A Little Bit of Truth
Chapter 5
I got a message from this ridiculously gorgeous guy (he disagrees with that gorgeous part but my word is law so HAHAHAHA, I win, babe) he seemed so genuine, sweet and
caring. I replied and kept replying. We talked late into the night about the most random things, our attempts at flirtation were corny and embarrassing but they seemed
to be working. Looking back on it though, we were lowkey crushing on each other from the beginning, it was RIDICULOUSLY obvious. Or convo ended in the middle of the
night and I went to bed with butterflies in my stomach and a smile on my face. We started talking on the first of February, into the second and it started up gain on
the fourth. The day he didn't speak to me I was so convinced I had blown it...blown it big time. I basically squealed with joy when he messaged me again. He got my
number and the rest is history. We texted, snapchatted, messaged each other on facebook from sun up to the middle of the night when we were too tired to keep our eyes
open. Then he decided to visit me, on Valentines day, he asked, I freaked the fuck out and said yes. It was one of the greatest days of my life, it changed my life. By
the next morning we were together, neither of us asked the other, it was an unsaid agreement. We were together, end of story. I was broken hearted that night when he
had to go. Apparently that was a shared emotion because he told me of his not wanting to leave me but not knowing how to ask and didn't want to impose.
I missed him like crazy and felt kind of clingy but apparently it was mutual. We texted and texted. I fell for him hard, that first ''I love you'' from him was..magic.
I never knew love before I met him, never knew so much kindness. He moved to my town after two weeks and god was I excited. We live together now, nine months into our
relationship, still going so strong. I moved in after 3 months and engaged after 5 months. I love him with my whole being....but I seem to be getting off track. What
does he have to do with my story? Good Question. I shall tell you. According to him, my being trans was obvious enough to him. I was a lost puppy and he lead me where
I needed to be. Let me make the discovery myself. He is the only one who I ever spoke to of my penis envy and my wanting to switch into a male body. Also, my want for
chest reconstruction and the removal of my reproductive organs, I had been pushing for those since I was a kid. He became my confident, someone I trusted with my life
from the very start. I knew my secrets were safe with him. He became my safe place.
I came out out to him at the same time as I admitted to myself who I was. It happened in the shower, I started breaking down and finally uttered the words
''I'm Trans...'' I bawled, I was so happy, angry, confused, frustrated. With myself. How could I have been so stupid? I was so obvious but I never saw it. I felt
silly for crying but he comforted me, told me he loved me and that he was by my side no matter what. He has been too. My constant companion and comfort. I can never
thank him enough for everything, he has taught me a lot. I started binding about 2 weeks after coming out, my first binder made me cry, mostly because it sucked ass
but a lot because I was so happy. My new clothing and hair cut followed that. I was out to everyone (including my mom) within a week of coming out ot myself, it was
like a band aid, I ripped it off. I felt free. I was finally myself. I picked out a new name, switched pronouns and after I was happier, I stood taller and still
can't believe I can be so happy. Everyone is still adjusting to it all, even I am. My mother and brothers were taken aback and were somewhat disrespectful to me.
My mother needed to make it known that I was gay now and being gay is wrong. They all grew out of it. I guess the knowledge that their choice was to accept and
embrace Avery or lose me all together snapped them out of it. I honestly think I wouldn't be where I am without Mareck. He made me realize I was entitled to my
happiness, that I counted and I mattered. He made me realize I was safe. Now I am on my way, slowly moving forward towards my goal of starting HRT (recent stress may
force me into the ER to see about getting it done faster), top surgery is also on the horizon. My name change and gender marker change are close too. I can't say that
my life has been perfect, but it's pretty close to it. I mean sure, not everyone is okay with my being trans (my father and stepmother for example but they deserve no
spotlight in my story because they are assholes, plain and simple), my oldest sister in law is a royal bitch about it and expects me to prove myself to her. If I were
less polite I would tell her to shove it up her ass and to fuck herself with a cactus but hey...I am better than that and better than her petty attitude. I am me, I
need to prove myself to no one. Clearly I would do this for fun and attention because having the constant threat of assault, rape, death and all kinds of other shit
over my head everyday is SO fun. Look me in the eyes someday and tell me I am lying. YOU DO NOT KNOW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF and quite frankly FUCK YOU for
thinking that.
