Fix Me

He shut the door of the expensive car as he sighed yet again.

I don't want to be here. He thought.

Standing next to the car, he gave himself a couple of minutes to contemplate what he was about to do and what the negative and positive effects would be. He was pretty sure that he already had quite a list of negative thoughts, so he decided he'd try to see the positive sides of the situation in hand.

They could maybe fix me...? Maybe at least make me feel better?

He soon decided that he had nothing to loose anyway and that he was already classified as insane by almost all of his friends, so he finally tore himself apart from his shiny black Porsche and marched towards the building.

The entrance, the lady at the desk, the cramped halls that eventually led to his therapy room, they were all a big nervous blur to him just like the therapy itself. All he knew about this therapy was that it hurt him even more, made him feel even worse and that it left him as a crying mess, running around the halls to find the damn door.

Feeling like the tears were blinding him, he kept bumping into walls and coffee tables as if he was drunk.

By the time he realized he was completely lost in the building, he was a shaking, crying, helplessly running mess and soon enough he bumped into yet another person, this time causing both of them to fall right onto the floor.

Gerard tried to get up off of the man he landed on top of, tried to choke out an apology but none worked since he was a wreck. He ended up throwing himself next to the man, still on the floor and now screaming out as if he were being stabbed.

He felt the other man touching his arm gently and he thought he heard someone talking to him but he could hear none.

He knew he needed to calm down, so he shut off his ears and let his mind wander on nothing.

He laid on the floor, his shaking body easing itself slowly, his screaming fading and his crying slowing down.

The other man kept watching over him and keeping a gentle hand on his arm. He was worried about Gerard's sanity, but he figured it was normal to see those kind of things in a therapy building. Still, he wanted to make sure Gerard was physically okay, so he patiently waited until he looked stable enough to talk.

"Hey? Dude? Are you okay?"

The answer was simple as expected.

"...No" Gerard whispered.

"I mean... Like, are you hurt somewhere?" The other man pressed.

Gerard wanted to say yes, he wanted to say that he was hurt and point at his ribcage where his heart was. Though he didn't. He knew what the other man meant.

"No." He replied.

Gerard lifted his head, which felt three times heavier than normal, just to look at the face of the soft voiced man.

He looked quite normal to Gerard. Looked too natural, too happy, too relaxed to be in such a place.

"I'm sorry." Gerard said, feeling quite like his energy was draining away from him. Though he still managed to climb back onto his feet, following the other nameless man's example.

"Why are you here?" Gerard couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, my mom forced me here." He looked a bit uncomfortable as he let his hand rub the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Your mom?" Gerard asked, arching a single eyebrow. He looked way too old to be told what to do by his mother.

"Uh, yeah. I know what you're thinking. It's just that I couldn't say no to her." He replied, as simple as that.

Gerard decided that he liked the guy already.

"My name is Gerard." He offered his hand to the guy, making him take it and shake it.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Frank." He smiled at Gerard and held his hand out to shake Gerard's like he wasn't on the floor, crying like a baby a second ago.

***

It didn't take Gerard long to realize that Frank would probably be there every time he went.

It was already his third day in the therapy and he was busy breaking down yet again. His therapist had told him that his break downs would come to an end in time, which didn't sound so realistic to Gerard.

In his shaking state, he decided that he needed some fresh air and took a turn to the garden. His first intention was forgotten fast as he saw Frank sitting on one of the benches, looking deep in thought. Gerard noticed that Frank looked so lively even when he was deep in thought. He wasn't frowning, he wasn't fidgeting or shaking like he would be. He had a soft, natural expression on his young face, and his posture looked quite relaxed as he stared into nothing in particular.

Gerard quickly marched towards him and plopped himself next to Frank on the cold bench.

Frank, who noticed movement out of the corner of his eye, snapped our of his thoughts and turned to the person next to him. He gave a polite smile upon seeing Gerard.

"Hey Gerard, how are you today?" He asked softly.

Gerard wished that Frank was his therapist, because obviously he made Gerard feel way better than the therapist, who probably didn't give the slightest fuck about Gerard and his problems. Frank, somehow, sounded genuine whenever he talked to Gerard even though he was talking to Gerard, the psycho.

"I'm fine I guess." Gerard replied half-heatedly. "What about you? What were you thinking about?"

"Oh nothing, just some errands I have to run about my new job." He explained.

He didn't really have to explain anything to Gerard. Gerard knew that, but he still couldn't be satisfied with any answer. He wanted every detail, every little piece of information that he could possibly know about Frank.

Still, he decided against pressing on the subject since he didn't want to seem too nosy.

"Oh okay then." He mumbled.

