Your Melody Sounds As Sweet As the First Time It Was Sung

Forgive me for skipping in yearly intervals, but there’s not really much else to say.

The next year was more eventful, I suppose. The stress of exams got to us and we studied like maniacs (apart from Ryan, who thought he was oh-so-cool and mature because he had finished school) for passing grades. It was harder for Spencer, who didn’t go to school with Brendon, Brent, and I. Regardless of what I said a moment ago about Ryan, after the novelty of no longer going to high school wore off he was always helping us study in between work for his university courses and job working at Hot Topic (which I was so envious of, by the way). I was secretly worried that the change would separate us, but I need not have wasted the year worrying over that too early.

I suppose the biggest thing to happen was that the guys starting a band. Well, okay, to be fair Ryan, Spencer, and Brent actually started this band a few years ago, but it was only this year that Brendonfinally joined them and they got more serious about it. It was quite cute, actually. At first, anyway. Brendon would always do that pout he does, knowing that his plump lips make it so much more effective, and beg me to come and watch them practice. And of course, every time I’d say yes. Say no to spending more time with Brendon? I'm not insane. I’m not gonna lie, the first time I heard them I had to fake my enthusiasm. They didn’t necessarily sound bad, but definitely unprofessional and a little juvenile, regardless of Ryan's intriguingly complex lyrics. Not that I could bear to tell them that. Instead, I just painted on a smile and told them ‘Wow guys. That was great.’

I know. Charlotte, the dirty rotten liar.

But after a few months, I found that less and less of my compliments were forced. Their songs actually began to form, and Brendon managed to persuade them to change the band name from ‘Pet Salamander’. Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was quirky and cute and funny, but did they really want to be known as ‘that lizard band’? Somehow I doubted it. Albeit I did get a free ‘Pet Salamander’ t-shirt, which was pretty funny. However, after many discussions over my mom’s desserts at Spencer’s grandma’s place (my mom and his grandma got along so well. It was so sweet, watching them teach each other new recipes), they decided on a pretty cool name. Get ready for it; Panic! At the Disco. With an exclamation mark. I loved it.

They were so excited about it, and the energy was what made them. Brent sometimes looked a little down, not quite as into it as the others, but I couldn’t really blame him. I didn’t want to ask him about it, but from what I gathered he was having some family issues.

Eventually, I even found myself jumping up and dancing as they played. It was that catchy. After that I guess I began to take it all more seriously too. They didn’t seem to mind constructive criticism, now that I didn’t have too much of it in my mind. It was good. I began looking forward to their practices and danced with Spencer’s grandma to their catchy tunes. Ryan’s lyrics really were amazing, now that the music had the strength to back them up. They showed me a whole other side to him that I hadn’t completely known about. They would always play their song ‘Time to Dance’ every practice that I watched, because they knew how much I loved it. Brendon’s voice just seemed to fit with the music so well. Soon enough, their demo’s were all I would listen to.

… Okay so that’s a tiny bit of an overstatement, but you know what I mean.

And of course, I suppose you’re wondering about me and Brendon. Well, not much has changed there. Best friends for life, nothing more, nothing less. But you’ll get a kick out of this; Brendon tried to get me and Ryan together. At first we were just wondering why Brendon was acting so weird around us, and when we finally figured it out after he’d left we literally spent half an hour laughing our heads off. It was hilarious. And of course, being who we are, we decided to humour him.

“Hey Charlie!” Ryan grinned mischievously as he entered my room and sat next to me on my bed, casually draping his arm over my shoulder. “Hey Brendon.”

“Sup man?” Brendon greeted, un-phased.

“Hey Ryan,” I said silkily, forcing myself not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation and instead placing my hand on his leg.

That was when Brendon began to pay attention, eyeing us shiftily from his seat on the other side of the room. He suspiciously returned to looking through my sidekick, and I vaguely wondered if he’d read my messages. I hoped so. As part of our plan, Ryan had left some quite… interesting messages. Let me tell you, Ryan has quite a dirty mind when he embraces it.

