Weapons of War

"Mama?" Riley glanced over from where she was sitting next to Noah's bed in the hospital to him. He was laying down on his side staring at her with his big brown eyes. She quirked her eyebrow at him, reached out to brush his hair from his forehead and Noah pouted as he asked, "Where daddy?"

She glanced at the door before she turned back to Noah and brushed her fingers through his hair again as she told him, "I don't know."

"Him gone." Noah said sadly.

"Nah, he's around here somewhere. Maybe he just got lost." When she said this Noah let out a little giggle. She brushed through his hair again once more as she glanced back at the door.

Shea had gone for a coffee break nearly forty minutes ago, she wondered if he really had gotten lost. It wasn't like him to be gone this long, in fact Riley had to practically force him to out of the door. He was exhausted and she figured a walk and some coffee would do him well.

Things were not necessarily better between them but they certainly weren't any worse. They had left their appointment the week previous with 'tools' on how to communicate better with each other, and had even used them once or twice but they had yet to address the elephant in the room; Shea's words to her. Of course Riley didn't want them to have to even consider splitting up, but Shea was right they had reached the point where it was either fix it or don't, this was just the first time either of them said it out loud.

She couldn't lie, it wasn't the first time she had thought about it. Riley had been one foot out of the door for nearly a whole year before Noah came along, and now, now that things were back in that state between them she knew that the biggest reason for why either of them hadn't just thrown in the towel was for Noah, and now this baby. Riley didn't want to give up on them, the last thing she wanted was to, after so long, be without Shea. It was more than just the kids, it was more than just having to start over, it was more than just having to be alone. She loved Shea, with almost everything she had, and she didn't want to live without him at all, but sometimes that didn't feel like enough.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when Shea stuck his head in the door, "Ry?"

She turned her head over her shoulder to look at him but Noah exclaimed, "Daddy!"

Shea smiled at him, "Mom and I have to talk to the doctor for a bit, we'll be back soon bud."

He pouted, "No."

Riley leaned forward, kissed his forehead and told him, "We'll be right outside the door, and we'll be quick."

He still pouted but Riley got up from her chair and left the room. She joined Shea in the hallway, he put his hand on her back, which surprised her, and she glanced at him, taking in his small smile, and then she turned to Noah's doctor and asked, "What's going on?"

"We've been looking over all his recent scans and blood work and we want to do the surgery." When he said this Riley started at him in shock as Shea's hand slid from her back to her hip and gently pulled her into his side.

"I thought… it's only been four months." She stated, not really sure what else to say. They had been told six months at the least, and now, four months into his treatment they wanted to do the surgery? Riley wasn't a worrier, but she was right now.

He must have sensed this because he gave her a gentle smile and assured her, "Originally yes, we thought it would take longer but the last month, month and a half, the treatment has worked better than we expected. The tumor shrunk to almost off of the scan, which is what we were looking for. The surgery will be a lot less invasive now, not quite as big of a job."

"So when are we talking?" Shea asked him curiously.

"Ideally we want to wait a few weeks, let his body recover a little bit. About three to four weeks." Riley was relieved when he said this, when he had first brought up doing the surgery she was worried that it would be too close to Christmas but this gave them a stress free Christmas and then they started the new year worrying about his surgery revovery. It also made things a little easier with Shea's schedule, they had lots of home games in January, and Riley would have the chance to figure a few more things out with their relationship, the pregnancy and Noah.

When they were left alone, Shea having already spoken to the doctor about scheduling the surgery for a time frame when he was home, Riley immediately slipped her arms around Shea's waist and pulled herself into him. He wrapped his arms around her, resting his hands on her back as he kissed the top of her head.

She didn't pull away, not right away, so Shea continued to hold her against him. Neither of them knew what to say, so they didn't speak. Not that they really needed to talk much anyway. Not now, now certainly didn't need any words between them.

When they went back into Noah's room he was sitting up in his bed watching them curiously. He looked at Riley and asked, "Why cryin?"

She smiled gently, wiped at her cheeks and Shea told him, "Mommy's really happy right now."

Noah stared at them in confusion but he didn't ask any further questions. Riley sat down in her chair beside his bed and Shea walked over and sat down on the end of his hospital bed. Which was when Noah crawled over to him and onto his lap, so, with a good grip on Noah, Shea stood up and shuffled to the head of the bed.

It was then that Shea asked him, "You feeling okay?"

Noah nodded but told him, "Tired."

Riley reached out and tickled the bottoms of Noah's feet, making him giggle, before she told him, "How about you and daddy have a nap yeah? I think you both need one."

She let out a laugh when Shea immediately laid back in Noah's much too small bed, and Noah cuddled into him. Before she knew it she could hear Noah's breathing shallow, and she jumped when Shea asked, "How's mommy feeling?"