After a short lived comfortable silence, Frank turned back to Gerard, looking right into his eyes, which happens rarely with other people for some reason Gerard is yet to find out.

"How was therapy today?" He chatted.

"Oh..." Gerard was immediately disgusted again, as he was reminded of the awful hour again. "It sucked as always." He replied.

"Oh, again?" Frank sighed, almost as if he dearly cared about Gerard and his mental health. Maybe he is being sarcastic. thought Gerard.

"It's not your fault you know? The therapists here are so cocky." He continued.

"Oh I thought it was only my imagination." Confessed Gerard, making Frank giggle.

"No not really." He replied, still giggling. Gerard smiled, feeling as if he had no worries.

Chatting to Frank has already became a habit of Gerard's. He felt kind of like a creep for that but he couldn't help liking the other man.

"You never told me what brings you here, you know?" Frank asked a bit timidly. "I mean... I overheard some people saying you were rich and stuff."

Shit. God knows what else they were probably saying about me.

"Well, I guess you can say that I am." He whispered, both of them looking at opposite directions as they talked.

"And why I'm here is... It's just that money isn't everything. Without realizing, I wasted all my life over my job and responsibilities and now I'm drowning in regret." He confessed, then doubted it for a second, thinking that even though he liked the guy Frank was a still a stranger.

There was silence between them as Gerard started fidgeting with his fingers awkwardly.

"But..." Frank started, frowning. "Don't you think drowning in regret is wasting even more time?" He asked like it's the most obvious thing in the world, like it's out in the open and Gerard is blind.

Maybe Gerard really was blind. He surely started doubting that after hearing that. Obviously, regret was wasting his time and his life.

"Maybe you are right." He mumbled. Frank's eyes were now on him, but he felt too ashamed of himself to tear himself away from the fascinating pavement and turn his gaze to the other man.

Gerard sighed, had a moment of confusing train of thoughts, sighed again, again and again.

"I can't be happy. Whatever I do I just can't be happy." He whispered. "I thought therapy would help but it's not helping. Not at all."

***

Gerard parked his expensive car in his way too big garage and made his way to his way too big house.

He took his keys out and sighed. He opens the door and sighed. He threw himself on the couch and sighed. He sighed, he sighed, he sighed and sighed.

When he finally realized that he was sighing too much, he was angry at himself again. You are supposed to be happy. He re minded himself.

He looked around his living room, his eyes scanning the room, desperate to find some action that could distract him.

Soon realizing that he had nothing to do in his cold, lonely, glamorous castle he found himself lost in his tears and his thoughts again.

***

Gerard was crying when Frank spotted him in the corridor. The weather was so much nicer than the past week where he never ran into Gerard.

He didn't really want to admit it but he was worried about him. Others were laughing about him dying all week long, making Frank wonder if something had actually happened to him.

"Gerard!" He called out, succeeding in gaining his attention.

Gerard's head snapped to his direction. He unexpectedly took off running towards Frank, partially throwing himself on the other man and ending up squishing Frank between himself and the wall with the force of his extreme hug. He cried into Frank's shoulder, shaking as always.

Awkwardly patting Gerard's back, Frank wondered if it was the therapy again or if something really had happened in the one week where he couldn't see Gerard.

"F-Frank," He choked out. He was literally drowning in his sobs and his tears as he kept saying things that Frank couldn't quite make out, but it sounded like he was begging Frank to do something.

"Gerard-" He started but got cut off by a sob. He was still squished between the wall and Gerard anyway, so he couldn't really breathe or talk properly.

"Gerard, I can't b-breathe." He tried again.

Gerard did pry himself away from Frank, just enough for him to breathe comfortably, but he didn't really look like he was over anything. He was still sobbing and begging.

"Fix me! Fix me Frank!" He pretty much screamed. Frank could finally make out that one.

Dazed, he tried to reason with Gerard.

"What? Gerard I-"

"Please! Just please! I know you can help!"

"No, Gerard let go of me." He demanded.

Frank's behavior surely was a surprise to Gerard. He didn't know or think that he could ever be demanding something.

"Gerard, now I want to talk to you, so please try and calm down."

He took deep breaths and tried to calm himself down like he was asked to do.

"Look, I will only tell you the truth and it's simple, believe me." He started. Gerard knew that he already hated this speech.

"I can't help you, okay? I wasn't going to tell you this, but now that I think of it, maybe you deserve to know. No one can help you. Except one person."

Gerard felt his hopes rising up from the depths of his stomach as Frank paused. He needed, he wanted to get better.

"And that person is..."

If Frank said it was Shrek, Gerard was sure that out of his desperation he would run out the door right in that moment and go find Shrek.

"...you." He whispered.

Gerard's face fell.

