Why I Killed My Own

"You have to work with me." My appointed defender sighed after another half an hour of silence. Well I was silent, he talked. "There has to be a reason you killed Kaden and your friends. Do you want to be imprisoned or worse executed?" Worse? Perhaps better, then I wouldn't have to think. I wouldn't have to remember. Still silent, he kept trying. You couldn't say he wasn't persistent. "Alright, I don't understand Grey. Please clarify something for me." When I still didn't react, he sighed again and kept talking. "From what I understand you are one of the stealthiest Shadowhunters alive. If you wanted to, you could have killed them without anyone knowing. Did you want to be caught?"

Did I want to be caught? A good question for once. Could I have gotten away with murdering my fiance and four friends? I probably could have...

I never liked serious dancing. I remember the classes we had to take. They were to enhance our ability to move fluidly and silently as we hunted demons. Logically I understood the need for them, but I hated going. I could have been doing something more productive like archery, actually working on close combat situations, or even parkour. I hated the leotards we were required to wear, the flats, the toe shoes, and even the tights. I especially hated the outfit when I started developing. I was the unfortunate girl that developed breasts earlier than most and they were considerable in size. I stuck out when all I wanted to do was blend into the shadows.

Will and I got into more trouble than we really needed to. We were partnered up more often than not because when we tried, we moved nearly insync with each other. We always knew where the other was stepping or moving towards. He never had to ask where I was going, and I never had to wonder when he was going to spin me. Our trust in each other was almost magical or at least that's what people said. When we started doing lifts and jumps, I never once questioned whether or not he would drop me. As much as the teachers hated us being paired together, they couldn't separate us.

There was only one time a dance teacher tried to have us switch partners permanently. Will had been paired with a girl that took the dance classes too seriously. I bit my lip, trying not to laugh as she scolded him every two minutes (I counted once) about his form, strength, or not reading her movements. He made the mistake once in countering that technically she was supposed to be following him. She narrowly missed her pointed shoe in his crotch. That lead to another fight to which they had to work on trust exercises for the rest of the class period. They remained partners for two weeks before I was once again his partner.

While he worked with his psycho partner, I managed to rope myself a pervert. Our partnership worked for about a week. He lulled me into a false sense of security before his hands started to migrate to wrong areas. At first I thought we were merely adjusting to each other. I was taller than his previous partner and a little bustier. I was willing to give him some leeway and at first gently reminded him that his hands should be lower near my waist or my legs were longer so move his hand away from my butt. After the first week I began to get not only uncomfortable but angry. I couldn't trust him. I got yelled at on many occasions for hesitating and trying to take control. For some reason the teacher didn't realize that my partner was the cause. There was some jealousy in me that Will got a control freak for a partner, I almost wished I had someone like her. When I went to complain, the teachers blew it off as me trying to get Will as a partner again. I scowled and stormed off.

Like most best friends, we complained to each other. He promised to beat the shit out of my partner while I promised to sabotage his. We laughed and moved on with our lives because we were never ones to let someone or a class defeat us. Our dance partnership was only restored when we were both called before the headmasters which was really never a good thing since one was his dad and the other his aunt. To be fair we felt we weren't in the wrong. I was already having a bad day. I woke with a throbbing headache, I walked into a door, and nearly missed one of my classes because someone had put my bow way in the wrong spot. Then my perverted partner decided to be extra handsy and after two warning, I leaned in close and growled, "Go near my butt or breasts again and I will dislocate your wrist. Understand?" I heard a snort but returned to my position to redo to routine. He didn't listen. Within seconds he was in the fetal clutching now dislocated wrist with me towering over him, "Stay the fuck away from me you pervert!" Then I stalked away, slamming the doors behind me. Of course Will followed and was also sent to the headmasters' office for saying something rude to his partner.

In regular clothes, Will and I sat lounging in the chairs as we waited for Mr. Alec and Mrs. Clary to call us in. Both gave us disapproving when they saw me in between Will's legs as he gave me a shoulder message. Not uncommon to see us in each other's space, but we were in trouble we could have at least acted like it. We were both impressed by the scolding we got.

"As punishment, you are to help in the kitchen before breakfast and after dinner, extra ballet classes with Mrs. Dunner, and you are restricted to the academy for the next two weeks." Mr. Alec decreed.

Both of our mouths dropped before Will shot up. "But dad! That asshole was harrassing Grey! You can't honestly tell me that she's gunna be punished for defending herself and he's gunna get off free. How is that fair?"

"First, if there was a problem Grey should ahve talked to someone-"

"Technically I did, but Ms. Calgory didn't do anything." I pouted with crossed arms.

Mr. Alec gave me a side glance, "You should have gone to someone else. Violence is not the answer, especially against our own kind."

"Calling the kettle black much?" Will scowled.

