Weapons of War

“Shea, can you get that?” He got up when Riley called out to him after the doorbell rang. He moved carefully around Dug, who was laying on the floor by the couch, holding Isla close to his chest as he approached the door and pulled it open.

Brooke, Pekka and Quinn were standing in the porch, James was approaching the front steps with Peyton on one hip and a diaper bag across the other shoulder. As Shea stepped aside Brooke stated, “I finally get to see her in person!”

Pekka grinned over at Shea and said, “Chicks and babies.”

Shea chuckled and Brooke, peering down at the baby in his arms, stated, “Oh my gosh, pictures just do not do her justice.”

Shea nodded his head in agreement and lead everyone back to the living room, explaining, “Riley’s in the kitchen, I’m on door duty until everyone else gets here.”

Quinn was the first to ask, “Where’s little man?”

“He would be helping in the kitchen.” Riley answered as she turned around to face everyone, she was holding Noah against her hip, and a plate of meat was in her free hand as she looked at Pekka and asked, “Wanna grill for me? I can’t detach Mr. Mom from the baby long enough to do much of anything.”

“Hey, I’m on door duty.” Shea stated from the couch, not even looking up from Isla.

Quinn defended him by stating, “I wouldn’t want to let go of her either.”

“Thank you.” Shea said.

Pekka simply chuckled and went outside to start the barbecue before he came back in for the meat and then disappeared outside again. Brooke was getting everyone drinks, James and Shea were both sitting in the living room which was when Noah decided he was no longer being mom’s helper and wanted to hang out with the boys so while he got comfortable on the couch next to James Quinn walked into the kitchen and asked Riley, “Anything I can help with?”

“Yes, you can keep me company.” Riley told her, making Quinn roll her eyes but she sat down at the kitchen island.

In the living room Shea’s attention was taken off of Isla when he felt movement beside him and he turned to his left to find Peyton shuffle-crawling across the couch cushions to him. She peered up at him, right beside him, and so Shea shifted Isla to his right arm and pulled her onto his lap with his left arm. She curled into his chest, and didn’t move again, so Shea glanced over at James, who was on the floor entertaining Noah with building blocks.

Shea watched James build walls around Noah, blocking him in, making the toddler giggle loudly. He glanced down at the two girls with him, ran his hand over the small amount of hair on Peyton’s head, causing her to look up at him with her big, wide brown eyes, and grin. Shea couldn’t help but laugh as she started to babble away to him, and he would make her giggle by responding every so often to what she was saying, or tickling her stomach.

James turned to glance at him for a moment before he asked Shea, “Who else is coming again?”

They had decided, as a celebration of sorts for them advancing to the next round of the playoffs they would have a dinner at Shea and Riley’s for anyone who was interested. Most of the guys already had plans, but a few didn’t. Shea told James, “We’re just waiting on Craig and Kelly, go figure, and Roman and Bianca.”

James nodded his head slowly, and when a knock on the door interrupted them he got up and said, “I got it, you’re spoken for as of now.”

Quinn appeared in the living room, placing a few toys on the couch beside Peyton, and placing her favorite stuffed elephant in Shea’s lap before she smoothed Peyton’s hair out and stated, “Yeah, I think she might have a bit of a crush on you.”

Shea chuckled when Peyton picked up her elephant and lifted it up, nearly shoving it right into his face, he took the stuffed animal in his free hand and wrapped his arm around her, holding the elephant in place in front of Peyton. She reached out, and played with it while Shea was holding it still and Riley stood by the stove watching them.

The moment Roman and Bianca walked into the kitchen, Spencer going straight into the living room and plunking himself onto one of the chairs with his book, Riley turned the element on the stove off and immediately said, “Give him here.”

James joked, “And you say Shea has baby fever.”

She narrowed her eyes jokingly at the forward and informed him, “I am the only one who has not seen him in person yet, thanks to my own cute little gremlin wreaking havoc on my body.”

