A Flame to a Cold Memory

Dahlia’s fingers twitched against something soft. She gathered it up into a fistful, groaning when her body raised her up into consciousness. Her eyes dredged open, taking a second to adjust to her surroundings. She was in someplace cool. It also smelled of salt. There was entirely rock around her but the ground was just sand and loose sediment. Her eyes looked down to see was clutching a fleece blanket tightly. Her eyes turned to the side, seeing a female with smiling eyes looking to her with a content look.

“I hope you don’t mind, you were just so dirty.” It was the same voice that had been back at the lake.

“Mind what?” Her voice was foggy. She couldn’t help but cough but then she remembered fully what she had been through.

“Your hair.” The female gestured.

Her hands slowly went to hair. It used to be long and tattered, filled with knots and matted ends. It was short now and smooth. It was almost soft feeling, healthier. It startled her into a full awareness. She didn’t remember hair feeling like this, not for a long time.

“We cleaned you up as much as we could without getting too personal, well, at least I did.” She smiled but then turned sheepish. “I’m Millie by the way. Sorry, that should’ve been the first thing I said to you and then all the invasive things. What’s your name?”

My name? The only thing she knew was that flower, not even something as simple as her name.
“Dahlia. Just call me that.”

“Dahlia? That’s pretty.” There was quiet after that, Dahlia felt like she was being stretched out of her own skin. It was all overwhelming. Someone was talking to her, listening and noticing her. No suspicion being passed, no violence. “Your wound will heal over. It wasn’t too deep.”

“My wound?” Her voice was meek.

“Yeah, the one on your abdomen? Surely have to feel something like that.”

Oh, Dahlia did feel it. That tender mark that felt like it was tearing itself a new hole every minute. She was confused and weak and lost.

“If you feel well enough, you can get up and walk around a little? You’ve been sleeping for such a long time. We thought that you weren’t going to ever wake up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No!” Millie laughed a little, “Gosh, you’re like a little bird, aren’t you? Don’t apologize, we also expect you to do nothing but rest and sleep anyways.”

Dahlia wasn’t sure what to make of all of this kindness Parts of her were leaking through the seams though, relaxing. “I don’t mind standing.”

“Good.” Millie offered her hand again, “I’ll help you up?”

Dahlia grasped her hand. It was so smooth. The skin was healthy but used just enough to have the slightest evidence of callouses forming. Dahlia’s hands were scratched and thicker, abused and worn. The climb to her feet was slow and unsteady. She had grown too weak. She was vulnerable and she started to turn back into where she was just was.

“I can stand on my own.” She didn’t mean for her voice to come out harsh. “Thanks.”

“You can use me as support, if you want.” Millie’s smile was a little wary.

“I’m fine.” Dahlia crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive manner.

“I’ll be right out there,” Millie gestured out towards the glow of a fire. “You just do whatever you need to do.”

Dahlia was left alone. She could hear low murmurs talking outside in what she now concluded was a cave of sorts. At her feet, there were a pair of shoes, a gallon of water, and the makeshift bed she had been sleeping on. Without a second thought, she shoved her feet into the shoes haphazard, her heels sticking out over the edges of them. She wrapped the gallon of water up in the fleece blanket and tied the second blanket under it together with the edges of the fleece. Her abdomen tightened in protest as she lifted the packed supplies into her arms. She bit her tongue though to keep quiet.

Her steps held no sound in the sand and in between the crashing waves as she tip-toed just through the threshold of the cave. Millie was sitting around the corner it seemed, no one was in sight. Keeping her back against the outside of the cave, she started her escape to solitude again.

When she saw the thin line of brush and cattails from the corner of her eye, she turned her back towards it. She kept her eyes sharp until she stepped into something. It was a slight bump, having her take several recovering steps forward. She turned to see a pair of curious eyes looking down at her, their coal grey hair a slight mess. She found herself backing away slowly, ready to run if she had to.

“Where you goin’, girly?” A very tall man, with dark clay skin and graying black hair was suddenly hovering over her.

Shit. She backed further away from him, looking up with wide eyes. She kept a white-knuckled hold on the tied up pack.

“Are you leaving us?” His voice wasn’t telling any harm but Dahlia’s run in with people had been unpredictable, and thought Millie was perfectly hospitable, this man could tear her limb from limb. She stayed quiet, his form growing into an overshadowing loom of uncertainty.

“Dahlia? Dahlia!” She didn’t respond to the name when it was called. “Where are you going?”

Dahlia felt some relief at her arrival but not much. It was mostly clouded with fear and nausea. A light sweat had broken out on her, skin paling considerably in her face. Oh, I don't feel well.

“She needs a good meal and some sleep. Don’t you think, Mill’s?” The tall man ignored Millie’s confusion and slight panic, keeping cool.

“It depends on what she wants.” Millie placed a hand lightly on Dahlia’s shoulder. “You can leave if you want, Dahlia. I understand this all must be off putting for you but your best chance is to stay with us at least until you get better. If not for you sake, do it for me? I have a guilty conscious, and gosh all that work I did to clean you up a little? Just stay for a while.”

Dahlia’s fingers still dug tightly into the sac, crushing against her chest as she gave a tight nodded in compliance. What else was she going to do? Sure, she wanted to get away. But standing there between those two people who hadn’t hurt her yet, she felt a trickle of safety. It was in her best interest to stay for the moment, despite the fight or flight incentive wearing on her brain.

“Come on.” A long stem of an arm wrapped around her shoulders in comfort. She jumped at the act, the closeness foreign to her.

“This is Constantine.” Millie spoke up when she saw Dahlia grow uncomfortable from Constantine’s easy temperament.

