Make You Feel My Love

Paul was standing near the bar, waiting for Tessa shortly after eight. He had been there for a half hour and Tessa hadn't answered his calls or texts that he sent while he waited. He ordered another drink for himself and spotted Joe and Sarah walk in the room. He walked towards them with a smile.

“Hey, I thought Tessa was with you.”

“She was finishing getting ready. Last minute details,” Sarah told him. “She didn’t have the right earrings for her dress.”

“Oh. So do I wait for her, go get her? I don’t really know.”

“She’ll find you.”

Another thirty minutes passed and still there was no sign of Tessa. He had no idea what room she even was in to get her himself. Despite that she wasn't answering her phone, he pulled his phone out and tried to call her again. When she didn’t answer, he shoved his phone into his pocket and stood, moving to the bar.

He was on his second drink sitting there when he felt someone brush against his arm and a pair of hands cover his eyes. “Guess who!”

“Katie? What are you doing here?”

“I was invited by the girl I know who got me the job.”

“Tessa?” he asked, his heart stilling.

“Yes! You know her? She’s so sweet.”

“Yeah, I know her.” He rubbed his temples. “Katie, I need to tell you something.” She smiled at him encouragingly but before he could speak he saw her.

Tessa swept into the room like she owned the hotel. Her red dress stood out in a sea of black, silver, and gold. Hugging every inch of her, sleeves to her wrist and hitting at the knee. The dress had a deep, plunging neckline that had a criss cross detail over her breasts. He lost his breath looking at her. And he was pretty sure it wasn’t the only thing he was losing that night.

“Paul?” Katie’s voice broke into his thoughts. “You wanted to say something?”

“Paul Martin,” Tessa’s voice trilled as she approached him. “You old dog, hiding this pretty girl from all your friends.”

“Tessie, don’t,” he begged her.

“Don’t what?” Sh challenged him, taking a step closer. “Make a scene? I won’t. I’ll leave you to make an ass of yourself,” she smiled sweetly, patting his cheek affectionately, her eyes filled with venom. “You’re doing a fabulous job all on your own anyway. Have you seen Brenden? He promised me a dance when I saw him last week.”

“You are not dancing with Dills in that dress.”

“Try and stop me,” she challenged, shooting a coy smile over her shoulder as she walked away.

“Tessie!” Paul called out after her. She raised her left hand in the air and stuck her middle finger up at him and Katelyn’s mouth fell open.

“Wow,” she finally said as Paul watched her disappear onto the crowded dance floor. “I take it you two don’t like each other much.”

Paul sighed and rubbed his face in his hands. “We used to like each other just fine. And then we moved to San Jose.”

“We?”

“I haven’t been honest with you, Katie. Tessa is my wife. We got married, a year ago today actually.” He shook his head sadly. “I have really messed up.”

“You’re married? But....you let me kiss you. I told her that!”

“I’m sorry, Katie. Things had been off between us and I went to buy her flowers and found you instead. I can make all sorts of excuses here but I wasn’t honest with you, I wasn't honest with myself, and I wasn’t honest with her. She’s got my heart, Katie. She always will. I forgot that and now she hates me.” He dropped his head to the top of the bar. “Fuck my life.”

“What the hell have we been doing? I thought you were just being really old fashioned and going slow, Paul. I thought we were reconnecting.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t apologize enough for what I did. Look, can I walk you to your car or something? I can try and explain myself.”

“I don’t want your explanation. Were you just going to string me along or were you going to cheat on your wife?”

“I didn’t mean to drag you into this.”

“But you did. You hurt me, again.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Save your apologies for your wife.” With those words, she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room. Paul thought about following her for a split second to try to make it right with her but making things right with Tessa was so much more important. He stood and made his way to the dance floor where Tessa’s laughter guided him forward. He tapped Brenden’s shoulder and with a menacing glare, the younger defenseman moved out of the way as Paul pulled Tessa to him possessively.

“We need to talk,” he said close to her ear.

“I don’t have anything to say to you. Except to not come home.”

“Tessa...”

“Don’t Tessa me, Paul. You’re having an affair,” she hissed hotly.

“I’m not having an affair.”

“She told me she kissed you.”

“That is true. She did kiss me.”

“Did you kiss her back?”

“Yes,” he admitted. “But it didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t like kissing you. I felt horrible. I haven’t seen her since it happened.”

“Yeah, I heard you stood her up for your weekly lunch this week. Were you waiting for her when I texted you last week, at that greek place?”

“Yes.”

“Why, Paul? What did I do so wrong that you needed someone else?”

“Come on,” he said, taking her hand and tugging her with him off the dance floor and then out of the ballroom. He pulled her onto the elevator. “What floor is our room on?”

“My room. I don't know where you plan to sleep tonight.”

“Tessie.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ten.”

“Thank you.” They rode in silence and when the doors opened, she strode off and down the hall, sliding her key in the lock and into the room. Paul followed and she whirled on him once he had the door closed behind them.

“Talk. Say whatever it is you want to say so I can kick you out.”

Paul sank onto the end of the bed and pushed a hand through his hair. "I fucked up and I'm sorry."

"Tell me everything."

He nodded. "When I came back from that first road trip, I went to buy you a gift."

"The cuff."

"Yes. It was my first long trip, and I wanted to make sure you knew that I appreciated everything you do for me, but especially being home with our daughter. I saw the flower shop, remembered you mentioning it and went inside. And then Katie walked out of the back."

