Once a Hero

I rubbed the sleep from mg eyes just before the sun came up. 4 years of being in the military can form some really strange habits with my sleep. Before I went downstairs, I took a quick shower to wash the filth from my body and change into some fresh clothing. Once I got to the kitchen, I put on a fresh pot of coffee knowing mom would be up in a few minutes to start making breakfast for my dad before he went to work. When the coffee pot stopped dripping the caffeinated black liquid, I poured a cup for myself and sipping the awakening substance as the sin peaked through the windows.

"I wasn't expecting you to be up this early."

"In the training I received, they taught us to wake up before the dawn. That way we could see the enemy before they saw us." I said pouring mom a cup of coffee.

"I guess that's a good thing. Would you like some breakfast?"

"No thanks. I'll get something while I'm out. I better get going. The DMV is going to be the longest wait today." I said making mom chuckle as she started on breakfast. I gathered up what I would need for the day and went out to the 1970 Dodge Challenger Dakota had helped his dad restore.

Sitting in the driver's seat of his car brought me back to the day his father gave the car to him for his 16th birthday. I put the key in the ignition and cranked the motor giving the machine life. The sound of the horsepower engine was still the same as it was 6 years ago. Hell maybe even the day it came off of the assembly line. I put the car in drive and sped away from the house already wanting this day to end.

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Now I see why people hate coming to the DMV. Even before the business opens for the day, people have lined up outside the main entrance waiting to get in. I waited almost 3 hours before being seen for a 10 minute process and Jere I thought the military's postal system was slow as smoke off shit. After the DMV, I headed over to the Heavenly Stars Funeral Home too meet with the director.

"I see on here that you want to deliver a Eulogy."

"Yes sir. I've been to plenty of funerals where preachers stand in front of mourning people and recites a scripted speech about the deceased person's life. A life they know little to nothing about. Words spoken from someone close to the dead means so much more to everyone than words said at every funeral proceeding." I explained in all honesty but with the utmost respect.

"You make a valid point and I deeply respect what you're wanting to do. You know it takes someone with a while lot of love in their heart to feel that way."

"Thank you. I'm going back to Iraq in 13 days to rejoin my unit. Is there any openings somewhere along that timeline?" I asked.

"Well let me check the book." The funeral director thumbed through a leather bound book in the desk and opebss it to the calendar.

"The only Tims I have available is tomorrow. What time shod I pencil you in?"

"I was thinking from 2 to 3 PM for the receiving of friends and the service begin at 3 and end at 4 PM." I said and he nodded while writing.

"Open or closed casket?"

"Open please." I said and he wrote again.

"Let's see now... Your mother has already helped pick out the casket and the vault plus the music so there's no need to discuss that. I'd say we're pretty much done here. I'll have the Chapel ready before the receiving.

"Wait. What about payment?"

"That's already been taken care of by Dakota's parents."

"Oh well I guess I'll see you tomorrow." I said standing and shaking his hand.

"I'll see you then." I nodded and left the director's office. As I passed by the Chapel and overwhelming feeling of sadness entersd my body. It took all the strength I had in me to walk away and leaving the buildng to get back home to my daughter.

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Yesterday when I returned home from seeing the funeral director, the sadness I felt melted away when Jayla ran into my arms. We played outside for hours until mom called us in for dinner. I tried to talk to dad during the meal but he wouldn't respond. Ever since I got home, he has barely said a word to me which is strange. Mom wants me to be patient with him but how much patience can I give? I don't need the added stress especially not today. Its almost time to leave for the funeral and while mom was getting Jayla ready, I sat here on the bed not wanting to see Dakota's body laying there in some decorated box. I've seen plenty of soldiers die buy for some reason I just don't want to leave this room. Maybe I'm overcome with so much grief that I'm not thinking or seeing clearly.

"Honey, it's time to go." Mom said knocking on the door.

"I'll be down in a moment." I listened to her footsteps retreating from my door and going downstairs. I released a sigh and glanced at my reflection in the mirror. What I saw was a mother and a Marine. I knew I had to be strong off the field as I do on it. I left my room and met up with my parents and Jayla outside by the car.

"Can I ride with mommy?"

