A Summer Nowhere

When I finally came home from the better part of a week at Sam's house, I basically fell into my bed and passed out. Spending that many days with six other females and one cranky, drunk, weird old man was exhausting. Shuffling from Sam's room to the couch to Jenny's room and back, depending on who was home and who wasn't, had gotten old really quick. And even though Gary was a hop, skip, and a jump away and being at home meant dealing with Heather and avoiding Brad like the plague, home was just where I'd rather be.

Not to mention that a steady diet of nothing but soda and carbohydrates had started to really mess up my stomach. When anybody cooked at Sam's house, the meal never failed to include at least three starches to go with the meat. Potatoes, macaroni, corn, bread. Nobody had a scale, but I figured I'd gained about a thousand pounds. Three days in, I started to get queasy and the night I ended up going home, it was mostly because I'd been hurling on and off all day. Mama didn't dote on me like she usually would because I didn't have a fever and she said I'd done it to myself by eating like that. She made a big salad with dinner the next night so I could actually get some vitamins back in my system. I'd never craved green vegetables so much in my whole entire life.

Brad was being quietly civil. When we passed each other in the hall, usually on the way to or from the bathroom, he'd mumble an “Excuse me.” or a “Hey.” He didn't even look at me when we were at the kitchen table. Somehow, it was worse than when he'd been the most obnoxious person on earth. His swelling had gone down, but his face was still about a million different shades of blue and purple. It was just a reminder of what had happened the week before and all the quiet coming out of that bruised up face was unsettling.

Gary hated that I was in the same house with him. I told him a million times that nothing was gonna' happen and that I wasn't scared and that there were locks on all the doors in my house and, if it would make him feel better, I'd promise to lock myself into whatever room I went into so that Brad couldn't get in. He wouldn't even try, I'd told him, because he'd had the fear of God beaten into him. When Gary asked if I was saying he shouldn't have beaten him to a pulp, I told him absolutely not, it was just that I was pretty sure he'd never have to do it again.

The first Saturday I was back home, Mama took me and Heather to the mall to go back-to-school shopping and Heather dragged me into one of those little boutiques that sold cheap jewelry and accessories.

“I think it's sweet how he's so protective of you.” she told me. “He really loves you.”

“Yeah.” I mumbled, squinting against the fluorescent lights that was bouncing off of all the shiny stuff.

“I think he's a doll.” She continued.

“Yeah, you made that real clear.” I rolled my eyes.

“I meant for you.” She poked me in the shoulder. “I knew he thought you were pretty special when he didn't want to get in my pants.”

“Didn't stop you from trying.” I said, looking at some little hoop earrings with different colored rhinestones on them. “Repeatedly.”

“What can I say? I'm persistent.” She shrugged. “Anyway, I think you two are cute together. I wish somebody wanted to build a house for me.”

I'd never said a word about that to anybody, mostly because I hadn't thought much about it since. Actually, I had thought about it a little bit. I knew it was mostly just pipe dreams, kinda like pillow talk, and I didn't put much stock in it. It was a nice idea, though. But I never once said a single word about it because, one: I didn't think about it that much, and two: it wasn't anybody's business. If Gary wanted to tell people about what he wanted to do with his whole entire future, then he could. But it wasn't my place. Except I told Sam. Obviously. How was I supposed to go around with that kind of thing in my head without telling my very own best friend? Telling Sam was just a given. And when I'd told Sam, Jenny and Lynn had been in the room, but that didn't mean I'd told them, so you couldn't accuse me of being a big blabbermouth or anything. And obviously, I'd told Mama, but obviously I was allowed to tell my mother.

But that didn't mean it was okay for everybody and their uncle to know about something that wasn't even a sure thing.

I played dumb and asked her what she was talking about. She said Mike had told her about it and the reason Mike knew was because Jenny knew and Jenny had told Alan and Alan had told Mike when they'd run into one another at AutoZone. Then she said that Mike had been there to buy these really cool blue lights to go underneath his Camero, but I wanted to know how the subject of me had come up. She said that they weren't really even talking about me, because “God, Jobie. Not everything's about you!”. At first, they were talking about how Brad was doing after the whole Fourth of July situation, and how both of them knew Gary was strong as an ox, but that neither of them had ever seen him fly off the handle the way he did. Mike thought he'd overreacted a little bit and Alan said that he thought Brad had it coming. Somewhere between the beginning and the end of the conversation, Gary's plans about extending his parents' property and building a house came up and I still didn't have any idea how.

