Chemical Love
Coffee dates and an ex's mistake
Currently listening to: New Years Day- Beautiful Lies : www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbe86iiQ...
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-3-
“LEAVE ME ALONE TRAIVS! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!” I yelled down the phone, I quickly hung up and threw it on my bed running a hand through my hair attempting to control my now uneven breathing.
Since I had broke it off with Travis I’d been a mess; I didn’t trust people as easily as I used to, I didn’t really open up to anyone expect for Layton and Lance and even then I didn’t tell then everything that had been getting me down and I defiantly was more upset and angry than I used to be.
Basically thank you asshole for making me feel like this.
“Lex what’s up?” Lance asked as he popped his head around the door concern written over his face.
“The usual, I swear I'm going to have to change my number.” I grumbled not looking up from the spot I was staring at on the floor.
“Well shout if you want me or Layton to do anything,” He said before leaving, shutting my door too. I sighed deeply and leaned back on my bed and let my mind wander, something, which recently didn’t normally end well but I often found myself doing it.
So many thoughts whirled around my head as I lay there; I reached under my bed and found out my notepad that I used to write some lyrics in form time to time. I began to write down everything about how I felt and soon enough I had come up with the first verse and chorus to a new potential song:
“I'm trying to sleep,
But this pain in my chest,
It's keeping me awake,
And every breath I take,
Feels like it's my last,
I want to be fine,
I want to be sure,
I want to be a lot of things,
And none of them include you.
I keep telling myself I'm not miserable,
I keep telling myself I'm better off without you
I believed that you meant everything you said,
Goodbye and thanks for the memories,
For the pain and lies
Every time I had to cry,
Goodbye and thanks for the memories.”
I tried to begin to write a second verse but my phone buzzed taking me out of my thoughts.
“I swear to god Travis…” I muttered unlocking my phone I swear when I get the chance I’m deleting his number. However it wasn’t Travis who had text me, it was to my surprise, TJ. I smiled and viewed the message:
‘Hey, I have some free time and I wondered if you wanted to go out and get coffee w/ me so we can get to know each other better?? x’
Aww cute I thought.
I sent him a quick reply back telling him that I’d love too and I text him the address of my apartment, he quickly replied telling me he’d pick me up in around half an hour. I dumped my notepad on my bed and picked out an outfit (www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=14683...) before touching up my makeup.
As I finished I heard my door open again, I turned my head toward my door and saw Layton stood there, he smiled at me and fully entered my room sitting on my bed.
“Where you going?” He asked.
“Outtt,” I replied focusing on re positioning my hair.
“Oh right okay.” I turned to look at him as I noticed the change of expression in his voice.
“What?” I asked worried.
“Nothing, Lance and I wanted to know if you wanted to come hang with us for the day but it doesn’t matter.” I felt really guilty but I couldn’t just cancel on TJ.
“Oh I’m sorry-“
“Seriously it doesn’t matter, where you going anyway?” He asked with a small smirk on his face, I turned away from him and looked back in the mirror again.
“Nowhere special we’re just going out to get coffee,” I didn’t even have to look at him to know what expression he had on his face.
“So you’re going on a date then, who with?” He asked a hint of suggestion in his tone; I finally turned and looked him in the eye.
“No one special.” I smirked, I checked the time on my phone and made sure that I deleted Travis’ number, it was then that I heard a car horn beep outside the apartment meaning that TJ was here. “Now if you would so kindly get out of my room that’d be fab,” I said standing up grabbing my bag from the foot of the bed, Layton smirked and winked at me as he left making me shake my head with an amused smile on my face.
“Have fun,” He said before disappearing into his room, I smiled to myself as I left the apartment and quickly half ran/half walked to TJ’s awaiting car, he got out of the car and looked at me with an amused smile on his face.
“Don’t bother, just drive.” I heard him chuckle as he swung his car keys between his fingers.
“Whatever you wish doll.” I shook my head in amusement as I got in the passengers side, he started up the car and drove away from the curb and down the street.
“So what made you want to meet up with boring old me?” I questioned after a few minutes silence.
“I don’t think you're boring! If I did I’d probably never talk to you again,” He replied quickly glancing at me smirking.
“Oh ha ha. But seriously why? Not that I mind of course.” Fuck sake Lexi, I mentally slapped myself, he chuckled at my awkwardness.
“I don’t know, I’d just like to get to know you better, one on one and not in a group.” I nodded, we continued chatting until he pulled up outside a cute little café just on the outskirts of downtown.
“Aww this is adorable!” I exclaimed.
