A Summer Nowhere

They made Sam stay in the hospital an extra night because, as it turned out, all the different medicines she'd been taking didn't interact too well with each other. Dr. Sunjin was the psychiatrist she'd been seeing in Hopkinsville and when I stopped by to see Sam, her hospital doctor was reading Lynn the riot act. I snuck past them and slid over to Sam's bed, where she scooted over to make room for me. She was just staring at them, looking like she was watching a really sad movie on television that she couldn't take her eyes off of.

Dr. Mullins was the hospitalist I'd met a couple of times. First when Dennis went in with the D.T.s and then again when Jenny had to have a pin put in her knee. She reminded me a little bit of Mama, but if Mama had gained about sixty pounds and was a decade or so older. She was nice and kind, but she didn't take any crap. She'd snapped at Dennis when he'd complained about needing morphine, told him that chemical dependencies were what brought him there in the first place and to look at me and Mama and see what he was doing to us. Mama dragged me down to the hospital with her, but he could've stayed in there forever for all I cared.

“She's seventeen years old!” Dr. Mullins was yelling. “You've got her on Depakote and Lamictal! I'm amazed she hasn't been having seizures!”

“But I didn't put her on those things, her doctor did!” Lynn was whining the exact same way Sam did when anybody yelled at her.

“That man is a quack!” Dr. Mullins shook her head and let out a big, loud sigh. “I took her off the Depakote. There's no reason a teenage girl should be taking so many different medications!”

“If you take her off of it, won't she get worse?” Lynn asked. She was wringing her hands in the hem of her shirt and I was pretty sure if she kept it up, they'd get tangled in there and we'd have to cut her out of it.

“We'll keep an eye on it today.” Dr. Mullins' voice sounded softer then, like she'd calmed down a little bit. “I think drug cocktails do more harm than good. Especially in her case.”

Lynn nodded, but she didn't look like she was so sure about that.

“Hey, Jobie.” Dr. Mullins smiled at me. “How's your Mama?”

“She's good.” I nodded.

“That's good.” She just kept smiling while she looked at some stuff on Sam's chart, and then at her. “If you're still feeling alright in a few hours, we'll go ahead and kick you out of here.”

Sam managed a little bitty tiny laugh.

“We're getting you a new therapist.” She announced, looking serious again. “Even if I've got to find one myself.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded her head.

“Try and get a little nap.” The doctor said, giving us one last smile on her way out.

“She didn't sleep too good last night.” Lynn told me. “They cut off her sleeping meds, too.”

“They gave me some Melatonin.” Sam said, sounding real sleepy and a little bit drunk. “But then they kept coming in and poking at me.”

I wanted to tell her it was what she got after doing something so crazy, but I kept my mouth shut instead. We chatted a little bit about some male nurse that Sam thought was cute, but a little bit dumb. Then we just sat there watching The Price is Right until she fell asleep. I slid out of the bed as careful as I could and gave Lynn a hug bye.

“Did Gary drive you?” She asked, running a hand through my hair.

I nodded. “He's in the truck.”

“She's upset that he won't talk to her.” Lynn told me, looking at Sam snoozing away.

I didn't have any idea what I was supposed to say to that, so I didn't say anything and she told me that one of them would give me a call when they got back home. Gary was sitting just where I'd left him, flipping through a Horse and Rider magazine. He barely even noticed me getting back in the truck, but when I cleared my throat he tossed the magazine in the back and smiled at me. The last couple of days, he'd kinda been at my beck and call, driving me back and forth to the hospital a couple of times and hanging out with me to make sure I wasn't sad, even though I wasn't sad. But he still hadn't seen or talked to Sam and I guessed it was my job to figure out why.

“Lynn says Sam's upset that you haven't visited her.” I told him, pulling my legs up underneath me and watching to see if his face changed.

It didn't.

“She'll get over it.” Gary shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject. “Do you want to ride to Tractor Supply with me? I've gotta' go pick up the bush hog dad ordered.”

