Janet, Janet, I Love You.

Here I am, starting college, in this new body. I took two years off school to drop 101 pounds, doing it one pound a week. I am nervous to see people I went to school with, to see how they'll react, and to have guys looking at my body. I lost enough weight to be listed as a "small frame body". I was unhealthily over weight. I was horrible. I lost all this weight and I got skin removal surgery. Even though I can wear these crop tops and bikinis, I don't. My scar makes me insecure. My parents helped payed for my surgery and new clothes. I made sure I got plenty of tattoos with my work money. I had three years of working and not spending a cent. My dad was quite concern why I wanted to be so small. I couldn't explain it to him.

I get to my dorm with my parents. We moved stuff in. I thank them a handful of times. We go to dinner afterwards. It was nice. It finally time to let me be. My mom was crying. My dad was standing like soldier. I hugged her and calmed her down. I hugged my dad and we said our good byes. I walk them to the car. My mom was hysterical crying and my dad had a few tears. I wave as they drive off. I turn around and walked into the building. I knew this was going to be tough. I bump into someone in the hall way.

"Janet, I'm so sorry," I say quickly as I look down.
"Eli?" The person spoke.
"Yeah," I answer and look up. Whoa familiar face.
"It's me, Jonathan from drama," He spoke.
"Oh hey!" I say with a smile.
"Wow, you look, wow," He says.
I nod, "Reason I didn't start college right away."
"Awesome!" He comments.
"Yeah, I need to get back to my dorm. I'm waiting for my dorm mate," I announce.
"Yeah, I should leave you be. Hey, drop by the auditorium, the others would love to see you," Jonathan insists.
"Yeah, okay, I will. See ya," I end the conversation as I walk to my dorm.
"See you," He mutters.

I walk to the dorm. I sit on my bed with my phone. I scroll around in my apps. I groan that nothing was happening. I look up as I hear chatter.

"Oh, hi, I'm Maddie. I guess we are room mates," She spills.
"Hi Maddie. I'm Elizabeth, I prefer Eli though," I respond.
"Oh Elizabeth is so pretty," Her mother says.
"Thank you," I say.
"Eli, this is mother, Liza," Maddie states with a smile.
"Liza or Miss Carina," Liza says, "Alright Madelyn. I think that was the last box. I love you. Behave."

Way less tears were exchange between the two. Maddie announced that they were going to dinner. Li- Miss Carina invited me along, I told her I already ate with my family. Maddie said she'll be back in time for R.A. meeting. I just nod as I put in my headphones. Hopefully Maddie and I will become great friends. She seems nice enough.

Two hours pass. I felt someone shake me. I open my eyes, I gaze upon Maddie's face. I could see her make up laying on her face.

"What?" I groan.
"R.A. Meeting time!" Maddie bellows.
"Fuck," I mutter to myself.

I get up. I check my hair and my make up. I decide to throw on my jacket and my beanie. Maddie and I walk out into the hallway, where most of the freshmen were here. An overly powerful whistle shoots through the hallway and we look at the source of the sound. Some almost plump guy with black wicked hair was the source of the piercing sound.

"Thank you Tino," Our RA says.
"Fuck Tino," I mumble quietly enough for only me and Maddie to hear. She lets out a small giggle.
"So, you guys are freshmen. Look at your young faces smiling. Hating me for calling this meeting," He starts, "I'm Alan. Tino here is the security, shall I say for this floor. He's my roommate and a protector. If you loose your key or forget it, come to my dorm, which is the last one on the left down this hall way. I'll help you in. I have everyone's schedules and your written down major decision. I'm here to help you. Okay, we are now a family in sense, we all bleed gold and maroon."

I groan quietly and roll my eyes. I glance at the sea of kids in front of us. One guy caught my eye. He was gorgeous. I want to stay out just long enough to see which one he walks into.

"Alright. Sleep well, orientation is tomorrow. If you have an issues, comments, concerns, personal stuff, come talk to me," Alan gushes, "Disperse."

People started chattering and going back to their dorms. I was keeping my eyes on the guy.

"I am going to talk to Alan, come with me?" Maddie pleads.
"Why?" I ask her simply and look over at her.
"Because, he's super cute and I need you to keep me confident," She notes.
"Fine," I mutter as I look back at the sea of the kids, of course he walks into his room when I'm not looking.

Maddie and I walk up to Alan. Tino had already gone back to their dorm.

