Be With Me Now

I sat at the table in the kitchen of my childhood home, staring aimlessly into the half full cup of coffee cradled between my hands. I slowly raised the cup to my lips, inhaling the bitter-sweet smell before taking a sip, smiling in content after the hot liquid poured down my throat.

A half hour has passed since I woke up in my old bedroom and trudged down the stairs. My mom was working on a crossword puzzle across from me, occasionally taking a sip from her own cup of coffee. I heard her set the newspaper down, before speaking.

"You know, I'm happy you offered to watch the house while your dad and I are away but it isn't necessary. This is a good neighborhood, nothing is going to happen," she chuckled.

I knew I didn't have to, but when my mom told me that her and my dad were going on a month long vacation through Europe, I couldn't help but have the idea pop into my head. It was perfect timing, really. I could get away from Phoenix and clear my head. Just what I needed.

So I drove the 3 hours to Flagstaff, taking the scenic route through Tonto National Forest. That was yesterday afternoon. As soon as I pulled up in front of the two story home on James Street, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I set my cup down and shrugged. "I just needed to get away," I said, quietly.

I didn't look at her as the words left my mouth. It was silent for a moment. I felt her hand set on top of mine gently. Her action causing me to finally look up and meet her eyes.

"Are you okay? You've been so quiet ever since you got here, so lost in that head of yours. Which means you're thinking hard about something. What's on your mind?"

She sounded genuinely concerned and for that I was thankful. My mom was my best friend, as cliche as that sounds. I could tell her anything, but I wasn't ready to talk about this with her though. I was still processing everything that had happened.

"It's nothing reall-"

"Oh don't pull that with me, dear," she sat back in her chair and gave me a pointed look. "I know when something is up with my daughter."

"I don't feel like talking about it." I sighed and took another sip of my coffee.

"Is it about John?"

I set my cup back down, avoiding eye contact with her again. "Why do you assume it's about him?"

"Well, for one, you haven't mentioned his name once since arriving. Which I find odd considering how you can never shut up about him. Two, you were pretty quick to change the topic of conversation yesterday when your Dad asked how he was doing."

"We, uh, we kind of ended things."

"Oh." She sounded shocked. "Do you mind if I ask why?"

"Like I said, I don't want to talk about it," I snapped.

My mom was quiet. I didn't mean for the words to come out so harsh. It was still a sensitive subject. I didn't want to tell her, but I knew I had to eventually.

"He met someone else," I said simply, tears forming in my eyes.

"He cheated on you?!" She sat up straight in her chair. She was angry now.

"No! He didn't cheat on me-"

"But he hurt you, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"I don't understand why any horrible person would hurt you."

"Hey, just because he hurt me doesn't mean that he's a horrible person!" I was getting defensive, like I always did when it came to someone talking in a bad way about John. It was a reflex.

"He hurt you, he's automatically a horrible person in my book." She slumped back in her chair.

"He's just confused and doesn't know what he wants." I wanted this conversation to be over with.

My mom had a pensive look on her face, like she was trying to figure out what to say next.

"Care to explain what that is supposed to mean?"

"Not really," I mumbled.

"Evalynn."

I groaned. She only used my full name when she meant business. She wasn't going to drop this subject any time soon.

I took in a deep breath and sighed loudly before speaking, "I guess I should start from the beginning."