chair beside him, not really sure what to say or do. I wasn’t sure how messed up on meds he was still was or if he had yet comprehended what had happened. I reached for his hand, but to my surprise he jerked his hand away.

“Go, Parker.” He said coldly.

“What? Nik –“

“I said just fucking leave, okay?” His words were ice cold and this was definitely not the Nikki that I had confessed my love to this morning.

“Why are you being like this? I want to be here with you.”

“You want to be here with the guy that you left this morning and I’m not that guy anymore. I’m the sad guy in a wheelchair now that everyone pities. You don’t deserve a loser like me now. Go find someone better.”

“Nikki, stop, okay? Whether you ever walk again or not you are a very strong person and will adapt to whatever happens. You are not a loser and this is not going to scare me off. I understand you’re upset right now, you have every right to be, but please don’t take it out on me.”

“If you leave then I can’t take it out on you, so just go.”

“No.”

“Fucking leave already!” He yelled.

That was my breaking point. I knew he was upset, but the way he was acting was not him at all. I figured it was best to just give him some time to think things over even though I felt like he shouldn’t be alone right now either but I wasn’t going to sit here and let him yell at me like that in the hospital. Plus I would be lying if I said that his words weren’t hurting me, even though I knew he was upset.

“Whatever.” I said I stood up and walked off.

“Have a nice life. Thanks for saving mine although it doesn’t matter now.”

I ignored his last, very hurtful comment as I kept walking out of the recovery room. I didn’t return to the waiting room where Mick and Tommy were waiting because I didn’t want to face them right now. I sent Tommy a text letting him know that Nikki was upset and that I was leaving to get some fresh air. The last thing I needed to be doing right now was getting in my airplane because my mind was everywhere but in my head, but I wanted away from everyone and everything for a little while and that was the best way to do that. I could only hope at this point that Nikki calmed down after a little bit and that his behavior wouldn’t keep up. I honestly don’t think that I could physically or mentally deal with losing him if he pushed me away.