“Guess I should’ve introduced myself by now,” Constantine apologized. “You got nothin’ to be scared of, doll.”

“He never calls anyone by their full name either.” Millie jested, smirking over at him jokingly.
Dahlia didn’t care what she was called really, she didn’t have a real name. They could call her the name of the night sky or the lake she was found at. She couldn’t deny the sense of identity felt calming, it gave her a sense of permanency.

She was thankful when they didn’t lead her over to the fire with the other people. Two was plenty for her. They helped make up her bed again and Millie told her she’d come and get her when the food was ready. Of course she was also told she could come join if she wanted until then to meet the others but it was quickly shot down. Dahlia opted to sit against the cave wall, knees to chest, eyes staring hard in front of her.

Dahlia counted five other beds spread out around her. Two of which she already knew, three she did not. What if she wasn’t welcomed by everyone? It would be thought that she wouldn’t have been invited to stay then. She remembered at the lake though, the stern voice who didn’t want to take her. Was he here? Maybe everyone was as friendly as Constantine and Millie.

“Dahlia?” Millie’s voice broke her from the flurry of thoughts, it had only been a few minutes. “The food is ready, would you like to join to get a plate?”

No, she didn’t. But Millie was trying, she could see that. There was this hope in her face that Dahlia would get up and walk out there with her. It was almost desperate looking, like she had a purpose to prove. So, even though Dahlia wanted nothing more than to stay where she was, she slowly got to her feet and walked over to Millie.

“Thank you.” Millie seemed pleasantly surprised that she had decided to join.

Dahlia’s heart went from a simple pattering to a clawing in her throat, a lump that wouldn’t settle as she drew closer and closer to the group. There was chatter, no one quieted down when she fully approached. Dahlia wanted to be as invisible as possible.

“Here.” A plate of meat and potatoes was handed to her, Constantine giving her a toothy smile.

Dahlia smiled tightly in thanks. She saw another male, ropes of curly black hair sticking out from his head, sitting closely to the only other female besides Millie and her. Then there was Constantine sitting on the edge of the log, messing with the cooking food. Millie directed her to sit down next to her. Then another male, presumably the last person in the group, circle around from behind and sat next to Constantine. There was something about him that had Dahlia wanting to bury herself in the sand.

“I know it’s not much. We haven’t found much game this week.” Millie told Dahlia when it was noticed she hadn’t started to eat yet.

Dahlia thought it was everything. Meat? Potatoes? Something cooked? She hadn’t had such within the past year. “No, this is fine. Thank you, again.”

Millie smiled softly, letting silence fall between them. Dahlia took a bite of the meat. It was slightly chewy and dried out but it was warm. She needed this desperately. It was clear she was malnourished, her body told her every day.

“Damn, Millie, this meat is drier than the shits I manage to take from your cooking.” The male who had come in last said.

“Sorry we couldn’t cater to you better, Jaden.” Millie said with snark.

“Just goes to show what happens when we let you cook, or hunt for that matter.” he muttered in reply, pushing the items on his plate around.

Dahlia had stopped eating, realizing that it was the stern voice that had spoken against her coming, but this didn’t come as a surprise. She hovered a little closer over her plate, down casting her eyes. Things were okay once she started eating again. Then they escalated when she was spoken to.

“How are you feeling?” The girl she hadn't spoken to asked her. High cheekbones and sharp eyes made her almost as intimidating as Jaden was She was timid with her reply.

“A little better.” Dahlia was timid with her reply.

“That’s good. You weren’t doing so well when we picked you up." She paused to take a bite of potato. "What happened to you anyway?”

Dahlia finished chewing her food thoughtfully, the grip around her fork tight. “I fell.”

“Well yeah, that seemed obvious.” The woman snuffed, and Dahlia wanted to retreat back, feeling as if she had said something stupid.

“My name is Harper and this is Conner.” The man with the curly hair gave a small wave when he was mentioned.

“And that’s Jaden, he won’t bother to introduce himself because he doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” Millie said purposely.

“Fuck off, Millie,” he replied with a mouthful of food.

“What, to honest?” she snapped back a little.

Dahlia shifted in her spot, not sure what to say. “Thank you for letting me stay.”

“It’s nice to see a new face instead of the same ones every day.” Harper kindly replied, letting Dahlia ease back down a little.

“And because what Millie wants, Millie gets.” Jaden snuffed as he tossed his empty plate down to the sand.

“Seriously, Jaden?” Millie glared over to him.

“What, to honest?” he responded, using Millie's remark against her before walking off somewhere.

“Don’t mind him,” Conner spoke up. “He doesn’t like change.”

“No kidding.” Dahlia under her breath. What am I doing here?
______________________________________________________

After everyone had gotten done eating, things settled into a routine that Dahlia didn’t know. She felt in the way and decided to sit alongside the shore. The sun was setting into a pool of luminescent purples and pinks, a fire of orange dipping coolly into the endless ocean. It was calming, sunsets had always had that effect on her. It meant that she could be done trying for the day. All she had to do was sit and watch and breathe.

“Mind if I join you?” Dahlia saw Conner standing above her. She shrugged, not minding the company entirely but she didn’t know what he was going to expect from her.

“I like sunsets too,” he said conversationally.

Dahlia only gave a small smile in response, twisting her arms around her knees a little tighter. He didn’t speak anymore, and this would become a habit Dahlia would come to slowly appreciate.

She'd sit after dinner and Conner would join. It was always in silence, something that Dahlia knew that Conner did purposely to let her feel more comfortable. It would turn to be just that. Dahlia eventually would have her legs stretch out in front of her, elbows sunken into the sand for support as she could watch the sunset the way it's meant to be watched. It would be like this for two weeks until it went undisturbed.