“Glad you like it, they literally do the best coffee you’ll ever taste here.” He said as we entered the shop. He told me to sit at a table whilst he ordered our coffee. I quickly checked my phone and saw a text from Lance, which read:
‘have fun on ur little dateeeee! don’t do anything I wouldn’t do ;)
Cheeky bastard I thought to myself, it made me smile and I quickly replied before TJ came back to our table carrying two fairly big white mugs of coffee, he placed one in front of me before sitting in the seat opposite.
“I remembered you saying that you liked Mocha so I hope that’s alright for you.” I was shocked that he remembered something as insignificant as that, I took a little sip and I swear it was like an orgasm in my mouth.
“My god this is amazing!” I exclaimed taking a bigger sip making TJ chuckle. We started to get to know each other better by asking one another random questions about our lives, it turns out that we actually had a lot in common and we’d both been through our fair share of hardships.
“So what happened between you and your boyfriend then?” He asked, I sighed debating whether to tell him the truth or not. “Its alright if you're not ready but its not good keeping things in.”
“I know, its just still fresh to me, I'm no where near over him yet that’s all.” I hated to admit it but I knew it was true, I wasn’t even close to getting over Travis and I knew it would take me a while for the feelings to begin to subside.
“Hey its cool, I know how you feel I’ve recently been through similar things myself," he looked down I saw sadness flash across his face making me reach over and grab his hand which caused him to look up.
"What happened?"
"Well I'd been dating this girl, Georgette, for just over a year and I really was in love with her like we were close friends before we started dating so we knew each other inside out but anyway, we were going great the only thing that would cause us to argue would be my mood swings." He looked down again in shame; I could tell he was trying to stop himself from crying which made me feel awful for him.
"Anyway, one night I was in a shit mood and I told her I didn't want to go out with her that night to her friends party, she got pissed and went out without me and didn't come back until the next day where she told me that she'd been thinking and she thought that we'd be better apart for a while, I haven't really spoke to her in about 3 months or so since it happened. It's completely my fault and I miss her so much but I guess she was right.” He shrugged I could tell that he was still fighting off the tears which were threatening to spill.
"Aw TJ that's horrible! But I'm sure that everything will work out in the end."
"I'm sure it will, anyway enough about me what about you? What has your boyfriend done to you?"
I took a deep breath before finally deciding to tell him. "His name is Travis, and we did love each other, well I loved him anyway. We were together for two years after meeting on warped tour in 2010, we got together a few months after the tour had finished and I was so happy. However about 6 months ago he started to drift and something felt different between us, I couldn't put my finger on it at first. We'd argue all the time, he'd go out with his friends and smoke and drink and leave me alone in the house with nothing to do. I feel into a state of depression, I’d try and escape how I was feeling through drugs and alcohol and I isolated myself from everyone around me.
It got to the point where Travis and I wouldn't go a day without arguing about something and Lance and Layton kept telling me to end it but I didn't want to, I guess I wanted to delude myself into thinking that everything was fine. That went on until the day before we first met you, I had gone out to the mall or something and because I was stopping at his house for the week I went back to his to find him balls deep in some other girl, I slapped him very hard across the face and exchanged a few choice words with him before leaving him I haven't seen him since." TJ looked genuinely shocked, I was shocked that I’d told him as much as I had done, I had never told anyone apart from Layton and Lance everything that had happened between me and Travis and how unhappy I was during the last 6 months not even my family or friends that I had known for years knew all the details.
“Well he’s the biggest prick on the planet for letting someone as talented and beautiful as you go like that, if you ever see him when you're with me point him out and I’ll have words with him.”
“TJ you don’t have to, it’ll only cause more shit which I cant be bothered with at the moment, I just want to focus on the things that matter like my friends, family and this tour which, I'm very exited about by the way.” I said, TJ nodded the sadness and anger disappeared off his face as soon as I mentioned about the tour.
“I know; I'm psyched for it too. I think you’ll get on with the guys in Glamour of The Kill, they’re pretty big partiers though.”
“Then I’m sure I’ll get along just fine with them.” I smirked, taking another big sip of my Mocha. We continued to talk and ask each other questions for ages until it began to get dark.
“Jesus its half 5!” I exclaimed glancing at the time on my phone. “The guys are gonna be moaning at me when I get back.”
“And why would that be?” He asked.
“Because I cook all the food, I’m pretty sure they’re both incapable of cooking food for themselves. Whenever I used to stop at Travis’ they’d just order take out and I’d come back home to pizza boxes and containers everywhere, they drive me mad.” I chucked.
“Well if you're done I can drive you home if you want?” TJ offered.
