Fireproof

A very long, agonizing two days had gone by since the mishap with Nikki’s surgery and much to my dismay, his moods or actions had not changed at all. I would go and sit in his room and he would still tell me to go, but I wouldn’t. I would just sit there and not say anything to him, just trying to let him know that I wasn’t going to go anywhere no matter how rude he was. He was acting the same way towards Tommy who had opted to remain in town since Nikki was acting the way he was. Tommy was staying with him pretty much all the time, trying to talk to him and push him which I was thankful for. Each day that he continued to act the way he did got harder and harder though.

“Good morning beautiful.” Tommy said hugging me, as we met up in the hospital cafeteria to get some breakfast before I went and tried my luck again with Nikki.

“Good morning. How did last night go?”

“Bad. We fought pretty much all night. I think I may have gotten through to him just a little bit though. It took everything I had not to just fucking punch him in the face.”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. Well, I’m feeling kind of bitchy today so he may get it from me too. If he would just stop playing the self pity game and get up and try, he could learn to walk again regardless. And if he never does walk again, I’m not going anywhere. Unless he forces me too.”

“He knows that. He’s just being a dick. He’s always so headstrong and determined and I just have no fucking clue where this is coming from.”

We ate our breakfast and Tommy left to go to the house and get cleaned up while I went to see Nikki for a few minutes before I had to go in for a forty-eight hour shift this afternoon. I really was not looking forward to seeing him the same way again, but I wasn’t backing down from him either.

“You guys don’t quit do you?” He asked as soon as I walked in, his gaze never leaving the tv hanging on the wall.

“Nope. You should know that by now. How are you feeling today?”

“I’m hurting and just want to be fucking left alone but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen today.”

“How long are you going to keep this up? Why do you feel the need to push everyone away? Your life is not over, Nikki. I bet you haven’t even tried to see if you could move a foot or if you had any feeling at all in your legs, have you?”

“Look, I really don’t feel like dealing with you or Tommy, or anyone else in this shithole today. If I could get up and walk out of here I would be long gone. But you just have to keep fucking nagging and making my life more hell than it already is at this point. If you want to make me feel better and save yourself the hurt then I have one simple request and that’s for you to leave and not come back. You will make some capable guy very happy, but you have to get out there and find him.”

I could feel my blood pressure rising as I listened to what he said and how irrational he was being. There would be no other guy after him if he chose to push me away because I had had it with guys. Not only that, but I loved Nikki and that would never change. But he needed to know one thing that I had been hoping to tell him the night of his surgery after he had slept off some of the medicine.

“You know what? Fuck it. I’m not going to stand here and beg you to talk to me if this is how you want it to be. I love you and I am willing to do anything for you even if that means wiping your ass for the rest of your life, but if you would just put forth one little bit of effort and stop playing this poor me game, you would see that this is not how it’s going to be. As far as me finding another guy to make happy if you don’t want me anymore, fuck that. I have been let down in every possible way by every guy that has ever been in my life and I refuse to put myself in that situation again. I said the same fucking thing before you came waltzing into my life but there was just something about you that begged me to try again so I did. And look where I’m at now, but this isn’t about me. Before I go though, I need you to know one thing that I had been so excited to get to tell you. If you don’t want me that’s completely fine by me.”

For the first time since all of this had happened, he was looking at me and had something other than a pissed off look on his face. I grabbed his hand, to his surprise, and put it against my stomach.

“You can walk away from me, I’m used to that, but you will not walk away from this little person growing inside of me. There may be two because my hormone levels were really elevated but it’s too early to tell. So if I’m not a good enough reason to make you try, they sure as hell are. I’ll leave you be now.”

I pushed his hand off of my stomach and left him, just like he had asked. I lost it as soon as I got back to my truck and as much as I knew that it wasn’t the hormones making me cry, I was going to blame it on them anyway. I was seriously beginning to question my judgement in choosing guys. I was stuck with Nikki forever now because of the little human growing inside of me, but it seemed as if that was the only way I was going to remain connected to him.

My aimless driving took me to the cemetery where my dad was buried and I made my way to his grave. I sat down against his headstone and talked to him for a little while, hoping that he was hearing me. That was the only thought that brought me comfort. When I ran out of things to say I just sat there knowing that he was right there with me.

“I thought I might find you here.”

I looked up and found Aiden walking towards me.

“Hey. What brings you out here?”

“I got a phone call from someone worried about his girlfriend.”

“Oh now he’s worried.”

“Parker, I know he’s been an ass the last three days and he really shouldn’t have but put yourself in his position. I know I’m probably fueling one hell of an already burning fire, but I’m being serious.”

“Well for starters I would want someone that I loved there with me and I would be fighting like hell to make sure that I walked again.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. You have a point. But think about when you have a hard day at work. If you lose someone. I know you like a book, Parker. You probably find somewhere to get away from everyone just like you were doing today and you don’t want to be bothered. But once you have had time to think about it you get over and come back to life. Did you ever consider that maybe that’s all Nikki needed?”

“Of course he just needed some time, but I’m not rude to everyone in the process of getting over whatever is bothering me.”

He chuckled. “I have a feeling that I’m not going to win this battle, but do me a favor and don’t give up on him, okay?”

“Aiden, he was pushing me away, not the other way around.”

“Well, keep pushing back then. He will come around.”

Even though it would have been easy to quit pushing back, I couldn’t. “It’s him or no one, A.”

He smiled. “So, you have anything that you want to tell me?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “You’re going to be an uncle.”

“Looks like I came home just in time.”

“Yeah you did.”

“I’m happy for you, Parker. You and Nikki are going to be great parents. So I have a confession too.”

“Okay?”

“Jep hired me.”

“Fuck! So you’re going to be working at the department too?”

He smirked. “Yep.”

“Shit.” I smiled

“Speaking of, don’t you have to be at work?”

“Yeah, I should get going. Thanks for coming out here.”

“Anytime, little sister. Have a safe shift okay? I’m going to go finish up a few things at the house.”

I gave Aiden a hug and headed in to work a little bit early so I could spread the news to Jep that I was taken myself off of active duty and was going to become his captain in training. I had a lot to think about and plan for now that I had a doctor’s confirmation that I was pregnant. I was also considered high risk being as I technically wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant. I couldn’t take any chances and I didn’t want to.