Polaroid

"Did you find anything?" Cam asked quietly. He pointed his flashlight at me and I held up a bottle of aspirin Cam gave me a quick nod and turned back to continue his own search.

It was the third drug store that we had come across. Like the other two, it had been raided by many hands before us. All of the popular items were gone.

Things like prescription medication, toothpaste, and tampons had disappeared off the shelves. I was lucky to find the aspirin and a travel sized container of shampoo. Cam was hoping to find some type of antiseptic, but settled on a bottle of vodka.

We didn't want to waste the battery life in our flashlights, so we quickly scanned aisles for anything useful. Our number one priority was food. Grocery stores were always cleaned out, but sometimes we were able to scavenge from other places.

Our most recent score had been a package of beef jerky that we found at a gas station. I didn't expect us to be that fortunate twice though. We went hungry most nights and were lucky to get one meal a day.

"Lena, I found canned cat food," Cam said from the next aisle over.

"What flavor?" I asked. ( Of course it didn't really matter. It would be our dinner regardless. )

"Tuna Delight," Cam answered in his usual flat tone of voice. In his defense it was hard to sound excited about cat food. If it were up to me, I would be having a hot bowl of soup and a hunk of bread.

"Yummy,"I replied sarcastically. " Do you think we could find a nice red wine to go with that?"

Cam ignored my pathetic attempt at humor and said, " We better get going. It'll be dark soon."

Cam and I rarely travelled at night. Unless there was a really bright moon, it wasn't worth the risk of a twisted ankle in the woods. We tried to steer clear of roads unless we had to make a supply run.

"Where are you thinking we should sleep tonight?" I asked as we exited the drugstore.

Cam looked up at the cloudy sky above and then at the handful of buildings surrounding us. Only a few of them were still standing. Several had been blown apart or burned to the ground.

His expression was mild as Cam surveyed what used to be his home town. I might not have been so stoic looking on the wreckage of everything that used to matter, but it was just bricks and mortar right? Churches, houses and shops didn't mean anything right?

Still I felt like I needed to do something. Maybe it was some kind of stupid nurturing girl thing, but I reached for his hand. He pulled away from me immediately.

"Sorry, your palm! I'm an idiot, " I said as I remembered the cut that he grabbed the vodka for.

Cam noded and didn't respond. I forced myself to remember that he was not my friend. He was not my lover.

He was just a traveling companion. Though that almost made it sound like we were on an enjoyable trip. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

We were both looking for people we lost during the war. He lost his sister (Jane) in one of the roundups. I lost my boyfriend (Cillian) to the military.

Well, lost probably wasn't the right word in Cilian's case. He joined the Army because he wanted too. He left me because he thought it was the right thing to do.

Right or wrong I was alone. The only thing I had left of Cillian was a Polaroid that a mutual friend snapped of us. We were wrapped in each other's arm and I had a cigarette in my hand. It was bitterly cold, but the heat of his mouth made me forget that and everything else.

I took the picture out of my coat pocket when I started to forget that heat. It had been over a year since I felt those arms wrapped around me. Sometimes I caught myself thinking that I would never find Cillian.

How could I find him in the broken ruins of my country? What if he wasn't even in the United States? What if he was dead?

Questions like that passed through my head at least ten times a day, but I ultimately ignored them. Something had to keep me moving forward. Something had to give me hope.