Status: Finished.
Your Melody Sounds As Sweet As the First Time It Was Sung
Chapter Fifteen
Brendon.
I threw the phone down angrily, cursing as I ran my hand stressfully through my hair. I don’t know why I expected her to pick up this time; she hasn’t answered my calls in months. Maybe I thought that through the ringing phone she’d pick up on my angry vibe and answer. Stupid, I know. But I have reason to be angry at her! I spend months missing my best friend, she stops answering my phone calls, I wait for months just to see her again and when I come home she’s not there!
Oh Charlie…
Maybe I was foolish. Did I really expect her to wait for me forever? She thinks she hides it so well, and I suppose in most eyes she does, but I’m her best friend. I know better. I can tell when she’s nervous, and it kills me to know that it’s because of me. Her palms get all sweaty so she wipes them on her hoodie as subtly as she can, but every one of her movements burns into my mind. Her voice goes an octave higher for the first three words of a sentence before she gets it under control. Every time, I hate myself a little bit more.
I love her so much, I really do. She’s everything to me. She’s my best friend. Sometimes I wonder if I am in love with her. I mean, is there really a distinguishing feature between ‘love’ and being ‘in love’? Charlotte’s gorgeous, there’s no denying that. And not just gorgeous, either. She’s unique in her looks. I care about her more than I care about my whole life. I just… she’s Charlie. I’ve known her since we were fourteen. The idea of kissing her or holding her or acting around her the way I act with my girlfriends just seems wrong; seems like I’m lessening her importance.
“Whoa, Bren, calm down!” Ryan exclaimed, inviting himself into my old room. I’d gotten so used to that hotel room in LA that being back here brought with it a heavy wave of nostalgia. “What’s wrong?”
I slumped down on my bed and pressed my closed eyes against the heels of my hands. A few moments passed and I felt my bed sink down as he sat next to me. I sighed and looked at up him through what must have been bloodshot eyes, possibly even watery. It’s hard to tell when you’re this exhausted because they sting anyway.
“She didn’t answer,” I croaked out.
He bit his lip and lowered his eyes. He was her friend too. Sometimes I forgot that I wasn’t the only person who found this so difficult. But Ryan! That’s another thing. I get so jealous of him. He and Charlie… they have a good relationship. Sometimes I can’t help but doubt that it’s only friendship. The way I’ve seen them kiss each other… that can’t just be friendship. Anyone who didn’t know them would assume they were together. As much as I wished otherwise, I would bet my bottom dollar that there’s something going on between them. Why does the idea make me so mad? I want them both to be happy, right? But Charlie said that she still… loves me. She says there’s nothing going on between them. Or she said. Maybe things have changed over the last couple of months. Maybe she talks to him, but not to me…
“Did you really expect her to?” Ryan murmured after a minute.
We sat in silence for a few moments. I don’t know. Did I? The shock from finding her gone went straight to my head. I couldn’t tell what Ryan was thinking. For a moment I wanted to punch him in the face because he might have known more than he was letting on; because he might have been thinking of her as more than a friend. I didn’t, though. How would I explain that? After those few minutes, though, I hit an important realization and snarled at myself because I didn’t think of it sooner.
“What?” Ryan asked warily.
“Kiah,” I growled.
She knew. She knew all along that Charlie had left and she didn’t say a thing. In fact, she refused to talk about Charlie at all… I bet this was all her fault! She probably turned Charlie against me and prevented her from talking to me. I wasn’t Charlie’s choice at all. Kiah can be very persuasive when she wants to be. Ridiculous as it was, Kiah being one of my close friends, this theory somehow comforted me. Anything other than the idea that Charlotte had given up on me.
I snatched the phone up from where I’d thrown it and punched in the familiar digits forcefully. I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for an answer.
“Bren, don’t say anything you’ll regret…” Ryan warned.
“I’ll say anything I want,” I grumbled viciously through gritted teeth.
“Don’t be such a diva,” he said in annoyance, standing up and heading for the door. “I’m going to find Spence.”
I ignored him and was eventually met with what I was sure must have been a false greeting.
“Hey Brendon!” Kiah said, brightly and happily as always. “I haven’t spoken to you in a while. What’s up?”
“What’s up?” I whispered in deadly tones. It probably sounded a bit too dramatic and threatening, but I’m used to being considered melodramatic. “What’s up is that you’ve failed to tell me that you’ve taken my best friend away from where I thought I’d always be able to find her, that’s what’s up!”
