Your Melody Sounds As Sweet As the First Time It Was Sung

When Brendon said that nothing would change, he meant it. If it weren’t for the one knowing look he gave me the next day that told me he was determined that everything stay the same, I would have thought he had completely forgotten aboutthe heart that I poured out to him what we’d discussed. We did remain best friends. Everything wasalmost exactly the same. After I cried that night, I felt better. Like it was all out of my system. I wasn’t hiding anything from him anymore, so I had no reason to feel guilty. Apart from the obvious depression that comes with unrequited love, I was actually relatively happy. Spencer and Ryan didn’t have a clue, and I highly doubt Brent would have noticed if something was up.

A year passed. Brendon and I didn’t speak to each other about it. He didn’t try to hold back our closeness just because he knew of my feelings, and although that had a tendency to make it difficult at times, I was immensely grateful for it. Sometimes I wondered if he’d actually forgotten, or if he thought I’d moved on. He still had no shame in wandering around lacking a shirt, and whenever I stayed the night at his house I still slept in his double bed with him. It was these little things that made me wonder how much he remembered or knew.

I wish I could say that all of Brendon’s girlfriends were sluts who I absolutely hated and had no idea what he saw in them, but I can’t. What can I say; he has good taste in girlfriends. They were always really cool and nice, and most of the time I became reasonably good friends with them. He always introduced me to them as his best friend, and I was always supportive of him in his relationships. Of course there was that part of me that wanted him to want me the way he wanted them, a.k.a jealousy, but I wasn’t going to let such a dangerous emotion ruin everything.

For Brendon’s seventeenth birthday, his parents paid for him, Ryan, Spencer and I to go on a five day holiday to Hawaii. Can you believe that? Hawaii. It took me consistent begging for mom to let me go unsupervised (why Brendon’s parents trust him so much I honestly don’t know) but when Spencer, Ryan and I literally got down on our knees with tears in our eyes she caved. So off went the four teenagers to explore an island that Brendon’s family was somehow connected to, exploring the beautiful beaches and waves and volcanoes that basically were the island of Hawaii. It was great fun, hanging around with my best friends, no adults, in a completely new and different place. I tell you now, the sunsets are amazing. Everything was fine and dandy until our last night there; Brendon’s birthday.

We had, of course, spent all day dancing and eating and just having an awesome time on the beach directly in front of our hotel, but as the sun was setting Brendon found me alone on the polished timber terrace of our hotel suite. It was such a beautiful place; an amazing view, gentle breeze, and the beauty and scent of flowers all around. When Brendon found me after coming back from the beach, Ryan had disappeared to the bathroom and I’m pretty sure I saw Spencer making out with a pretty local ten minutes beforehand.

“Hey Char,” he smiled, handing me an incredibly characteristic drink in a coconut with a mini umbrella. I couldn’t help but laugh at how stereotypical it was, accepting it from him.

“Hey Bren. I think you’ve done pretty well this year. I know I’ve said it a million times, but I cannot believe this is your parents present to you.”

“More like present to all of us,” he grinned.

“Yeah. Just a warning, you should know that my mom will probably force you to come over for dinner when we get home. So she can celebrate too.”

He cracked a smile, looking at his bright shoes (Spencer and Ryan threaded them with green and pink shoelaces when he wasn’t looking). I knew him well enough to know that his mind was elsewhere.

“Bren?” I asked, slightly timidly.

“Mmh?”

“What’s on your mind?”

He looked at me, chewing his bottom lip adorably. And somehow I knew what he was thinking before he said it.

“This time last year…” he took in a deep breath and I looked away. “Do you still love me?”

The words seemed so simple, yet the emotions he’d woven into them contradicted that simplicity. They were laced with hurt, curiosity, anticipation, acknowledgement, and several other undertones that I didn’t even have time to pick up on. I didn’t answer straight away, and he turned his head away from me and back to the stunning view before us. He wasn’t pressuring me into answering, but I knew he needed to know.

“Yeah, Bren. I do. But it’s okay. We’ve been doing pretty well regardless.”

“Charlie, listen, I just don’t…”

“Don’t worry about it, Brendon. Really. I don’t expect or hope for anything from you, so please don’t feel pressured. As long as we’re still best friends, everything’s alright.”

“Okay,” he said, after hesitating. “But Charlie, I need you to know, I do love you. You’re my best friend, and I love you. Just not…”

“Just not in the same way. It’s okay. I get it.”

I wasn’t crying this time. I’d had a year to accept it, and a year to grow up. And I wasn’t lying to him; I was doing just fine.

“You’re so perfect,” he smiled. I shot him a confused look. I was far from perfect, and the comment didn’t really link back to our discussion.

“You didn’t give up on me,” he continued. “You could have just run for it a year ago, but you didn’t. You stayed the best friend you always have been. You even made an effort to become friends with my girlfriends. How many people in your position would do that?”

“What can I say? You have a good taste in girls.”

He grinned a little, but he still wasn’t looking at me.

“It makes it difficult on me when I break up with any of them, though.”

I snorted. “Please. Brendon, they usually break up with you.”

“Not true!” he argued.

I punched him softly on the arm and he flicked me on the shoulder. So began another one of our little fights. Ryan was the one to come back and break it up. He took my side, though, like he always does. It’s because I’m the girl, and Spencer’s the only one who’s managed to build up resistance to my puppy eyes.

Ten minutes later, Spencer had returned with pink cheeks as we unmercifully questioned him about the girl he’d been with. Eventually he gave us all the details, but said that it was just a fling. He didn’t like long distance relationshipsor serious relationships at all, for that matter. The four of us sat in a circle on the balcony, a white chocolate cake in the middle, as we sang happy birthday to Brendon. He grinned that gorgeous grin as he successfully blew out all the candles in one go, and we all reached in and took a piece of the cake he cut. I raised my eyebrows at Ryan, who was uncorking a bottle of champagne.

“How’d you get the alcohol?” I asked.

“That’s for me to know and you... not to know,” he said 'mysteriously', handing me a glass that I accepted with a thank you.

And so that was Brendon Urie’s birthday for another year. Four best friends, drinking in a beautiful hotel in Hawaii. When I first moved to Las Vegas, who would’ve thought? Three years ago I hadn’t been sure if mom and I would make it through on our own. But now I realize we were so very far from alone.