He could feel his hopes crushing inside of him, breaking into small pieces that cut his insides. He took a step away from Frank, tears forming again.

"I really thought you could help." He whispered, shaking his head.

Frank shook his head too in response.

"I'm sorry." He said, as he passed Gerard, his head hanging low, and headed straight to his therapy room.

Frank kept staring at the plain brown walls of the therapy room, completely ignoring his therapist and letting himself think about Gerard and how he had probably broke the man's heart even more.

"Frank? Are you even listening?" His therapist finally couldn't help but ask. As she was embraced by silence again, she asked:

"Are you okay?"

She seemed to notice that he was not his usual self. It was true that Frank was never really interested in what she had to say, but normally he was kind enough to at least act like he cared.

"Huh?" Frank's head snapped up, a dumb, confused look on his face. "W-what were you saying?" He asked, trying to look like he was actually listening.

His therapist sighed. "Just feel free to tell me Frank."

That was the moment where Frank finally understood why people pay such stupid therapists that know nothing. He had to say it. He knew he was doing the right thing, but he still felt the need to say it out loud and officialize it in his mind.

"I broke someone's heart. Someone had faith in me and believed in me but I crushed all of their hopes. I showed them the right way, but it must be really hard to see from their point of view. Still, I believe I did the right thing. I have a dream and a life. I know that if I try to do something no one can, I will never be able to achieve my dream. He is broken. His heart is broken. The thing is I can't reach that heart, it belongs to him. It's inside him, not me. I can't fix it. You can't fix it. His therapist can't fix it. Only he can. If I try and fix him now, I will drown in regrets forever. I did the best I could. I tried to show him the way. All I can do for him now is to hope that he can see it."

*** 4 weeks later ***

Gerard looked down the window of the huge business building. He considered jumping down. He wondered if it would help him escape or make it even worse.

As always, Frank's words were ringing in his ears and making him think of life.

He had came to the conclusion that maybe Frank did save him with saying that he couldn't save him. Because after that, Gerard broke down. He broke down in a total different way. Sure, his heart was broken, but he realized later on that thinking was keeping him busy.

He was thinking before Frank too, but he guessed he was always thinking like Gerard-the-loser-in-life would. In amongst his pain, Gerard changed his way of thinking without realizing. He tried to see things from a whole different way as he tried to figure out why Frank would reject him like that. Along the way he learned to see events from different angles. He was finally able to move on from that one point that he kept seeing things from, he could finally see them in all of their aspects.

So he looked down again, thinking like his hopeless self for a second. Just jump down and let it all end.

He looked back up, turned around and caught his own reflection in the mirror. There's still so much to see and live. How can you be so sure all of that unknown time will be full of misery? Just because the past was painful doesn't mean the future will be. You won't make the same mistakes again. There's a life waiting to be shaped by you and all you want to do with it is throw it away? You don't want that.

A small smile creeped onto his face, so small it was almost like a twitch. He felt hopeful again. Actually he felt like he was free when he really wasn't. Not at all.

He took his jacket from his desk and put it on in a hurry, a smile on his face as he ran to the elevator, which took just as long to come as it does everyday, but in that moment it didn't seem to bother him. He was going to get away from his life, he was going to walk away from all of his fortune and find Frank and thank him somehow. He never thought he would thank anyone for breaking his heart but with breaking his heart, Frank was doing the right thing for himself and Gerard now knew that and even was going to apply that to his own life.

He ran out the huge sliding doors of the Way Holding, and almost hopped into his car. Almost.

He decided he didn't want it and just walked to the therapy office instead. It was very close to his workplace anyway.

He practically burst into the building and hoped Frank still had therapy. He spotted the familiar face of the desk lady but he knew that he'd probably get his ass kicked out of the therapy center if she saw him, so he ran straight to the therapy room he knew Frank had his therapies in at that exact hour.

And as he had hoped there sat Frank, a little dazed to actually see Gerard again.

"Frank!" Gerard exclaimed.

Frank didn't know what to do. He still secretly felt bitter for what he did even though it really was the right decision and he had actually took a very big step to achieve his dream in the four weeks that he hadn't seen Gerard in.

"Gerard?" He rather asked.

"Oh Frank, thank god you still have therapy! Otherwise I really don't know how I'd find you." Gerard spoke.

"I just wanted to say... Thank you." He added.

A big smile stretched across Frank's face.

"I knew you'd understand it. I knew you were capable of finding the right way."

Gerard breathed out a laugh and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"...So we can stay friends?" He asked.

Frank jumped up to his feet, laughing at Gerard's usual awkwardness as he hugged Gerard tightly.

"Of course you fool. You're one of the best friends I ever had actually." Frank confessed.