“Yeah I better get back, thank you.” I flashed him a smile retrieving my purse from my handbag handing him money for my coffee.
“Nope I’m not taking it, don’t even bother trying to argue.” He pushed my hand, which had the money in back toward me, I opened my mouth to protest but I knew there was no point. I stuffed the money back in my purse and slid it into my bag before following TJ out of the shop, which I noticed, was now empty and out to his car.
On the way to the car I felt my phone vibrate in my bag, I sighed it was either Lance or Layton asking me where I was and when I’d be back. I checked my phone and was surprised to see a text from an unknown number, as I got in the car I unlocked the message and saw that this number had text me multiple times in the last 10 minutes or so.
“That your new boyfriend? Moving on quickly like...”
“Probably won’t stay with you though,”
“He’ll realize you’re a depressive mess and go for someone better,”
“You’ll end up forever alone, all your ‘friends’ will realize that you're not worth anything with your shitty little pathetic problems”
The last one hurt, a lot. I always had a fear of being forever alone and as soon as I read that I knew exactly who it was, TJ sensed my change in mood and leaned over and looked at my screen, I heard him gasp and he quickly reached for my phone. I looked over at him with tears in my eyes and saw him place my phone to his ear.
“TJ he’s not worth it-“
“I will make sure he cant fucking walk if I ever see him,” He grumbled before I heard a voice on the other end of the phone. “Shut the fuck up you pathetic twat and listen to me, you ever text or ring this number ever again I will track you down and I’ll make you wish you were never born. If you see Lexi out in the street and even look at her wrongly when I'm around I will end you understand? Good, now fuck off to your shitty life and never make contact with Lexi again because I wouldn’t want to be you when I find out you’ve been harassing her, goodbye you prick.” With that he hung up not giving Travis the change to respond.
“If he contacts you again tell me okay?” I nodded taking my phone back from him.
“I will, thank you so much.” I said before hugging him tightly, he returned my hug before we pulled away after a few minutes.
“Lets get you home.” He said smiling.
“You can stop for dinner if you want?” I offered, silently hoping that he’d say yes.
“If you don’t mind then sure why not,” I cheered inside, I didn’t know what it was about him but I felt so comfortable around TJ, like I could be myself without being afraid that he was judging me; we had so much in common that we clicked straight away and I knew that we would both become close friends over these next few months.
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-3-
“LEAVE ME ALONE TRAIVS! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!” I yelled down the phone, I quickly hung up and threw it on my bed running a hand through my hair attempting to control my now uneven breathing.
Since I had broke it off with Travis I’d been a mess; I didn’t trust people as easily as I used to, I didn’t really open up to anyone expect for Layton and Lance and even then I didn’t tell then everything that had been getting me down and I defiantly was more upset and angry than I used to be.
Basically thank you asshole for making me feel like this.
“Lex what’s up?” Lance asked as he popped his head around the door concern written over his face.
“The usual, I swear I'm going to have to change my number.” I grumbled not looking up from the spot I was staring at on the floor.
“Well shout if you want me or Layton to do anything,” He said before leaving, shutting my door too. I sighed deeply and leaned back on my bed and let my mind wander, something, which recently didn’t normally end well but I often found myself doing it.
So many thoughts whirled around my head as I lay there; I reached under my bed and found out my notepad that I used to write some lyrics in form time to time. I began to write down everything about how I felt and soon enough I had come up with the first verse and chorus to a new potential song:
“I'm trying to sleep,
But this pain in my chest,
It's keeping me awake,
And every breath I take,
Feels like it's my last,
I want to be fine,
I want to be sure,
I want to be a lot of things,
And none of them include you.
I keep telling myself I'm not miserable,
I keep telling myself I'm better off without you
I believed that you meant everything you said,
Goodbye and thanks for the memories,
For the pain and lies
Every time I had to cry,
Goodbye and thanks for the memories.”
I tried to begin to write a second verse but my phone buzzed taking me out of my thoughts.
“I swear to god Travis…” I muttered unlocking my phone I swear when I get the chance I’m deleting his number. However it wasn’t Travis who had text me, it was to my surprise, TJ. I smiled and viewed the message:
‘Hey, I have some free time and I wondered if you wanted to go out and get coffee w/ me so we can get to know each other better?? x’
Aww cute I thought.
I sent him a quick reply back telling him that I’d love too and I text him the address of my apartment, he quickly replied telling me he’d pick me up in around half an hour. I dumped my notepad on my bed and picked out an outfit (www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=14683...) before touching up my makeup.
