Getting Surreal

A few nights after she’d drunkenly crawled into Mikey’s bunk, Becks was laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling that was two feet above her. She could feel it creeping in on her, and she was doing all she could to make it go away.

The difficulty to take a breath. The ridiculous speed of her heartbeat. The cold sweat she could feel breaking out on her body.

She screwed her eyes shut and tried desperately to fall asleep, but it was no use. She’d been lying there for the better part of an hour, and things just seemed to be getting worse. She was exhausted, but was clearly not going to be getting any sleep for the night. Groaning in frustration, Becks turned on her side and curled up into a tight ball, trying her best to take measured breaths.

She thought she was done with this shit; that she’d left it all behind a long time ago. And it only seemed to make matters worse when she tried to find some sort of reason for why it was back, but there was no answer that would appear. She hated not knowing why.

Shit.

She could feel the shakes starting. That was always the worst part. She whimpered to herself, trying to think back to a moment, any moment where she felt safe, warm, and like there was nothing bad that could touch her. Any memory that she could latch onto to help pull her out of the darkness. And then, it hit her. Hard.

Mikey.

Her eyes snapped open. Not caring about how weird what she was about to do was (sober), Becks knew it was either this, or spend the whole night shaking in her bed alone, on the verge of a breakdown.

Without wasting another ragged breath, she crawled out of her bunk, easing herself to the floor and made her way to Mikey’s. The curtain was closed, which meant he was probably asleep. Shit, she thought. But she couldn’t stop herself. Crouching down, she slowly pulled back the curtain, hoping and praying that he wouldn’t be too mad at her.

Expecting to have to shake him awake, Becks was quite surprised to find Mikey’s big eyes looking up at her when the curtain was finally moved. “Hey,” he greeted her quietly, a soft and sleepy look on his face.

“Hi,” she whispered back, already feeling a little tension dissipate. “Did-did I wake you up?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I was having trouble sleeping anyways, what’s up?” Becks found herself unable to respond, rooted to the ground in her crouched position, one hand still on the curtain, shivering and only able to shake her head. It was then that Mikey sat up as well as he could in his bunk, looking hard at her with an expression of clear concern. “Hey,” he leaned towards her. “You okay?”

Becks took in his furrowed brow, his eyes scrunched up to get a better look at her, his one hand reaching out to her but not quite touching. She could see it so plainly. His blatant care for her.

She shook her head again. “Can I, um,” she whispered shakily. “I-is it okay…”

“Becks,” he whispered kindly, his voice full of concern, “what do you need?”

She closed her eyes and sighed. “I-is it okay if I sleep in here with you tonight?” She opened her eyes and looked at him. “I just, I just can’t sleep…” she really couldn’t figure out what she could even say to explain herself. “…and I just…you…”

“Becks,” cutting her off with her own name again. He gave her a tiny and encouraging smile. “It’s fine.” He was already shifting over in his bunk, and when she was still not moving, he reached out and pulled on her hand. “It’s okay,” he repeated.

Finally, Becks came to her senses and crawled into the bunk with him, curling up into him with ease and immediately feeling the anxiety edge away as he threw an arm around her waist, warm and comforting and protecting.

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” he whispered in her ear, his fingers tracing soothing lines on her arms. “And I’m always here, okay?” When he felt her nod against him, he pressed a lingering kiss to her hair and just held her close for the next few minutes as he felt her calm down.

“Thank you, Mikey,” she whispered so quietly, he almost didn’t hear her.

“Anytime,” he whispered back.

She fell asleep almost immediately after that feeling completely at ease and like nothing could touch her, and he followed right after.

---

They woke up in the morning to Frank cooing intentionally obnoxiously over how cute they looked.

Without opening his eyes, Mikey gave him the finger from his position of spooning Becks, mentally chastising himself for not closing the curtain after she’d crawled in in the middle of the night. Frank laughed and walked away and Becks yawned, stretching a little.

“Frank’s a dick when he wakes up first,” she mumbled into the pillow. Mikey chuckled and nodded into her hair.

“Frank’s a dick, always,” he replied, making her laugh, too. After a moment of peaceful silence, he asked, “you good?”

To which she responded with a “yeah,” before heading out of the bunk (not being able to bring herself to look at him) to find coffee and begin her day.

This became somewhat of a routine for the pair in the weeks after that. Every few nights, if Becks was having trouble sleeping, she’d crawl into Mikey’s bunk with him and he’d wrap his arms around her, and if he was having trouble sleeping he’d shoot her a quick text and she’d be right there, curling into his side. They’d wake up in the morning and go their separate ways, never really discussing their new, shared habit and unspoken bond, and both of them pointedly ignoring the questions the rest of the group threw their way when they caught on.