My voice had raised to a yell now and I was breathing heavily, awaiting whatever excuse she was going to give me. I had to wait so long that I started to wonder if she’d hung up on me and I’d missed the dial tone.
“S-she didn’t want me to mention her,” Kiah’s voice was whispered and shaky.
“Not even to tell me that the two of you had run away?!” I yelled.
“She doesn’t talk about you anymore. She doesn’t want me to mention you to her. She’s trying to forget.”
That stung. No, it did more than sting. It hurt; it ached. She wanted to forget me altogether. I was her best friend and she wanted to forget all those years of friendship. The ache in my chest was dull and throbbing. Then I picked up on something. I was slow with realizations today.
“You know?” I managed to spit out.
“If you mean about how she’s in love with you, then yes; I know.”
Hearing her say it just made it hurt even more. I guess it had always been a secret. A painful secret between my best friend and I. Now someone else was in the loop; and my ex-girlfriend, no less! Although I guess that’s long in the past and we never acknowledge it, it makes the situation seem more dramatic, don’t you think? I sat down again on my bed before my trembling legs could give way. Somewhere during my yelling I’d stood up.
“She’s forgetting me?” I gulped.
“Not you, Brendon,” Kiah sighed. “She could never forget you. But she’s trying to forget how deeply she’s in love with you.”
“So you mean I’ll see her again?” I asked, a ray of hope in my voice.
“Maybe,” she answered vaguely. “Someday.”
There was a lengthened pause before I spoke again.
“Where are you two?”
“I can’t tell you,” she said quietly.
“Goddamnit, Kiah! Yes you can! Where is she?”
I didn’t get a response from my yelling, but I heard muffled sobbing on the other end of the line. For a second my heart leapt, thinking it was Charlie, but it wasn’t. When Kiah eventually spoke again with a quivering voice, I knew it was her who had been crying.
“I’m sorry, Bren.”
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry!” I yelled again at full volume. “Tell me where you are, or I swear I will never forgive you!”
“Goodbye, Brendon.”
Her crying was obvious now, and a quick wave of remorse took over me but it didn’t last long enough.
“Don’t you dare ha-”
But it was too late. She’d hung up. And I feared that I’d just lost my connection to Charlotte Raine Miller forever.
I threw the phone down angrily, cursing as I ran my hand stressfully through my hair. I don’t know why I expected her to pick up this time; she hasn’t answered my calls in months. Maybe I thought that through the ringing phone she’d pick up on my angry vibe and answer. Stupid, I know. But I have reason to be angry at her! I spend months missing my best friend, she stops answering my phone calls, I wait for months just to see her again and when I come home she’s not there!
Oh Charlie…
Maybe I was foolish. Did I really expect her to wait for me forever? She thinks she hides it so well, and I suppose in most eyes she does, but I’m her best friend. I know better. I can tell when she’s nervous, and it kills me to know that it’s because of me. Her palms get all sweaty so she wipes them on her hoodie as subtly as she can, but every one of her movements burns into my mind. Her voice goes an octave higher for the first three words of a sentence before she gets it under control. Every time, I hate myself a little bit more.
I love her so much, I really do. She’s everything to me. She’s my best friend. Sometimes I wonder if I am in love with her. I mean, is there really a distinguishing feature between ‘love’ and being ‘in love’? Charlotte’s gorgeous, there’s no denying that. And not just gorgeous, either. She’s unique in her looks. I care about her more than I care about my whole life. I just… she’s Charlie. I’ve known her since we were fourteen. The idea of kissing her or holding her or acting around her the way I act with my girlfriends just seems wrong; seems like I’m lessening her importance.
“Whoa, Bren, calm down!” Ryan exclaimed, inviting himself into my old room. I’d gotten so used to that hotel room in LA that being back here brought with it a heavy wave of nostalgia. “What’s wrong?”
I slumped down on my bed and pressed my closed eyes against the heels of my hands. A few moments passed and I felt my bed sink down as he sat next to me. I sighed and looked at up him through what must have been bloodshot eyes, possibly even watery. It’s hard to tell when you’re this exhausted because they sting anyway.
“She didn’t answer,” I croaked out.
