Sweet Memories

“So how is everything at home?” asked Kirsten, my best friend, one day at school.

“It’s getting better. Dad has been cancer free for over a year,” I said reassuringly. “Everything is still different, but better.”

“That’s good. I’m glad.”

“Yeah, me too.”

We walked to Law Studies together, arriving just before the tardy bell rang. Law Studies is our last hour, since we are seniors and don’t have a full day.

Today, we were taking mid-terms. Our teacher has allowed us to use our notes, but we can't use them for finals.

During the test, we heard a small voice over the intercom. It said, “Excuse me for the interruption, but we need Jessica Sonnier to check out.”

“Can she finish her test first?” asked Mrs. Johnson, my teacher.

“No, we need her to check out now!”

“Okay, thank you,” she said. Then turning to me she said, “Well, Jessica, just take it with you and bring it back Monday.”

“Yes ma’am. Thank you.”

As I packed up my things, Kirsten looked at me with a question mark on her face. I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing the answer to her question.

I walked into the office and my mom was sitting in a chair with her head in her hands. When she lifted her head to look at me, I saw the same pain in her eyes that I saw over a year ago. I dropped my backpack and hit my knees, in an instant, in front of her.

“What is it? What happened? Mom! What’s wrong? What happened?” I screamed.

She didn’t answer. I could see the tears forming in her eyes. She wanted to tell me, but she knew that if she spoke, she would break down. Even though I didn't speak to her, I knew what was wrong.

“Is he- gone?” I asked barely audible.

She shook her head. “No, not- yet. They said he doesn’t have much longer.”

“What do you mean not yet?”

“The cancer spread to his brain. You can go see him. They aren’t sure if he will know who you are, though.”

“Can we go now? Please.” I begged.

“Yes, if you want.”

I stood up slowly, and then helped her out of the chair. We held on to each other as we walked out of the school, into the parking lot to the car. Opening the passenger side door, I carefully got my mom into the car. She was not in a good condition to drive. I don’t even know how she drove to the school.

The drive to the hospital seemed like forever in the silence. When we arrived, we sat in the car for a few minutes, hesitant to get out. I finally got out of the car leaving my mom behind. I knew she had probably already been inside and didn’t want to go back.

“Excuse me. Could you please tell me where I can find Steven Sonnier?” I asked the first nurse I saw.

“Yes ma’am. Down this hall and take a right, down to room 1216,” she said, pointing to a hallway behind her.

“Thank you.”

I followed her instructions down the hall, to the right, and found room 1216. Shawn was sitting outside the door in the hall waiting for me. He stood and hugged me when I reached him.

“How is he?” I asked, avoiding eye contact as much as possible.

“Not good.”

I hesitated before walking inside, afraid of what I might see. My hand lay on the door handle for a few minutes before a finally pushed the door open.

When I stepped inside, the musty scent that filled his hospital room engulfed me. The walls surrounding the room were a relaxing sky blue with bright yellow polka dots. There was a red armchair in the back right corner for visitors, which had seen better days.

Dad lay in his bed in the back left corner. The scratchy, white bed sheets were pulled up to his chest and tucked under his arms. He was hooked to an IV and several other machines, which were all beeping at the same time. Just seeing him lying there made my heart drop even deeper.

“Dad-?” I whispered. My voice cracked at the end making it difficult for me to hold back the tears.

I slowly made my way to the bed, pulling up the chair so I could sit next to his bed. His hand was cold when I grabbed it and his face pale in the sunlight. Even though I knew he was sleeping, by the way he was breathing, he still did not look at peace.

I must have fallen asleep because there was a nurse I the room when I opened my eyes.
“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” I asked.

“He is fading fast,” she spoke softly.

She finished what she was doing and left. The entire time she never looked at me. Her eyes stayed focused on her work.

There was a small squeeze from my dad’s hand. I lifted my head to look at him. Watching, he opened his eyes slightly, then slowly all the way.

“Dad? Dad, can you hear me?”

He looked at me with a blank stare. It was as if he didn’t recognize me.

“Daddy? It’s me. Your little girl,” I said, kissing his hand. Tears stung my eyes, but I remembered what he told me. He told me to stay strong which is exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to stay strong for him, for my family, and for myself.

“Dad?’ He began to squeeze my hand tighter, so I gently squeezed back.

“Jess.”

“Yes! Dad, it’s me!”

“Stay- strong.

“I will, Dad. I will. I promise. Just please don’t go.” Tears escaped the corner of my eyes.

His grip on my hand began to loosen again and his eyelids started to droop. He was fading faster.

“Dad! Please! Don’t go! I need you!” I cried squeezing his hand tighter as my body shook with each sob.

His last words to me.

“Remember- Sweet Memories.”