Weapons of War

Shea really hated road trips, at least now he did. Truthfully he never really liked them, but they were part of the job and he loved his job. He knew he was extremely lucky to get to do what he did for a living so he didn't complain much but if he was being honest he much preferred home games. When he was young, still breaking into the league and didn't have Riley in Nashville, sure, road trips were great. But once he had a reason to want to be in Nashville, to be at home with her he grew to dislike them. Now that they added Noah into the equation and everything that came with that he really hated leaving.

The idea of Riley at home, alone, dealing with everything by herself didn't sit well with him but she was stubborn and refused to let him stay home. So for no reason other than Riley he continued to get on planes and play games in other cities. He knew it was starting to become obvious to his teammates that their captain wasn't totally thrilled to be on the road with them, and he knew that would change if he told them what was going on; they would understand. But Shea hadn't quite figured out how to approach that subject yet. It wasn't exactly something you slipped in between who's rooming with who and what time is breakfast.

Before he could dig himself into a bigger hole with his thoughts he was interrupted by a knock on the door. For a moment he thought he could pretend to just not be there, but he realized that wasn't very captainly so he heaved himself off of his bed and walked toward the door. When he pulled it open he found Pekka standing in the hallway with a room service tray, which made Shea raise his eyebrow.

"You weren't answering your texts so I figured I'd bring dinner to you." Pekka explained, walking into the hotel room without a formal invite.

Shea let the door close behind him and watched Pekka put the tray on his bed, separating their two meals before he sat down on the second bed. Shea took a seat on his own bed, and lifted the cover on his plate. His eyebrow raised and he asked, "How do you know my room service order?"

"We've been playing together for like a decade and I'm observant." Pekka stated with a shrug of his shoulders, tossing a water bottle at Shea. He caught it with ease and set it down beside him, and the two of them ate in total silence. It wasn't until their meal was done, the tray was set outside the door and they were watching sports highlights that Pekka asked, "So what's with the quite guy routine lately?"

Shea raised his eyebrow and turned to look at Pekka, asking, "What do you mean?"

"Look man, I'm not gonna sugar coat it. We all know somethings up, we all know there's probably a hundred different things you'd rather be doing than being here with us on the road, we just don't know why and what changed." Pekka stated, and Shea was surprised. It wasn't often that Pekka was serious about anything, even when he tried to be he almost always snuck a joke or a laugh in somewhere.

He sighed and told him, "It's just… Riley being home with Noah… I don't know I just don't like being here and her being there doing it all herself."

"You guys did this last year and it was fine." Pekka told him, giving him a look that told Shea he didn't quite believe him.

"It's different this year." He said it without really thinking about his words and when Pekka's eyebrow raised Shea knew he had been caught.

He struggled with himself for a few munutes, not sure of how to save himself or how to fix this. Eventually Pekka moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed opposite of Shea and asked him, "What's going on Shea?"

Sighing Shea pushed a hand through his hair and simply said, "Noah's sick."

"Sick?" When Shea nodded Pekka asked for clarification, "What do you mean sick? Like sick with a cold? The flu?"

He could have laughed, if he wasn't so terrified of the conversation they were about to have Shea really, honestly could have laughed. Instead he said, "Honestly I wish it was just a cold."

"So what is it?" Pekka asked him, eyeing his captain very carefully.

"He was pretty sick for a while a few months ago. He was throwing up all the time and had a really bad fever, he was in a lot of pain so we took him to the doctor and they ran some tests."

He stopped talking at that point and Pekka stared at him, waiting for him to continue. He thought maybe he needed to collect his thoughts, figure out his wording or something. Yet when he stayed silent, staring at his feet on the carpet floor between their two beds Pekka realized he wasn't going to continue so he gave the faltering conversation a gentle push forward, "And?"

"And they found a tumor in his kidney." When he said this, the first time he had ever really said it out loud, Shea felt the reality sink in. It had been Riley who had called his father and brother to tell them, it had been Riley who made all the necessary arrangements for Noah. Shea had done little to nothing, he had practically been living in denial for two months.

