A Flame to a Cold Memory

“Stand up.” It was the first time Jaden had directly spoken to her.

“What?” She had been staring off into space while sitting on her bed.

“You heard me. Stand up.” He didn’t seem impatient, just demanding. And Dahlia climbed to feet slowly, feeling much shorter than she actually was compared to him.

“Turn.” Dahlia hadn’t spoken much to anyone expect if they spoke to her. But even then, she was fragile feeling. She didn’t belong, no matter how welcoming almost everyone had been.

“I—,” Dahlia started to speak but was quickly talked over.

“Just do it, will you?” Jaden grabbed her shoulders and spun her around quickly. “You’re weak.”

“Okay.”

“And too small.”

“Also accurate.”

Jaden stood and mused for a second and Dahlia just slowly shuffled away from him, crossing her arms. “Can you walk long distances?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Then what are you sure about?” He scoffed, having one more look at her. “No, forget it.”

And then he left. Dahlia felt exposed, jilted. He had belittled her with just a few words, and with things that were obvious. How much weight could she gain over two weeks? Not much. She had sat back down, seeing Jaden talking to Constantine in the distance. And then it was Constantine who was walking towards her.

She didn’t know what to expect. Are they going to tell her to leave? She knew she was extra baggage. She didn’t do anything but eat their food, take up room where they slept, and judging by Jaden’s attitude, probably wasn’t worth their wasted energy in trying to help her get better. She had offered to go off by herself several times, feeling a little better every day. Millie was always the first to shoot it down, telling her to stop be ridiculous. She wasn’t though. At least she didn’t think she was.

“Hey there, darlin’.” He knelt down next to her. Dahlia watched him with suspicious and unsure eyes. “How are you feeling today?”

“I’m feeling fine.” This was a small lie. She was tired.

“Feel up to walking a bit?”

“Why?”

“We run some errands every few weeks. Check traps and reset them, stuff like that.”

Did she trust these people? Like, really trust them? She had no reason not to but she hadn’t been secluded with them yet. It could be an opportunity to ‘get lost’ from them. She could separate herself and stop being a thorn in their sides.

“Okay.”

“Alright then.” He smiled, leaving her by herself once more.

She reached and tugged her shoes on, tying a sweater Conner had given her around her waist. Seeing Constantine back to talking to Jaden, it was easy to decide to keep away. She found Conner talking closely to Harper, his hand resting on her waist as she was telling him something with a flushed and irritated expression. The only person unoccupied was Millie. She was by one of the two bulky vehicles they had, packing things into it.

“Is this an all day thing?” Millie turned towards her voice, a little startled looking.

“Jesus, you’re quiet.” She laughed to herself, “and sometimes. Depends on how the day goes.”

“Oh, okay.” Dahlia looked back over to Jaden and Constantine. “You know, if Jaden doesn’t think I should be going, I’m okay with staying here.”

It then suddenly dawned on her that staying here, probably by herself, would’ve been the smarter decision. Then she would get away easily and take everything with her. God, she was so stupid not to think of that earlier.

“Ignore him. He always has his head up his ass. And I think you need the exercise.”

“What if I can’t walk all day though?” She knew she could if she had to, especially while sneaking away.

“Then you can sit with a rifle and wait.” Dahlia’s eyes got wide at the word; rifle.

“I’ve never shot a gun before, let alone hold one.”

“It’s easy, we’ll show you when we get there.” she smiled, slamming the trunk door shut.

“Are you ready?” Harper approached them, still looking a little sour.

“As soon as those two stop chatting.” Millie gestured over to Jaden and Constantine.

“Of course,” Harper muttered, striding over towards them.

Dahlia looked after her, wondering what was wrong with her until a light touch came against her arm. She jerked it back in surprise.

“Sorry,” Millie instantly said. “Those scars, how did you get those?”

Dahlia’s throat dried up. If Millie knew, she wouldn’t understand, it’d seem ludicrous to do a deliberate thing like this to do to herself. “I’m not comfortable saying.”

Millie shrugged, unaffected by the honesty. “In time maybe.”

Their attention turned towards the engine starting in front of them. “Let’s go.”

A heavy belt with a large buckle was dumped in her arms. “Put this on,” Jaden told her in passing.

She fiddled with it, having to tighten it several notches before it fit her. It had a few things packed into the holders. A large hunting knife, a handgun, and a large can that had ‘BEAR SPRAY’ scratched into it.

“Oh look, you already have a gun. No rifle then. Probably too much kickback anyways for a beginner to have.” Millie opened the door, settling into her seat.

Dahlia immediately felt like she didn’t know what she was getting herself into as she climbed into the jeep after Millie. Sand spit up behind the wheels as they turned, lurching them forward in motion. Millie passed Dahlia a canteen. It was happily taken.