She looked at him and said, "Mommy is tired, but very relieved."

"Good. I mean… not about the whole tired thing." She couldn't help but chuckle lightly at his rambling. He quirked his eyebrow, "Why are you laughing at me?"

"You still ramble when you're nervous." She told him, and he tried not to be too loud when he chuckled, he didn't want to wake Noah. When they fell into a silence Riley watched Shea, who was watching Noah, and she got his attention back to her when she asked, "Are we gonna talk about it at all?"

She didn't have to say it, he knew exactly what she was talking about and Riley was a little surprised when he told her, "Not now."

"When?" He sighed and she added, "We need to talk about it Shea."

"I know. Just… can we enjoy right now? Take him home, enjoy the fact that things are starting to settle down and go back to normal. Maybe talk about it tomorrow, and I mean that, see if Peks can babysit for a bit and just talk it all out." Shea told her and she nodded. That sounded better than trying to have that conversation with Noah at home.

She couldn't help herself from asking him, "Did you mean what you said? I just need to know that."

He sighed quietly, "Part of it yeah."

- - -

Two days after taking Noah home Riley found herself once again waiting for a doctor to give her some news. This time however it wasn't for herself, or for Noah, but rather for Shea. She had been pacing in the lounge outside the locker room for over half an hour. She knew the minute she saw Shea heading to the locker room after getting caught in the corner and being on the receiving end of a nasty hit that he was slow to get up from that it wasn't going to be good news.

She had left Noah with Quinn, who had opted to watch the game with Riley at home, and come to the arena almost immediately after seeing that hit. She had been around long enough to know when she needed to worry and when she didn't need to and this was definitely one of those times when she needed to worry.

Which was why she was pacing back and forth in front of the door to the medical room, waiting rather impatiently for someone to tell her what was going on and if Shea was okay.

She was chewing on her thumb nail when the door opened and she turned around to find Shea leaving, thankfully on his own two feet. He stopped walking when his eyes met hers, and his voice was quiet as he asked her, "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't really think I'd stay at home after that hit did you?" When she asked him this he smiled. He approached her, and she slid her arm around his back, and together they left the arena. It wasn't until they were in the vehicle, leaving Shea's truck in its parking stall to bring home sometime tomorrow, that Riley looked over at him and asked, "So what's the verdict?"

He glanced at her before leaning his head gently against the window and, with his eyes closed and his voice gentle, low and gravely, "Concussion."

She sighed gently and asked him, "How long?"

"A week minimum, probably more like two to three weeks, maybe longer." He told her and she reached out and put her hand on the back of his neck, gently rubbing his skin. He let out a breath of air and she pulled her hand away, starting the car and slowly backing out of her parking spot.

As she drove, as slow and carefully as she could and avoiding as many bumps as she possibly could, Riley glanced over at Shea to find him still with his head against the window and his eyes closed. She spoke softly, "Let me know if you need me to stop the car, okay?"

He nodded slowly but said nothing so she reached out and slipped her hand through his. He gave hers a squeeze and she rubbed her thumb against his skin. The rest of the drive home was silent, and it wasn't until they were approaching the front door that Shea asked Riley softly, "Where's Noah?"

"Quinn took him home with her, she's gonna drop him off on her way in to work tomorrow afternoon." Riley explained as she pushed the door open and grabbed Dug by the collar to keep him from jumping on Shea.

As he stepped into the house Shea held his hand out for Dug, giving him a quick pet as he used his toes to pull his shoes off, leaving them in front of the closet. Riley did the same with her own shoes before Shea said, "She didn't have to do that."

"Go upstairs and relax or something. I'll be up in a bit." Riley told him and when he shot her a look she turned him gently toward the stairs and told him firmly, "Go. Do as your told."

He could have laughed, but going up the stairs alone hurt his head too much so he went in silence. Riley waited until he disappeared down the hall before she locked up the house, grabbed Tylenol and water before she turned the lights off downstairs and headed upstairs. She found Shea sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, he didn't even look up when she walked in the room.

She placed the two water bottles and the Tylenol on the nightstand before she stood in front of Shea and told him, "Arms up."

"Hmm?" He mumbled, glancing up at her with squinted eyes.

She pulled the bottom hem of his sweater up and he got the point, holding his arms up long enough for her to pull the sweater carefully over his head. Once she was done that she waited as he pushed himself up the bed to rest his back against the headboard. That was when she turned the light in the closet on with the door closed halfway before she turned the lights in the bedroom off.

She crawled into the bed beside him and rested her head against his shoulder. He told her, "Go to sleep."