“Sure.” I told him. “But are you gonna' go see her when she gets home? It'll probably be later today.”

“I've got to go do this.” He said. “Then I'm meeting with my contractor. We're starting the build on Monday.”

“Monday?” I looked at him like he was nuts. “Monday as in this coming Monday? A week from today?”

“That's the Monday I'm talkin' about.” Gary nodded, laughing at me. “We'll probably get all the framing up by the end of the week.”

“School starts on Monday.” I told him, like he didn't know.

“Not for me.” He said.

“This is happening so fast.” I was suddenly getting really overwhelmed.

I was engaged. Gary was building us a house. I was about to go into my last year of high school and I'd have to do something with myself and I still had no idea what that something was gonna' be. I reminded myself for the millionth time that maybe I could be happy just being a housewife. I could keep the place clean and go grocery shopping and have dinner parties. But how was I supposed to go to the grocery store if I couldn't drive a car? My head was spinning.

“What's going on in that big brain of yours?” Gary asked, glancing at me real quick. “Talk to me.”

“I don't know.” I told him. “All of a sudden, I'm thinking this adult stuff is for the birds.”

He laughed really hard and shook his head. “It's not for sissies, that's for sure.”

“I am a sissy.” I said. “I'm gonna' have to be one of those people who never does anything.”

“You don't have to do anything.” He was still laughing. “Or do whatever you want.”

“I don't want to do anything.” I said.

“Then don't.” He shrugged. “I'll just be your sugar daddy and come home one day to find out you hired a maid or something.”

Now I was laughing. “We can get a maid? Really?”

“No.” He said. “You have to at least learn how to clean the house.”

“I know how to clean a house!” I yelled. “And I can cook.”

“You've never cooked anything in your life.” Gary declared.

“Yes, I have.” I told him. “Just not for you.”

“Are you gonna' cook for me when we're married?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I said, joking, “If we can get a maid.”

“No maid.” He shook his head. “You've gotta' do something.”

“Mama says I can work with her.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It seems easy enough.”

“That'd be good for you.” He nodded. “And you'd be doing something good for somebody else.”

“Yeah.” I agreed. “And that way Mama can just pick me up on her way in.”

“No.” Gary shook his head, looking at me like he'd caught me in the middle of a scheme. “I'm teaching you to drive.”

“You are not the boss of me!” I yelled, just joking. But really, I wanted to tell him that the idea of driving a car made me want to puke my guts out.

“It's easy once you get used to it.” He said. “We'll go on the back roads so you can get comfortable.”

I let out a whine and looked at him real uneasily.

“You're safe with me.” He promised, slowing to a halt at a stop light and putting his hand on my knee. “We'll go as slow as you want.”

I really did want to tell him how sweet he was being and how much I appreciated him, but I still felt a knot of anxiety in my stomach, so I just nodded my head and let out a deep breath. He squeezed my hand before putting it back on the wheel and we just kinda went on our merry little way.

Ever since he'd asked me to marry him, being in public with Gary felt weird. But it was a good kind of weird. He took every chance he got to tell people I was his fiance and I'd been congratulated about a billion and one times. I think maybe it was just because it made me feel kind of fancy. Like I was grown up all of a sudden, but I hadn't done anything much different. The only bad part about it was that people kept asking me—not Gary, just me—if we were planning on having babies any time soon. My answer was always no. Absolutely not. What are you, crazy?

It got a little exhausting.

The lady at the tractor dealership was no different.

“I had my son really young and he's starting college at UK soon.” She bragged to me while Gary signed some paperwork. “So when you do get a bun in the oven, don't worry. You just learn how to parent as you go.”

I tried real hard not to look at her like she had two heads, but I didn't know if it was working. My face felt a little tight, so I must've been doing something with it. Lucky for me, I didn't have time to say anything stupid because Gary was ready to go. He rode the tractor up onto the trailer and strapped it down real quick while I waited in the truck.