“It's not for me.” I told her. “It's just something he's always wanted to do.”

“Yeah.” Heather gave me an annoying little smirk. “Right.”

“It is!” I argued, feeling stupid because people started to look at us. “And anyway, it's just an idea.”

“Mike said that Alan said that Gary's been saving his money for a while.” She told me, dragging me to the end of the line for the checkout counter. “Did you know that? Do you know how much it costs to get your own thoroughbred horse? Gary's family makes a ton of money.”

“Yeah, but they spend a lot, too.” I said. “Upkeep is expensive.”

“I know, but how do you not know that your own boyfriend is saving all his money to build you a house?” She pressed.

“It's not for me!” I yelled.

“Shh!” Heather hissed at me, yanking my arm and pulling me real close to her. “You're embarrassing me.”

I felt a little stupid. Not only because there were about thirty people in the store and I was pretty sure most of them had heard me hollering like a crazy person; but also because everybody else seemed to know more about my own boyfriend than I did. I knew Gary made his own money because he worked hard. He was basically the co-owner of his family business because as soon as he'd been old enough to carry his own weight, he did. We never even talked about money, though and I didn't even feel comfortable asking him about it. It wasn't like his family was rich; they were just comfortable. At least I didn't think they were rich. Maybe they were and his parents were just frugal. I felt like one of those gold digging women even thinking about it. I just needed to mind my own business.

Between Heather and Mama, I got pushed and pulled into just about every store in that mall. I must've walked six miles and spent way too many hours looking at clothes. Mama was a woman who knew how to stretch a dollar, but three times a year—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and back-to-school time—she'd get a wild hair and decide that we needed to live above our means. Then it'd take her a few months to pay off all the fancy stuff she'd insisted on buying. I couldn't even imagine what her credit card bill was gonna' look like, but I didn't complain about the money; I complained about the walking and the heat and the fact that they took forever to pick out something as simple as a sweater that we wouldn't even be wearing for a good three months.

By the time we got back home, it was dark and all I had to show for an entire day of pain and suffering was a dozen or more bags full of stuff that I had to figure out how to put away. Right when I decided to wait until Heather was gone to get organized, so that I'd have my closet and dresser all to myself again, Gary called to check on me. It'd been a while since we'd talked because he'd been in Lexington for a couple days, dropping off a filly and picking up two male foals. He said they'd raise and train both of them, but they were definitely keeping one and he said that I should pick the one that got to stay. I told him I didn't have any kind of authority to be making that kind of decision and he said he was giving it to me. The authority, not the horse.

I'd never been around a horse that young before. I guess they'd had them, but I'd never gotten close enough to get a real good look. For whatever reason, I thought they'd be weird looking or that they wouldn't look like full grown horses. I guess I kinda thought they'd be like baby deer, all wobbly legged and stuff. But they weren't. One of them was chestnut colored with a little white diamond between his eyes and the other one was all black from head to toe. They were both around five feet tall from the top of their heads and I could look both of them right in the eye. Gary got all technical on me and explained that they weren't five feet tall, they were more like four feet because you had to measure from the highest point of their backs. And you didn't measure in feet, you measured in hands, and the chestnut was thirteen and a half hands while the black was an even thirteen.

“This one.” I told him, patting the black horse on the back as gently as I could. The other one seemed real nervous, probably because he was scared to be in a new place for the first time ever, but the black one was calm and cool. He sniffed me a little bit and I guess he didn't hate me, because he let me pet him.

“I thought you'd say that.” Gary said. “As soon as I saw him, I thought you'd like him.”

“I like him.” I agreed. “What's his name?”

“Hades.” Gary said, taking him by the reins and walking him over to the stall next to Tessa's where he'd put the other one earlier. He said they should stay together until they got used to the place because they were already used to each other. “The sire's name was Cronus, so I'm guessing they're real into Greek mythology.”

