Weapons of War

Shea was carefully carrying Noah up the driveway while Riley unlocked the door and held it open, holding Dug by the collar just in case he decided to jump up on Shea and Noah. Once they were all inside Riley closed the door and let Dug go, surprised when he simply sat and watched Shea bring Noah over to the couch. Noah curled up on the little love-seat and Shea spread a blanket over him as he went back to sleep, and Shea turned to Riley, who was standing in the entrance to the kitchen, staring at it in confusion.

"Someone cleaned." Riley stated and Shea glanced around, his brows raising just the slightest. Riley was right, the kitchen had been cleaned, things had been put away, even their pile of bills left spread out across the counter were stacked neatly above the dishwasher. He watched her head to the fridge, where she pulled a folded up piece of paper off of it and Shea stood waiting while she read it, before she told him, "Apparently Quinn, Kelly and Pekka were here."

"They were?" Shea asked her as he glanced over his shoulder toward Noah, who was still curled up in a little ball on the couch with his blanket, and Shea smiled at the sight of Dug laying on the floor directly in front of the couch Noah was laying on. 

Riley nodded, opened the fridge, looked inside and then closed it and explained, "I guess they cleaned up, got some groceries."

"Making sure we don't have to leave the house for anything right away."Shea said, and she nodded. He grinned and said, "Kelly must have cleaned, it's never been this nice in here."

Riley narrowed her eyes at him, and Shea grinned at her. She glanced at the clock on the stove and told him, "Well you have to leave."

Shea sighed, "I don't think I should."

She approached him, and told him, "You are going. We'll be fine, Shea it's only an hour or two at the most. You have to go."

"I don't see why it has to be done today though. I could just change it to tomorrow or something." Shea told her, not really wanting to leave Noah alone on his first day home from the hospital even if it was only for an hour or two to see the team doctor and find out if he would be cleared to play yet or not. 

Riley smiled gently, leaned up and kissed him softly and told him, "Too bad. You're going."

"But-"

"Babe, go." She told him.

Shea narrowed his eyes and mimicked her, "Babe."

"Don't argue with your wife. She always wins." Riley told him with a smile, and his lips turned up into a small smile at her words. She patted his chest gently and told him, "Now go, pass your tests and come home with good news for me."

"You're so demanding." Shea joked as he made his way back into the living room. Riley leaned back against the kitchen island counter and watched with a small smile as Shea knelt down next to the couch where Noah was, brushing his hair off of his forehead and kissing the top of his head. When Shea turned around to find Riley watching him with a smile he raised an eyebrow as he straightened up and asked, "What?"

"Nothing, I just I like seeing you this way." Riley told him, and Shea reached out, grabbing one of her hands and pulling her into him.

"You're odd." He told her, and she shook her head.

"I do not think it's odd to like seeing my husband with our kid. It's part of the reason why we're having another one, you know." When she said this to him Shea raised his eyebrow in questioning and Riley nodded her head and told him, "True facts. If you weren't so damn cute and lovable and great with him I would straight up not be pregnant again."

"Oh so all I've had to do, all this time, is just show affection to our kid? Why couldn't you have told me this sooner?" Shea asked with a wide grin. 

Riley reached up, covered the side of his face and told him, "And that damn dimple, if I did not have extremely good self control we would have a baseball team by now. That thing is a baby maker."

Shea tilted his head back slightly and let out a booming laugh at her statement, and Riley simply watched him with a smile. When his laughter faded and he looked back down at her he said, "God I hope our kids don't get your personality."

"What the hell is wrong with that? I have a pretty frickin' great personality if you ask me." Riley informed him.

He smiled and told her, "You're loud, and obnoxious, and sometimes 'pull my hair out' annoying."

"Yeah well you're too god damn shy. That's like the number one thing I'm worried about them getting from you." Riley stated, narrowing her eyes when he chuckled. She told him, "I'm serious! I do not want our kids to be little mouses. That get's you nowhere in life."

"I don't know, you say I'm a mouse and I've gotten pretty far in life." Shea reminded her.

She rolled her eyes and informed him, "That doesn't count. You're not a mouse on the ice. Totally different."

"If you say so. But I'll have you know, your personality is the number one thing I'm afraid of them getting from you. I don't think I can handle a bunch of mini you's running around. So I guess we're even." Shea told her, smiling when Riley pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Better hope they're a nice mix of both of us then." Riley stated and Shea nodded his head in agreement. She then turned him around and gave him a gentle push toward the door and told him, "Now go, and bring me home some good news... and maybe some pretzels."