"Hi Alan. I am Maddie and this is Eli," Maddie introduces.
"Hi Maddie and Eli," Alan raves.
"Hey," I grunt. I could hear Maddie's eye rolls.
"How can I help you two?" Alan questions.
"I just wondering if I could like get," Maddie starts but freezes.
"Uh, shit, she wants to know if you want do a sit down lunch with her and discuss casualties and pleasantries ," I save her.
"Yeah that," Maddie adds on.
"Of course, I'll swing by your dorm tomorrow around 1pm after orientation," Alan responds.
"Cool," Maddie chats.
"Anything for you Eli?" Alan asks.
"Um, no, I'm good," I nod with a small reassuring smile.
"Cool, see you two tomorrow at orientation," Alan says with a smile before walking to his dorm.
"See ya," Maddie cheers.

I give a wave even though he can't see me. We walk back to our room. I unlock it. Maddie and I walk in. I close the door.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you for saving my ass," Maddie squeaks.
"Don't mention it," I state.

We decided to change into pajamas. We get into our beds. We end up asleep.

*~*~*~*
I wake up and shake my head as I sit up. I see Maddie sitting at her desk, straightening her hair.

“Orientation is in twenty minutes,” She states.
“Fuck,” I mutter as I get up.

I go to my dresser. I grab my clothes. I quickly change. I take a few minutes to do my make up. I put my hat on. I grab my bag. Maddie is waiting by the door. I put on my creepers.

“Ready?” Maddie asks.
“Honestly no, what about you?” I counter ask.
“I am excited to see Alan and have our little date,” She replies with a huge smile.

I just roll my eyes a little. We walk outside and walk out of the building. We joined the group of kids. I scan the crowd. I see the kid from the other night, looking adorable. The time finally strikes 10 AM. That piercing whistle fills the air again. Fucking Tino.

“Okay, we are separating out to smaller groups!” A guy announces, “I am Austin, I will be leading the School of Education and Technology section. Alan will be doing School of Fine Arts. He’s the pale ass ginger with the hat on to protect his sensitive skin. Phil here is doing the School of Liberal Arts and Sciences. He’s the guy with the long hair! Tino will be doing the School of Business. He’ll being doing his whistle again after this. We’ll do school tour then Aaron will show you guys around the rest of campus. If you are undecided go with someone who is covering your interest.”

“Shit,” Maddie whispers.
“What?” I ask.
“I have to go with Tino,” She mumbles out.
“Befriend Tino and he’ll get you to Alan,” I suggest.
“Fine, fine,” Maddie bellows.
“See ya tonight,” I say to Maddie as I walk off to Phil.

The kids separate out and began walking to the assorted buildings. I walk up to Phil.

“Hey, what’s your name and field of study?” Phil asks as he holds his pen, ready to write.
“Eli and psychology,” I answer.
“Nice to meet you, who's your RA?” Phil questions.
“Alan,” I respond.
“All the new freshmen fall all over Alan. He’s the campus heart throb,” Phil jokes.
I just shrug, “My roommate, Maddie, has a lady boner for him. He’s not my type.”

We started the tour. Phil talks about all the classes and all the things we need to do. I found out Phil’s focus is psychology himself. I talked to him as we were getting to the cafeteria to meet up with all the other kids. Phil is actually really cool. He’s super close with Alan, Austin, Aaron, and Tino. I scan the crowd and make my way to Maddie. I scan over the kid, I've been admiring for a while. Tino fucking whistles and everyone shuts up. Aaron starts talking and lecturing about the core classes. He announces that they are throwing a gathering party for freshmen to meet the other freshmen and the older people. I knew Maddie was gonna wanna hang with Alan. I'm going to assert myself to the kid that I've been watching. After Aaron is done. Maddie walks off to Alan. I walk back to the dorm and I lay down on my bed.

A couple of hours pass and then I hear a small rapping at my door. I groan as I try to ignore it. Someone starts to talk.

"Eli? It's Phil. I am wondering if you want to help us setting up the party," Phil says.

I let out a small sigh and I get up. I walk to the door. I look at Phil.

"Yeah, sure, why not," I answer.
"Cool, you get awesome points in my book," Phil comments.

I roll my eyes and I slip on my shoes. I grab my phone and key. I follow Phil. We may small talk on the way to the rest of the guys. Austin, Tino, Aaron, and some strange kid…it was him, the kids I've been admiring. Fucking hell, I feel like Phil set this up.

“Hey guys, this is Eli,” Phil says, “She’s here to help.”
“Hi Eli,” the guys say back in unison.
“I am Ben,” the guy, who I’ve been admiring, introduces.
“Nice to meet you Ben,” I say with a small smile.