As Bianca handed Easton to Riley, who immediately cuddled him into her chest, she said, “I meant to come over earlier but things have been kind of crazy around our house lately.”

Roman beamed proudly when he said, “Spencer won his science fair.”

This emitted a round of excitement from everyone in the house and Spencer’s cheeks flushed. James asked him, “What was your project?”

“Hero engine.” He stated, and both James and Shea’s brow raised so he said, “Water and a straw making a cup spin.”

Roman left the women in the kitchen, having just shown them the video on his phone, before he went into the living room to show Shea and James. Riley paid no mind to the excitement in the living room, instead she took Easton outside to see Pekka, who was just about finished with the food.

He asked her, “You go buy one of those at the supermarket or something?”

She laughed and said, “Not mine. Roman’s.”

“That makes more sense.” Pekka stated, reaching out to run his hand down Eaton’s stomach, before he told Riley, “He’s cute, probably takes after Bianca more than Roman.”

Riley chuckled and said, “See if you asked a woman she’d say he looks like Roman.”

“Is it just a thing to say babies look like the dad?” Pekka asked her curiously, quickly adding in, “I mean, with your kids it’s definitely true, but it cannot be true for every kid out there.”

She laughed, “No it’s definitely not true. I honestly think a lot of times they say the baby looks like the dad to make them feel better about themselves, you know, since they did no work to bring the baby into the world and all.”

Pekka let out a booming laugh, causing Easton to stir and squirm in Riley’s arm. Pekka shot her an apologetic look but she shrugged it off, shifting Easton enough that she could gently rock him back and forth and within no time he was quiet and sleeping again. Pekka commented, “You’re good at that.”

She smiled as she looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms and said, “I’ve had lots of practice.”

Quinn stuck her head out of the patio door and told Riley, “Kelly and Craig are here finally.”

When Riley walked inside the house again, holding Easton, with Pekka following behind her with the food, Kelly exclaimed, “Sorry we’re late, we wanted to bring something, so we thought booze would be a good idea but the lines were insane.”

For good measure Craig held up the two paper bags, the bottles inside clinking together as he set them on the kitchen island. He started pulling the alcohol out, “We brought some beer, some wine, and tequila for the host who can drink it when she’s not breastfeeding.”

“Please, ever heard of pump and dump?” Riley asked with a grin, making the guys scrunch their faces up, and Riley laughed.

Kelly grinned and placed a little box on the counter next to the bottle of tequila and said, “Consider this my little ‘congrats on your gremlin’ gift.”

Riley picked up the box with her free hand and laughed, she held it out for Shea to see and said, “Kelly is my new favorite human, she knows me so well.”

“I can’t read the box.” He told her from the living room.

“It’s alcohol testing strips for breast milk. Where were these when Noah was a baby?” When she asked this Shea let out a loud laugh, and Peyton, still sitting in his lap, squawked.

Craig immediately left his post in the kitchen with the alcohol and approached the couch, smiling when Peyton held up her arms for him. He picked her up, held her to his chest and asked, “Were you bored of boring uncle Shea?”

Shea rolled his eyes and Peyton shook her head but she cuddled into him, and Craig was more than happy to simply walk around the living room and kitchen with her, eventually lulling her straight to sleep, but even then he didn’t let go of her.

“Where’s Isla? Everyone’s passing around Easton but I haven’t even seen her.” Kelly pointed out, her eyes staying on Craig with Peyton, a smile on her face.

Quinn stated, “Don’t try. Shea won’t even let me hold her.”

“Nope, no one is allowed to touch her.” Shea stated, making the guys laugh at him.

Riley grinned, “I feel bad for her first boyfriend.”

Shea was completely serious, with a straight face, when he asked her, “What boyfriend?”

- - -

When Shea walked into the locker room that morning with the intent to get on the ice to make up for the optional practice he had missed the day before and found James sitting in his stall in the locker room he stopped just short of where the stalls started and quirked his brow. James looked up at the sound of feet on the floor, and cleared his throat, and Shea wondered how long he had been there; his hair was a mess, he looked exhausted, and his eyes were red.

