Break on Me

“So what exactly is a patchover?” I asked Gemma as we sat and shuffled through papers that probably should have been sorted through about a decade ago.

“Formally, they’re adding a new charter to the club, but really they’re all just going for the party that happens after,” Gemma said with a smirk on her face but venom in her words.

“You never get worried?” I asked after a minute of silence once Gemma turned her attention back to the papers.

“Baby, what happens on a run stays on a run. If you ever wanna become an old lady, that’s a lesson you gotta get right with real quick,” Gemma said eyeing me over her stack. I had suspected she was suspicious about what was going on with Jax and me seeing as how I’m about as transparent as they get, but honestly I’m not even sure where we stand.

“Gemma, there’s nothing going on with Jax and me,” I said half trying to convince her and half trying to convince myself. Aside from a few times I’ve accidentally caught Jax glancing in my direction when he thinks that I’m not looking, there’s been radio silence on both of our ends.

“You tell him that? Because in the last half an hour he’s looked in the office about 7- make that 8 times,” Gemma said now smirking and waving at Jax through the open window into the garage.

I just laugh it off and keep my attention on the Honda Accord file in front of me. The more I thought about Jax and me the more I felt the weight of the situation that we were really dealing with on my shoulders. I had enough problems at home and I couldn’t add to that because the guys good in bed. I appreciate everything he’s done for my family too, but with each time they come back from a run with a bullet wound or someone else’s blood on their shirts a small wall wedges itself between my head and my heart.

I understand the club and I respect each man that is a part of it in their own ways, but could I really get right with all these rules?

A harsh knock on the door interrupted my thoughts, and for that I was grateful, Gemma seemed to be even more interested with my life the quieter I got.

“Hey baby we’re almost all set to leave, come watch us off,” Clay said walking into the office.
“You too Lilah, I’m sure half-sack would like to show off for his baby sister,” Clay said as him and Gemma walked out of the door.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” I called out, not really wanting to hear whatever it was Clay was whispering into Gemma’s ear.

“Hey ma, have you seen my-” I snapped my head up to the sound of the raspy voice, and was immediately regretting not following Gemma and Clay out when I had the chance.

“She just walked out with Clay, anything I could help you with?” I asked Jax who was now standing very awkwardly between the garage and the office.

“Nah, that’s alright. I’ll see ya when I get back alright?” Jax said before completely turning around and heading out to his bike.

I tried to hide the hurt on my face from Jax’s dismissal, and as soon as I saw Kip on his own motorcycle instead of the small dirt bike they usually make him ride, the fake smile turned into a real one. He waved bye as I stood there with Gemma and some other old ladies and thought once again about what Gemma had said.

“You can go home for the day Lilah, I’m sure you got some more important things to get done rather than file papers from 2003,” Gemma said as she walked us back in with her arm around my shoulders. I’m not sure when it happened but Gemma seemed to be really warming up to me, which was a huge relief. I hadn’t realized how badly I missed my mom, especially since Luke got sick again because I really didn’t have the time to think about it, but feeling Gemma’s arm wrapped around me made me miss the way my own mom would hug me tight in her gentle, but strong arms.
“Thanks Gem, I should probably head back home so Neeta can leave,” I said as I packed up my bag. Gemma just smiled and watched me walk out of the door.

I knew Neeta was paid up until 5:00, and it was only 3:00 so as I pulled out of the garage I knew exactly where I would go to kill a few hours.

Jax’s P.O.V

I couldn’t help but feel guilty about the woman’s arms wrapped around my torso dangerously close to the button on my jeans. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t lilah on the back of my bike, just some random skank I picked up at the gas station on our way into Nevada.

Her skirt was too short, her hair too blonde, she smelled of cigarettes, and she kept giving me “fuck me” eyes. Each of these variables would have drove me crazy months ago, probably would have just had my way with her at the gas station and went on my way. But now all of the things that I wanted were a hundred miles away at home.

I shook my head trying to get the brunette out of my thoughts, but she plagued them. I need this to stop. I need to put an end to whatever it was that we had, she deserves better than a guy that picks up random gas station skanks on his way to drop off guns, or a guy that kills without even blinking. If burying myself into another woman is the only way to shut her out of my head, then that’s what I’m going to do.

I shake my head at how disturbed I have truly become, hurting the woman I most care about in order to protect her, she deserves none of this.

Before I know it we arrive at Indian Hills, and I tell the girl to go inside and grab a beer and wait for me to be done. Her brown eyes look up at mine and she sends me a wink that does nothing but kind of irritate me.

My uncle Jury walks out of the clubhouse with open arms, “Jax its been too long brother,” my mood shifts now when I see one of my father’s oldest friends.