When he got into the driver's seat I looked at him and asked “How soon do you want kids?”

His eyes got wide for a second, but he was still looking in front of him. He answered real slow, like there was a little voice in his head feeding him a line that might get him in the least amount of trouble.

“I want kids whenever you want kids.” He told me.

“No, but like how soon?” I pressed him for an answer.

“I don't know.” He shrugged. “How soon do you want them?”

“Like how long would we have to wait until you divorced me over it?” I asked.

Gary laughed, shaking his head at me like I was an idiot.

“I mean, like what's like the longest you're willing to wait?” I kept going.

“Jobie.” He was still laughing. “What is wrong with you?”

“Everybody keeps talking to me about having babies.” I told him. “We're not supposed to have babies for a really long time.”

“It's not a supposed to thing.” Gary said. “We can do whatever we want.”

“I know.” I started stammering like an idiot. “But, like, I mean, I don't... I don't think we should.”

“Then we won't.” He shrugged, easy peasy.

“What does that mean, though?” I asked, studying his face real hard. “That you want them sooner?”

“That's not what that means.” He rolled his eyes at me. “It means exactly what I said.”

“You'll just wait forever?” I leaned forward so I could get an even closer look at him.

“If I have to, I guess.” His eyes were staying right where they were supposed to be—on the road in front of him.

“But you'd rather not.” I guessed.

“I'd rather not.” He admitted.

“So when, then?” I asked. “Like, in a perfect world. How long?”

We were headed toward the Sonic Drive-In because earlier that day, I'd said that I wanted a cherry limeade. He didn't say another word until he pulled into the parking lot and made his way into one of the very back spaces. I wanted to ask him why he was taking his seat belt off, because it wasn't like we were going in anywhere, but then he turned around in his seat so he could look right at me and it made me kind of nervous, like I wished I hadn't even brought up the whole B-A-B-Y thing.

“Now.” He said, pulling his legs up into the seat and crossing them Indian style.

“Now what?” I asked.

“Now.” He repeated, like he was trying to teach me a new word. “You asked me when I'd want to have kids in a perfect world. Now.”

I leaned away from him like he'd slapped me across the face and accidentally smacked my head against the window.

“Calm down.” Gary laughed at me and grabbed my hand to pull me back. “We're not having kids any time soon.”

“Don't joke with me like that!” I swatted at his shoulder, not amused in the very least.

“I'm not joking.” He told me, looking serious. “If I had my way, we'd be working on kids right now. But we've got other stuff to think about first.”

I stared at him for what must have been a full minute or longer before shaking my head and laughing at him.

“What?” He asked.

“You're somethin' else, Gary Dulworth.” I told him.

“You just don't know what yet?” He joked.

“You always know just the most exactly perfect thing to say.” I let out a big, dramatic sigh.

“Well, I am perfect, after all.” He grinned before turning around, rolling down the window, and ordering me a cherry limeade.

He asked me to ride with him to see his contractor, Jeff Tabor. He had one of his crews working on a new subdivision and that's where we met with him. The guy's office was in one of those little tiny trailers in the middle of the construction site and I'd always kinda wanted to see the inside of one. I'd always seen them whenever anything was being built and wondered how anybody could hang out in there all day. It didn't seem as small on the inside. The guy had a desk that took up most of the space, but he could get in and out through one door and other people could get in and out through another. We sat in chairs in front of him and looked over some blueprints that didn't make any sense to me while they talked about foundations and framework and this and that. I zoned out after a while and started thinking about if I should maybe dye my hair some crazy color for my last year of school and didn't come to until Gary asked me something.

“Jobie.” He waved his hand in front of my face and laughed. “I said which do you think is better?”

“What?” I asked, leaning forward to look at the paper he was pointing at.

“What we can do,” Jeff told me, sounded real excited, “Is separate your master bedroom closets. Like a his and hers thing. They'd be on opposite sides of the master bathroom.”

