Your Melody Sounds As Sweet As the First Time It Was Sung

Brendon.

I paced the sidewalk nervously, back and forth, back and forth. My vans thudded softly as I walked, checking my watch every ten seconds. No. I was still ten minutes early. She’d be here. The thought of her filled my whole body with some sort of fuzzy warmth, growing unbearably until I felt like I almost wanted to rip my stupid plaid shirt from my body. I even started to break a slight sweat.

What the hell was wrong with me? What the hell was I going to do?

I’d gotten myself used to the foreign concept of being in love with Charlie over the past week or so. She was beautiful, although she always had been pretty in my eyes. She was funny, she was intelligent, she could put up with all of our ridiculous behavior and even joined in sometimes. She was perfect. And she was also unobtainable.

She had Sebastian now. It was clear how happy she was with him. And I truly didn’t want to step in the way of her happiness. It was so cruel of me. How could I be in love with her, how could I realize it the moment she told me that after all these years, she was no longer in love with me? It was a vicious twist of fate.

But regardless of everything, as much as I tried not to, I knew I had to tell her. Neither of us were ever very skillful liars. And all those years ago, she’d sucked it up and told me how she felt. Because she thought I deserved to know. She’d told me, even though it had the potential to completely ruin everything. She told me, regardless of whatever my reaction could have been.

Now I was the one going through the motions, and it made me want to be sick.

I hadn’t seen Charlie since she left with Sebastian last night. I have no idea where they went. We were only a half an hour drive from Chicago; maybe they’d gone to see some friends. Today had been occupied with a photo shoot and two interviews, so I hadn’t seen any of the Static Failure band members all day. It made me anxious. I’d texted Charlie earlier and asked her to meet me here, outside a diner a few streets away from where the buses were parked. She’d said sure with a smiley face, but that was the most interaction we’d had in the last few days. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been trying to avoid her just a little bit.

I checked my watch again, my nerves wreaking havoc in my body (particularly the chest region) and I chewed on my lip as I fished my phone out of my pocket to call a familiar number.

“Hello?”

“Ryan? She’s not here yet…”

I realized how utterly childish it sounded as soon as I said it, but too late to take it back now. I’d told Ryan about my little dilemma. I’d confessed everything. I told him about Charlotte being in love with me for so long, but not anymore, and how the situation had reversed. He didn’t seem at all surprised. I vaguely wondered if Charlie had ever told him, but I didn’t dwell on that thought. Instead my mind jumped to a time long past, the images of Charlie and Ryan’s tongues dancing together right in front of my eyes as they tricked me into thinking he had gotten her pregnant. I remembered the way it scared me, sped my heartbeat right up, and the way my ears had near began to smoke. I remembered the subtle, knowing look Ryan had given me when Charlie wasn’t looking. Had he known then that one day I’d fall in love with her? Or had he known that I already was, and I just didn’t realize it yet?

“Calm down, Bren,” he told me calmly, unaware of all my racing thoughts. “You’ve still got a couple of minutes until she’s due to show up.”

I checked my watch again and realized that he was right. I probably hadn’t even checked it before I rang him, just glanced unseeingly.

“Right. Okay.”

“So you’re really going to tell her?” he spoke softly after a minute.

“Yes. I have to. I owe it to her.”

“Okay… Just… what exactly are you expecting to come out of this?”

I paused for a moment. What was I expecting? Was I expecting her to declare that her love had never truly died and that we should run away and join the circus? No, although perhaps a small part of me wished longingly for the first part. Was I expecting her to slap me in the face, telling me to stop messing with her emotions and never talk to her again? Not quite, although it was probably more likely and deserved than the first option.

Honestly, I had no fucking idea what to expect.

“I… I don’t know…” I whispered into the phone.

“Brendon?”

I spun around at the lighter voice, smiling as I saw Charlie grinning widely at me.

“Hey Ry? I have to go. Talk to you later.”

I didn’t give him a chance to reply as I hung up and caught Charlie in a massive bear hug. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to hug her again after this, so I memorized ever emotion flowing through my veins, every contour of her body that I could feel, every bit of warmth emanating from her skin. When we pulled back, her lips were still stretched widely over her pearly whites. I took a deep breath, appreciating her beauty, and began my demise.

“Charlie, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay, I need to talk to you about something too.”

“You go first,” I chickened out lamely.

“No, please. You first.”

I gulped a deep breath of cold night air, and tried to regain a hint of strength and masculinity.