We started to set up the decorations. I helped bring in the sodas, the guys told me that I didn't have to. I found out that Ben focus is the Fine Arts. That’s cool to me. I also found out that Alan, Austin, Phil, Tino, and Aaron have a band that play at local shows sometimes. I think that’s awesome. I found out the Ben actually moved here in senior year of high school from Wales.

“So, this party is probably going to be lame,” Ben jokes.
“Probably,” I mumble, “I feel like we have to go, since we help set up and what not.”

Ben just let out a small laugh and nods a bit. The party starts in like two hours.

"Hey, can I get your number?" I ask.
"Yeah," Ben says with a smile and hands me his phone.

I hand him my phone. I put my number in his phone. He does the same to mine. I hand him his phone back when hands me mine. I look at see how he left his name. "Benny Boy xP" Gross. I walk back to my dorm. I touch up my hair and make up. I changed my lipstick to a dark red. I look at myself and I groan. I hate how I look. I'm finally healthy and look good, but I hate it. Maddie walks in after a few minutes.

"Hey, how was everything with Alan?" I ask.
"He's great. We talked a lot. I like him so much," Maddie answers as she starts to get changed.
"That's good. Phil asked me to help with the party set up. I did, now I don't want to go the party," I ramble.
"I want to go and I need you there. You're great," Maddie pleads.

She finishes getting changed. She starts to do a bit heavier of make up and some how talked me into letting her contour my face. I'm in love with highlighter, I'm highlighted for the polytheism. By the time we got done, it was time to go to the party. Maddie left automatically to find Alan. I glance around, looking for Ben. I am hoping he doesn't comment about the make up. Austin walks by me.

"Looking good Eli," Austin comments as he passes.
"Thanks," I mumble in response.

I watch Austin walk by. Ben then bumps into me.

"Shit, sorry Eli," Ben says.
"Nah, it's okay," I say with a small smile.
"You look good tonight," Ben comments.
"Thank you Ben," I reply quietly.
"Isn't this --" Ben starts.
"BENJAMIN BOY, GET MY DRINK," A girl screams.
"Oi, sorry the ol' balls and chains," Ben says, "Alecia is very ugh."
"Have fun," I say.
"Later," Ben responds.

That was it. The first guy I've liked in two years was fucking in a relationship. Fuck, why did this have to be. I guess I could wait. Phil walks over to me.

“Enjoying yourself?” Phil asks.
“Not really, I hate parties,” I respond with.
“Well, try to chill out,” Phil suggests.
“Can I go?” I asks.
“Do you want to join the rest of us RAs on the roof? Alan is probably already up there with Maddie having a smoke. I’ve got a joint that Aaron and I will certainly enjoy,” Phil rambles, hope filling his eyes.
“I’ll steal a cigarette from Alan, thanks,” I mumble.

Phil just cheered. I followed Phil up to the roof, up three flights of stairs and down a creepy corridor to the door. I made a comment that it was creepy and Phil just chuckled. We get to the roof. Alan and Maddie are talking over a share of a cigarette. God, they’re hitting it off. Austin is chugging a beer as Tino and Aaron cheer him on. By the time we got to the group, Austin threw down the empty container with a small “Woo!” of victory. I just let out a small chuckle, which made everyone turn to me. They cheer. I roll my eyes and carefully walk to Alan. Phil precedes over to Aaron as he pulls out the joint.

“Hey Al, can I bum a cigarette?” I ask.
“Yeah of course,” Alan answers as he hands me his pack.
“Thanks,” I say as I open it and grab one out. I light it up with the lighter.

I handed Alan his pack back and I walk close to the edge of the roof. I sit down and enjoy my smoke. It’s been a while. I had to quit before I got my surgery, to keep me healthy. I miss the feeling of nicotine fill up my lungs. Austin takes a minute to sit down next to me.

“What’s your story?” Austin questions.
“What do you mean?” I ask for clarification.
“What’s the deal with you being independent?” Austin clears up.
“It’s nothing. I guess, I am just use to it,” I answer honestly.
“That makes sense,” Austin says, “Why are you use to being alone?”
“Umm..fuck it,” I start my story, “I was a fat kid. After high school I took two years to lose the weight, which I did. I got surgery done, to take off the excess skin. But I’m use to being the fat girl who no one wants to be with or see.”
“Wow,” Austin says.
“It’s no big deal. I suppose that explains why I am bit skeptical about Phil being so damn nice to me,” I comment.
“That’s just Phil. He cares too much, that’s his schtick,” Austin explains, “Well you can be excused after that cigarette. I have to make sure Tweddle Dee and Tweddle Dum don’t fall off this roof.”
I let out a small laugh, “Alright Aussie, good talk.”