I couldn't care any less about that stuff if I tried because I didn't have enough clothes to even fill up a regular sized closet, but I acted like I was real interested. He said the other option was one big closet and it could either be a whole separate room or be kind of part of the bathroom and just be like a whole extra suite. I didn't know how long the whole thing was gonna' take, but I knew I wouldn't even be living there for almost a year. It was hard to think about what I wanted when I wasn't even gonna' get it right then and there.

“You can take a shower and get dressed all in the same room, that way.” Gary told me.

It sounded like he liked that idea for whatever reason, so I nodded my head and gave Jeff my best smile. “Yeah, okay. Let's do that.”

They blabbered on and on about the build and I tried my best to pay attention. Three bedrooms upstairs and one down. Plus, Gary wanted a den. I didn't know why, but he said we could turn that into a guest room. For as long as he'd been talking about this, I had no idea that he had planned out all these little minor details that I would never have thought of. He knew exactly the layout he wanted, exactly the square footage, exactly everything. I guessed I was just there to approve stuff, and that was easy since it didn't even seem real. I might as well have been listening to somebody tell me a story about something they'd already done and just going “uh-huh” and “oh, okay” every once in a while.

When we were finally done ironing out all the details, Jeff shook both our hands and said he'd see us on Monday. I didn't tell him he wouldn't see me because I had school, because I felt like that would sound weird and draw out a whole new conversation. So I just told him thanks and climbed down the trailer stairs.

The whole day had just been so regular that when we pulled up in Gary's driveway and saw all the smoke in the distance, I just thought somebody was burning trash for a second. But then I saw that Eileen and Jenny were standing in the front yard, looking at it like the apocalypse was coming or something. Gary told me to get out of the truck and stay with them and when I did, he peeled out toward the back of the property faster than I'd ever seen him, stirring up all kinds of dust.

Jenny and Eileen were sniffling, crying messes and it took me forever to get either of them to tell me what was going on. Finally, Eileen said that she'd gone into the laundry room to take some towels out of the dryer and saw the smoke out the back window. She said she knew, immediately, that it was the cabin and that she didn't know who possibly could have done such a thing because all of us were accounted for—Sam was still at Logan Memorial, I had been out with Gary all day, and Polly and Jenny had been at home. Maybe, she thought, somebody had been out hunting but she didn't know what for, and not put their cigarette out all the way. Or maybe, Jenny offered, the sun had bounced off of the glass of one of the windows and caused the wooden sill to catch fire.

When we both kinda looked at her like she was nuts, she said she'd seen something like that happen on a television show.

I'd been there a good five minutes when two firetrucks barreled into the driveway and Eileen told them to drive in the gravel or the grass, she didn't care. I went into the house to call Mama and she said she'd be right there, and she wasn't kidding. She pulled up what felt like less than a minute later and gave Eileen one of her famously long, tight hugs.

“I just don't know who would do such a thing.” Eileen blubbered again, wiping her nose with the tissue she'd been clutching onto for dear life. “My parents brought me home to that cabin when I was born!”

“I know, honey.” Mama said, real soothing, and wrapped her arm around Eileen's shoulders. “I'm sure they can salvage it. Or at least find out what happened.”

Jenny shared her sun-bouncing-off-the-window theory again and Mama let out a little laugh, shaking her head, “You kill me, girl.”

Eileen talked us into coming into the house where it was cool. She started fussing around in the kitchen, pouring everybody a glass of sweet tea and going back into the laundry room every few minutes to look out the window. Finally, she came back in and told us Gary was back, rushing to the front door so she was waiting there long before he came in.

“It's bad, Mom.” He told her, eyes wide.

He was sweating his head off and had a bunch of soot all over his face. It kind of made him look like a coal miner or something. All he needed was the flashlight hat.

“How bad?” Eileen asked, frantic. “What did you do? You didn't go in there did you?”

“No, it was flying everywhere.” He said, wiping his forehead with the back of his arm. “It's down to the frame, but they've got most of the fire out.”

Eileen sniffled some more and excused herself to go back to her room, but not before telling Gary to get himself cleaned up.

