Close Encounters of the 4th Kind

“Seriously?!”

Sinestro didn’t sound happy, but I was too busy losing my shit. Yes, I was laughing, but not like ‘ha-ha!’ laughing. Like the ‘I’m about to die and there’s nothing I can do about it so my brain is flooding itself with endorphins to make dying easier’ laughing. It came out as more of a shuddering ‘huhuhuhuhuhuh’ than a real laugh.

If what loomed before me wasn’t the definition of ‘nightmare fuel’, I hoped to never find out what did qualify. Mere inches from my nose hovered an impossibly long tongue, as wide as my body and dripping with saliva that was pooling near my feet. Attached to the tongue was the real issue though.

The creature was large, hideous, and black as night. Large doesn’t really feel adequate. More like colossal or gargantuan. It’s form seemed to be constantly shifting, bubbling up in great peaks before bursting and receding again. What I could see of it was mostly mouth, open wide and stinking like the worst combination of ‘dumpster on a hot day’ and Dorito breath.

Don't let your mind wander…it’s too little to be let out alone

The mouth remained open, and the voice no longer echoed through the space. Instead, it reverberated in my skull, repeating itself over and over in a softer and softer voice.

If you had half-a-brain, it’d be lonely!

I clapped my hands over my ears, uselessly trying to stop the voices. The room shook with the weight of the monster’s steps as it crept closer. It’s tongue began to circle me, trapping and drawing me in like constrictor’s prey.

You won’t amount to a hill of beans!

ARE YOU THIS STUPID ON PURPOSE?
Have you no fucking common sense?

…how do you live with yourself…

The voices pounding into my mind like a driving rain, ceaseless and destructive. I closed my eyes, dropping my head to my drawn-in knees and screamed in frustration.

“Stop it!” I roared. “Make it stop!”

So simple…

you’ll just fuck it up anyway

The air around me was getting warmer, making my tense muscles relax after what felt like years in the cold. The floor was growing wetter, but it was warm, like bathwater. I could feel the smooth bottom of my own tub, the sound of the fan, the warm water just reaching my toes. My heart rate slowed, and all other sound disappeared aside from my own heartbeat.

Just.
Give.
Up.

Yes. Why am I fighting this? Just give into it.

“No!”

A voice broke through the silence and the darkness. Something hard slammed into my back, and my eyes flew open in alarm. Arms covered in crisp, white cotton straddled my head, hands open and facing outward. There was a visible ripple of energy, pulsing out from the hands, sending the monster flying backwards. It screeched as it flew, its body spraying off in places, coating the walls, floor, and columns in the viscous, bubbling, black goo.

“Jesus, Sinestro,” I breathed, my mind clearing slightly. “I didn’t realize you were a fucking Jedi.”

Sinestro was, shockingly, silent as he hooked his elbows under my armpits, lugging me to my uncooperative feet. He dragged me behind a small outcropping, keeping a grip on me to steady my trembling body. Panic set in immediately as I stared down at my pants, which were stained with blood. The tongue of the beast lay wriggling and squirming on the stone floor.

“I can’t do this,” I half sobbed. “I want to wake up. I want to go home. I can’t fucking do this.”

“Yes, you can,” Sinestro said firmly. “And you will.”

No you won’t

I growled in frustration, cradling my head in my hands.

“Shut up!”

The voices giggled in delight, reveling in my defeat.

“Listen to me,” Sinestro ordered, gently pulling my hands away from my head. “There’s only two ways out of here. One, is by defeating that monster and finding a way to escape. The other is down its gullet.”

If I wasn't panicking before, I was certainly panicking now. The room rumbled as the monster recovered, the shrieking and whining nearly deafening.

I can’t do this. How am I supposed to get out of here with that thing blocking the only exit? Not to mention that exit was fucking busted! My lungs labored to draw in enough air to keep up with the hammering of my heart, and tears fell from my eyes freely.

“I don’t wanna get eaten!” I sobbed. “I want to get out of here, but I can’t do it! I can’t do this!”

Sinestro grabbed me by the shoulders, staring at me hard. He gave off such an air of calm confidence that I felt myself slipping further into my meltdown. Look at him! He’s so calm and in control, while I’m a sniveling mess. I’m screwed.

“If you believe you will fail,” Sinestro toned, his voice strong and even. “Then you already have. And I will not allow you to fail.”

The monster bellowed in agony, cutting Sinestro off briefly.

“I’m here because I can help you,” He went on. “But you need to believe that. Only once we truly work together can I be in a better position to help you get us out of here. But I can’t do it alone. I need you.”

I need you.

“Okay." I sputtered.

Sinestro nodded.

“What’s our first move?” Sinestro asked, glancing over my shoulder. “And let’s try and expedite it.”

Just give up

I grit my teeth against the voice. Making this thing shut up would be ideal. My hands were still shaking. I don’t know about any of this. I swallowed and spoke in a shaking voice.

“We gotta kill that thing, right?” I asked, rhetorically. “Then how do we do it? That shit is like, if Muk got busy with a Lickitung in some radioactive sludge.”

“Trust yourself,” Sinestro said, reaching past me. “You’re more prepared for this test than you realize.”

I felt the pulse of energy again, followed by the tell-tale shrieking of the monster. The room shook as it careened into darkness.

“Just focus on breathing.” Sinestro’s voice cut through the others, silencing them.

Deep breath in, long breath out. The monster’s wailing felt like a hollow echo, like someone screaming underwater in a swimming pool.

