Status: Active.
Andy
Disappoint.
I landed a front row seat, with a great view of the rage playing out across Principal Johnson’s face as he sat there in front of me in his office. His hands clasped calmly in front of him on the desktop, but his face, particularly the vein on his forehead and neck, stood out broadly as anger shook in his face, but he said nothing.
He’d already called my parents; my dad, to be more specific. Last night’s pissing match would be child’s play next to how he would react to this.
I was panicking, and forcing myself to keep taking the deep breaths. I could hear Elizabeth sitting just outside the office, blubbering to the school nurse and the support woman who worked in the school, who we’d nicknamed “Peacemaker”.
I could hear her every word, and it agonized me.
“-I don’t know what’s wrong with her! She started talking about that... Andy kid last week and hasn’t been the same since. What if she’s possessed or something? Isn’t that something emos are capable of?!” she cried, and I almost rolled my eyes at how idiotic she was being right now.
“She just... Started being aggressive, missed the last two days of school, came back today wearing dark clothes and makeup.”
“And she never has before?” the Peacekeeper asked her in a professional tone.
“No. Never. Ash hated the color black because of how empty and bleak it was. In fact, the only black articles of clothing she owns is a couple hoodies, like two shirts, a pair of jeans and a dress, and even then, she doesn’t wear those all the time.”
“Do you think that Asheen Hunter is in danger?”
“Huh?”
Her words shocked me, and I listened closer, becoming terrified just listening to the labels they were placing on me because of how I looked.
“Asheen, do you think she is hanging out with a bad crowd?” Peacekeeper rephrased her question carefully.
“I don’t know, maybe? It’s a possibility. Maybe Andy’s old friends?”
“Do you think she would be in danger around them?”
“I never met them, but maybe.”
“Okay... Thank you, Elizabeth. I’ll be speaking with you again later.”
I could hear a pair of heels clicking across the school tile to signal that Peacekeeper had left, and now either Elizabeth sat out there alone or the nurse was still with her.
I still felt dreadful, despite what I’d just heard her saying about me and my friends. Anyone who knew Andy and admired him instantly became a friend of mine.
I looked down, upset and absolutely angry with myself. Principal Johnson finally spoke.
“What provoked you?”
I looked up at him, and I wanted to glare, but restrained myself. I wanted to tell him it was none of his damn business, but bit my tongue. “Does it even matter? I lashed out over something stupid and simple... I was angry.”
“Why?”
I narrowed my eyes a little. “Because I recently went through the death of a dear friend,” I replied, with no details or specifics. It was none of his business, and he didn’t really care. He was just getting this information in case Elizabeth’s parents decided to press charges or sue the school for poor security and hall monitors. He was just covering his own ass and wiping it twice.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” His hands remained crossed and his posture professional as he continued to silently judge every fact of my existence.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, wincing when I heard a knock on the door behind me.
“Come in,” Principal Johnson called, all too excited to get started with the whooping.
My dad sat down in the seat beside me, and wouldn’t even breathe in my direction. I was so horribly far down the rabbit hole now. My dad would hate me for as long as I lived.
“What happened?”
I glanced at him, but he wasn’t addressing me, of course, he was addressing Principal Johnson. He looked eager to tattle on me. I sighed in defeat. Why did I even bother? I already told him she hit first, but he didn’t seem phased. Just because I was the weird looking kid out of the two of us, he wouldn’t give me the chance to plead my case.
As the brief details of my attack unravelled, I noticed my dad’s fingers clenching and unclenching angrily in an attempt to keep from scolding me. I’d embarrassed him, and now the whole town would know about it. He’d be a whispering topic, and people would point and say, “That’s the man whose daughter attacked that poor girl at the school. What a piss poor father. Didn’t he ever discipline her?”
“You’re free to take her home now,” he concluded, his hands resuming their calm position on the desktop.
“Huh?” my dad asked in confusion. “She can return to her studies, can’t she?”
“I’m afraid not. Asheen is suspended until Monday morning,” he finished up, his voice ringing with firmness.
My dad’s cheeks puffed out with unsaid words and frustration. His face had a red tint, like Principal Johnson’s did.