I stood in the doorway of the bathroom while he scrubbed at his face with a washcloth. He had to wring out the rag and put more soap on it a few times before all the black dust was gone. Then he stood up straight and let out a deep breath.

“You okay?” I asked, trying to figure out if he was sad or not.

“I guess.” He said. “They said they weren't sure yet, but it's probably arson.”

“What does that even mean?” I asked, shaking my head.

“That's when somebody sets a fire on purpose.” He looked at me like I was an idiot.

“I know that.” I rolled my eyes. “I mean, how is that possible? Nobody goes back there but us.”

“That we know of.” He was gnawing on the inside of his cheek, pissed off. “It's not like it's a secret location.”

“Who would do something like that?” I repeated Eileen's question from earlier.

He was still looking at me like I was stupid, which was getting on my nerves, and I told him so.

“I'm sorry.” He sighed, throwing his head back. “I think it's pretty obvious, though.”

“Who?” I asked.

“That little shit living in your house.” He grumbled at me. “He could've left there, crossed the highway and walked all the way around the property to get there, and back, and be back home in like an hour. Where's he been all day?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?” I asked. “I've been with you all day.”

Gary grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up against him. He smelled like a bonfire and if it hadn't been for the circumstances, it might've been kinda nice. Suddenly, I wasn't so annoyed with him and I just felt really bad. So I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight for a minute.

“I'm sorry.” He said again. “I'm not mad at you. I'm just frustrated.”

“I know.” I told him, breathing him in. “They'll figure out who did it.”

“I could figure it out real quick.” He growled into the top of my head.

“No.” I said, pulling away and looking up at him. “I don't want you getting into any trouble.”

Brad was so scared of Gary that I wasn't sure he would press charges, but I was pretty certain that Dennis would press them for him. I could just see it—Gary in an orange jumpsuit, sitting behind one of those glass windows with a phone to his ear, telling me to send him one of those care packages with Ramen noodles and chips in them that people sent to inmates so they didn't have to eat the jail food.

“I just want to talk to him.” Gary said, like he was trying to convince me a lie was true.

“Let the cops talk to him.” I told him. “Or ask Mama. She'll know whether or not he was home all day.”

“She was at work.” Gary reminded me.

“Well, we'll ask Heather.” I suggested.

“I don't trust her.” He shook his head.

I guess I thought that was a good point, because I wasn't sure I did, either. I mean, I didn't hate her guts nearly as much as I did when I first met her. And I knew that she knew her brother was an insufferable little shit. But I was pretty sure she'd lie for him if it was something serious.

“Please don't get in trouble.” I pouted a little bit.

He looked down at me for a little bit before letting out a deep breath, like I'd defeated him, and said, “Alright, fine. But when they ask, I'm telling them to talk to him first.”

“Okay.” I nodded my head.

Eileen stepped out of her bedroom and smiled at us. She patted us both on our shoulders as she passed and told us that she'd seen the fire chief coming up to the house. I remembered him from all the times he spoke to us at school. Every few months or so, there was a whole assembly on fire safety and they made a big deal about Butch Jefferson from the Logan County Fire Department coming to talk to us. He was a big guy, but it was all muscle and he had to have been nearly seven feet tall. It was kind of weird standing close to him, because I was built like a Corgi dog.

“Gasoline.” He was saying to Eileen and Rick, who had been in the clearing watching them put out the fire. “The floor was soaked inside and the walls were doused outside.”

“Gasoline!” Eileen shrieked. “What? How?”

She stammered for a second before she started to blubber again and covered her face with both hands. Rick put an arm around her and made it so that her head was leaning on his shoulder.

“I'm sorry, y'all.” Butch said, looking mostly at Rick and Gary. “We had to call the sheriff's office.”

“No, that's good.” Gary told him at the same time his daddy said “Thanks so much, Butch.”