"William." Alec warned barely aware of Mrs. Clary snickering next to him.

"Grandma told us about the time you punched that kid in the nose."

"And I dealt with the consequences and so will you two. I will talk with Mr. Ferraro once he is out of the hospital wing. Do you have anything to say about yourself?"

Will scratched the back of his head, "Ah, not really. She's a real bi-" I kicked him to remind him who he was talking to. "Piece of work to have to dance with. She's constantly fighting me and I kinda snapped. I deserve my punishment."

"I'm impressed you admitted to that." Mrs. Clary smiled as she leaned on the desk. "However, this isn't just about this one incident, you two have had dozens of complains. The main one being you don't take the class seriously and fool around causing a disruption."

"But it's boring." Will complained like the five year old he wasn't. "I already know how to tread carefully, hell Grey is like a freaken cat. We're also like the most insyc team in this institute. Excluding you and Uncle Jace." His eyes shot to his dad's before returning to his aunt. "Can't we get a get out of jail card or something?"

Mrs. Clary and Mr. Alec look at each other before she replied, "We'll think on it, but for now your punishments remain. Get to class and stop disrupting."

"We like Sword work, there will definitely be no monkey business there. Bye dad, bye Aunt Clary." He grinned as he swung his bag over his shoulder and started towards the door.

"I did warn perv that I'd dislocate his wrist if he wandered to close to my chest or butt. I gave him three strikes and he still went again. As for Will, his partner... I'd rather try to dance with a Greater Demon than with her. Bye Mr. Alec, Mrs Clary." I waved and trotted to catch up to Will.

Three days later we were given the chance to get out of ballet classes for the rest of our training. If we could get a near perfect score on our midterm performance we wouldn't have to take ballet classes again. With a month and a half to practice, Will and I did everything in our power to perfect our choreography. Since we weren't a fan of regular ballet, our choreographer added many trust tricks to our dance to prove that yes we did trust each other.

After many falls, laughs, and sleepless nights the day came. The news got around that we were performing to test out of dance classes causing a large crowd to gather. So no biased opinion on us would be made, Mr. Alec and Mrs. Clary had three teachers from Idris come to judge. As I stared out into the crowd from the side I started to hyperventilate. "Will, I can't do this."

"What are you talking about?" He came up behind me with his chin resting on my head and arms wrapped around my shoulders. "We are going to do amazing and never have to take classes again. We can focus on fighting and stalking and being an awesome team." He leaned down and kissed my temple. "We got this. Ready?"

I took a deep breath and slowly released it. "Yeah, let's do this." Hand in hand we walked out to a crowd larger than any other performance had previously. Well shit. "Hi, I'm Grey Steren." I gave a slight wave and then looked up at Will.

"Sup, I'm Will Lightwood-Bane. Ah, here's our midterm dance." He nodded at the person controlling the music before we got into position to dance. Once the music started and we began to dance, it was like everyone melted away and it was anther rehearsal. After hours of practicing, our bodies moved on their own, the only thing slightly ruining our performance was the faces we'd make to each other everyone once in a while. Some probably saw it as unprofessional, but to us it was soothing. A reminder that the other person was there and there was nothing to worry about. At the end, once the dance had finished we stared at each other. The room was silent only broken when we laughed and hugged each other because holy shit we did it. We did every move perfect, better than any other time.

The room erupted, startling us out of our world. I tugged on Will's sleeve and whispered, "Freedom." He laughed harder as we bowed and ran off stage because nope we were done. Our retreat was short lived when Mrs. Clary called us back. "Nooo." I whined before putting on a smile and walking out to stand next to her.

"As most of you know, these two don't like ballet classes." A snicker rippled through the crowd, we were legendary about our antics in class. "They have performed today with the possibility of testing out of further ballet classes. They were judged on form, difficulty, trust in their partner, grace, and rhythm. The judges have decided..." She nodded to the three judges and a silence swept over the room.

"Having lost some point on professionalism." The judge looked at us with the you-know-what-I'm-talking-about stare. "However, you have earned near perfect scores in every category. We have decided to give you an A for your performance."

"Yes!" We cheered together followed by the room clapping and whooping for us. We would never have to dance again. After that we focused on bettering ourselves as a team and individually. I helped him skulk around in the shadows and use a bow, while he taught me how to fight in close combat.

It was amazing, it was perfect... It would soon come crashing down...

Yes, yes I did want to be caught. My perfectly imperfect life had shattered long ago and I was being a coward. Please, just find me guilty and end this...

"If you don't start talking, the Clave will send the Inquisitor." Bring him in, he'll declare me guilty. "Your actions are far more grave than I think you realize. Everyone wants to know why. From what I understand he's planning on using the Mortal Sword if you don't answer." My head shot up. I hadn't thought about that.