"You dated her?"

"Three years in college. I was just surprised to see her, and things between us weren't great and I got caught up in thinking about old times and it snowballed. We started having lunch, she came to a few games..."

"You left her tickets?!"

"Yes. I didn't see her. It was just leaving tickets for a friend."

"A friend you used to be in love with, that you got emotionally involved with, Paul."

"It's not like that."

"It's exactly like that. You bought her the earrings I wanted. You took Juliet's advice about what to buy me and gave it to her. You have been having lunch with her for over a month, haven't you?” He nodded. “She's who you've been texting, when you get all secretive with your phone."

"Yes. Tessa, I'm sorry. I love you. Only you. Always you."

"That's nice, Paul, but sweet words aren't going to bail you out right now. I'm hurt and my trust in you is completely shaken. I don't know what to think and I really just want to hate you.” She paused before barreling into the words Paul was dreading to hear. “I think we need some time to figure out what we want, and whether it's each other."

"I don't need time for that. It's you Tessie. Only you."

"But I don't believe you when you say that and that scares me. I just need you to give me space."

"It's our anniversary."

"I know," she smiled sadly. "I pictured us celebrating happily, kissing at midnight, relieving all of the good memories of our wedding and the last year. I didn't think I would feel betrayed, not by you, but here we are."

He reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a jewelry box. "I know I haven't been a good husband lately but it is our anniversary and I am sorry for how I've been towards you." He held the black box out to her and she accepted it, flipping the lid open. She touched the delicate oval locket, silver with intricate filigree work, glittering with diamonds.

"Always, Tessie," he told her when she opened it to see the picture of Ava on the day she was born on one side and one of them on their wedding day on the other. "I never stopped loving you, even if my actions didn't say that."

Her ringing phone interrupted them and she pulled it from her clutch, slipping the necklace inside. "Hi, James," she smiled at the incoming FaceTime call.

"Hey! Happy anniversary. Wow! What are you wearing?" He let out a wolf whistle and Delilah entered the frame.

"Tessa, you look gorgeous."

"Thank you."

"How does your butt look?" James asked.

"James Neal!" Tessa squealed. "Not when your girlfriend is in the room."

He laughed. "Fiancé," he corrected smugly, kissing Delilah's cheek as she sat beside him.

"Of course. Anyway, Brenden told me my ass looked great, better than any twenty something he knows."

"He said what?" Paul said as he jumped to his feet.

"Fuck off, Paul," Tessa shot at him.

"Whoa," James said. "What's going on?"

"I met the woman Paul's been seeing today so I invited her to the party tonight."

"I'm not seeing her,” Paul spoke up firmly. “She was a friend, that's it."

Tessa rolled her eyes. "We're having a fight right now, James."

"It's your anniversary. You can't fight on your anniversary."

"I'm pretty sure we're breaking up on our anniversary."

"Tessie," Paul said softly, looking over at her. "Do you mean that? This is it?"

"Yeah, Paul, I mean that. I don't know how to come back from this. I don't know how to trust you. I don't know how to give you any part of me when all I'm doing is wondering who else is getting you. I am so emotionally drained from everything over the last two months that I'm just done."

"Tessa," Delilah interrupted and she looked down at her phone. "Call us tomorrow, or anytime you need us."

"I will. Thanks Lilah."

"We love you," James added. "Both of you."

Tessa ended the call and put her phone away. Paul took a step towards her. "I'm not ready to lose you."

"You checked out on me after Thanksgiving so I'm assuming that's when she came back into your life.” He nodded and Tessa sighed. “We don't talk, we don't acknowledge each other. I'm pretty sure the only reason you figured out I did something to my hair is because James told you. You didn't even notice that I was fitting into my pre-baby clothes again. You didn't notice how excited I was the first time I fit back into those jeans you love. You didn't notice how hurt you were making me. Maybe I should have spoken up and said something, stood up for me, but I didn't want to have to make you notice. I wanted you to care for yourself. Now I just think it's too late.” She sighed. “I’ve been thinking about moving back to Pittsburgh. I can have my old job back with the school system and I already know a daycare for Ava while I'm at work. I'm going to call about a place to live on Monday and once that's settled I'll be gone."

"You're leaving?"

"Yes. This is what I need."

"What about what I need? I need you and Ava."

"Do you? You didn't tell Katelyn about us so how much do you really need us if you were hiding our very existence?"

"Please don't do this to us."

"Don't blame this on me. This is on you. This is about your choices. I know that I was incredibly hung up on my own body issues but I never thought that would make you step out on me."

"I didn't step out on you."

"You might not have been sexually or even romantically involved with her, but you were emotionally. So was she. And that's just as bad. Look, I'm going to pick up Ava and I'm going home. Please don't follow me. You can stay here, go to her, I don't care. I just don't care."

The tears began to fall and Paul couldn't stop himself from gathering her to him and hugging her to him. "I love you, Tessie, always. I will wait for you to work this out, to forgive me. Whatever it takes. I am not proud of what I've done to you, I'm not, but I want to prove myself to you. So whatever you need, I will give you. Just please don't leave San Jose. Don't take Ava away. Living without you is hard enough. Please don't take my daughter too."

"Why couldn't you just talk to me two months ago?" She said into his chest, her voice coming out muffled. “We always get this stuff right. Why couldn’t we get this right? It's us.”

“I’m sorry, Tessa. So, so sorry.”

“I know, Paul. I’m sorry too.”