Pekka kept his eyes on Shea, almost hoping he was joking. He wasn't sure what he was expecting when he started this conversation; maybe that Shea and Riley were having trouble again, but out of all the things that he had thought of up until this point he never would have thought that would be what Shea told him. When he watched Shea put his head in his hands and let out a shaky sigh, his back heaving with each breath of air he took in Pekka realized this wasn't some really bad joke. This may very well have been the only time in his life that Pekka Rinne was rendered speechless.

They sat in silence, across from each other with Pekka watching Shea and Shea with his eyes cast at the floor but closed for almost half an hour. Shea didn't really have any words left in him, but he felt a little bit relieved that he had finally told someone about this. Pekka just didn't know what to say to him, what could he say? There weren't words in the English vocabulary to express how he felt for his captain and the situation life had handed him. Not a single set of words.

When the silence got too much Pekka said quietly, "I was really hoping you were kidding."

This time Shea did let out a small, short laugh before nodding his head and saying, "I hope that every morning when I wake up."

Curiously Pekka asked, "Why haven't you… why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't know how to, and we decided not to tell anyone until we knew for sure what was going on, and how bad this is. We wanted all the facts before we started telling people." Shea had to admit, he was beginning to feel guilty for keeping this from everyone. Sure there were guys on the team he got along with a little better than others; like Pekka, Roman and Mike, but these guys were family. He really honestly felt like he had been lying to his own family for months.

"I get it. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just wish you had told me earlier, there's stuff I could have done to help you guys." Pekka told him, and when Shea shrugged his shoulders he stated, "You're like my brother Shea. Riley's like… the second sister I never knew I wanted. You guys are my family here."

"She doesn't know I told you." Shea told him, deciding for once that it was time to be completely honest with Pekka. They weren't an overly emotional, mushy group, but hearing Pekka say what he had just said made Shea remember that they were family, even if at times he forgot that. Maybe not by blood but he and Riley certainly had a lot of family in Nashville to be thankful for.

"I won't say anything to anyone until you do." Pekka assured him, clearing his throat he asked, "So… what's the deal? I mean... how does it work? What's happening now and what happens in the future? I mean can they just go in and remove the tumor surgically?"

"It's too big, so we're gonna try chemo to shrink it and then go in and remove it." Shea told him, pushing his fingers through his hair before he explained, "We've done one round already. Doctor says they usually do it for about six months before looking at surgery."

"How did it go?" Pekka asked curiously, he didn't know anything about tumors, or chemotherapy or anything of the sort and he figured Shea probably knew a little bit more than he did at this point.

"Okay I guess. He was pretty sick for a while after but he seems to be okay now. He goes again in a few weeks." Shea explained to him.

Curiously Pekka asked, "So how's Noah with it all?"

"He doesn't understand it which is probably for the best. I think he thinks it's normal, even though we try to explain to him what's going on." Shea stated sadly, and Pekka felt bad for even asking the question. After a few seconds of silence Shea added, "He should be running around, and playing outside, making a mess. He can't even last more than a few minutes of playing before he's tired and needs to lay down."

"I wish there was something I could do or say…" When Pekka said this Shea shook his head at him so he added, "If you guys ever need anything just let me know. Even if it's as simple as you need some groceries, or if you guys want some time off I don't mind Shea. It's what family's for."

"I hate being away from home because I hate leaving Riley to deal with all of this. It's not fair to her, and I just feel like the world's shittiest dad for not being there for him when I should be." Shea admitted softly, surprising Pekka. It wasn't often, no it was incredibly, incredibly rare that he saw this insecure, soft side to Shea.

All Pekka could say to him was, "You just have to trust Riley to tell you when she needs help."

- - -

"Can I just say that I'm kind of loving when James goes out of town lately?" Quinn asked Riley with a grin as she dropped onto the couch beside her. She handed Riley a glass of water and took a drink of her beer as Riley laughed at her comment.

"Sometimes I wonder how you two are even in a relationship." Riley mused out loud.

With a grin Quinn told her, "If he had a nine to five job we would never survive."

Riley chuckled and said, "This I can see."

"Seriously the only reason we don't murder each other is because he's out of town every couple of days." Quinn stated and Riley nearly snorted when she added, "God bless the NHL."

"You guys are adorable though." Riley stated making Quinn raise her eyebrow at her. Catching that Riley told her, "You guys are just… it's cute the way you guys interact with each other. You're like thirty and already act like an old married couple that's been together for like fifty years."

