Give It a Try

A week passed and we were finally feeling better. Jeremy – one of Artemis’s friends – had invited us to his house for a party. He really wanted me to come so I could meet his girlfriend. And I really wanted to go just to get out of the house.

I dressed in jeans and a long sleeved black sweater. I convinced Artemis to let me keep my face makeup free. Jeremy lived closer than Mike but his house was just as large. Artemis held my hand as we went up to the door. He put his arm around my waist as he knocked on the door.

“Took you long enough!” Jeremy laughed and pulled us in. “Nancy is ecstatic to meet you,” he told me as we went further into the house. “She doesn’t have many girlfriends, you see, because she’s a little… different.”

At first I thought he was being funny, but the look on Artemis’s face told me he wasn’t. When we got to the living room, it was really crowded and music was pounding from the stereo. He had us wait and disappeared into the crowd. I leaned instinctively into Artemis and he squeezed me. It took several minutes for him to return.

He was leading a young girl my age. She had long blond hair and blue eyes. She gave me a shy smile. She was very small, probably only 5 foot tall.

“I’m Nancy,” she said and I shook her head.

“Deidre,” I returned. I could see Jeremy looking nervous out of the corner of my eye. “It’s great to finally meet a girl among all these boys.”

She laughed. “Yeah, it is.” She looked around at the people pouring in through the door. “Artemis, can I steal her?”

“Of course you can,” he said, kissing me.

Nancy took two bottles of water and gestured for me to follow her. We climbed some stairs and she opened a door on our left. When I walked in, she shut it quickly, breathing out in relief. I was getting a strange feeling from her but I waited patiently. She sat on the bed and I sat at the desk. It must have been Jeremy’s room.

“So, Jeremy mentioned you’re going to school,” I said after awkward silence.

“Yeah,” she nodded.

“What’s your major?”

“Biochem,” she answered. “Do you go to college?”

“No. I never was given the opportunity.”

She leaned forward. “So you really were homeless?” I nodded, biting my lower lip. “What about school?”

“My mom taught me.”

“Wow…. I can’t imagine what that could be like,” she whispered.

“Can I say something?” She nodded, looking nervous again. “Jeremy said you were excited to see me but you don’t seem to be.”

Her shoulders fell. “Jeremy didn’t tell you…. He’s a good boyfriend,” she laughed. “He keeps my secrets.”

“Secrets?”

She looked at her feet. “I’m…. Well, I’m different.”

“In what way?”

She sucked on her lower lip, looking anywhere but at me. “When I was a baby, my mother… she was abusive. I was crying in my crib – Daddy said it was because my diaper was dirty – and she picked me up and started shaking me. She was trying to get me to stop. Daddy tried to stop her but, when she did, she dropped me. I landed on my head….” She pulled her hair back and I saw a very slight indent. “My skull was still soft enough that….”

“I’m very sorry,” I whispered.

She stared at me. “You’re not just saying that,” she stated. “You know how it feels.”

I frowned. “What?”

Her shoulders fell again. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.” I shook my head. “They think it’s because of my mom hurting me so much…. I can see things.” I had no idea what to say. “It comes and goes. You… someone close to you hurt you.”

I nodded, this time being the one avoiding her gaze. “It was my father. He would… he would rape and molest me.”

Tears jumped to Nancy’s eyes and she wiped them away quickly.

“That’s terrible! Why would he do such a thing?”

I just shrugged. “He was a drunk.”

“Is he still alive?”

“Yes. I don’t know where he is, though.”

“Do you?”

I stared at her. Did I want to know? If he was still in the state, I’m sure he had heard about everything by now. Would I want him at my wedding? I hadn’t even considered that part….

“I don’t know, to be honest,” I said.

“Have you told Artemis what happened?” I nodded. “That’s good. Do you love him?”

I sighed heavily. “I don’t know, Nancy,” I mumbled. “He’s a great man. He’s done so much for me. But I’m afraid.”

“Of loving him?”

“Yeah. He’s had plenty of opportunities to hurt me and he hasn’t. So that says a lot about his character.”

“Have you had sex?”

Her questions were very blunt but I couldn’t help but feel comfortable answering her.

“No. We almost did but he stopped me.” I blushed. “It’s…. I can’t decide if I want sex or if I don’t.”

“I read in my psychology text book that women who are taken advantage of at a young age face that problem.”

I stared at the floor. “I’ve had such awful experiences with men that I don’t think I even know what love is.”

She was about to say something but someone knocked on the door. I jumped as it opened, revealing Jeremy.

“Hey, babe,” he said. “Your show is on.”

Nancy’s eyes lit up. “Is it okay if I go?” she asked me. “I mean, we can keep talking but-”

“No, go ahead. I’ll probably stay up here for a few minutes, though,” I said to Jeremy. “Could you let Artemis know?”

He nodded. “There’s a guest room if you think you’ll be more comfortable.”

I smiled. “Just as long as hookups don’t come stumbling in.”

He laughed. “There isn’t any alcohol at this one. We’ve got underage kids here.”

“That’s very responsible.”

Nancy hugged Jeremy around the waist. “That’s Jeremy.”

He smiled lovingly down at her and they went downstairs. I found the guest room further down the hall and shut the door, leaving the door unlocked in case Artemis wanted to come in. I stood by the window for a while, watching snow fall. It was a week before Thanksgiving. The soup kitchen was probably preparing for the dinner they put on for us every year. I wanted to help but, after my last time in there, I didn’t think I’d be well accepted by those who came in for the food.

“Hey,” Artemis whispered, coming in the room. He shut the door and I smiled at him. He kissed me. “How’d it go with Nancy?”

“She’s a sweetheart,” I said. “She told me about what happened to her.”

He nodded, wrapping his arms around me. “She can sense who to open up to. I guess you’re one of those people.”

“I’m glad she did.” I leaned into him. “I told her about me,” I whispered. “It’s really easy to talk to her.”

He squeezed me a little. I inhaled his cologne and sighed in contentment. I closed my eyes, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart beat. He began to hum and rotated me on the spot. He put his head on mine and I linked my hands on his back. I didn’t recognize the song but it sounded so sweet coming from him.

I opened my eyes a little as we swayed.

“Do you love him?”

I thought back to when we first met. He had been incredibly rude. He changed, though, and then Julia happened. I remembered how he ran through the ice, nursed me back to health, and didn’t blame me for what my father did. I thought of how much I enjoyed being with him and how bored I was when I wasn’t. He was my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night.

I looked up at him. He was smiling and staring at me. His lips were parted slightly as he hummed. I stood on my toes and kissed him. He kissed me back for a few seconds.

“What was that for?” he murmured.

I swallowed thickly. “Because I love you.”