Shea continued to his own stall, a few down from James’ and he asked him, “What are you doing here at seven in the morning?”

“I’ve been here since five.” James stated, his voice gruff.

Shea’s brow raised again and he joked, “Couldn’t sleep so you thought you’d try here?”

When James didn’t crack a smile Shea knew it wasn’t the time for jokes, but his level of concern heightened through the roof when he realized that he hadn’t even noticed the tears streaming down his face. He could honestly say he had never, not in the years they had been playing together now, seen James cry, not even in the hours Shea had spent keeping him company while Quinn was in surgery a few years previously.

Shea asked softly, “What’s going on man?”

It took him a moment, but eventually he choked out, “Quinn’s sick again.”

Shea let out a breath of air, ran a hand through his own hair, and watched as James put his head back in his hands again. Shea asked, “How bad?”

“Bad.” Was all he could get out without completely choking up. So Shea sat in the locker room, four stalls down from James, in complete silence. The only noise in the room was the sound of James sniffling, trying desperately not to completely loose it in front of him, and the occasional groan when the tears wouldn’t stop. Shea didn’t know what to say, what could he? So he simply sat there, offering support without words, he figured that was the best for James right now. Shea wondered if this was what Riley had been crying about weeks earlier when he got home from a game to find her sobbing in their bedroom, he figured it was. James finally took in a deep breath, and said, “She’s known for months… and she never said a fucking word to me.”

Shea let out a small sigh, “Maybe she didn’t know how.”

James glared down at the floor beneath his feet and stated, “She should have just said it. It would have been a hell of a lot better than finding out she’s known for months and hasn’t said anything, that she’s been keeping this from me.”

Shea, trying to play devil’s advocate, said, “Maybe she didn’t tell you because she was trying to come to terms with it on her own. Maybe she didn’t know how to deal with it, how to accept it for herself, so she didn’t know how to tell you.”

“I know I probably sound like an asshole right now; that I care so much about her not saying anything but… that’s months that we’re never gonna get back that could have been spent… differently… better.” Shea knew exactly what James was trying to say; it was months that they could have spent making a few more memories for James to hold onto when she was gone.

So he asked him curiously, a little apprehensively, “Is it really that bad?”

James nodded his head slowly, “Six months, eight if we’re lucky… so… really more like three now.”

Shea let out a breath of air in response, leaned his elbows on his knees and said to James, “I’m sorry, I know you probably don’t want to hear that but I am.”

“Through all of this all she cared about was… she’s been dying all she cared about was keeping it to herself until the playoffs were done because she didn’t want to be a distraction.” James said, and Shea watched as his eyes welled up with tears again, but they stayed trained on the logo on the floor in the middle of the room as he added angrily, “She thinks that I should still give a fuck about playoffs right now, and really, honestly, I don’t.”

“So don’t.” When Shea said this James turned to look at him in surprise, Shea simply took a breath in and told him, “Don’t finish playoffs, there’s no way coaching or management would have an issue with it… start your off season now and spend it with your family because that’s what’s important. In the grand scheme of things hockey doesn’t make it into the equation in a situation like this. We’ll be fine, the guys will all understand, end your season now and be with Quinn.”

James let out a strangled laugh, mixed with a cry, and he told Shea, “She made me promise I wouldn’t. She said it was the only thing she wanted from me; to finish the season. How can I argue with that? How can I go behind her back and do the one thing she doesn’t want me to do right now? I don’t want to miss anything… but I don’t want her to be angry with me either.”

“So maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe she wants you to finish the season because she knows it will help you through this, maybe she knows that this might be what you need. But, maybe she also needs this from you because it gives her a distraction. Maybe watching the games gives her a few hours to think about something else, to forget about what’s going on.”

James was quiet for a few minutes, before he said softly, “I am so fucking angry with her for not telling me… and I hate that. I hate that I’m mad at her, because I don’t want to be. I want to understand where she was coming from but I can’t… and I’m fucking angry.”