I was just impressed that he knew where those names came from. Every once in a while, he'd say something that surprised me. I felt like I learned something new about him just about every day. We ended up walking all the way out to the edge of the Dulworth property. The man that owned all of the empty acreage Gary wanted to buy had people keep the grass mowed regularly, so I didn't have to worry about climbing over the fence and getting bitten by a snake or something. The land was mostly flat, but there was a row of huge maple trees that lined up with the front fence and I thought they looked really nice.

“Not bad, right?” Gary asked, walking out a few feet and putting arms out, like he was trying to get me to take it all in.

“It's nice.” I told him. “Maybe one day you'll buy it.”

“Mister Hinton said since he knows the family, he'll take twenty-five hundred an acre if I buy the whole lot.” He kept looking ahead. “That's pretty decent, I think.”

“If only you had twenty-five thousand bucks.” I laughed.

He looked at me like I was crazy. “I'd get a loan.”

“You have to pay back loans, Gary.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest and staring back at him. “And how are you gonna' get one anyway? You've got to go through a bank and meet some big list of requirements and then wait to see if you're approved. It's a lot of hoops to jump through.”

“I know how it works, Jobie.” He told me, rolling his eyes. “You think I haven't already jumped through all those hoops?”

Now it was my turn to look at him funny. I didn't even have a checking account and he'd gone into a bank to apply for a loan for some land that didn't even have anything on it? I knew that he could say it was for the family business and that his family's reputation was maybe enough to get them to consider it, but I couldn't imagine an eighteen year old boy getting all that done.

“My credit's perfect.” Gary said, making an OK sign with his fingers. “They ran the numbers and said it shouldn't be a problem, but I haven't applied yet.”

“Wow.” I mumbled, trying to picture him in his jeans and work boots, sitting in front of a desk, talking to some dude in a suit and tie.

“I talked to a guy up in Lexington.” He explained. “He showed me a few blueprints.”

“For what?” I asked.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me all the way to the middle of the tree line. By the time we got there, I was out of breath and looked back to find that you could barely see Gary's house, but you could see that Sam's porch light was on. He walked halfway between the two trees in the center and stretched his arms out to the sides and then straight forward.

“Picture it.” He said, still pointing forward. “The driveway's right here in the middle. We can put up one of those rock walls you like.”

There was a big old house in Bowling Green that I'd seen once and it had a big rock wall around it that looked like it was made from those pretty, smooth river stones. Gary took my hand again and we walked up the driveway, or what he wanted to be the driveway.

“It circles here.” He finally stopped. “And it wraps around the house. I want an arch built onto the house right there on our right. And then on our left, maybe a garage.”

I was trying real hard not to take him serious, but he was so serious that it was hard not to jump on all his enthusiasm.

“Where's the pool gonna' go?” I asked, trying not to laugh. “And how big is this house?”

“Do you know how much work a pool takes?” He rolled his eyes at me.

“I don't care. I want a pool.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Alright. You're the boss.” He smiled, hooking our arms together and walking me around the space where this fantasy house of his was gonna' be.

Four or five bedrooms he said. He'd always wanted a four bedroom, but he said it was just as easy to have five. An open concept, he said, like his parents' place, where when you walked in the front door, you were looking at the kitchen and the dining area and the living room. But he also wanted a formal dining room, because he heard my Mama say once that she wished we had one and he was pretty sure that I said I wished that, too. Then, he said, if we were gonna' have a swimming pool, we'd also have to have a sun porch, where Sam could come over and drink ice tea with me in the summer and watch the kids swim.

“What kids?” I asked.

“Ours.” He looked at me like I was asking a stupid question. “One day I want kids.”

I didn't know why, but the very idea made me want to laugh hysterically. It was so ridiculous, I was almost certain that he was joking.

“One day.” He repeated, looking like I'd punched him in the gut. “A very long time from now.”

“Okay.” I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek so the giggles would stop. “Alright. Okay.”

“Back here.” He said, waving his arms around to tell me he was talking about the whole rest of the property. “We can do whatever we want. But I want a stable that spreads across the back of the lot.”