I didn't realize it until Butch went out the door to go back to the trucks and wait for the police, but when I went to turn around, I couldn't really move because Gary's hand was gripping my hip so tight I thought I might bruise. When I told him that, he sucked in a deep breath like I'd startled him half to death, and apologized, wrapping me up in his arms and damn near suffocating me.

“It's okay, baby.” I whispered, mostly because my lungs were kinda getting crushed.

Also, I hadn't been one for terms of endearment. I liked hearing them from Gary, but I didn't think they sounded as good coming out of my mouth. That minute felt like the right one to pull one out, though. And it felt okay. I kinda felt needed, and it was nice. When Mama came up and tried to get me to come home with her and leave the Dulworths to their family business, Gary said no, that he'd bring me home later, and Mama didn't look like she had the energy to say no to him.

“Wait a minute.” Gary told her when she got to the door. He patted me on the hip and went to speak to her alone and I knew he was probably telling her to make sure Brad stayed put once she got home. She was looking at him like he was nuts, but not like he was a liar, if that makes sense.

I went to the kitchen and put myself to work, making a pot of coffee and getting out cups for everybody. Rick came in for a minute and patted me on the top of the head, kind of like you would do a puppy.

“Thank ya, darlin'.” He smiled at me. “We're real lucky to have you around.”

I got mad at myself because I blushed a little bit. I'd always thought the world of Gary's dad. He was a good man and it was really nice to know he liked me for his son.

“You're welcome.” I smiled back. “I'm lucky to have y'all around, too.”

I really was. They'd treated me like family from the very first time I met them. Eileen treated me like one of her own kids and always joked that Sam, her sisters, and I were like the daughters she'd always wanted. Except, she said, she could always send us home when we got on her nerves, but I could never get on her nerves because we were too much alike. I didn't know if that part was true, but I just about thought she hung the moon, so I took it as a compliment.

Gary practically followed the Sheriff to my house. He didn't waste any time. It was getting late and I was getting tired, but there was no way I was gonna' be able to sleep with so much commotion going on. It wasn't like Gary cared if Brad knew he was suspicious of him, but the police officer that was questioning Brad lied on Gary's behalf and said they were going to talk to everybody in the neighborhood. Which, actually, I guess was maybe true. Gary and I sat on the couch and listened to the conversation that was happening in the kitchen.

Heather, who was usually just as nosy as could be, sat on the floor in front of the coffee table and focused really hard on painting her nails. I think maybe she was nervous for him. It wasn't because she was scared he was gonna' get in trouble; it was more like she was worried that he was guilty in the first place. I knew Brad was a little shit and I wouldn't put it past him to do something this crazy just because he was pissed off, but it was still kind of hard to picture.

“What'd you do today, Mr. Windham?” The cop was standing and Brad was sitting at the table, looking like he had no idea what was going on.

“I woke up.” Brad started. “Then I ate a bowl of cereal. Then I went to the bathroom. Then I...”

“Did you leave the house at all today?” The guy sighed, sounding like he'd had enough of Brad's shit already.

“Nope.” Brad shook his head.

“Can anybody here vouch for that?” He asked, looking around and letting his gaze fall on Heather.

She looked up, “Huh?”

“Was he here all day?” He asked.

“Oh.” Heather swallowed. “I'm not sure. I slept most of the day.”

The look on the officer's face made me wonder if sometimes he hated his job.

“You mind if I have a look around?” He looked at Mama.

She shook her head. “No, sir. Go right ahead.”

“You don't have a warrant.” Brad told him, crossing his arms over his skinny chest.

“I don't need one, Mr. Windham.” He told him with kind of a so-there tone. “The homeowner just gave me permission.”

Brad looked up at Mama like he was furious and Gary tensed, which is how I knew he noticed.

“Can I stay here tonight?” He asked me, real quiet.

“You don't have to ask.” I told him.

“I'm not leaving you here with him by yourself.” He told me.

“I'm not by myself.” I reminded him.

“You know what I mean.” He said.

He didn't want an argument, so I didn't give him one.