Shea didn’t know what to say, so all he said was, “I know… and you have every right to be.”

Taking a deep breath in James said, “I’m not even really mad at her… I’m just… I wish she had told me because I hate the idea of her going through this alone. I know I wouldn’t have been much help, but at least if she had told me… I don’t… this isn’t something anyone should have to go through by themselves.”

Shea had given James a ride home an hour later, deciding for him that he was in no shape to drive, and Shea had sat in the driveway until James closed the front door behind him, and then he left and headed home. He had promised James that he would give him a ride to the rink tomorrow morning for practice, and that he could pick up his vehicle then, unless he and Quinn decided to pick it up later today. Shea took the longest way home that he could think of, he wasn’t quite ready to go home and face Riley right now.

He felt a unique amount of sympathy for his teammate, and he knew that if he went home right now to Riley he would lose it. He couldn’t tell yet if he would be mad at her for not telling him, siding with James in that Quinn should have told him a long time ago, or if he would just simply cry. So he drove around, trying to gather his thoughts and his feelings.

Finally, when he felt like he was good enough to go home he did, and he pulled into the driveway, put the truck in park and let out a sigh. He pushed one hand through his hair, pulled the keys from the ignition and headed inside with his practice bag untouched in the backseat. When he walked into the house it was quiet, Dug was outside running around, and Isla was asleep in the bassinet by the dining room table, so he knew Riley was up.

She was turning off the element on the stove when he walked into the kitchen, and she turned to face him with a smile. The moment their eyes met the smile faded off of her face as his eyes welled up with tears and she asked, “Shea?”

He didn’t respond, he simply walked toward her, wrapped her into a hug, tight against him, practically crushing her as he pushed his face into her neck and tried not to cry even harder. She rubbed his back gently as he mumbled into her skin, “I love you.”

“I love you too…” She said softly and slowly, and when he didn’t pull away or loosen his grip she asked him, “Baby, what’s going on?”

Riley could count on one hand the amount of times that she had seen Shea cry in their entire relationship; the birth of both of their children, their wedding day, when they had seen each other for the first time after team Canada won gold in Vancouver, and after his mother had passed away. She wasn’t used to this, and she wasn’t sure she really knew what to do.

He let out a few shaky breaths of air before he pulled away from her slightly; keeping his arms around her, and her body pulled into his torso, but he looked down at her with red, puffy eyes, and he told her again, “I love you. So much.”

She reached up, placing both hands on the sides of his face, using her thumbs to wipe at his cheeks before she asked him softly, “I love you too Shea, but what in the world is going on?”

He took in a breath of air and told her, “I just talked to James, at the rink.”

Riley sucked in a breath of air and she asked, “Quinn finally told him?”

He nodded his head, “Last night, I guess she started puking up blood and he kind of had to force it out of her. He couldn’t sleep and ended up at the rink… and I just… I love you Riley.”

Riley was glad that Quinn had finally told James, sure, she wished it had been under better circumstances but it was better than nothing. She rubbed Shea’s back, and smiled softly up at him, saying, “I love you too.”

He couldn’t help but let out a breath of air and say, “This kind of stuff… kind of puts things into perspective… and this whole year… I have so many regrets now. If it was you… if we were in their situation… I think I’d probably hate myself right now.”

“Shea…” She didn’t know what to say to him, so she trailed off as she blinked a few times in an attempt to make her tears stop from falling onto her cheeks.

He shook his head, and told her, “I can’t imagine going through what they’re about to… Riley if I ever lost you, after this year… I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself.”

She surprised him by looked up at him, and saying quietly, “Me too.”

So they stood in the kitchen; Shea’s arms wrapped tightly around her, his hands clasped behind her back, and Riley with one hand laying gently on his bicep, the other tucked under his own arm and her palm pressed flat into his shoulder blade. Shea leaned down slightly, enough to press his lips to the top of her head, and that was how they stood for longer than either of them could keep track of.