“Where are we going?” Dahlia asked over the sound of the revving engine and wind whipping around their faces.

“Outside the cove. There’s a huge stretch of forest about five miles from here.” Millie responded, pointing ahead.

Millie leaned back into the seat, shutting her eyes to try and keep the bits of sand out. At least she had the belt. She could survive better than she would have before with them. The gun wouldn’t be expendable though. Emergencies only then.

◦◦

“Safety’s here, that’s important, okay? Remember that. And then you hold the gun like this so when it releases the slider kickin’ back don’t slice your thumb open, that fucking hurts. And this is how you unload and reload the mag, bullets can be a little hard to push in against the spring but if the moments comes where you need to do that, I’m sure you’ll be fine. And then lastly, aim through this little guy right here.” Constantine had the empty gun right in her face, pointing a finger on the small raise point on the top of the barrel, painting with a red dot.

“It’s too much, Constantine. She won’t remember it.” Jaden had been waiting close by as this was the third time everything was being run through.

“I got it.” Dahlia nodded, mostly to try and stop feeling so inferior. Maybe if she said she had it out loud it’d become true.

“Great. Now can we get a move on?” Millie checked Jaden with her shoulder as she passed him.

“Stop being rude.”

“Stop being controlling.” Jaden shot back.

“Well someone has to keep your attitude in check around here since you can’t seem to maintain it.” Millie snapped.

“Come on you two, can we not bicker for once?” Harper suggested.

“He’s always the instigator.” Millie defended, raising her hands in surrender.

“Siblings.” She heard Constantine chuckle just loud enough to catch.

Siblings? Dahlia looked between them, seeing little resemblance if she stared hard enough. They had the same sharp dirty emerald eyes but that was the extent of it. It sure made sense. The things Millie would say to Jaden, no one else would dare to.

“Come on, Dahl!” She snapped into attention, walking fast to catch up with them.

“Where’s Conner?” Harper’s face darkened slightly at Dahlia’s question.

“He decided to stay back and watch camp.”

“Oh.”

“Someone always stays behind,” Millie chimed in, turning the mood away from where it was going.

“You’re coming with me today.” Constantine nudged Dahlia’s arm.

She couldn’t help but smile just a little. Constantine was easy to feel relaxed around. She genuinely liked him. He was someone she could even look up too. Too bad she’d be leaving him though. Hopefully he won’t be too disappointed.

The walk was filled with only silence and dew filled footprints behind them. Constantine had showed Dahlia one trap. It was empty but now she at least knew how much distance to track between each trap, planning out how much time she’d have to run or sneak away.

“I like the consistency of who goes because you know where they lay the traps and what they set it up with. When let’s say, Conner, goes and lays a trap down and I stay behind, it can be lost in translation.”

“Sounds like you need better communication maybe.” Dahlia said with a little disinterest, distracted by the wooded area around her and the best spot to get away.

“Yeah, probably.” Constantine trailed off, walking ahead when he spotted a trap to check.

Dahlia hung back, letting him go several paces ahead of her. There was a little ridge, crevasses of rock spilling over the hill. They were all around this place, strange rough formations. She quietly slid over, lowering herself quietly over the end. Her feet teetered around until she felt solid ground below her. She pressed her back against the rock, listening. She only heard Constantine testing the trap above her. Snap. Snap. The metal gnashing their spirals of spikes together made her shiver a little.

Dahlia took off then. Running a fast as she could handle. Her side was like a fly swatter to the skin. A sharp knick of pain and then the next leg stride started it over. A cold sweat glazed her skin, partially from the pain and lack of energy.

This is a good idea. They don’t need to look after me.

She kept going, looking back every so often to see no one following. No one calling her name. No shadows swimming after to catch her up. She didn’t feel as free as she thought she would. Her muscles felt tight and worried, her breath was airy and tired. And most of all, she was in a pain that would be hell to pay for later when she rested.

She only stopped when she came up to rocks that were eroded and sharp, ones that needed care when climbing over. The belt felt heavier on her waist as she swung herself over, noticing it was much taller than the first one she had went over. Letting go of the edge, it was to late to see how severely she had misjudged just how well she would handle the landing. It was met with a thud and the wind being slapped out of her.

Bad. That was bad.

“You got farther than I thought you would’ve gone.” Dahlia couldn’t pay mind to the voice next to her, the voice that was Jaden’s but she was hoping it was anyone but him.

“Just. Leave.” She was unable to speak evenly. Lying on her back, trying to suck in a good breath of air, Jaden stepped up onto the rock completely.

“Constantine radioed. Lucky me I was closest after we split up looking to see if you could be caught up with. Seems like you’ve gotten popular amongst some of us.”