He was laughing right until he left the house, and that was when Riley dropped onto the couch adjacent to the one Noah was sleeping on. She took a picture of him curled up on the couch with his Pred's stuffed animal from Quinn and sent it to her.

All home and the first thing he asked for was Gnash, Shea was not impressed. I thought it was hilarious.

She received a response a minute or two later from Quinn.

I LOVE that kid.

Thanks for the food, and cleaning the kitchen. We appreciate it.

No problem... You relaxing? I have something to tell you.

Riley's brows crunched together as she read Quinn's text, she glanced over at Noah for a moment before she responded.

I'm scared. What's up?

Her response took a minute or two to come back, and when it did it came in the form of a picture. A picture of a baby asleep in a car seat on their living room table in a baby pink onsie and a head full of blonde hair. 

Instantly Riley called Quinn, and when Quinn answered her first words were, "Who's baby is that?"

"Uh... well... technically mine." Quinn told her.

Riley chuckled when she heard James yell, "And mine!"

"You're gonna wake her up you loud mouth." Quinn told him, and Riley laughed when she thought of the large eye roll James probably sent her way, especially when Quinn said, "Watch it, I won't let you cuddle her tonight."

"Rude."

This time Quinn told Riley, "We just picked her up a few hours ago."

"You did?" Riley asked her in surprise, Quinn hadn't mentioned anything about a baby to her.

She heard shuffling on the other end, no doubt Quinn moving rooms, before Quinn admitted to her, "I didn't want to say anything until it was a for sure thing... I didn't want what happened last time to happen this time, you know?"

"I know. I get it. She's beautiful by the way. How old is she?" Riley asked her curiously, knowing from the picture that there was no way she was a newborn.

"Four months." Quinn told her.

Riley smiled as she said, "Lucky you, skipped past all the newborn stuff."

"Yeah, we were pretty stoked for that." Quinn said, and Riley could practically hear the smile in her voice. Before Riley could respond Quinn told her, "Her name is Peyton. We had the option to change it but we kind of liked it."

"I like it. Does she have a middle name?" Riley asked curiously.

"Not at first, she just had a first name. She lived with a foster family before and a social worker named her. We went with James' mom's name for her middle name. James wanted to hyphenate her last name but I told him we were absolutely not doing that."

Riley chuckled, "Poor kid wouldn't be able to print her full name, she'd run out of space."

"Tell me about it. I told him Jameson-Neal didn't even sound cute like Jolie-Pitt." Quinn stated with a chuckle, and Riley couldn't help but laugh at her. 

"I'm really happy for you guys." Riley told her, and as she glanced at Noah she said, "I'm gonna need a mom break sometime in the next few days... if it's okay with you I'd like to come by and meet her."

"Are you kidding? Of course you can. You could come Wednesday morning. I'd say tomorrow but we just really don't want to share her yet." Quinn told her and Riley couldn't help but smile at hearing that. 

"Absolutely."

An hour later Riley was scrolling through Netflix trying to find something to watch when Shea walked in the house. She tilted her head back to look at him from over the back of the couch and smiled as he hung his keys up, kicked off his shoes and then he came into the living room and dropped onto the couch beside her. He didn't tell her about his appointment, instead he glanced at Noah and asked, "Has he been up yet?"

Riley nodded, "Once, he wanted some water about half an hour ago or so."

"He seemed okay then?" Shea asked her curiously, his eyes not leaving Noah's.

She nodded her head, and even though she knew the answer already she asked him, "So how'd it go?"

Shea shrugged and told her, "Another week at least."

Riley put her hand on his thigh, rubbed it gently and told him, "I'm sorry."

"I'm not." She turned to him in surprise when he said this, her brow raised and Shea smiled gently as he explained to her, "I mean, yeah I want to get back out there, it's already the middle of January and I've been out for a month already but... I don't really mind it."

"What do you mean?" Riley asked him curiously.

So Shea explained to her, "I wouldn't get to be around the way I have been able to this time around. I'm kind of relieved that they didn't clear me yet, gives me some extra time. I like being around to help you, especially right now, being home for Noah has been great, and getting to be around for this pregnancy a little more is really nice. I love hockey, and I miss the game, but this is more important." Riley smiled gently, and she reached out and brushed her fingers through the hair on the side of his head, before she leaned toward him and kissed him gently. 

"It's kind of nice to have you around more too." Riley admitted to him, and Shea's brows raised in surprise. She chuckled and told him, "The extra set of hands is nice. Makes life a little easier."

"Well you've got the extra hands for another week at least, and then after that we'll have to back to using Quinn for extra help." Shea told her.

Riley grinned at him and shook her head, "We don't have that option now, Quinn and James are gonna be a little busy for a while."

