Getting Surreal

Becks was sat at the table in the front lounge, sipping away at her second cup of coffee and reading through one of the books Frank had shared with her after a night of chatting about their favorite authors. She’d been awake for about an hour, and Gerard was the only other person up, and he was sat across from her, doodling.

After finishing a chapter, she went to take another sip and frowned deeply when she realized she’d already finished her drink. She heard Gerard chuckle.

“What’s the face for?” He asked her.

“Out of coffee.”

He just chuckled and shook his head, focusing in again on his drawing as she stood up to pour herself another cup. When she got back in the booth, she sat along the whole seat, her back against the wall of the bus and her legs straight out across the bench. Taking a long sip, she sighed happily and leaned her head back.

She enjoyed her early mornings-well…afternoons, as their schedule generally dictated…with Gerard. Occasionally one of the other members of the bus would wake up early (and if one of them did, it was usually Mikey, and she would never complain about that), but usually, it was she and Gerard, sat at the table, her reading, him drawing, and both of them enjoying their morning drinks. They both had the same understanding of not talking until they’d each had at least a cup of coffee, and she found it nice to just have the silent company while she slowly woke up and enjoyed her beverage.

After a few minutes of nursing her drink and slowly turning pages in her book, Gerard started gathering all of his drawing stuff and put it together in the corner of the table before standing up and walking towards the door.

Becks’ brow furrowed at the change of pace. “Where ya going?” She asked him.

“Gonna go for a walk.” He looked back at her from his position at the bus steps. “Wanna come?”

She paused for a second before nodding and downing the remnants of her coffee, setting the cup on the table and standing.

“Yeah,” she said, following him out of the bus.

---

The pair had been walking circles around the large venue for about a half hour, just chatting and enjoying the fresh air together when Gerard looked at his watch.

“Shit,” he said, “we should probably head back to the bus.” Becks just nodded and followed his lead.

As they came back around the far corner of the venue, Becks noted with a frown that the crowd in front of the building that she’d been watching slowly grow with each pass had at least tripled in size since their last lap. They had to walk right past them, and she felt her heart rate pick up. The pair had been lucky that nobody had recognized Gerard so far, but she had a feeling their luck was about to change.

She was right.

They’d made it about a third way past the crowd when the screaming started. Becks let out a shaky sigh and watched as hordes of people shoved themselves against the security gates, each trying desperately to get Gerard’s attention. He shot her an apologetic glance before starting to chat with whoever was closest to him and sign stuff. Becks just nodded and tried to stay calm. She could handle this sort of thing, really…usually. She just wasn’t prepared for it at all right then, and the lack of preparation kind of had it freaking her out a little.

“WHO’S THE GIRL?” “IS THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?” “GERARD, I LOVE YOU!” “ARE YOU GUYS DATING?”

These were the only questions Becks could properly understand from the crowd screaming around them. They were all pushing against the gates so much that security was getting involved, and Becks decided that she needed to go.

“Hey, Gee,” she said, grabbing onto his arm and leaning in so he could hear her. “I’m gonna go back to the bus.” He turned and looked at her.

“Yeah, okay,” he said. “I’ll tell them I’ve gotta-“

“No! I don’t want to interrupt this for you…” she said, backpedaling away.

“No, it’s cool. I’ll come with.” He shot her such a genuine smile that she felt a swell of warmth and thankfulness in her heart and smiled back. Then, he turned and addressed at the crowd. “Sorry, guys. Time for me to go. See you at the show!” And with that, he was by her side, his hand on the small of her back, guiding her in a friendly way away from the chaos to the far corner of the building, ignoring the crowd still screaming behind them.

As they turned the last corner of the venue building and made their way to the hustle and bustle of the tour bus area where everyone was milling about, getting everything ready for the show, Becks started shaking. ‘Shit, shit, stop,’ she begged her body.

“You good?” Gerard asked, feeling her tense up.

“Yeah,” she lied, giving him what she hoped was a believable smile. But in spite of her words, her shaking was rapidly getting worse and her breathing was starting to hitch.

“Becks-hey,” Gerard said, realizing that something was definitely off and stopping them, turning to face her. “Are you okay?” His worried eyes scanned her face and his concern only grew.

“I, uh,” she screwed her eyes shut and shook her head, trying to will away the rising panic. “I-I’m…it’s….” She desperately tried to take a steadying breath, but it was like she couldn’t get any air in her lungs and then her knees buckled and she fell, Gerard’s arm around her the only thing keeping her from hitting the ground hard.

“Fuck,” he let out, dropping down with her and holding her from behind. She was gasping for breath now, and her whole body was shaking uncontrollably. “Becks?” He positioned himself in front of her, trying to grab face to get him to look at her.

“No, no!” She gasped out, swatting his hands away. Gerard cursed again. She was clearly not recognizing him at the moment, and he didn’t want to make things worse, so he maneuvered again to hold her from behind, feeling all of her gasps for air and her whole body shaking.

“Shit,” Gerard swore darkly, looking around for a familiar face. This wasn’t good, and he could only think of one thing that would help best. “Frank!” He shouted, a small wave of relief washing over him when he saw the small guitar player hop off their bus. Frank looked around trying to figure out who called his name. “Frank!” Gerard shouted again. This time, Frank’s eyes landed on them, widening when he saw them on the ground.