“Lie then. Say you never saw me. You don’t want me here anyways.”

“Guilty conscious, it’s a nasty thing.” Jaden knelt down next to her.

She sat up slowly, wheezing in soreness from the fall. Eye to eye with Jaden, she took the chance and shoved him over. He fell backwards, tumbling backwards down the hill, Dahlia was already back up on her feet running. She ignored the stiffness in her legs and the dryness in her throat. If she had the best chance to escape, it would’ve been from someone who didn’t even care if she was there in the first place. That’s why it was so much more surprising when she was grabbed from behind, arms locked around her from moving any further. She had no strength to struggle.

“If you weren’t so goddamn weak you might have gotten away.” Jaden let her go, not knowing if she would just take off again.

“I have no point among you guys!” She felt as if she would throw up from the running, her heart pumping beyond its capacity for the energy she’s been exerting. “I just take up space and can’t contribute. I’m healed. I’m fine. Can’t we just go our ways?”

“Doesn’t really look like your better.” Jaden’s eyes were on Dahlia’s stomach and she saw some blood seeping through her shirt. She cursed, the scab must have torn off.

“I’ll survive.” She turned away, not wanting to run more.

She was whipped back around by her wrist. Before Jaden was going to get whatever he was going say out, he had her wrist just inches from his eyes, zeroing in on something else. His forehead was creased with a deep frown, the intense hatred in his eyes was enough that made her want to cringe away.

“Where did you get this?”

“Get what?” She responded, trying to pinpoint what exactly he was becoming increasingly upset about.

“This scar!” The urgency to his voice startled her enough to get her arm out of his grasp and back away from him.

“I have lots of scars.” she defended.

“That one is different.”

It was different. It was harshly serrated against the other smoothly cut ones she had done herself. It was the one she stared from. It was day one for her. It was there when she woke up. Of course she had no idea where it came from or what did it. But for her, it was her day one.

“I woke up with it. I don’t remember.”

“You’d remember something like that. Don’t bullshit me.” Jaden had crept closer.

“I swear.” Dahlia had backed into a tree as she cradled her arm defensively.

“Did he send you? How did you find us?” His nostrils were flared wide.

“You’re scaring me.” Dahlia didn’t know what was going on.

“Stop lying to me!” He yelled at her, his hunting knife piercing the bark of the tree next to her scalp. She shrieked in fear, ducking away.

“I’m not lying! What could I possibly do to make you see that! Please, stop!” she begged him.
The flush in his cheeks faded a little. The knife had found its way back into his belt without another swing at her. Jaden took a few breaths and took a step towards her.

“No, you stay away from me.” Dahlia warned him but what could she possibly do to stop him? The gun would be the more dramatic option, the most dangerous one for sure. The idea lingered close to her mind.

“Just let me see it again, okay?” He was calmer but still held that sharp intensity in his eyes.

“No.”

“I need too.” He took another step.

“I don’t trust you.” Her hand hovered over the handgun she had, “I shouldn’t have trusted any of you.”

Jaden saw her actions and he stopped walking towards her. “I’m sorry for my outburst. Let’s just settle down a little, yeah?”

Dahlia’s fingertips grazed the hot feeling handle of the gun. Her gut told her not to even try but the adrenaline pulsing through her veins and sweat told her not to back down. “You’re going to hurt me.”

“I’m not.” Jaden cautious said. “I promise.”

“I have nothing to offer you, any of you actually. I’m dust in the wind for you. Is this some sort of trick?” Dahlia’s head was spinning. She knows so little but she felt a kick, just enough to say something that was beyond her control. “I won’t allow myself to get hurt again, to be tricked. They always tricked me.”

“That scar that you have means something. I just want to look at it one more time.” Jaden was another step closer. “They aren’t tricking you, they don’t exist here.”

The gun was cautiously taken from her grasp. She had never even noticed that she had taken it out of its holster. She kept her hands balled tight though, ready to do whatever she had to do in the next second.

He closed the space between them a little more, taking her wrist in his hands. The scar was no more than two inches long, channeling out a little at the bottom. It was jagged and thick feeling.

He pressed down on it with his nail. “Can you feel this?”

Dahlia shook her head. It was numb. “No.”

“Son of a bitch.” Her wrist was dropped from his grasp. “I hate to break it to you, but I’m not letting you go anywhere.”

“Excuse me?” She was quickly becoming frightened again.
“Do you even know what that is?”

“No.” Dahlia hadn’t told much about herself to anyone. Nothing about the past year or so of living alone. “I have nothing, know nothing.”

“That’s a little dramatic.” He rolled his eyes at her words. “You’re coming with me.”