When I Said I Love You, I Never Meant It
It's Never As You Want It To Be
Some people say things because they have to.
Others say things because they don't know what else to say.
And some people say whatever comes out of their mouths.
I'm not sure if I'll ever know why he said what he said.
Let me explain.
Frank and I were sitting on the couch in his apartment, watching whatever was on t.v.
A commercial was on. One of those stupid car commericals that you want to forget, but can't. I will always remember that car commerical, every little detail. I'm not sure why.
I was in Frank's arms. I turned around and stared into his eyes. I grinned.
He looked away. Then he looked back at me, but he wasn't really looking at me. I could tell. It was one of those I'm-looking-at-you-but-I-can't-see-you stares.
"I love you Jamie." he said.
I felt so special. I forgot about how we wasn't really looking at me, how it sounded forced and a little unatural. I was lost in my own little dreamland. No one had ever said those words to me before. Well, of course my family and friends had. But no one had ever said it to me in this way. Never.
"I love you too." I said back, and kissed him.
Frank kissed me back. Then we continued to watch the t.v. Nothing happened. Nothing. It felt so odd, yet I hardly even noticed.
Until today.
You never notice these things, the little details until you don't need them. Until it's too late to go back in time and change things. Or even mention them to a friend. No one else notices these little things, or if they do, they never say. They just, let you screw up.
I'm a screw-up. A rejected crayon. A nothing. Frank broke up with me. Just now, like, five minutes ago.
"Sorry Jamie." he said, hands in pockets, looking down. "Things aren't working out. I think we need to see different people."
Then he left me, to sit alone on the swingset at the park, to cry and then just sit.
It's probably all my fault.
Or maybe I never meant anything to him.
But then why,why would he say "I love you" to me?
When he said I love you, I never noticed that it probably wasn't true. There were several signs that it wasn't, I know that now.
Maybe I'll never know.
All I know is that I feel very empty inside. Like I'm going to die. Like I want to vomit and curl up and die. The world has stopped moving. I miss him, and it hasn't even been 10 minutes yet. Is death a good alternative? Or is waiting it out better? Did he really mean it when he said "I love you?"
Others say things because they don't know what else to say.
And some people say whatever comes out of their mouths.
I'm not sure if I'll ever know why he said what he said.
Let me explain.
Frank and I were sitting on the couch in his apartment, watching whatever was on t.v.
A commercial was on. One of those stupid car commericals that you want to forget, but can't. I will always remember that car commerical, every little detail. I'm not sure why.
I was in Frank's arms. I turned around and stared into his eyes. I grinned.
He looked away. Then he looked back at me, but he wasn't really looking at me. I could tell. It was one of those I'm-looking-at-you-but-I-can't-see-you stares.
"I love you Jamie." he said.
I felt so special. I forgot about how we wasn't really looking at me, how it sounded forced and a little unatural. I was lost in my own little dreamland. No one had ever said those words to me before. Well, of course my family and friends had. But no one had ever said it to me in this way. Never.
"I love you too." I said back, and kissed him.
Frank kissed me back. Then we continued to watch the t.v. Nothing happened. Nothing. It felt so odd, yet I hardly even noticed.
Until today.
You never notice these things, the little details until you don't need them. Until it's too late to go back in time and change things. Or even mention them to a friend. No one else notices these little things, or if they do, they never say. They just, let you screw up.
I'm a screw-up. A rejected crayon. A nothing. Frank broke up with me. Just now, like, five minutes ago.
"Sorry Jamie." he said, hands in pockets, looking down. "Things aren't working out. I think we need to see different people."
Then he left me, to sit alone on the swingset at the park, to cry and then just sit.
It's probably all my fault.
Or maybe I never meant anything to him.
But then why,why would he say "I love you" to me?
When he said I love you, I never noticed that it probably wasn't true. There were several signs that it wasn't, I know that now.
Maybe I'll never know.
All I know is that I feel very empty inside. Like I'm going to die. Like I want to vomit and curl up and die. The world has stopped moving. I miss him, and it hasn't even been 10 minutes yet. Is death a good alternative? Or is waiting it out better? Did he really mean it when he said "I love you?"
♠ ♠ ♠
I am rewriting one of my original stories on here. Please let me know what you think!