“That's a big stable.” I said. “How are you gonna' handle all that?”

“We'll hire staff.” He shrugged. “Dad's worked with some pretty good guys, I'm sure some of 'em wouldn't mind working for me, too.”

“Man.” I mumbled, looking around at all the empty space Gary had filled up in his head. “You've got it all figured out, don't you?”

“I'm getting there.” He told me, draping an arm across my shoulders.

Here he was, his entire life planned to the letter. I'd bet he even had all the money figured out, too. Eileen probably passed her impeccable accounting skills onto her oldest son and he probably already knew what everything would cost, down to the last cent, and how long it would take him to pay it all back, and how soon he'd see profit, and how much the profit would be. And here I was, standing in the middle of an empty field, listening to him give me a perfect life plan that he'd spent God knows how many hours and days and weeks and years figuring out, with all of my likes and dislikes and personality quirks and wants and needs plugged into the formula, and all I could do was think about how he had all this figured out and I could barely even decide what I was gonna' do with my life tomorrow.

“What's going on in there?” Gary asked, tapping me on the forehead real softly. “Am I freaking you out? I'm freaking you out.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, then shook my head. “No. You are. I mean, you're not really... but you are, but not in a bad way. I don't think. You know?”

“No.” He laughed, plopping down in the grass and taking me with him. “Tell me.”

I told him I felt like I was in that book where the girl and the guy fell in love over the summer and they saw an old house that was falling apart and she made him promise to fix it up for her. If I'd've been that girl, I probably would've told him something more like “You can do it if you want, I guess.”, but she was kind of a brat and told him all the stuff she wanted in the house and made him promise, like a red door and a wraparound porch or something. Then she had to leave town and didn't come back until they were grown and she found out that he'd fixed that house up just exactly the way she wanted him to and had been waiting on her ever since and they lived happily ever after.

It was a little overwhelming, to say the least.

“Jobie.” He said, turning his whole body around so we were facing each other head-on. “Do you wanna' be with me?”

“Obviously, I do.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“Good.” Gary gave a nod. “Because I want to be with you, too.”

“I know.” I let out a deep breath.

“But I'm doing this with or without you.” He told me, cutting right to the point.

That sounded like an ultimatum if I ever heard one and I felt like he'd knocked the wind right out of me. I knew he loved me, so he was a lot different from the last two boys I'd liked, but three times was a charm and if he dumped me, I was probably gonna' lose my mind. He'd been one of my closest friends since I'd moved up from Alabama and we'd already ruined that by going out with each other. If we broke up, he'd be nothing because people trying to stay friends after their relationship was over never worked out and I didn't even know why people thought it would. I felt like somebody had punched me right in the lungs and couldn't catch my breath. It must've been what a panic attack felt like.

“What's wrong?” Gary asked, putting his hands on my shoulders.

I couldn't talk because it felt like my throat was swollen shut and before I knew it, I was crying like an idiot. It was a real coincidence that our relationship was ending the same way it started—sitting outside while I bawled like a baby. I just wished he'd stop touching me because it made me feel a hundred times worse.

“Talk to me.” He said, leaning close and dragging his thumbs underneath my eyes. “Breathe.”

I tried to suck in all the air I could and fill up my chest, then I let it all out and repeated that a whole bunch of times until I felt more nauseous than I did suffocated. Then I went from being sad to being pissed off real quick.

“I can't believe you're dumping me just because I'm not all on board with all this stuff.” I sniffed, pulling my shirt up and wiping my face. “You're an asshole, Gary!”

“Hey!” He yelled, looking at me like I'd smacked him across the face. “I'm not breaking up with you!”

“You just said with or without you.” I reminded him. “So if I don't get into all this, you're just done with me?”

“No!” Gary threw his hands in the air and looked up at the sky. “You're not listening to me.”

“I am, too.” I argued.

“Then listen to this.” He scoffed at me. “I've wanted this for a long time. Even before I knew you, this was the plan. I want you to be with me. If you weren't, I'd probably die. But I'm not forcing you into anything. You can live wherever the hell you want.”

