Make Me Strong
Chapter Four
Thump-thump-thump-thump was all I heard as I steadily ran on the treadmill, doing what I could to keep my mind off of Jensen and his disappearance. It's been four months, four very long months since he walked out of my life, and onto that plane.
The sweat slid down my bare shoulders, back and stomach, my breathing hitched from the workout. I pushed myself harder, needing some sort of physical pain to focus on. I've never been flustered over anyone before, never really had a crush.
The fact that I was still flustered over Jensen after these months he's been gone bothered me to no end. I'll always love him as my best friend, that will never change. The fact that I'm in love with him, knowing he doesn't reciprocate the feeling, made it harder to breathe sometimes. He's a good man, very kind, very generous. Which is probably what caused the attraction to him. Seeing him do something for someone out of the kindness of his heart would make anyone swoon after him.
His 6'1" buff stature, green eyes, and bright smile was a sheer bonus.
After another hour of pushing my body to its limits, I realized that no matter how hard I pushed, how much I was determined, nothing was going to quiet my mind of Jensen Ackles.
I went straight to the locker room, pretending to mess with my phone so not to speak to the others coming from the other direction. At least two of them were always trying to hit on me, which made me feel uncomfortable, seeing as women never really appealed to me. Not in the last five years, at least.
Once the locker room door closed behind me, I felt slight relief. It was empty, which made the thoughts in my head run rampant. With no one to talk to, my mind couldn't wander away from thoughts of the man whom I'd never be with.
Grabbing my things from my locker, I glanced up for a moment at the photo of the two of us three days before he left. I hadn't noticed before, but he wasn't looking at the camera, he was looking at me, a look with strong admiration in his eyes, which could have been passed as love if I didn't know his facial expressions.
Closing my eyes and turning away from the picture, I closed the locker and made my way to the showers, half-assing a neck rub. For a brief moment, I could feel Jensen's warm hands on my neck, and my breathing hitched again, causing me to immediately remove my hand from the back of my neck and focus on grabbing my shower.
Forcing myself to calm down, I took a deep breath and removed what clothing I had on and turned the shower on, watching the steady stream of water as I let my mind wander to that day Jensen and I first met. I remember seeing him standing there at the bus stop, his binder above him to try and keep dry. I had asked my mom if she minded if I let him use an umbrella, and she was very adament about letting me do it. He seemed beyond grateful, at least through his eyes he did. Jensen hadn't been much of a open person then, so he had this tough guy persona that he felt the need to keep up. He didn't like the thought or feeling of being vulnerable.
Now, he had his moments of vulnerablity, which he only ever showed in front of me, knowing I wouldn't allow someone else to know.
Stepping into the shower, my mind focused on the task at hand. The hot water felt good on my shoulders and back, easing out the stiffness from lack of sleep and the workout. I heard others walk in, but paid them no mind. So long as I didn't bother them, they generally felt the need to leave me alone.
"Hey, Collins," one called, causing me to open my eyes slightly and look at him. I nodded my greeting in his direction, not really in the mood for talking. As the others went on talking about whatever, I finished up my shower and wrapped a towel around my waist.
Grabbing my clothes, I made my way back to my locker, opening it and grabbed my bag, taking the clean stuff out and putting the sweat stained stuff in. I quickly got dressed and ran a comb through my hair, checking the small mirror in the door of my locker. I need to shave, I thought, rubbing my hands along the side of my face, the long scruff nearing beard. I always preferred to be clean shaven, or the very least, light scruff.
I took one last glance at the photo, let out a small sigh, and closed my locker. Grabbing my things from the bench, I made my way out the door. The gym was starting to get full, so I quickly started walking for the main entrance, hoping to avoid any contact with people. Glancing at the clock, I mumbled a curse to myself and went into a full-on jog.
I recently started working, and I had a strong feeling the manager didn't really care for me. I had twenty minutes to get from the gym to work and it's a walking distance that usually took about half an hour. I prayed to the gods that they'd light the way for me so I could get there on time, lord knows the manager is looking for any excuse to fire me.
I must have been looked out for, because I go there in nearly twenty. I was able to get changed, clocked in, and where I needed to be before the manager came out of his office. He glanced at me for a long moment, his eyes basically screaming that he had wished he could punish me somehow. I smiled, nodded his way, and got to work.