Ryan leaned closer to my ear and began whispering, even though we both knew Brendon could hear us.

“Last night was great. We should definitely do it again. Soon.”

I giggled a fake giggle, resisting the urge to replace it with a guffaw, and hit his chest playfully.

“Ryan!” I whispered scandalously. This was part of the plan. After Brendon had left yesterday afternoon and our continuous laughing eventually came to an end, we sorted this out.

All of a sudden we heard Brendon start choking, eyes wide as he stared at my phone. Ah. He’d obviously found Ryan’s un-censored messages. Ryan and I made eye contact, refusing to laugh just yet.

“What?” he whispered seductively, running his index finger down my side. We knew Brendon was looking at us now. “Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy yourself?”

At this point, Ryan was leaning over me as I propped myself up on my elbows. He leaned even closer, but Brendon coughed a loud, fake cough and we sat upright, pretending to be startled.

“Um, what’s going on here?” he asked uncomfortably, eyes flickering from us in such close proximity to my sidekick, now shut on the floor.

I sighed a heavy sigh and looked at him.

“Brendon, there’s something we should tell you.”

“No way!” Brendon gasped, guessing what I was going to tell him. After restraining our laughter at the look on his face, I truly do believe that Ryan and I should have considered careers in acting.

“Yes way,” Ryan said, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me onto his lap.

Brendon gulped. “How… how long have you…?”

“We’ve been together for three months, Brendon,” I answered, while looking at Ryan with some form of ridiculous coupley adoration. What a joke.

Ryan grinned a supposedly lovey smile and leaned in to me again so that our lips were touching in a kiss. Brendon was literally speechless. His jaw was dropped as he watched our kiss get deeper, and I could taste the hysteria on Ryan’s tongue.

“Okay, okay, just you hold on a second!” Brendon almost-shouted, shaking his head as he leapt to his feet. We broke away, pretending to look at him with confusion.

“What the hell, Charlie?! Why didn’t you tell me?! We’re best friends! And Ryan, how could you do that to me?! She’s my best friend! I don’t want your tongue down her throat!”

“I’m sorry, Bren,” I said apologetically. “It’s just… we were afraid you wouldn’t approve, and we didn’t want to ruin anything.”

“So why are you showing me now?! This is so disturbing!”

‘Come on, Brendon. You were so trying to get us together yesterday. You even told Spencer,” Ryan argued diplomatically.

“Yeah… but…” he stuttered, trying to find words. “I didn’t think… so fast…”

“Well, we had to tell you sooner or later,” I said, biting my lip as I looked at Ryan. “We kind of have some news.”

Ryan smiled at me and put his hand on my stomach as we looked at Brendon.

“OH MY GOD!” he screamed. “You two… you’ve had… and you’re pregnant?!”

This was breaking point. Immediately, Ryan and I exploded into laughter at the horrified look on our friend’s face and moved away from each other. It took Brendon around thirty seconds to realize that it had all been a charade.

“What the hell is wrong with you two?!” he demanded angrily as we collapsed to the floor in piles of laughter. “What kind of sick joke is that?”

It took us a few minutes to answer, the laughter choking our words whenever we tried to talk.

“That’ll show you to try and set us up,” I managed between heavy breaths as tears of mirth leaked from the corners of my eyes.

“Gah,” he grumbled. “You guys suck.”

The mere memory made me stop and laugh. Every time someone brought it up, Spencer was upset that he wasn’t there to witness it and get it on camera.

I suppose the only other catalyst over the year was Brendon’s girlfriend Kiah. They were together for about six months before a mutual break up, but she became one of my best friends and even after she and Brendon broke up she sat with us every day and hung out with us a lot on the weekend. She was from Chicago but came to stay with her dad’s sister, who lived here by herself. Kiah’s parents were young when they wed and had her, and had gone through quite a messy divorce. Both of them were ready to be fun and single again, and she didn’t want to be the teenage daughter getting in the way of that, so she requested to come and stay with her aunt.

