Shot in the Dark

Hair was dry, my outfit was on spot and the grilled chicken was cooking along with the rice. My clothes weren’t really on spot– I was wearing a button-up shirt and leggings. My feet were even bare.

I was a wreck all day. Not necessarily on the verge of another anxiety attack, but I couldn’t stop moving my hands or trying to push that feeling in my stomach away. It was just sitting there, making me think that I had to pee or something. Nothing even happened, so I went on with my day. I showered, took about twenty minutes lying out different outfits to wear for dinner, put on a little makeup and tied my hair up. Eventually I put all the clothes back and touched the first shirt with my eyes closed.

Chicken and rice wasn’t so bad, was it? I mean, hopefully he’d like it and I wouldn’t feel horrendous about him not liking it. I really just wanted this date (if it was even that) to go okay. Him hating me is the last thing I want to think about.

What are you wearing? Mindy asked as I sat at the kitchen counter, kicking my feet and probably getting bruises. She must’ve laughed at my first text. “Currently dying and it’s almost seven.”

Blue button up and black leggings. I set my phone down and got up to check the food. The table was set, two plates, knives and forks beside them. I didn’t really think of John as a wine guy, so I left those glasses in the cupboard.

My butt went back in the barstool and I frowned at Mindy’s message. Trying to get some ass on the first date? Kidding, he’ll like you either way because you’re beautiful.

I ignored her text and got up with moving fingers. The record player was off the whole day, but I decided to play the same record that had been sitting in it for two days now. My head shot up when the doorbell rang as the record began to play and I stared in the direction of the door for a few minutes before he rang it again. Oh my God.

Butterflies greeted me as I walked toward the door and I steadied my breathing. He stood there under the porch light in attire that I was still accustomed to. He didn’t have his leather jacket though. He sported black high-top converse, blue jeans that were ripped at the knees and a white and blue baseball shirt that read Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Of course his rough hands were in his pockets.

We exchanged hellos while I was freaking out on the inside and he stepped inside. I pointed my fingers at him. “I should probably give you your jacket back, shouldn’t I?”

“If you want,” he smiled with a simple shrug. I laughed and turned around to walk down the hall into my room. It had been sitting in the armchair in the corner since that night he let me wear it.

I came back out, finding him tapping his feet with the beat of the song. The jacket draped over the barstool and I glanced at my phone to see Mindy’s unread text message. John stayed by the record player, casually looking around the room like it was the first time he’d been here. We both laughed when he started dancing to the song.

“No,” I groaned as he pulled me from the stove by my wrists and made me dance with him. I was out of it, letting him pull me around while he grinned. When the song ended I was relieved, but we both listened to the start of the guitar for the next song. My eyes bulged at the word “kiss” and I panicked quietly while the song continued to the thirty seconds as the voice was singing about a girl touching some guy’s chest and him getting jealous. John let go of my wrists when I moved forward to turn it off and I laughed embarrassingly as he frowned.

“That was a good song.”

I chewed on my cheek and laughed a little as I went back into the chicken. Why did I just do that? The chicken was pretty much ready so I took it out as John came up behind me to see what we were having. He hummed in pleasure and helped out by picking up the plates from the table and bringing them over to me.

Two beers were in my hand while my plate full of food was in the other and I set down the bottles in front of us. He sat at the head of the table and I faced my back toward the door. That stupid and annoying feeling was in my stomach as we ate quietly and I thanked him when he said I did a good job cooking. I chewed slowly, mostly keeping my eyes on my plate. All I could hear was my chewing and the scrapes of silverware on the plates we were eating off of. Why am I being so awkward? Just talk to him like any other night!

“You know, I’ve never met a girl that drinks beer more than wine.” Good thing John was here to save my uncooperative little ass.

I looked up at him finally and smiled a little. “Wine kind of makes me sick. I don’t like the smell of it.”

“Really?” He seemed interested in that fact, stabbing a piece of chicken and popping it in his mouth.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Plus, you don’t seem the type to like wine either.”

“How’d you figure that out?”

His grin made me want to fall off my chair. I shrugged, getting back to eating. “Intuition.” He chuckled a little and picked up the bottle for a swig. Dinner was good and I came out of my awkward shell, talking to him more and asking him questions about things I didn’t know.