"Nope." She told him, and he sighed. She knew the routine, Shea hasn't had many concussions in his career but the few he had Riley had been around for. She knew the routine, Shea knew that and he should have known that she wouldn't just go to sleep and leave him to deal with it on his own. That just wasn't Riley. No matter what they were going through personally didn't matter when he got hurt, an injury changed things and they could have spent all of the day before screaming at each other and the minute he got injured it was like Riley forgot about everything from earlier. He didn't know how she did it but he loved that she did.

After a few seconds of silence he asked her, "Have you felt him move yet?"

When he reached out and gently placed his large palm over her stomach Riley nodded, "Once or twice, but not much."

"Noah didn't move or kick much either though."

She was surprised he remembered that and she voiced her surprise, "I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember a lot about when you were pregnant with him." When he said this she raised her eyebrow.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Like that you ate grapefruit like a crazy person." He said and she smiled, she slipped her hand into his as he continued, "And I had to find a new deodorant because the smell of mine made you sick, and you were crazy energetic."

"I don't think I've noticed any big cravings this time around." Riley said softly.

"Pretzels." Shea told her, and then he added, "You're eating a lot of pretzels. You craved sweets last time but I think this time it's salty food."

The first time around, with Noah, Riley had been so irritable and annoyed with how close of attention Shea paid to everything she did. This time around she smiled as he told her this, this time she found it endearing that he had noticed things like that. She told him, "This is so different from last time."

He nodded slowly and she felt it against the top of her head as he told her, "But at least we have a better idea of what to expect and it's not as scary."

Hours later Riley woke up, she must have fallen asleep a while ago because when she woke up the spot beside her in the bed was empty and cold. She laid in bed to listen to see if she could hear Shea downstairs, and she was surprised when she heard him in the bathroom. That was until she heard him gagging.

So she pushed the covers off of herself and got out of bed, pushing the door open to find Shea sitting on the floor bent over the toilet. She sat down behind him and rubbed his back and finally he turned to look at her and said, "Go back to bed."

She shook her head and settled in on the floor, back against the glass to the shower as Shea felt another wave of nausea hit him. She continued to rub his back and when he finished emptying his stomach and he too leaned back against the shower wall Riley spoke softly, "I was thinking yellow."

"What?" He asked her, confused no doubt.

"For the nursery." He turned his head to glance at her when she said this. She continued to talk, "Yellow and grey, and white furniture."

He didn't know she had even put that much thought into how they would decorate the nursery. He didn't think she gave any thought to it, let alone to have a color scheme in her head. So he asked, "Yellow though?"

"A pale yellow. Not that God awful shade your jerseys are." She joked.

He smiled and croaked out, "It's gold."

"As good as you look in it, it is not going in the nursery." Riley informed him, and then surprising him again she said, "And I was thinking we could move Noah down the hall, just a room or two so that we could put the nursery next to us. I liked having Noah next door when he was a baby, I'd like to do it again with this one."

Shea rested his cheek against the top of her head as he said, "I think he'd like that. We could paint his new room too, do a Superman theme or something."

"I want to pick a name that goes well with your name." She told him, rubbing her hand up and down his forearm for a moment.

"And if it's a girl?" He asked her with a tiny hint of amusement in his voice.

She shrugged, "You've never met a girl with your name? I have. A few actually. You have a feminine name babe, sorry."

"Yeah well you have a boys name so…" He told her and she smiled. After a few seconds of silence he asked, "Do want to go with a popular name again?"

"No."

"Alright so there goes Jackson, Aiden, Mason and Ethan for boys." When he told her this she raised her brow but he went on to girl names, "And Sophia, Olivia, Isabella."

"It's a good thing I hate all of those names then." Riley told him with a smile. She then said, "We didn't have very much trouble coming up with Noah's name."

"Well, Noah David Weber wasn't that difficult." Shea reminded her. They had been looking through a baby name book and the moment they both saw 'Noah' they decided that was it. Riley was sure it took less than a minute to decide.

"Well we're well on our way this time then." His brow quirked and she continued, "Well we have the last name and the middle name. Now we just need to settle on a first name."

"What about your middle name?" Shea asked her curiously. Riley wanted something more on the unique, less common side and Monroe wasn't a very popular first name.

She shook her head, "Monroe is Christina's last name."

"We've been together for like sixteen years and I never knew that." Shea told her.

"I always thought you knew." She stated softly, and then she gave his hand a squeeze.

He joked, "If it's a boy we could name him Peter. Like your last name only more first name-ish."

"Good god no. I'd rather not name a boy after the body part that makes him a male." She stated. Shea gave her hand a squeeze as she said, "We'll find a name, a good one that fits."

"You think? Because every name I look at I hate." Shea told her, adding in, "I'm very picky, it's not like we can change it if we stop liking it."

She smiled at his nervous ramblings and assured him, "We'll know it when we see it."