As I finished I heard my door open again, I turned my head toward my door and saw Layton stood there, he smiled at me and fully entered my room sitting on my bed.
“Where you going?” He asked.
“Outtt,” I replied focusing on re positioning my hair.
“Oh right okay.” I turned to look at him as I noticed the change of expression in his voice.
“What?” I asked worried.
“Nothing, Lance and I wanted to know if you wanted to come hang with us for the day but it doesn’t matter.” I felt really guilty but I couldn’t just cancel on TJ.
“Oh I’m sorry-“
“Seriously it doesn’t matter, where you going anyway?” He asked with a small smirk on his face, I turned away from him and looked back in the mirror again.
“Nowhere special we’re just going out to get coffee,” I didn’t even have to look at him to know what expression he had on his face.
“So you’re going on a date then, who with?” He asked a hint of suggestion in his tone; I finally turned and looked him in the eye.
“No one special.” I smirked, I checked the time on my phone and made sure that I deleted Travis’ number, it was then that I heard a car horn beep outside the apartment meaning that TJ was here. “Now if you would so kindly get out of my room that’d be fab,” I said standing up grabbing my bag from the foot of the bed, Layton smirked and winked at me as he left making me shake my head with an amused smile on my face.
“Have fun,” He said before disappearing into his room, I smiled to myself as I left the apartment and quickly half ran/half walked to TJ’s awaiting car, he got out of the car and looked at me with an amused smile on his face.
“Don’t bother, just drive.” I heard him chuckle as he swung his car keys between his fingers.
“Whatever you wish doll.” I shook my head in amusement as I got in the passengers side, he started up the car and drove away from the curb and down the street.
“So what made you want to meet up with boring old me?” I questioned after a few minutes silence.
“I don’t think you're boring! If I did I’d probably never talk to you again,” He replied quickly glancing at me smirking.
“Oh ha ha. But seriously why? Not that I mind of course.” Fuck sake Lexi, I mentally slapped myself, he chuckled at my awkwardness.
“I don’t know, I’d just like to get to know you better, one on one and not in a group.” I nodded, we continued chatting until he pulled up outside a cute little café just on the outskirts of downtown.
“Aww this is adorable!” I exclaimed.
“Glad you like it, they literally do the best coffee you’ll ever taste here.” He said as we entered the shop. He told me to sit at a table whilst he ordered our coffee. I quickly checked my phone and saw a text from Lance, which read:
‘have fun on ur little dateeeee! don’t do anything I wouldn’t do ;)
Cheeky bastard I thought to myself, it made me smile and I quickly replied before TJ came back to our table carrying two fairly big white mugs of coffee, he placed one in front of me before sitting in the seat opposite.
“I remembered you saying that you liked Mocha so I hope that’s alright for you.” I was shocked that he remembered something as insignificant as that, I took a little sip and I swear it was like an orgasm in my mouth.
“My god this is amazing!” I exclaimed taking a bigger sip making TJ chuckle. We started to get to know each other better by asking one another random questions about our lives, it turns out that we actually had a lot in common and we’d both been through our fair share of hardships.
“So what happened between you and your boyfriend then?” He asked, I sighed debating whether to tell him the truth or not. “Its alright if you're not ready but its not good keeping things in.”
“I know, its just still fresh to me, I'm no where near over him yet that’s all.” I hated to admit it but I knew it was true, I wasn’t even close to getting over Travis and I knew it would take me a while for the feelings to begin to subside.
“Hey its cool, I know how you feel I’ve recently been through similar things myself," he looked down I saw sadness flash across his face making me reach over and grab his hand which caused him to look up.
"What happened?"
"Well I'd been dating this girl, Georgette, for just over a year and I really was in love with her like we were close friends before we started dating so we knew each other inside out but anyway, we were going great the only thing that would cause us to argue would be my mood swings." He looked down again in shame; I could tell he was trying to stop himself from crying which made me feel awful for him.
"Anyway, one night I was in a shit mood and I told her I didn't want to go out with her that night to her friends party, she got pissed and went out without me and didn't come back until the next day where she told me that she'd been thinking and she thought that we'd be better apart for a while, I haven't really spoke to her in about 3 months or so since it happened. It's completely my fault and I miss her so much but I guess she was right.” He shrugged I could tell that he was still fighting off the tears which were threatening to spill.
"Aw TJ that's horrible! But I'm sure that everything will work out in the end."
"I'm sure it will, anyway enough about me what about you? What has your boyfriend done to you?"