Kiah’s aunt, Noelle, is really something. She’s in her late thirties and one of those people you only find once in a lifetime. The strange, yet happy and interesting ones. Noelle was an artist, multitudes of unfinished canvases strewn all over the small house. She had long straight blonde hair and big blue eyes that were magnified by bright purple spectacles. She always either wore jeans or long skirts and listened to natural soundscape and jazz music, which is why it was quite surprising how much she enjoyed Panic! At the Disco’s music too. Kiah looked quite different to her; olive-toned skin, dark brown hair that she straightened every day and big brown eyes that reminded me quite a lot of Ryan’s. Kiah wore the same sorts of clothes as me, and we were the same size so we switched and borrowed clothes constantly. She also loved Panic!’s music, and we’d dance together to their songs during practice.

As much as I loved the guys, it was nice to have another girl around, and once she became a part of our group it was hard to think of a time without her. She and Brent did’t get along very well, so it doesn’t do much for him, so it didn't really help is situation much. He acted bitter and boring all the time. I kind of wished he could be carefree and cool like he used to be. But I never really knew all the things he was dealing with, so I didn't want to be too harsh.

Anyway, now that you’re up to date, let’s get back to the main point; Brendon’s eighteenth birthday. Little did I know, as Kiah and I debated on what to wear, that it would be the last birthday I’d spend with him.

“Kiah!” I whined after a few minutes of staring at my wardrobe but not actually seeing it. “What do I wear?”

“Oh Charlie pie…” she sighed, shaking her head with a smile on her face.

“What?” I defended. “I don’t usually go out to fancy restaurants.”

This year, Brendon’s birthday celebration was him, Kiah, Ryan, Spencer, and myself going out to Le Crépuscule en Argent for dinner. It was probably the most prestigious, expensive, 5-star restaurant in Las Vegas, the kind of place you had to book months in advance if you wanted a table, and roughly translated to The Silver Dusk. I figured out that the reason Brendon’s parents gave him birthdays like this and the hotel was because they want him to grow into a good, proper mormon gentleman. I’m his best friend; I know better.

“What are you wearing?” I asked, as she began raiding my closet for the millionth time. I don’t know why; she’d forced me to buy, if not bought herself, half the clothes in there.

“Umm… the stuff in the teal bag,” she said distractedly. “Where’s that blue dress we got a few weeks ago?”

“Didn’t you borrow it when you went out with Jake last week?” I asked.

That’s something else about Kiah; she has all the guys after her. She’s not a whore by any means, but she’s naturally beautiful and such an amazing person that everyone wants to know her. Since she came to the school, Brendon and my popularity has soared. I can’t say I’m entirely pleased about this, but hey. Whatever. Anyway, Jake is the latest guy she’s been seeing. He’s pretty cool, but I don’t know how anyone can see him as any more than a friend. Maybe I’m just socreepily infatuated in love with Brendon that I’m immune to his charm.

“Oh yeah…” she mumbled, frowning obviously at the fact that she couldn’t make me wear it tonight. I was kind of thankful; that dress exposes more of my thighs than I’m comfortable with.

After a few more hours of getting ourselves ready for our ‘night out on the town’, as Ryan had taken to calling it, we were ready. We looked almost positive/negative standing next to each other. We both wore dresses that went out from the waist with taffeta under-layers and cut off a little higher than the knee, but mine was black with a white bow around the waist and hers was an off-white with a black bow. Her colour made her tanned, olive skin glow and mine just made me seem even paler in comparison. She wore chunky black jewelry, and I wore small, decorative silver chains at my wrist and throat. Our dark hair – mine had gone from dark red to brown to dark red again, more layered, and black underlayers in the past few years – was done differently also. Hers was dead straight and mine was in long ringlets because Kiah, like my mom, had a fetish with the curling iron the second she saw it in the cupboard. We both wore similar black strappy shoes, only hers had a higher heel than mine. Regardless of our opposites, however, we both seemed to look similar overall, especially with our black and grey themed make-up that she’d fixed for us. Grabbing our bags, we headed out the door with a quick goodbye to my mom and crossed the street to Ryan’s house. It was seven thirty; his dad wouldn’t be home yet, so he would be.