"Huh?" Shea asked and Riley giggled and Shea raised one of his eyebrows at her giggle,

"You sound like a duck when you do that." She explained to him and Shea rolled his eyes at her but also chuckled. She then grabbed her phone from the coffee table, scrolled through she and Quinn's texts to find the picture Quinn had sent her and held her phone out for him to see, telling him, "I think you owe your teammate dinner on your next road trip."

Shea smiled and asked, "They got a kid? He didn't mention anything to me."

Riley nodded, "They didn't want to say anything until it was a for sure thing. They picked her up this morning."

"She's cute." Shea said, and Riley nodded, and then he asked her, "Doesn't this just make you want a girl?"

She chuckled, "One day, but sorry, this one is a boy. I can feel it."

- - - 

Riley had lied to Shea. She didn't like doing it, but she didn't like the idea of telling him where she was going that morning, she wasn't sure she was ready for that conversation. So, while he was feeding Noah breakfast an hour earlier she told him she was going to meet Bianca for breakfast and went on her way with a quick kiss for both of her boys. 

She was now sitting in an uncomfortable chair in the room at her clinic waiting on her doctor. She was nervous, picking at the sleeves of her long sleeve shirt, chewing on her finger nails. She looked at all of the posters on the wall, but those only made her nerves rise and she wasn't sure if it was pregnancy related or not but she felt like she might throw up.

Riley jumped slightly when the door opened and her doctor walked in, smiling at her as she took a seat across from her. Riley pushed her palms into her thighs and took in a non-conspicuous deep breath of air that made her doctor ask, "I wasn't supposed to see you for another three weeks, what's going on?"

"I just... didn't really know... making an appointment here was kind of the only option I could think of." Riley said, not trying to sound cryptic, she just didn't know how to word what she wanted. 

"So why don't you tell me what's going on?" 

Taking in a deep breath of air Riley admitted, "This doesn't feel right to me."

"The pregnancy? Symptom wise or are we talking more on the mood and feelings side of things?"

She really didn't want to be here, but she knew something wasn't right and she didn't want to bring it up to Shea because she knew he would do something stupid, like try to bribe the team doctor to not clear him at his next appointment. Which was why she was here, and why he didn't know she was. She let out a breath of air, tucked her hair behind her ears and said, "When I was pregnant with Noah, it was so different, and I know every pregnancy is different but... I don't know they just feel so different from each other."

"How so?" 

"It took a while to get used to with Noah, but I was happy and I enjoyed that pregnancy... but with this one... I'm just not feeling all the same things. I feel like something's wrong with me, like I can't get excited and I don't feel that... it's weird because some days I feel good and then others, most days, I don't feel that bond that I did with Noah." Riley said softly, part of her was having trouble even admitting this out loud. She had been dealing with it since the moment she found out she was pregnant but now, with her own health concerns she was afraid that ignoring it would only be disastrous in the long run. 

She knew that every pregnancy was different for every woman, there were big differences between this time and with Noah that even Shea noted but Riley knew when things weren't right. Every woman she talked to, every book or online article she read talked about how amazing that feeling of creating life was, how connected you feel to the tiny human inside of you, and she got that, she felt that way with Noah but with this one... it was like she just couldn't get there and she hated that. 

"Well, like you said, every pregnancy is different but given what's going on with Noah... it is possible that what you're going through isn't normal. Can you tell me a little bit more, I can't help if I don't know what we're dealing with." 

Digging her finger nails into her closed palms Riley bit on her lip for a moment, and then she said softly, "If it wasn't for the fact that I know I have things that I have to do I don't think I'd get out of bed most days. I just feel like I'm constantly on edge and irritated all of the time and that doesn't help with Shea because we have enough problems right now but every little thing just pisses me off lately and if I'm not angry I'm upset and I just... I just know this isn't normal."

"Is there a reason Shea didn't come with you today?"

And there it is.

She didn't want to say it, but she did, "I didn't tell him I was coming... I haven't told him about any of this. I'm afraid to, I don't want him to... I know he's gonna feel like it's his fault and I don't want him to feel bad."

"It's pretty common for women to go through mood swings and things like that during pregnancy, but on the less common side there is the possibility that maybe, and I think definitely in your case, it's more than that. Have you ever had any mental health problems or concerns before? Anxiety, depression, that kind of stuff?"

"No, never. That's why I didn't really think much of it until the last month or two. I assumed it was normal, that this pregnancy was just gonna be different from the last but... I don't like the way I'm feeling, especially about this pregnancy and this baby... some days I wish I wasn't pregnant and that scares me."