“Alright. Uh, you wanna go inside?” I asked, gesturing towards the diner. It didn’t feel right to drop this bombshell in such an emotionless street.

She nodded, and I held the door open for her as she walked into the bright, happy little family-friendly restaurant. We took a relatively secluded booth at the other end of the place and ordered some milkshakes from a pretty, dark-skinned waitress dressed in a creamy-yellow uniform that all the staff wore, matching the inside walls of the place. When our drinks had arrived, Charlie looked at me expectantly.

“So,” she said, a happy mood bubbling. “You first. What did you want to talk to me about?”

I took a long sip of my vanilla milkshake through the swirly straw, and let my eyelids close for but a second. This was it.

“There are so many ways I could tell you,” I began. “I’ve gone through about a hundred different possibilities in my mind. But I don’t know how this could possibly go. So I guess I’m just going to have to say it, and I apologize profusely in advance.”

I paused, and Charlie’s expression had molded into a small, curious frown.

“Go on,” she prompted.

“Charlotte Raine Miller… I’m in love with you.”

I closed my eyes, trying to avoid her reaction. But there wasn’t one. When I looked up a minute later, she was just frozen. Her mouth had dropped open just a little bit, and she was staring at me with wide, confused eyes. I half expected to see stars orbiting her head.

“Uh… Charlie?”

I waved my hand in front of her face, and she gently looked down to her milkshake and took a small sip.

“B-Brendon…” she started shakily. “After all these years…”

“I know, Charlie. I’m so sorry. I never meant for things to turn out this way.”

“How long?”

“I… I’m not sure. I only realized it the other night when you told me…well, you know.”

Charlie shook her head to herself, before looking up at me again. I almost expected her eyes to be glazed with tears, but they weren’t. She was stronger than the girl I’d known when we were kids. Minutes passed without words, and eventually I took it upon myself to change the subject, as softly as I could.

“What was it that you wanted to tell me?”

I leaned over and tilted her chin upwards so she’d look at me. She gave me a sad smile.

“I’m not sure if you want to know.”

“Whatever it is has lifted you to cloud nine, before I rudely dragged you away. Of course I want to know.”

“You sure?”

I nodded and she sighed, reaching into her pocket for something. A few seconds later her hand emerged again from under the table, and I felt like someone had whacked me over the head with a metal crowbar. I was winded, breathless, speechless. My vision began to swim, just the tiniest bit, and the image of a generous, sparkling diamond ring on her finger began to blur.

“You’re engaged?”

She nodded, smiling at the ring quickly before looking at me seriously.

“Brendon… I loved you for so long. I loved you for years. I only want your happiness, but I can’t be that for you anymore.” I sniffed and breathed in deeply. My heart was breaking, but at least she wasn’t slapping me and refusing to talk to me ever again. “You’re my best friend. You’ll always be my best friend. But Sebastian is my heart now.”

I nodded, looking down at the table. This was the best I could have hoped for, wasn’t it? I knew she loved him now. She still wanted to be my best friend. This was okay. I wasn’t losing her altogether. But the ring on her finger… that, I could never have been prepared for.

“Hey,” I heard her say softly.

I felt her smooth, white fingers under my chin, tilting it upwards like I’d done to her only minutes before. I looked up to see her closer than I expected, her brown eyes looking into mine deeply and a small, quirky smile on her pink lips. Her long red hair brushed against the tabletop as she leaned over and softly pressed her lips to mine. My heart exploded, imploded, got caught up in a whirlwind. I cautiously cupped her cheek, pulling her face just a tiny bit closer. This would be the only kiss I ever received from her, and I wanted to remember it forever. Half a minute later, we broke apart and she scooted around the booth to hug me tightly. I stroked her hair, circling her in my arms. There was a dull, throbbing pain somewhere within me, but somehow this seemed alright. This seemed okay.

“Bren?”

“Yeah?”

We were speaking in whispers now.

“I was going to ask you… I was going to ask you to give me away, but considering the circumstances you don’t…”

“I would love to,” I interrupted her. I didn’t even need to think about it. Sure, it would probably hurt a little, but the moment she mentioned it I swelled with pride.

“Are you sure?” she asked, worry soaking her words. “You really don’t have to if you don’t want to…”

“I do want to,” I said firmly. “You’ve always told me that I reminded you of your father. Nothing in the world could compare to being asked to fill in for him on your wedding day.”

She clutched me tighter again and sniffed a little. I could tell she was crying now.

“You’re my best friend, Brendon. I love you.”

“I love you too, Charlie.”

From now on, it was my turn to endure severe heartache.