“Hey guys,” he smiled as he poked his head out the door.

“Whoa!” Kiah exclaimed, eyes running over Ryan’s attire appreciatively. “Boy, you polish up good!”

I nodded my agreement, taking in the black pants, off-white pinstriped dress shirt, and loose black patterned tie adorning his skinny body.

“Thanks,” he grinned, tucking his wallet and phone in his pocket and closing the door behind him. We dawdled next door to Spencer’s house, and when we rang the doorbell he popped out wearing black pants, an un-tucked blue dress shirt, and a black bowler hat.

“Ta da!” he announced as Kiah and I laughed. Ryan chuckled a bit and rolled his eyes. “Is the hat too much?”

“No way,” I said, fixing the hat into the proper position on top of his now lighter brown hair as he stood perfectly still for me. It didn’t escape my notice that both of the guys were also wearing eyeliner, and I couldn’t deny that even if they’d stolen mine it looked good on them.

We hung around in Spencer’s living room for a bit until the front door rang. We all leapt to our feet to greet the birthday boy at the door.

“Happy Birthday!” We all chorused at the grinningstick boy at the door.

I bit my lip as I looked him over. How he had grown since we first met! Eighteen now, he seemed so different in my eyes. So grown up. As great as the other guys looked, I still think that Brendon’s ‘formal wear’ was the most attractive. I guess I’m biased, though. He also wore black pants and a dark red dress shirt, buttons glinting in the light. Black suspenders sat on his shoulders, and surprise! Eyeliner (most probably belonging to me) outlined the chocolate orbs he called eyes. He grinned a magic grin at me and I grinned back before almost running into his arms and burying my face in his shoulder, intoxicating myself with his scent.

“Happy birthday,” I muttered against his shirt.

“Thanks Char,” he said, a smile apparent in his voice.

Iregretfully let him go and he gave everyone else greeting hugs, although I couldn’t help but feel a little smug that I got the first and longest one. Love aside, we’re best friends for life.

“Okay guys, you ready?” Brendon asked us all, returning to my side and putting his arm around Kiah and my shoulders. We all nodded and mumbled our variations of ‘yeah’ as we began walking out to…

“A Mercedes?” I questioned at the sight of the fancy, shiny, beige-coloured set of wheels on the street outside Spencer’s house.

“Dad’s letting me borrow it for tonight,” Brendon grinned, opening the back door like a gentleman.

“People are going to think we’ve done something bad…” Spencer muttered as I laughed.

I went to step in the back of the car after Kiah, but got stopped by a firm hand on my shoulder. I turned around a little too fast and bumped my head into Brendon’s chin. Real smooth.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, a cross between a puzzled look and a frown on his face.

“Um, getting in the car?”

“In the back?!” he asked incredulously. I jumped a little. “I think not! You’re my best friend, and that means you get shotgun.”

“Uh… okay… if you’re going to make that big a deal out of it…” I trailed off as he opened the passenger door for me and I stepped in.

“Good girl,” he said smugly as he slipped into his own seat and twisted the key in the ignition.

Now of course, regardless of the 5-star restaurant we were going to, regardless of our formal wear, regardless of the occasion, we still all considered ourselves kids. And so there’s nothing stopping the group of happy kids with an expensive car listening and singing along to Jimmy Eat World tracks.

“Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt
Our hearts littering the topsoil
Tune in and we can get the last call
Our lives, our coal
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt
Our hearts littering the topsoil
Sign up
It's the picket line or the parade
Our lives
I’m not alone 'cause the TV’s on yeah
I’m not crazy 'cause I take the right pills everyday…”

Etcetera, etcetera. However, when I say we were ‘singing along’, I really mean yelling at the top of our lungs with the windows down as we raced through the darkening city towards the upscale restaurant that we actually had no idea how to get to. Naturally, we attracted a few strange looks as we searched for the place. Eventually we found it, and entered the big, wooden double doors with flushed faces and wide grins. The restaurant employees were not impressed.

“Excuse me, do you have a reservation?” A snotty middle-aged woman with her blonde hair pulled back in a severe bun approached us.

“As a matter of fact we do,” Brendon smirked a little. “Eight thirty, table of five, for Urie?”

The woman’s lips pursed unpleasantly as her hawk’s eyes scanned the reservation list, running her scary long red nails down the sheet. Her thin eyebrows shot upwards and her head snapped up to look at us. She attempted to paint on a smile, but it looked like more of a grimace.

“Right this way, Mr Urie.”

We followed her to a circular table draped with a cream table cloth and the fancy dinnerware all matching in a purple colour scheme. The five of us took our seats, smirks on our faces at the annoyed woman. Brendon took in a deep satisfied breath and let it out, clasping his hands together.

“Order whatever you want, guys!” he grinned. “It’s on my parents.”

We laughed and I started scanning through the menu. It was all fancy and in French. I would’ve been fine with Pizza Hut, but whatever.

“Kiah!” I whined for the second time tonight. “I don’t do French! I can’t read this stupid menu!”

Apparently I’d said that a tad too loud, because some other people turned to look at us. I tried to sink into my chair to avoid the unwanted attention. Kiah chuckled and leaned over to help me attempt to read the foreign language. Did I mention she’s a language freak? Well she is.

“Okay Char, why don’t you just tell me what you want and I’ll tell you what to order?”

“Well what do they even have here? What kind of restaurant is this, anyway?”

“It’s pretty much got everything,” Brendon answered.

“Pizza?” I asked, slightly hopeful.

“Except that,” he laughed at me. I poked my tongue out at him.

“Shut up,” I grumbled.

“They’ve got pasta,” Kiah tried.

In the end I ordered the spinach, cheese, and mushroom ravioli, stumbling over the French pronunciation when the waiter came to take our orders. I swear he started laughing at me, but let it go because he was good-looking.

We talked and ate and laughed for hours. We invented a game; who can weird out the other customers the most? Spencer and Kiah won, with their conversation on how important the pole is to strippers. The group of three people, approximately in their mid-fifties, on the table next to us actually up and left. I was laughing so hard there were tears in my eyes, and Brendon had to pat my back a couple of times so that I didn’t choke on my food. Ryan just laughed even more at my reaction.

When everyone else ordered desserts, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. The automatic sensory taps and soap dispensers scared me, seeing as I couldn’t figure out how to use them, but after I figured it out I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. I couldn’t help but think of how much I had changed since I moved to Vegas, four years ago. I could recall exactly what I looked like on every one of Brendon’s birthday’s that I’d known him for, and I felt the small familiar pang of acknowledging what had happened on the last two. Brendon had been sneaking glances at me tonight. I had a feeling I knew why. He wanted to ask me again. He wanted to know if I still felt the same, but he couldn’t ask in front of the others. I didn’t want to face it again. It’s better left forgotten, for him at least. So I created a mission for myself; don’t let Brendon get me alone tonight. Stick with Kiah, there’s no way he’d ask while she was around.

I made my way back out to our table to see that Kiah had switched seats with Ryan and was deep in discussion with Spencer about god knows what. Okay, I couldn’t hide behind Kiah, so plan B. Ryan Ross.

“Ryro,” I said tiredly, slipping back into my chair and leaning my head on Ryan’s shoulder. He brought his arm up around me, and I felt Brendon watching. Even after our little stunt, I think he still suspected that we might secretly be together.

