Shot in the Dark

Adam watched me leave after I patted his head.

I was on my way to John’s parents’ house to figure out with was up with him. My leather jacket blocked the breeze when I got outside and walked down to my car. There was absolutely no makeup on my face and I didn’t take a shower this morning, so I was wearing a beanie to cover my head. It wasn’t that I was lazy– I was just determined.

My morning was spent doing homework on my computer and waiting for classes to end for the weekend. New Year and I was starting it off with my sad mood.

Let’s just hope I find out some things today.

My car beeped behind me when I locked it and started walking up to the front door. No one was here beside John and I prayed for that last night. I just wanted to talk to him alone. An alternative way didn’t really turn out, so I had to go to him.

I rang the doorbell and closed my eyes softly as I waited. They opened when the door did and I finally saw his face for the first time in days. He was shirtless, wearing sweatpants that hung way too low on his hips. His eyes were sleepy and I still kicked myself mentally for waking him up. Stop feeling bad!

After days all I got was a sigh and slumped shoulders. “Go home, Andrea.”

“This is the first time you’ve said a word to me in the past few days, so I think I’ll stay.” I wanted so badly to cross my arms, but I didn’t want to seem like a bitch.

He stared at me hard. After a minute he let go of the door and walked toward the kitchen. I followed, looking anywhere but his back. “What do you want?” He asked a little coldly when we were both stood in the kitchen.

“I want to know what happened to you. You didn’t come over the other day like you said you would and you’ve been ignoring me.”

“Yup.”

My jaw almost dropped. How could he be so cold? “So, can you tell me what I did?”

“Your tongue was down someone else’s throat and you expect me to just ring the doorbell after seeing that and kiss your feet?” He snapped, slamming the yogurt container down.

So he did come over. Shit, and he saw Craig kissing me. Wait, what? “John, that was Craig,” I said more easily to calm him down. “I didn’t know that he’d be stopping by–“

“’Stopping by’.” He scoffed with a fake laugh. “Yeah.” He went back to his yogurt and ignored my eyes.

“He showed up drunk and I wasn’t just going to shoo him away after not seeing him for months. I didn’t know he was going to kiss me, okay? It just happened.”

His jaw was tensing before he looked at me. “Did I just happen?”

“No!” I shouted, my voice cracking and blowing my cover. How could he think that? “I like you, John, you know that. I didn’t want to kiss him!” My eyes watered, but no tears fell just yet. My hands were everywhere while they shook. “Craig has a drinking problem and he has since I woke up. How do you think I feel knowing that? I fucking wake up in the middle of my first night being back to find him banging his head against the counter while he drank. That was the last thing I wanted to see!” The memories of that night came back and I winced. John was trying hard to not look at me, but he was losing. “He threw a goddamn glass and yeah, I was scared shitless even though I told him otherwise. But that’s someone that I took care of back then and I wasn’t going to let him destroy himself!”

“So, you thought kissing him would make it better?” How could he be like this? How could he accuse me of kissing Craig?

I shook my head, my whole body shaking now unlike my hands before. I was going to explode when the cork popped. “You’re unbelievable!”

The car door slamming behind me made me break finally. I drove in tears on my way back home and just wanted to curl up and hide. We weren’t even together and he was upset about a guy kissing me! Looks like we were both overreacting.

Adam looked up excitedly when I got back home, but I just ran down to my room and cried before calling Mindy and Leah. I needed someone to comfort me and John was not in the bucket of choices. They showed up at the same time and rubbed my back soothingly as I cried about it. Mindy didn’t really have anything to say besides that he’d get over it and we would be fine. Leah said he was just being an asshole.

They left around nine to go back home and I woke up the next morning to see Adam looking up at me. I was still dressed in the same clothes from yesterday and I probably wouldn’t change today. “Mommy feels like shit,” I muttered to Adam sitting on the floor.

I got up and fed him, let him outside and walked over to the counter when my phone went off. Eric texted me and I was afraid to read it.

He’s in a rough place, but he’ll get over it. I promise.