“Come on, Asheen,” he grunted, getting up and roughly pushing his chair in. I was hesitant as I left the room.
“Thanks,” I muttered to Principal Johnson for no reason. It was my secret way of saying “Thanks a fucking lot for getting me in trouble, asshole.”
Sitting outside the office, nursing her wounds with a collection of onlookers eager for her account on the fight, was Elizabeth. She glanced in my direction, but said nothing.
“I’m sorry,” I choked out, freezing in place. She looked at me and shrugged, looking down.
I pressed my lips into a line to keep them from quivering as I looked down, and followed my dad towards the exit at the end of the hall. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, but I blinked rapidly to keep them at bay.
I was just tired and angry.
And there was no one to blame but myself.
~~~
I opened the passenger’s door of my dad’s work car, and knew I’d interrupted a good day at work for him. He didn’t say that I’d just ruined his day, but I could read it in the frustration on his face.
“Are you mad?” I whispered, looking down. I knew the answer, but I needed to hear him say it, because I couldn’t assume he was.
He pressed his lips into a line in thought, and for a minute I thought he wasn’t going to answer. Finally, though, he did.
“No.” He sighed, and I breathed in relief, about to rejoice when he kept talking. “I’m just disappointed, Ash.”
I looked down again, this time in shame. Even my dad, who loved me more than anyone on earth, was disappointed with me.
~~~
Pulling into our driveway early was even more disheartening. I knew my mom would be home, because like I mentioned a long ass time ago in this story, she’s a seamstress and she was working on a gown right now in her sewing studio next to the music room.
My dad didn’t get out right away, nor did he order me to. He just sat there, staring at the windshield.
“What happened, Ash?”
I sighed. “She just said something that-”
“Not that,” he interrupted, shaking his head and looking down. “What’s happened to you? This isn’t you. Skipping school? Dark clothes and makeup? Hurting people?”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized again.
“I know you are,” he replied, “but I don’t want an apology. I just want to know where my little girl went.” He looked over at me with those saddened brown eyes. I sighed, knowing that he could never know what truly happened to her. And as far as I was concerned, this was me now. And I felt sorry for my parents, because their sweet girl was gone, and I couldn’t even feel her in me anymore. She might as well be in the ground right next to Andy.
He’d already called my parents; my dad, to be more specific. Last night’s pissing match would be child’s play next to how he would react to this.
I was panicking, and forcing myself to keep taking the deep breaths. I could hear Elizabeth sitting just outside the office, blubbering to the school nurse and the support woman who worked in the school, who we’d nicknamed “Peacemaker”.
I could hear her every word, and it agonized me.
“-I don’t know what’s wrong with her! She started talking about that... Andy kid last week and hasn’t been the same since. What if she’s possessed or something? Isn’t that something emos are capable of?!” she cried, and I almost rolled my eyes at how idiotic she was being right now.
“She just... Started being aggressive, missed the last two days of school, came back today wearing dark clothes and makeup.”
“And she never has before?” the Peacekeeper asked her in a professional tone.
“No. Never. Ash hated the color black because of how empty and bleak it was. In fact, the only black articles of clothing she owns is a couple hoodies, like two shirts, a pair of jeans and a dress, and even then, she doesn’t wear those all the time.”
“Do you think that Asheen Hunter is in danger?”
“Huh?”
Her words shocked me, and I listened closer, becoming terrified just listening to the labels they were placing on me because of how I looked.
“Asheen, do you think she is hanging out with a bad crowd?” Peacekeeper rephrased her question carefully.
“I don’t know, maybe? It’s a possibility. Maybe Andy’s old friends?”
“Do you think she would be in danger around them?”
“I never met them, but maybe.”
“Okay... Thank you, Elizabeth. I’ll be speaking with you again later.”
I could hear a pair of heels clicking across the school tile to signal that Peacekeeper had left, and now either Elizabeth sat out there alone or the nurse was still with her.
I still felt dreadful, despite what I’d just heard her saying about me and my friends. Anyone who knew Andy and admired him instantly became a friend of mine.
I looked down, upset and absolutely angry with myself. Principal Johnson finally spoke.
“What provoked you?”