“Now, think! What does this place remind you of?” Sinestro continued to coach me. “Make it something familiar.”

Nothing. Nothing was familiar about this place. My sight moved slowly across the space, searching desperately for a glimmer of something I’d seen before. Even the damn memos were different than when I first got here. They all had dismembered stick figures on them now. Thanks room for your vote of confidence.

At last my eyes fell upon the monster again. Sinestro had flung it backwards once again, but I could tell he was beginning to grow weary. He could only keep this up on his own for so long. He was right; we had to do this together. I had to figure out the puzzle.

The monster shifted again, bubbling like overcooked stew. Above it’s grotesque, stinky mouth glowed a single, yellowed eyed. The pupil was large, dilated by bloodlust, the iris a haunting shade of orange. It clashed with the part of the eye that was supposed to be white, but was yellow, like it was jaundiced or something.

And then it clicked.

The eye. THE FUCKING EYE!

I whistled to myself a familiar, comforting tune. That oh so sweet sound when you finally figured out the secret in the greatest video game of all fucking time.

“It’s a fucking Zelda dungeon, Nessie!” I shrieked with joy, sprinting towards him.

Sinestro turned to face me, brows furrowed in confusion.

“This isn’t a game-“ Sinestro began, but the monster let out another ferocious roar and began to charge. I was only barely able to grab Sinestro by the back of the shirt and drag him out of the monster’s path. We took off together in a sprint, my eyes frantically searching the room for the key to getting us out of here.

“Look for a treasure chest!” I screamed over the monster’s noise. “They always give you the item you need to defeat the dungeon boss somewhere in the dungeon!”

I vaulted over a desk chair and skid to halt in front of a set of filing cabinets. Not your traditional chest, but this wasn’t your traditional dungeon. Some kind of Shadow Temple bullshit.

“What do you mean, ‘item’?” Sinestro called. “‘Treasure chest’?”

I sighed loudly, hating that I had to explain it to him.

“In every single, God damn Zelda dungeon, there are at minimum three crucial items needed to complete it,” I droned. “The map, the compass, and the item that will eventually beat the boss. Granted, there are also an assortment of small keys, a big key to unlock the door to the final boss, rupee chests-“

“Oh, spare me,” Sinestro growled. “I understand that this is a puzzling situation but I quite frankly don’t find it as simple as you’re making it.”

I stopped my rummaging through the drawers, all of which were filled with papers that mocked ‘you’re getting colder!’ or ‘made you look!’, to face Sinestro. I manually turned him around and pointed over his shoulder at the monster, which was searching the alcove we had recently abandoned.

“It’s the eye!” I said firmly. “It’s a typical Zelda trope. Shoot the eye, get the secret. Shoot the eye, open the door. Shoot the eye, kill the boss. Shoot the eye, win the game.”

Shoot the eye

The puzzle was coming into focus. Even Sinestro could feel it.

“Can you focus your Force Push on just the eye?” I asked, abandoning the drawers.

“Certainly.” Sinestro said calmly.

The monster sensed us almost as if on cue. It turned to face us, eye wide open and ripe for the shooting.

“Now,” I urged. “Do it now!”

Sinestro raised his arms and pushed. The invisible energy slammed into the monster, but it managed to close it’s eye before the moment of impact. It knew that move, that wasn’t the answer.

“Plan B,” Sinestro said simply. “There’s no need for us to fear that thing. We’re smarter.”

Fear

If this puzzle was about harnessing my fear, it picked a hell of a name for my companion.

“Nessie,” I teased. “Do you think I can do that push thing? Maybe if I get closer, with you as my back up, we can get a solid shot on the eye and bring it down.”

“No,” Sinestro said simply. “We must do this together. Neither of us can do this on our own. We must become one.”

“A fusion?” I asked absently. Sinestro shook his head.

“More live moving at the same frequency.”

“Ah,” I mused. “Soul resonance.”

Sinestro sighed.

“Could you possibly get in any more references?” He complained. “It’s not even funny anymore at this point.”

Sorry, buddy. I just have one more.

I grabbed Sinestro by the hand, pulling him forward and towards the monster. As our hands connected, a scalding hot, numbing pain shot up my arm, locking my fingers together with his.

In blackest day, in brightest night

The monster was recovering from Sinestro’s last attack, righting itself and smattering the wall with it’s caustic, black ooze.

Beware your fears made into light

The monster’s solitary eye locked with mine, the chorus of voices trying to desperately claw their way into my thoughts. Vainly attempting to drown me in my darkest fear: failure.

Let those who try to stop what’s right burn like my power

I skid to a stop before the creature, positioning myself at just the right angle. I swung my arm around and screamed at the top of my lungs.

“SINESTRO’S MIGHT!”

My hand burned like I was gripping a scalding hot curling iron, but my arm seemed to move on it’s own. Instead of a hand clutching my own, my fingers curled around the grip of a black and gold metallic hand gun, with my index finger resting on the trigger. I squeezed without hesitation.

The round found it’s target, the bullet boring into the creature’s eye. The white hole left behind grew steadily larger, howling like a tornado as the monster shrieked and writhed, collapsing in on itself. Before long, the entire creature had been consumed by the bullet wound, leaving nothing but the steaming remnants of the smattered ooze it lost as it had lumbered around the room.

The room was instantly warmer, sunlight streaming through the stained glass windows. The area of the room once concealed in shadow now glowed to reveal a very large, very open door. The only sound to be heard was my own labored breathing. In celebration of my apparent victory, I did what any great hero would do.

I puked all over my shoes.