The sweat slid down my bare shoulders, back and stomach, my breathing hitched from the workout. I pushed myself harder, needing some sort of physical pain to focus on. I've never been flustered over anyone before, never really had a crush.
The fact that I was still flustered over Jensen after these months he's been gone bothered me to no end. I'll always love him as my best friend, that will never change. The fact that I'm in love with him, knowing he doesn't reciprocate the feeling, made it harder to breathe sometimes. He's a good man, very kind, very generous. Which is probably what caused the attraction to him. Seeing him do something for someone out of the kindness of his heart would make anyone swoon after him.
His 6'1" buff stature, green eyes, and bright smile was a sheer bonus.
After another hour of pushing my body to its limits, I realized that no matter how hard I pushed, how much I was determined, nothing was going to quiet my mind of Jensen Ackles.
I went straight to the locker room, pretending to mess with my phone so not to speak to the others coming from the other direction. At least two of them were always trying to hit on me, which made me feel uncomfortable, seeing as women never really appealed to me. Not in the last five years, at least.
Once the locker room door closed behind me, I felt slight relief. It was empty, which made the thoughts in my head run rampant. With no one to talk to, my mind couldn't wander away from thoughts of the man whom I'd never be with.
Grabbing my things from my locker, I glanced up for a moment at the photo of the two of us three days before he left. I hadn't noticed before, but he wasn't looking at the camera, he was looking at me, a look with strong admiration in his eyes, which could have been passed as love if I didn't know his facial expressions.
Closing my eyes and turning away from the picture, I closed the locker and made my way to the showers, half-assing a neck rub. For a brief moment, I could feel Jensen's warm hands on my neck, and my breathing hitched again, causing me to immediately remove my hand from the back of my neck and focus on grabbing my shower.
Forcing myself to calm down, I took a deep breath and removed what clothing I had on and turned the shower on, watching the steady stream of water as I let my mind wander to that day Jensen and I first met. I remember seeing him standing there at the bus stop, his binder above him to try and keep dry. I had asked my mom if she minded if I let him use an umbrella, and she was very adament about letting me do it. He seemed beyond grateful, at least through his eyes he did. Jensen hadn't been much of a open person then, so he had this tough guy persona that he felt the need to keep up. He didn't like the thought or feeling of being vulnerable.
Now, he had his moments of vulnerablity, which he only ever showed in front of me, knowing I wouldn't allow someone else to know.
Stepping into the shower, my mind focused on the task at hand. The hot water felt good on my shoulders and back, easing out the stiffness from lack of sleep and the workout. I heard others walk in, but paid them no mind. So long as I didn't bother them, they generally felt the need to leave me alone.
"Hey, Collins," one called, causing me to open my eyes slightly and look at him. I nodded my greeting in his direction, not really in the mood for talking. As the others went on talking about whatever, I finished up my shower and wrapped a towel around my waist.
Grabbing my clothes, I made my way back to my locker, opening it and grabbed my bag, taking the clean stuff out and putting the sweat stained stuff in. I quickly got dressed and ran a comb through my hair, checking the small mirror in the door of my locker. I need to shave, I thought, rubbing my hands along the side of my face, the long scruff nearing beard. I always preferred to be clean shaven, or the very least, light scruff.
I took one last glance at the photo, let out a small sigh, and closed my locker. Grabbing my things from the bench, I made my way out the door. The gym was starting to get full, so I quickly started walking for the main entrance, hoping to avoid any contact with people. Glancing at the clock, I mumbled a curse to myself and went into a full-on jog.
I recently started working, and I had a strong feeling the manager didn't really care for me. I had twenty minutes to get from the gym to work and it's a walking distance that usually took about half an hour. I prayed to the gods that they'd light the way for me so I could get there on time, lord knows the manager is looking for any excuse to fire me.
I must have been looked out for, because I go there in nearly twenty. I was able to get changed, clocked in, and where I needed to be before the manager came out of his office. He glanced at me for a long moment, his eyes basically screaming that he had wished he could punish me somehow. I smiled, nodded his way, and got to work.