I looked up at him, and I wanted to glare, but restrained myself. I wanted to tell him it was none of his damn business, but bit my tongue. “Does it even matter? I lashed out over something stupid and simple... I was angry.”
“Why?”
I narrowed my eyes a little. “Because I recently went through the death of a dear friend,” I replied, with no details or specifics. It was none of his business, and he didn’t really care. He was just getting this information in case Elizabeth’s parents decided to press charges or sue the school for poor security and hall monitors. He was just covering his own ass and wiping it twice.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” His hands remained crossed and his posture professional as he continued to silently judge every fact of my existence.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, wincing when I heard a knock on the door behind me.
“Come in,” Principal Johnson called, all too excited to get started with the whooping.
My dad sat down in the seat beside me, and wouldn’t even breathe in my direction. I was so horribly far down the rabbit hole now. My dad would hate me for as long as I lived.
“What happened?”
I glanced at him, but he wasn’t addressing me, of course, he was addressing Principal Johnson. He looked eager to tattle on me. I sighed in defeat. Why did I even bother? I already told him she hit first, but he didn’t seem phased. Just because I was the weird looking kid out of the two of us, he wouldn’t give me the chance to plead my case.
As the brief details of my attack unravelled, I noticed my dad’s fingers clenching and unclenching angrily in an attempt to keep from scolding me. I’d embarrassed him, and now the whole town would know about it. He’d be a whispering topic, and people would point and say, “That’s the man whose daughter attacked that poor girl at the school. What a piss poor father. Didn’t he ever discipline her?”
“You’re free to take her home now,” he concluded, his hands resuming their calm position on the desktop.
“Huh?” my dad asked in confusion. “She can return to her studies, can’t she?”
“I’m afraid not. Asheen is suspended until Monday morning,” he finished up, his voice ringing with firmness.
My dad’s cheeks puffed out with unsaid words and frustration. His face had a red tint, like Principal Johnson’s did.
“Come on, Asheen,” he grunted, getting up and roughly pushing his chair in. I was hesitant as I left the room.
“Thanks,” I muttered to Principal Johnson for no reason. It was my secret way of saying “Thanks a fucking lot for getting me in trouble, asshole.”
Sitting outside the office, nursing her wounds with a collection of onlookers eager for her account on the fight, was Elizabeth. She glanced in my direction, but said nothing.
“I’m sorry,” I choked out, freezing in place. She looked at me and shrugged, looking down.
I pressed my lips into a line to keep them from quivering as I looked down, and followed my dad towards the exit at the end of the hall. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, but I blinked rapidly to keep them at bay.
I was just tired and angry.
And there was no one to blame but myself.
~~~
I opened the passenger’s door of my dad’s work car, and knew I’d interrupted a good day at work for him. He didn’t say that I’d just ruined his day, but I could read it in the frustration on his face.
“Are you mad?” I whispered, looking down. I knew the answer, but I needed to hear him say it, because I couldn’t assume he was.
He pressed his lips into a line in thought, and for a minute I thought he wasn’t going to answer. Finally, though, he did.
“No.” He sighed, and I breathed in relief, about to rejoice when he kept talking. “I’m just disappointed, Ash.”
I looked down again, this time in shame. Even my dad, who loved me more than anyone on earth, was disappointed with me.
~~~
Pulling into our driveway early was even more disheartening. I knew my mom would be home, because like I mentioned a long ass time ago in this story, she’s a seamstress and she was working on a gown right now in her sewing studio next to the music room.
My dad didn’t get out right away, nor did he order me to. He just sat there, staring at the windshield.
“What happened, Ash?”
I sighed. “She just said something that-”
“Not that,” he interrupted, shaking his head and looking down. “What’s happened to you? This isn’t you. Skipping school? Dark clothes and makeup? Hurting people?”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized again.
“I know you are,” he replied, “but I don’t want an apology. I just want to know where my little girl went.” He looked over at me with those saddened brown eyes. I sighed, knowing that he could never know what truly happened to her. And as far as I was concerned, this was me now. And I felt sorry for my parents, because their sweet girl was gone, and I couldn’t even feel her in me anymore. She might as well be in the ground right next to Andy.