He bit his lip and lowered his eyes. He was her friend too. Sometimes I forgot that I wasn’t the only person who found this so difficult. But Ryan! That’s another thing. I get so jealous of him. He and Charlie… they have a good relationship. Sometimes I can’t help but doubt that it’s only friendship. The way I’ve seen them kiss each other… that can’t just be friendship. Anyone who didn’t know them would assume they were together. As much as I wished otherwise, I would bet my bottom dollar that there’s something going on between them. Why does the idea make me so mad? I want them both to be happy, right? But Charlie said that she still… loves me. She says there’s nothing going on between them. Or she said. Maybe things have changed over the last couple of months. Maybe she talks to him, but not to me…
“Did you really expect her to?” Ryan murmured after a minute.
We sat in silence for a few moments. I don’t know. Did I? The shock from finding her gone went straight to my head. I couldn’t tell what Ryan was thinking. For a moment I wanted to punch him in the face because he might have known more than he was letting on; because he might have been thinking of her as more than a friend. I didn’t, though. How would I explain that? After those few minutes, though, I hit an important realization and snarled at myself because I didn’t think of it sooner.
“What?” Ryan asked warily.
“Kiah,” I growled.
She knew. She knew all along that Charlie had left and she didn’t say a thing. In fact, she refused to talk about Charlie at all… I bet this was all her fault! She probably turned Charlie against me and prevented her from talking to me. I wasn’t Charlie’s choice at all. Kiah can be very persuasive when she wants to be. Ridiculous as it was, Kiah being one of my close friends, this theory somehow comforted me. Anything other than the idea that Charlotte had given up on me.
I snatched the phone up from where I’d thrown it and punched in the familiar digits forcefully. I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for an answer.
“Bren, don’t say anything you’ll regret…” Ryan warned.
“I’ll say anything I want,” I grumbled viciously through gritted teeth.
“Don’t be such a diva,” he said in annoyance, standing up and heading for the door. “I’m going to find Spence.”
I ignored him and was eventually met with what I was sure must have been a false greeting.
“Hey Brendon!” Kiah said, brightly and happily as always. “I haven’t spoken to you in a while. What’s up?”
“What’s up?” I whispered in deadly tones. It probably sounded a bit too dramatic and threatening, but I’m used to being considered melodramatic. “What’s up is that you’ve failed to tell me that you’ve taken my best friend away from where I thought I’d always be able to find her, that’s what’s up!”
My voice had raised to a yell now and I was breathing heavily, awaiting whatever excuse she was going to give me. I had to wait so long that I started to wonder if she’d hung up on me and I’d missed the dial tone.
“S-she didn’t want me to mention her,” Kiah’s voice was whispered and shaky.
“Not even to tell me that the two of you had run away?!” I yelled.
“She doesn’t talk about you anymore. She doesn’t want me to mention you to her. She’s trying to forget.”
That stung. No, it did more than sting. It hurt; it ached. She wanted to forget me altogether. I was her best friend and she wanted to forget all those years of friendship. The ache in my chest was dull and throbbing. Then I picked up on something. I was slow with realizations today.
“You know?” I managed to spit out.
“If you mean about how she’s in love with you, then yes; I know.”
Hearing her say it just made it hurt even more. I guess it had always been a secret. A painful secret between my best friend and I. Now someone else was in the loop; and my ex-girlfriend, no less! Although I guess that’s long in the past and we never acknowledge it, it makes the situation seem more dramatic, don’t you think? I sat down again on my bed before my trembling legs could give way. Somewhere during my yelling I’d stood up.
“She’s forgetting me?” I gulped.
“Not you, Brendon,” Kiah sighed. “She could never forget you. But she’s trying to forget how deeply she’s in love with you.”
“So you mean I’ll see her again?” I asked, a ray of hope in my voice.
“Maybe,” she answered vaguely. “Someday.”
There was a lengthened pause before I spoke again.
“Where are you two?”
“I can’t tell you,” she said quietly.
“Goddamnit, Kiah! Yes you can! Where is she?”
I didn’t get a response from my yelling, but I heard muffled sobbing on the other end of the line. For a second my heart leapt, thinking it was Charlie, but it wasn’t. When Kiah eventually spoke again with a quivering voice, I knew it was her who had been crying.
“I’m sorry, Bren.”
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry!” I yelled again at full volume. “Tell me where you are, or I swear I will never forgive you!”
“Goodbye, Brendon.”
Her crying was obvious now, and a quick wave of remorse took over me but it didn’t last long enough.
“Don’t you dare ha-”
But it was too late. She’d hung up. And I feared that I’d just lost my connection to Charlotte Raine Miller forever.