I took a deep breath before finally deciding to tell him. "His name is Travis, and we did love each other, well I loved him anyway. We were together for two years after meeting on warped tour in 2010, we got together a few months after the tour had finished and I was so happy. However about 6 months ago he started to drift and something felt different between us, I couldn't put my finger on it at first. We'd argue all the time, he'd go out with his friends and smoke and drink and leave me alone in the house with nothing to do. I feel into a state of depression, I’d try and escape how I was feeling through drugs and alcohol and I isolated myself from everyone around me.
It got to the point where Travis and I wouldn't go a day without arguing about something and Lance and Layton kept telling me to end it but I didn't want to, I guess I wanted to delude myself into thinking that everything was fine. That went on until the day before we first met you, I had gone out to the mall or something and because I was stopping at his house for the week I went back to his to find him balls deep in some other girl, I slapped him very hard across the face and exchanged a few choice words with him before leaving him I haven't seen him since." TJ looked genuinely shocked, I was shocked that I’d told him as much as I had done, I had never told anyone apart from Layton and Lance everything that had happened between me and Travis and how unhappy I was during the last 6 months not even my family or friends that I had known for years knew all the details.
“Well he’s the biggest prick on the planet for letting someone as talented and beautiful as you go like that, if you ever see him when you're with me point him out and I’ll have words with him.”
“TJ you don’t have to, it’ll only cause more shit which I cant be bothered with at the moment, I just want to focus on the things that matter like my friends, family and this tour which, I'm very exited about by the way.” I said, TJ nodded the sadness and anger disappeared off his face as soon as I mentioned about the tour.
“I know; I'm psyched for it too. I think you’ll get on with the guys in Glamour of The Kill, they’re pretty big partiers though.”
“Then I’m sure I’ll get along just fine with them.” I smirked, taking another big sip of my Mocha. We continued to talk and ask each other questions for ages until it began to get dark.
“Jesus its half 5!” I exclaimed glancing at the time on my phone. “The guys are gonna be moaning at me when I get back.”
“And why would that be?” He asked.
“Because I cook all the food, I’m pretty sure they’re both incapable of cooking food for themselves. Whenever I used to stop at Travis’ they’d just order take out and I’d come back home to pizza boxes and containers everywhere, they drive me mad.” I chucked.
“Well if you're done I can drive you home if you want?” TJ offered.
“Yeah I better get back, thank you.” I flashed him a smile retrieving my purse from my handbag handing him money for my coffee.
“Nope I’m not taking it, don’t even bother trying to argue.” He pushed my hand, which had the money in back toward me, I opened my mouth to protest but I knew there was no point. I stuffed the money back in my purse and slid it into my bag before following TJ out of the shop, which I noticed, was now empty and out to his car.
On the way to the car I felt my phone vibrate in my bag, I sighed it was either Lance or Layton asking me where I was and when I’d be back. I checked my phone and was surprised to see a text from an unknown number, as I got in the car I unlocked the message and saw that this number had text me multiple times in the last 10 minutes or so.
“That your new boyfriend? Moving on quickly like...”
“Probably won’t stay with you though,”
“He’ll realize you’re a depressive mess and go for someone better,”
“You’ll end up forever alone, all your ‘friends’ will realize that you're not worth anything with your shitty little pathetic problems”
The last one hurt, a lot. I always had a fear of being forever alone and as soon as I read that I knew exactly who it was, TJ sensed my change in mood and leaned over and looked at my screen, I heard him gasp and he quickly reached for my phone. I looked over at him with tears in my eyes and saw him place my phone to his ear.
“TJ he’s not worth it-“
“I will make sure he cant fucking walk if I ever see him,” He grumbled before I heard a voice on the other end of the phone. “Shut the fuck up you pathetic twat and listen to me, you ever text or ring this number ever again I will track you down and I’ll make you wish you were never born. If you see Lexi out in the street and even look at her wrongly when I'm around I will end you understand? Good, now fuck off to your shitty life and never make contact with Lexi again because I wouldn’t want to be you when I find out you’ve been harassing her, goodbye you prick.” With that he hung up not giving Travis the change to respond.
“If he contacts you again tell me okay?” I nodded taking my phone back from him.
“I will, thank you so much.” I said before hugging him tightly, he returned my hug before we pulled away after a few minutes.
“Lets get you home.” He said smiling.
“You can stop for dinner if you want?” I offered, silently hoping that he’d say yes.
“If you don’t mind then sure why not,” I cheered inside, I didn’t know what it was about him but I felt so comfortable around TJ, like I could be myself without being afraid that he was judging me; we had so much in common that we clicked straight away and I knew that we would both become close friends over these next few months.