He ran up to them, confused, but when he got to them, he, too dropped to his knees, taking in the near hyperventilating and shaking guitar tech. “What the fuck?” He asked, looking up at Gerard, who only shook his head.

“Go get Mikey,” he told him steadily through gritted teeth. When Frank didn’t do anything but look back down at Becks, his hand outstretched like he wanted to touch her but was afraid of what that might do, Gerard shouted, “Go!” And like that, Frank was on his feet again, running back to the bus and disappearing inside. Gerard looked back down at Becks, leaning over her a little further.

“no, no…” she just kept mumbling almost incoherently in between gaspy breaths. “’m okay, I‘m…’mm okay.” She had latched onto Gerard’s jacket sleeve and he just held her, his mind racing, trying to figure out what he could do and wondering what the hell was taking Frank so long.

Finally, he saw two sets of feet stop in front of him before Mikey sank down into his vision, his eyes wide, confused, and scared as he looked at Becks who was whimpering in Gerard’s arms, then up at his brother for answers.

“I think she’s having a panic attack,” he told him nervously, and Mikey looked down again at the terrified girl.

“Hey…Becks,” Mikey said quietly, tentatively, in almost a whisper. “Becks?” He slowly reached out and took her face in his hands.

She reacted immediately as she had with Gerard, trying to shake his hands away from her, whimpering out, “no, nnn-no”

Mikey just held onto her gently, leaning in further. “It’s okay,” he cooed, “It’s me. It’s Mikey.” At this, she finally, slowly opened her eyes to look at him, her eyes wide and questioning, almost as if she didn’t believe him.

“M-mikey?” She whispered, her voice high and tight.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s me,” he repeated, still cupping her face. “I’m here.” Becks let out a little whimper. “It’s okay, okay?” She nodded slowly, her grip on Gerard’s arm loosening. The singer just glanced up and shared a look with Frank, who was still standing right beside the kneeling Mikey.

“Just take a deep breath for me, okay?” Mikey asked of her, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. “In through your nose, out through your mouth,” he instructed softly. She nodded again and complied to the best of her ability. “There you go,” he whispered.

Gerard felt her breathing finally, slowly, returning to normal as his little brother kept whispering encouraging words to her. Suddenly, she released herself from his grip and more or less launched into Mikey’s chest, gripping tightly to his shirt.

“I’m here, I’m here,” Mikey said, wrapping his arms around her and stroking her hair. “Deep breaths, okay?” She nodded against him and he continued to hold her.

The four of them stayed like that for the next few minutes, Frank standing over them, shooing away anybody that came close and occasionally checking to make sure everyone was still okay, Gerard kneeled on the ground still, his eyes not leaving the sight in front of him, and Becks slowly coming to her senses as Mikey held her and whispered a slew of encouraging words to her.

“What happened?” Frank asked finally.

Gerard sighed. “I don’t know, man.” He shook his head and stood up, dusting off his pants and looking down at the girl in his brother’s arms. “She seemed fine, but we kinda got slammed by a bunch of fans, and, I dunno,” he sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. “She just started shaking and collapsed. I tried-I couldn’t do anything.”

Mikey looked up at Gerard, a question in his eyes.

Why me?

“She responds to you.” Was all he said, answering his brother’s unasked question. Mikey just stared at him vaguely, his thoughts whirring.

A shaky deep breath from Becks drew his attention immediately back to her. “Becks?” He whispered. She pulled away from his chest a little so she could look up at him. “Do you want to go back to the bus?” He asked her, smoothing her hair back from her face. She nodded and he helped her up, then wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her close. She was still shaking a little bit, but it seemed to mostly come in waves now, where each one took longer to reach her than the last.

“We’re gonna, uh,” Gerard said to Mikey, scratching the back of his head, wanting to give the pair some privacy, “go see what inside is like.” Mikey nodded as they left, leading Becks slowly to the bus.

When they got inside, he sat her down on the couch and knelt in front of her. “Hey,” he tried to get her attention, but she just sat with her face in her hands. “Becks,” he reached up and gently pried her hands away from her face. “Hi.” He said sweetly to her, as though he hadn’t seen her in ages. His eyes searched hers for a second, his hands never letting go of hers. “Can I get you something? Water, or…something? Maybe a Xanax? I’m sure one of the guys has one.”

Her brow furrowed for a moment, then she just shook her head, never taking her eyes off his. “Can you, um,” she screwed her eyes shut as another wave of shaking overtook her for a second, her hands rattling in his. It didn’t last long and she opened her eyes again, immediately searching his face and taking him in. ‘Hold me’ was what she wanted to say, but instead she just mumbled out, “Can you sit with me?” with a small blush on her cheeks.

Mikey didn’t say anything, but moved up onto the couch next to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. “This good?”

She nodded and sighed, laying her head against his chest and snuggling into him, glad he could somehow read her mind. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

Mikey was baffled. “What for?” He asked her, idly playing with the fingers on one of her hands.

“This. I…I thought I was done with it all.”

“Becks.” He said firmly, giving her hand a quick squeeze, “don’t ever apologize. Not for this. Not ever. Okay?”

She pulled back from his chest and looked up at him. He was so serious. All she could bring herself to say was a near silent, “okay,” before cuddling back into his chest and sighing as she was finally starting to back to normal.

Like everything was okay again.