caring. I replied and kept replying. We talked late into the night about the most random things, our attempts at flirtation were corny and embarrassing but they seemed
to be working. Looking back on it though, we were lowkey crushing on each other from the beginning, it was RIDICULOUSLY obvious. Or convo ended in the middle of the
night and I went to bed with butterflies in my stomach and a smile on my face. We started talking on the first of February, into the second and it started up gain on
the fourth. The day he didn't speak to me I was so convinced I had blown it...blown it big time. I basically squealed with joy when he messaged me again. He got my
number and the rest is history. We texted, snapchatted, messaged each other on facebook from sun up to the middle of the night when we were too tired to keep our eyes
open. Then he decided to visit me, on Valentines day, he asked, I freaked the fuck out and said yes. It was one of the greatest days of my life, it changed my life. By
the next morning we were together, neither of us asked the other, it was an unsaid agreement. We were together, end of story. I was broken hearted that night when he
had to go. Apparently that was a shared emotion because he told me of his not wanting to leave me but not knowing how to ask and didn't want to impose.
I missed him like crazy and felt kind of clingy but apparently it was mutual. We texted and texted. I fell for him hard, that first ''I love you'' from him was..magic.
I never knew love before I met him, never knew so much kindness. He moved to my town after two weeks and god was I excited. We live together now, nine months into our
relationship, still going so strong. I moved in after 3 months and engaged after 5 months. I love him with my whole being....but I seem to be getting off track. What
does he have to do with my story? Good Question. I shall tell you. According to him, my being trans was obvious enough to him. I was a lost puppy and he lead me where
I needed to be. Let me make the discovery myself. He is the only one who I ever spoke to of my penis envy and my wanting to switch into a male body. Also, my want for
chest reconstruction and the removal of my reproductive organs, I had been pushing for those since I was a kid. He became my confident, someone I trusted with my life
from the very start. I knew my secrets were safe with him. He became my safe place.
I came out out to him at the same time as I admitted to myself who I was. It happened in the shower, I started breaking down and finally uttered the words
''I'm Trans...'' I bawled, I was so happy, angry, confused, frustrated. With myself. How could I have been so stupid? I was so obvious but I never saw it. I felt
silly for crying but he comforted me, told me he loved me and that he was by my side no matter what. He has been too. My constant companion and comfort. I can never
thank him enough for everything, he has taught me a lot. I started binding about 2 weeks after coming out, my first binder made me cry, mostly because it sucked ass
but a lot because I was so happy. My new clothing and hair cut followed that. I was out to everyone (including my mom) within a week of coming out ot myself, it was
like a band aid, I ripped it off. I felt free. I was finally myself. I picked out a new name, switched pronouns and after I was happier, I stood taller and still
can't believe I can be so happy. Everyone is still adjusting to it all, even I am. My mother and brothers were taken aback and were somewhat disrespectful to me.
My mother needed to make it known that I was gay now and being gay is wrong. They all grew out of it. I guess the knowledge that their choice was to accept and
embrace Avery or lose me all together snapped them out of it. I honestly think I wouldn't be where I am without Mareck. He made me realize I was entitled to my
happiness, that I counted and I mattered. He made me realize I was safe. Now I am on my way, slowly moving forward towards my goal of starting HRT (recent stress may
force me into the ER to see about getting it done faster), top surgery is also on the horizon. My name change and gender marker change are close too. I can't say that
my life has been perfect, but it's pretty close to it. I mean sure, not everyone is okay with my being trans (my father and stepmother for example but they deserve no
spotlight in my story because they are assholes, plain and simple), my oldest sister in law is a royal bitch about it and expects me to prove myself to her. If I were
less polite I would tell her to shove it up her ass and to fuck herself with a cactus but hey...I am better than that and better than her petty attitude. I am me, I
need to prove myself to no one. Clearly I would do this for fun and attention because having the constant threat of assault, rape, death and all kinds of other shit
over my head everyday is SO fun. Look me in the eyes someday and tell me I am lying. YOU DO NOT KNOW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF and quite frankly FUCK YOU for
thinking that.