Austin gets up to deal with Phil and Aaron. I finish my cigarette and excuse myself. Up the creepy corridor and down three flight of stairs. I walk back to my dorm. I walk by Ben's dorm. His door was open and he shouts a hey at me, which pissed off Alecia. I open my dorm door and walk in quickly. I grab my shower stuff and my pajamas. I walk off to the showers. I manage to shower and get changed without anyone disturbing me. I get to my dorm again and I lay down in bed. My phone chimes. I check it out.

Hey E. Just checking in. You seem a bit out of it today. College not warming up to you? -Ben

How nice of him. I think for a second to reply to him, but I don't need his girlfriend down my throat about texting him. I mean he texted me first, so I have the right to reply to him. I type a reply.

Hey B. I don't really care for like parties so.

I hit send before I shove my phone onto its charger and close my eyes, falling asleep shortly after.
*~*~*~*

I wake up and drag myself out of bed. It was the first day of classes. I threw on my clothes for the day. I take a minute to straighten my hair. Maddie woke shortly into my hair straightening. I pull on my hat after I'm done. I put on a light coverage foundation, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. I grab my phone and my bag.

"Morning Mads. I am gonna go grab breakfast then I'm off to class. See you later," I say with a smile.
"Alright, Eli. I am getting breakfast with Alan then he's walking me to my first class," Maddie says with a big smile.
"Good luck," I state.

I leave the dorm. I walk down to the hall.

"Eli, wait up!" Ben shouts.

I stay still. He catches up to me. We start walking to the cafeteria.

"Getting breakfast?" Ben asks.
"Yeah, I'm starving. I want iced tea," I respond.
"Oh, that's sounds good," Ben laughs.
"How's the ball and chains?" I joke.
"She got bitchy last night. I was being an ass," Ben mumbles.
"You were being an ass because she was being a bitch?" I ask with a laugh, "That seems to make sense. Fight fire with fire Benji boy."
"Flamethrower verses flamethrower," He says going along.
"Ha, good one," I mutter.

We get to the cafeteria. I get my breakfast and Ben gets his. We sit down and start to eat. We just sort of sat and ate. It was nice. Ben and I finish our food after a period of time. We throw away our trash.

"What do you have first?" Ben asks.
"I've got my English class," I answer.
"Same. Ms Arrey?" Ben questions.
"Yes," I say with a smile.
"Awesome!" Ben says happily.

Ben and I walked to our English class. Once we get there. Ben and I sat down next to each other. I look to the front of the room. There is an Austin sitting on the stool by the teacher's desk. I can't get away from the RAs, ugh. The bell rings, stating that it's class time.

"Okay, settle down. Welcome to the first class of college. English 101. I am Ms Arrey. This is Austin Carlile, he's your aide for this class. He's here to help you guys, as well am I," Ms Arrey lectures, "I want to see your guys writing skills and I want to get to know everyone one of you. I want a five paragraph essay on why you chose this college and a paragraph before the essay just about you, your back story, and what you want to do when you grow up."

I groan a bit. I get out my notebook and my pen. I start writing right away. I all of a sudden feel someone hovering over me. I look up to see Austin standing by me.

"Can I help Austin?" I question him.
"I'm just checking on you," Austin answers.
"She started right away," Ben comments.
"I can be done in like thirty minutes if you guys leave me alone," I mutter.
"Sorry Eli," Ben and Austin say in unison.

Austin and Ben start whispering to each other. I focus on my paper. I write my best. I always remember quality over quantity. Austin walks off to check on the other students. I finish my paper and I get up. I walk over to the teacher and I hand her my paper.

"Done?" Ms Arrey asks quietly.
"Yeah," I answer.
"How did you write such a well thought out paper in a short period of time?" She questions me.
"I got a 24 on the writing part of the ACT," I comment.
"Oh, wow," She comments.

I just nod as she smiles. She whispers to me to sit down. I go back to my spot and I sit down. I look over at Ben. He looks so cute, so focused. I admire when people are passionate about things. That's such a turn on. I'd totally fu--...where is my mind going? I just need to focus on school. I just need to get it done. I just need to leave and start my life. I am very angsty. I know that's bad, but it's true. I sit there till everyone finishes. Austin hands out the syllabus to everyone. We go over the syllabus. It seems boring. I am going to hate this English class, even though it's gonna be easy.