"Of course you can sweetheart." I said smiling. Mom gave me the car seat and helped me get Jayla strapped in. Mom and dad drove ahead of me as we took the route towards the Heavenly Stars.

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I stood beside Dakota's parents as people came up to see him one last time. Everyone gave their condolences to us before the funeral director came to get us for a private prayer service. When everyone was seated, Dakota's parents, Jayla, and I walked down the aisle to the casket. I let Dakota's parents go first and I could feel their pain. It was the same pain I was feeling. A hole torn so deep it not only penetrated my heart but my soul. Dakota's parents took their seats in the front row leaving Jayla and I standing in front of him. I picked up Jayla so she could see her father.

"I love you daddy." Jayla said before burying her face into my shoulder. I held her tightly as I touched Dakota's face. I looked over at my mother and she came and took Jayla from my arm before sitting back in her seat. I stared down at the man I loved so deeply. He looks so good for someone who had been killed in a car accident. My hand moved from his face to the thick hair that adorned his head. I left him and took my seat next to my mother as the first scheduled song began to play.

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"My friends we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a very special person. The grieving family of Dakota Myles wanted more than a traditional funeral service. Dakota's fiance, Sergeant Blayke Carrington, would like to say a few words on the life of the deceased." The preacher spoke. I walked over to the pulpit facing the crowd of mourning friends and relatives.

"All of you know Dakota in some way. I've loved this man since I was 14 years old. We were 2 inseparable kids and our parents can tell you that it's true. 4 years ago I gave birth to his child. When I first found out that I was pregnant with my daughter, I figured Dakota would run like most 16 year old boys would do but he stayed right by my side. He was extremely excited to learn that he was going to be a father. I was scared out of my mind, he was calm and collective. Hr was not a boy, he was a man. Times were a struggle but we pulled through it. Dakota stepped up even higher when I joined the United States Marine Corps. Dakota was more than just a man with a job and a daughter. He was a lover, a friend, a damn good companion but most of all....he was one hell of a great father. Jayla and I will miss you something awful Dakota but I promise you that I'll protect her against all odds and remind her of you every single day. I love you Dakota and I will never forget the love that we share." I said weakly at the end before rejoining my daughter. She slid out of my mother's lap and crawled into mine as the preacher took the pulpit.

"Isn't love grand? 2 people so young in age but not young with love. If you all will please bow your heads in prayer. I'll conclude the service." Everyone in the chapel bowed their heads. The preacher prayed for strength and guidance through this difficult time and I couldn't agree more. I really do need those 2 things right now. The preached finished the prayer and everyone began to leave to go to the cemetery. Dakota's parents visited their only sob one last time before leaving with my parents and daughter. I placed my hand once again on his head of thick hair and gently ran my fingers through it.

"Your hair is still so soft sweetheart. I guess it's gonna be the little things I'll miss about you. I know you can't hear me but I don't want to leave without telling you something. I know if you were still among us that you wouldn't want me to cry or feel this way about losing you but I don't think I'll ever get over the pain. I'll miss you each time I see Jayla and I don't...no, I know I won't be able to live another as much as I have loved you. I just thought you would like to hear that. Goodbye darling." I explained to Dakota hoping in a feeble minded way that he would sit up and start talking to me. He never would again. I hung my head and left the chapel. Mom waited by my car with Jayla and when I reached her, she strapped Jayla into the seat.

One of the funeral home workers came by and placed a flag on the window before the conga line of cars headed to the cemetery. We arrived in a short time and the pall bearers carried the casket to the gravesite. I sat down with Jayla in my lap as the preacher recited The Lord's Prayer. As people were dismissed from the graveside service. I stayed behind. Mom took Jayla from me and the look of concern smeared her face.

"I'll be fine mom. I just wanna stay a little longer. I'll be home jb time for dinner." I said staring at the casket as it was lowered into the ground.

"Don't be out too late."

"Worry wart." I joked patting her the shoulder.

"It's my job to worry." I smiled and she walked away with Jayla looking back at me. I waved and she waved right back at me. I turned back around and watched the men fill the home with dirt. When the workers left, I kept standing there just looking at the ground. As I stood there the sub went behind a dark rain cloud. The rain poured down on me making the tears that came from my eyes. Where my heart was once completely whole, now there's a gaping wound that will forever bleed.