"Sometimes it feels like we've been together for fifty years, but in the 'he drives me to drink a bottle of blue label every day' kind of way." Quinn joked.

Riley chuckled and said, "It's a good thing he makes the big bucks if he's driving you to drink a 300 dollar bottle a day."

"He's turned me into a desperate housewife that does nothing but drink alcohol all day. Riley you have to help me." Quinn stated dramatically, making them both laugh.

"I'm sure you'll survive. I mean he's at least cute." Riley told her with a pointed look.

Quinn nodded, "This is true. He is very cute. Plus he gave me Nix and Snoop… and he has a very nice di-"

"I don't need to know about little James." Riley interrupted her to state.

With a wicked grin Quinn said, "I certainly wouldn't call it little James but alright."

"You're disgusting and need help." Riley told her.

She shrugged her shoulders, "Probably."

Their conversation was cut short by little feet on the hardwood floor. Both Riley and Quinn turned to look over the back of the couch and behind them to find Noah standing at the bottom of the stairs in his pyjamas. Quinn smiled at him as Riley asked, "What are you doing up?"

He slowly walked around the couch, pulling himself up onto it beside Riley before he said, "Hurt."

Riley sighed and rubbed his back as he laid on his side with his head in her lap. She caught the raised eyebrow look Quinn was giving her but didn't say anything to her right away. Instead she used her other hand to run through his dark hair as she asked, "You wanna watch a bit of daddy's game with me and aunt Quinn?"

Noah nodded his head and reached his arm over his head, holding his hand out by Quinn. She made a face, moon eyes and all, as she scooted closer to Riley and held Noah's hand. That's how they sat for the start of the game, until Noah needed his hand back so he could point at the TV and say, "Daddy."

Riley smiled, pushed his hair from his forehead and said, "Yeah."

"And uncle Pekka!" Noah stated as the camera zoomed in on Pekka during a break in the game. When Roman went skating behind the net Noah said, "And uncle Roman!"

"This is the cutest thing I've ever seen." Quinn told Riley, leaning in closer to her so that she could whisper and be heard.

Riley nodded and told Quinn, "Every game."

"Uncle Craig!"

"He's getting better at saying Craig. Craig is gonna be so excited." Quinn told Riley, who nodded with a smile on her face. Noah still had yet to master the r-a-i in Craig's name, it came out more like 'Keg' which more than a few of the guys made jokes about.

With a grin Riley asked him, "Noah how many uncles do you have?"

He held out his little hands and started counting, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven… too many!"

Quinn let out a chuckle at that and asked, "Yeah but uncle James is the coolest right?"

He nodded and yawned so Riley told him, "Alright bed time for you buddy."

He stuck his bottom lip out in a pout that made Quinn almost melt, but Riley was having none of it. It wasn't often that Noah didn't go to bed when he was told but when he did make a show of it Riley was the only parent that didn't really feed into it. She picked him up carefully and made her way upstairs, tucking him under the covers of his bed. She sat on the edge of the toddler bed, pushed his hair from his forehead and Noah looked up at her and asked, "Daddy home?"

"Three days buddy." Riley told him.

He pouted again, "Misses."

"I know kiddo. I miss him too but he'll be home soon I promise." Riley assured him, leaning over to kiss his forehead before she said, "I love you."

"Love you." He told her.

As she approached the door and placed her hand above the light switch Riley turned back to look at Noah in his bed before telling him, "Goodnight."

He gave her an inaudible response back that was supposed to mean goodnight as well so she ficked the light off and pulled the door to a near close before walking downstairs. As she took her spot on the couch beside Quinn again Quinn asked, "He okay?"

"Yeah. He's just not feeling too well today." Riley explained.

Nodding slowly Quinn asked, "Today? He's been not feeling so well for a while Riley."

Sighing Riley tucked her hair behind her ears and said, "Yeah… I know."

The way she spoke; the sound of her voice made Quinn turn in her spot toward her. She waited patiently for an elaboration and when it didn't come she asked, "What's going on?"

"Nothing?"

Shooting her a very pointed look Quinn said, "There's something going on Riley."

"Alright but don't tell Shea I told you, we haven't told anyone yet." When she said this Quinn raised her eyebrow, knowing it couldn't be good if they weren't telling people. With a quick sigh Riley told her, "Noah's sick."