I dropped my head so my face smacked against the palms of my hands and Gary pulled at my arms until I was practically in his lap.

“Stop crying.” He said, putting his fingers in my hair and massaging my scalp. “You're being ridiculous.”

“It's not ridiculous.” I argued, trying to stop sniffling.

“Yes it is.” He laughed, like I was a kid who said something so stupid it was funny. “Me? Break up with you? Are you stupid or just crazy?”

“Neither.” I answered, my voice muffled against my hands.

“Look at me.” He insisted, pulling at my wrists.

When I finally did look up at him, I did feel really stupid. And he was looking at me like I was, too.

“I'm not goin' anywhere.” Gary told me. “Okay?”

“Okay.” I let out a deep breath.

Before I could say anything else, he was kissing me. He only stopped every once in a while to tell me how goofy I was for ever thinking he'd leave me for anything, especially something so stupid; then he'd kiss me again, deeper and longer every time. I wished we had a blanket, because there was no way I was gonna' lay down in the grass. But I wanted him close. He had his hands on my elbows, like he was trying to keep me from moving, but I held onto his hips, digging my fingers in. The sun was going down and I could hear the crickets start to sing.

“Take me somewhere.” I said, feeling like I hadn't taken a breath in an hour.

“Where?” He asked, leaning forward and trying to find my lips again.

“I don't care.” I told him, peeling his hands off of me and jumping to my feet. “Somewhere indoors.”

Gary looked like he was thinking real hard about that for a second and then he stood up too and started walking back toward the fence. His legs were about twice as long as mine, so it was only natural that he was twice as fast. He finally stopped and looked back at me.

“Come on.” He said, crouching down a little bit.

“What?” I asked, catching up to him.

“Climb on.” He grinned, patting himself on the back.

“Gary.” I laughed. “I'd break your back.”

“Jobie.” He mimicked me. “You don't even weigh enough to slow me down.”

I rolled my eyes and hopped onto his back, squealing like an idiot when he stood up. Once I got my bearings—my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms draped over his shoulders—I realized he was right. He kept trekking on like he didn't have anything more than a book bag strapped to his back. It made me feel small and delicate, and I'd never felt like I was either of those things, so I liked it a lot.

On the walk back to his parents' property, I told him that he needed an ATV because all of this walking was exhausting. He said that when he expanded the land, he might get one. But what was he supposed to do? Get off and open the gate every time he went from one plot to another? He couldn't go around because you couldn't drive an ATV on the highway. And I said that you should've been able to, because the AT in ATV stood for all terrain and the street was a type of terrain, wasn't it?

“Where are we going?” He asked, arriving at his truck and crouching down so I could get to my feet.

“I don't know.” I shrugged.

“Whenever I ask you where we're going you always say you don't know.” Gary gave me a cute little smirk and leaned against the tailgate. “And every time you ask me, I say the same thing. We need a place.”

I couldn't help but laugh. “I guess that's what you're doing over there.” I pointed back to where we'd just walked from.

“I guess so.” He nodded.

I wasn't so desperate to jump his bones anymore, but I didn't feel like going home and I didn't feel like being away from him. So we just sat in the barn and I let him tell me more about all the stuff he wanted to do, interjecting here and there, giving him my two cents. I told him I still wanted a pool, whether I moved in or not. He said I could have anything I wanted, provided he could afford it. When I asked him what if he couldn't, he just shrugged his shoulders and told me I'd have to wait 'til he could.

“I can be patient.” I shrugged my shoulders.

He laughed at me.

“I can!” I argued.

“Sure you can.” Gary rolled his eyes. “You've never had to wait for anything in your life.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, turning around in my little folding chair to face him. “Are you trying to say I'm spoiled?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “You can't help it, though. You're an only child.”

I almost wanted to smack him, but I guessed he was right. It wasn't like I got everything I wanted, but when I really thought about it, I kinda did, because I didn't really ask for much. Except freedom. I got away with a lot more than other people I knew did. And Gary had never told me no. Not that I could think of, anyway.

“If I'm spoiled, it's your fault.” I told him.

“I hope so.” He nodded his head and grinned at me. “It's my job, ain't it?”