“Charlie, I need to talk to…” Brendon started, but I pretended not to hear him. I’m such a bitch.

“Ryan, can I take a bite of your cake?”

If I was watching Brendon, I would have seen his shoulders droop and his eyebrows pull together in a small frown. But I wasn’t watching him.

“Sure thing, sweetie.”

Ryan scooped some cake on his fork and I opened my mouth, but the tricky boy missed my mouth and smeared it all over my cheek.

“Oops,” he laughed.

“Oh you’re going to pay for that one, Ross,” I growled.

And that’s how mine and Ryan’s mini-food-fight began. I’d just like everyone to know that I won, thank you very much. However, the cost of my victory was being ‘escorted’ out of the restaurant by strong-looking employees. Oh well, it was worth it.

We all got in the car and Brendon began driving. He was exceptionally quiet for him. And I think I knew why. I felt bad, but can you blame me for wanting to avoid the conversation? I don’t need to hear how much he doesn’t return my feelings again. After our laughter died down, the car was silent. I insisted Brendon had to let Kiah ride shotgun, because it wasn’t polite to let one girl and not the other. Somehow I won that argument and spent the journey falling asleep on Ryan’s shoulder. As we were passing our school, Brendon broke the peaceful quiet.

“Charlie?”

My insides squirmed. He sounded serious.

“Yeah?” I squeaked.

“I need to talk to you.”

He had that business-like, don’t-mess-with-me tone. Ryan glanced down at me quickly, slightly worried, but I ignored him and gulped. I guess I couldn’t avoid him forever.

“Okay.”

We dropped Kiah home first before returning to mine, Spencer’s and Ryan’s street. We all got out, stretched our limbs, and bid our farewells before Spencer and Ryan crossed the street to their house, Ryan tossing me another worried look over his shoulder that I once again ignored. Brendon and I stood in silence. The wind whipped my hair out to one side as I stared down the street at nothing in particular. Brendon was watching me, a puzzled and slightly frustrated look on his face. I wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence, so I waited for him to. Which he did.

“Charlotte, are you with Ryan?”

I rolled my eyes exasperatedly. At least he didn’t ask it directly. Yet.

“No, Brendon, I am not with Ryan. We are close friends. That’s it.”

“Really?” One of his eyebrows floated upwards. “Because you act like you’re together and you have no problem touching or kissing each other and…”

I was so over this. I kind of exploded.

“God, Brendon! Are you trying to kill me inside or something?! Are you trying to make me say it again, just to remind me?”

He stood shocked. I’d never yelled at him before. I’m not the yelling type.

“No, I am not with Ryan, or with anyone else for that matter, because I am still, after two years, head over heels in love with you! I get it, you don’t feel the same. We don’t have to bring it up every year to remind me how much I hate this. And trust me, I do hate this. I don’t hate that you don’t love me back, that’s just life, but I hate being in love with my best friend. I hate being completely destroyed whenever I am forced to think about it. And by association, I hate talking to you right now!”

We stood in a stunned silence while I let my racing heart and heavy breath calm down. He didn’t say anything. He just stood and looked at me, regret in his eyes. Remember how last year I said that I'd had a year to grow up and get over it? Well maybe it's stress from exams, or maybe it's my hormones running amock, but it's quite clear that I feel differently this year.

“I’m sorry Brendon,” I whispered, a tear falling from the corner of my eye. “I’m sorry I spazzed out, I’m sorry I ruined your birthday, I’m sorry I fell in love with you. I’m so sorry. For everything.”

We stood there for a few more moments. He tried to talk, but I didn’t want to hear it right now.

“Charlie…”

“Happy birthday Brendon.”

I forced myself to quickly peck his cheek before turning and quickly walking up my driveway into my house, holding back the tears. I wasn’t going to cry over him. Not again.