He helped clean up the table and we put the dishes in the dishwasher after getting off any leftovers. He asked about Mindy and how her appointment yesterday went.

“Good, but I can’t tell anyone if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Oh, come on, Andy.” He begged, leaning his back against the counter on the other side of the dishwasher. “You have to tell me.” I laughed, putting the last dish in and closing it with my foot. “Fine. I’ll just force it out of you.” He threatened, stepping closer to me to tickle my sides.

I moved away in response, “No, you will not.” My hands were still under the water coming out from the faucet and I flicked my fingers at his face, laughing when he wiped it off with his shirt.

We sat down on the couch a few minutes later with our half-empty beers and I made him put in a movie for me. I tipped the bottle back and set it down on the coffee table where my feet were propped up. My stomach flipped when the lights turned off and he sat back down beside me with a content sigh. The credits rolled on the screen and just after the first scene, I was curling into John’s side after he put his arm around me.

Best friends, my ass. Mindy had to be right. John might possibly like me, but I was deathly afraid of ending this night on a forced kiss. I mean, maybe it wouldn’t be forced, but I kind of felt like it would. Kissing shouldn’t even be a thing now, it’s just him eating dinner and watching a movie with me– nothing big about it.

A small part of me wanted to kiss him, but it was really small since I didn’t know what the outcome would be of this date. Would he still talk to me or just forget about me for a few weeks and call me back up? I’m not saying that he would actually do that and I didn’t believe that he would. It was a possibility and I had to think of all of them before I expected too much from him. He would leave tonight with just a hug from me, maybe even kiss my forehead and he’d text me tomorrow morning, asking if we could do it again sometime. Was that every girl’s dream? Just to have the perfect date and the perfect guy to call her back and say that they should do it again?

I was unsure about what would happen by the time we got to the climax of the movie. It was a really long movie; about three hours max. Oddly, I wanted to restart it and restart this night. I wish I wasn’t so awkward at the beginning of it. We were just friends, so I shouldn’t be worried about this whole ordeal. Right?

John was a sweet guy and he never made me uncomfortable. He was full of passion and a lot of love toward his friends and family. One night, about two months back, he expressed how much he actually gave up. He lived with his parents and he thought he was a big flop, but he also said that he would rather spend his money on his family than a house or apartment to live in. I thought that was absolutely and utterly heartfelt.

By how sad he actually was– I felt bad for him. He deserved a lot more than he was credited for and I hope he finds that saving grace one day.

That was a pretty good reference to their song by the way. I’d begun my research on The Maine a few days after they got back from tour and Saving Grace was a song that gravitated me toward their music. It was a beautiful song.

Let’s not talk about the sad songs because those just bring back terrible memories. I’ll tell one anyways.

I was sitting on my bed, searching their music and finding videos with their songs. I listened to all of them and thought they were pretty well done. It was like a fucking shark attacking me. These Four Words loaded on my screen and I watched the video, mostly listening to the song and began crying my eyes out. I lay in bed for a few days and only got up for work. I didn’t talk to anyone due to the song and how badly I was thinking about it. (This was also during our falling out, so I felt even worse.) Mindy was genuinely worried about me and I went back home that night and cried for hours.

It was terrible and that song has scarred me forever.

John knew it too.

My arms would not and could not release him when he came over after we started talking again. He was laughing, asking me if I actually missed him that much and I decided to hide the fact that it was because of the song, but I let him go and nodded up at him. Ultimately, I told him the real reason and he only smiled sadly at me.

Talk about the worst day ever.

Resurfacing from my thoughts, I noticed that the movie was finally over and John needed to head back home since he was tired. It was eleven already and I yawned while we got up from the couch. I watched while he picked up his leather jacket from the chair. We walked toward the door and he didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me. He even pressed his waist to mine.

“Thank you for dinner and the terrible movie,” he mumbled against my shoulder and I scoffed playfully when we pulled away.

“Batman is not terrible.”

He grinned and leaned down to kiss my cheek. “I’ll see you later, Andy.”

I locked the door behind him and danced a little since it was a good night. Six months and now this boy had me feeling warm and it would not go away until tomorrow morning.