I ignored him and set it back down. I didn’t go back to it for the rest of the day. What was the point? Adam watched SVU with me all day, resting on my stomach and licking my hand sometimes. My stomach grumbled while we watched the screen and I looked down to find him staring back at me.

“Don’t.” I stated, groaning when he gave me those innocent eyes. He was begging me to eat.

While I was making something, my phone went off again. Out of pure curiosity, I walked around, but winced when I saw Craig’s name. I definitely was not going to answer for him of all people. The week was over and he was just now calling me?

With not even a half full stomach, I put my plate in the sink and turned around to look around the kitchen. My legs brought me over to the cabinet and I pulled out a bottle of the hard stuff and threw the cap behind me. Frankly, I didn’t give a damn tonight. I was upset and drinking was the only way to make it disappear.

I sat on the couch for a while until my vision got blurry and I couldn’t read the time on the clock below the TV. Adam was fast asleep in my room, so it didn’t startle him when I opened the back door rather hard. I was lucky that the glass didn’t break. My clumsy feet brought me around the yard with the bottle in my hand and I walked in circles, losing count of how many. I went back inside and bumped into the walls in the hallway. Something clicked in my brain and I dug through my bedside drawer to find what I was looking for. I went back out to the kitchen and popped the tablet in my mouth with a few drinks.

I wanted to sleep forever.

The bottle stood on the counter and my legs wobbled underneath me. A moment later, I was lying on the cold floor and my eyes were drooping no matter how hard I tried to keep them open.

My eyes opened to the bright light seeping in and I winced at the pain in my body. My back ached and once my vision was clearer, I inwardly groaned.

I didn’t lose my memory again, did I?

“That is not funny.” Leah said to my left. She was sitting in the chair while I was on this uncomfortable hospital bed with the stupid IV in my arm.

Oops. Didn’t think I said that aloud. “What happened?” I rubbed my eyes and pressed the button on the remote to sit up more.

“You passed out on your kitchen floor last night.” Mindy said from my right, in a similar chair like Leah. “You’re so fucking lucky that we were calling you.”

“The doctor said it’s a good thing we found you when we did. Otherwise, you would be dead.” Leah said, making me turn my head.

I sighed quietly and shut my eyes. “I’d rather that than be in this bed again.” My muscles in my arms helped me push myself up.

“John came.” I didn’t look back over at Leah. My eyes stayed on the blanket over my legs.

Mindy spoke up again. “He heard about you from Eric because Jas was worried about you so he texted the last person in your history.”

I didn’t want to hear about John. I didn’t care. We both know that’s not true. My fingers wiggled around in my lap and I watched them closely. During that, I was thinking about our fight.

“Were you trying to kill yourself, Andy?” Mindy brought me back.

I looked up at her quickly and shook my head. What? I couldn’t do that even if I tried. “No,” my eyes faltered to floor. “The whole thing with John is making me feel like complete shit. I just wanted to forget about it. I didn’t mean to go that far.”

“Drinking won’t fix that, honey.” Mindy leaned forward and took one of my hands with a squeeze.

“He brought you flowers,” Leah said with a tone of assurance. They were both trying to make me feel better and I appreciated that.

My eyes averted from Leah to the flowers on the table against the wall. There was also a balloon attached that said get well and I felt my eyes well up. Mindy hugged me while I cried and whimpered sorry to John even though he wasn’t in the room.

I was discharged later that day, thankful that I wasn’t in there for another because I despised the hospital. Mindy and Leah brought me home and they made sure I was okay. Adam was happy to see me back home and I smiled, hugging him tight. I missed him too. Mindy was a little uneasy about leaving me with alcohol in the house, but I promised her that I wouldn’t drink tonight. Plus, I didn’t want to because I still ached.

Leah said there was a pool party tomorrow because it was supposed to be really nice weather. I couldn’t ask her if John was going to be there because she left in a hurry with Mindy in tow. She had to take her back home.

A pool party and relaxation on a Sunday was what I needed, right? I couldn’t think of anything better to be doing tomorrow than swimming and having fun.

The possibility of John being there didn’t bother me for some reason and I didn’t know why.