“Jury, good to see you,” I keep it short as I give him a pat on the back, knowing that he’s going to have a hard time accepting the ‘offer’ of a patch over. This club is everything he has, the Devil’s Tribe has been his for over 20 years, but we need more coverage and protection, especially with the ATF all over our backs. The newest wave of shit that has hit the club is Agent Stahl. She has been relentlessly harassing every member, every old lady, and every warehouse that the sons have ever come in contact with. Having guns in charming is the last thing we need, so the devil’s tribe is the first.
His eyes look into mine and seem confused, but they advert quickly to find the source of the roar of the motorcycles that are pulling down the road towards his club.

“What is he doing here,” Jury asks knowing full well what Clay is doing here. He knows that this friendly visit just turned into a patch over with the arrival of the president.

“Listen Jury, you guys are a small club. That might have worked in the past, but now all you guys are doing is getting pushed around and taxed by the Mayans, that won’t happen if you join the Sons, you know that.”

Jury’s face tightens but he slowly nods his head, “I’ll talk to Needles,” Needles being his VP. He walks away into his club house, as I lean against my bike and light up my cigarette.

“Think he’ll make it easy on himself,” Clay asks as he makes his way to stand infront of me.

I take a long drag trying to sooth the headache I have had since leaving charming, “He knows he has no other choice,” Clay nods his head and moves to stand next to Bobby while we wait for the President and VP to finish their discussion.

Jury calls us inside of chapel to observe their votes, and one by one each member reluctantly agrees to change cuts. As Clay starts the ceremony and begins to hand the men their new leather, four people get up throwing down the cut and walk out. I glance over at Jury and find his sad eyes watching his brothers leave. Again a pang of guilt hits me, but I drown it out and wait for the ceremony to be over.

Opening the chapel doors the booze is already flowing between the sweet butts and the old ladys. I watch as Clay narrows his sights on a crow eater that had already found her way to half-sack. Shaking my head as Clay grabs her away, I look over to find the girl from earlier making her way towards me with a beer.

“So this is your life huh?” she asks me as she sits down on the stool to my left.

I nod my head not really looking to make any conversation, instead I just reach out and place my hand on her thigh and wait for her to make the next move. She does of course, placing her hand just below my belt, I grab her hand and lead her back into one of the rooms away from all the commotion.
The windows open creating a slight breeze as I pull her towards me and let my hands find her ass. I pick her up in one swift motion as she wraps her long legs around my torso. As I begin to push Lilah out of my thoughts the loud noise of a car peeling away stops me for a second. I ignore it as her long nails dig into my back, and I let both of us fall onto the bed behind us.

Lilah's P.O.V

The sun is starting to lower in the sky as I pull out of the cemetery where my parents are buried. I hadn't visited them since before Luke got sick, and right now all I wish I could do is pull both of them into a hug and never break it.

I wipe a tear out of my eye, when I notice a black car has been tailing me for at least a mile. Charming is small so the idea that someone has been following me, is more likely just a coincidence seeing as how there aren't many main roads to drive on. Just when I feel myself starting to get paranoid as I pull into my driveway, the car turns onto a side street and I feel the weight leave my chest.

I walk up to the door about to open it, but pause when I see Luke standing in the kitchen on the phone. He wipes at his eyes and turns to Neeta as she pulls him into a hug.

Panicked thoughts rush into my mind, as I throw open the door ready to hear that Luke's cancer has spread.

"What's going on, what's wrong" I almost shout as I run over to them.

"It's gone Lil, I'm in remission." I immediately start to sob, the happiness that I am feeling is too much for me to handle.

I find myself wedged between Neeta and Luke and know that things are going to start getting better. All the pain and all the hardship, was worth this one moment.

"Let's celebrate," I finally say as we pull apart.

I run over to the cabinet and pull out all of the baking materials I will need to make Luke his favorite chocolate cake as Neeta starts to grab her things.

"I have to get home babies, but have fun tonight. I could not be any happier for you," she says as she squeezes Luke one last time.

The night is filled with laughter, terrible movies, and an unhealthy amount of chocolate cake. Luke went to sleep about an hour ago, but all the excitement of today was keeping me up.
I could feel my eyes slowly getting heavier, but a harsh knock on my door jolted me out of the light slumber. I looked over at the clock and it read 3:30.

Confused, I made my way over to the window and glanced outside to see an older woman in a suit standing outside of our door.

Half asleep, I opened the door, "Can I help you with something?" I asked the woman who was now smiling without it ever really reaching her eyes.

"Yes hello, sorry to bother you so late. I am Agent Stahl," I immediately froze. I heard this name around the clubhouse many times over the last few weeks, and I knew exactly who she was. I didn't let it show on my face however, and just kept the same confused look plastered on it.

"Okay, is there anything I can do for you," the fake ignorance dripping from my words.

"I just thought you might like to have a look at these," she said handing over a large envelope.
I reached out and took the package from her as she said have a nice night, and closed the door.

I reached into the envelope and my fingers wrapped around what felt like pictures. I pulled them out and tried to register what I was seeing.

I felt a lump instantly form in my throat and my chest. It was two people having sex. One was Jax. The other was not me. Tears threatened to fall but I held them back as I pushed all of the pictures back into the envelope and threw them onto the couch.

I was done.