Happily

The closing of the door sounded like a gun shot in the quiet room. Jack didn’t need to turn around to know who it was, there was only one person who knew he was going to be here. That person being the very one who asked him here in the first place. Jack listened as he heard the familiar shuffle of luggage being set down on the hotel room floor. Silence still filled the room between the two before Jack finally turned his gaze and stance from the window he had been previously facing to his new guest. Jack had been watching as the man now in the room with him had been driven up to and dropped off at the hotel. When his eyes landed on the man in front of him, Jack sucked in a deep breath. Tan skin now lightly dusted the normally pale, English skin, clear evidence of where he had been before the plane ride here. On his legs he wore dark washed jeans with white vans and to top it off he was donning a maroon V neck which was the source of Jack’s shortness of breath. The color was shocking similar to the color he had last seen the man in. The event in question was Alex’s wedding where he as the groom had been dressed up in a wine red tux. Now here he was straight from his honeymoon in a hotel in LA where he had asked Jack to meet him while his new wife had flown back to Baltimore alone. Demo work, Alex had told her. This was a game the newlywed pair knew well and a good enough reason for her not to bat an eye but send him on his way with well wishes and a quick return. The lingering promise was there that he would return back for them to get in as much ‘husband and wife’ time as possible despite having just left their honeymoon. Both men continued the silence yet drank in the new sight of one another as if it had been years, it certainly felt like it to the pair. Eventually Alex’s lips pulled into a small, crooked smirk at the corner of his mouth.

He walked over to Jack who couldn’t help but feel at ease in the presence of his best friend yet tense all at the same time. Alex was now standing in front of Jack, his feet stationed between Jack’s open stance, before he brought his hands to rest on Jack’s shoulders. Their eyes locked as Alex slowly moved his hands behind Jack’s neck, linking his fingers together. He brought Jack into him, placing his nose into the crook of the taller man’s neck, breathing in his scent. Jack finally started to react and pulled Alex into him tighter, burying his nose into his hair. It smelled like home. Pure comfort flooded his every sense.

“I missed you” Jack said softly, torn between wanting Alex to hear him or hoping he didn’t. The shorter man did hear him though and Jack could feel his lips pull into a smile against his neck. Placing a kiss to his pulse point, Alex then spoke into Jack’s neck, feeling the racing heartbeat beneath his skin.

“I missed you too.”

Alex pulled back and leaned his forehead against the taller man’s, rubbing their noses together and keeping them chest to chest. Jack’s eyes roamed Alex’s face trying to see if anything had changed in the days they had been apart. He saw nothing different, only the face of the person he has been in love with since ninth grade. The one he grew up with and became his best friend. The one who made him believe his dream could become a reality. The one who helped him discover who he was outside of the lanky, awkward teen years. Together the two of them took over the world with their music and along the way fell in love with one another, even if not in the most conventional sense, but they both knew the truth. Jack closed his eyes briefly as he had been attempting to ignore the small space on the back of his neck that burned from the metal of ring now occupying Alex’s left hand.

“Jack…” Alex trailed off as he got the response he wanted of Jack opening his eyes. Alex smiled slightly, his eyes had happiness shining in them and Jack couldn’t help but return it. Alex finally did what they had both been wanting since the lead singer had arrived at the hotel and placed his lips upon Jack’s. Jack moved his hands to hold Alex’s hips. Soft lips moved lightly against one another, not rushing, just making sure that the other person was real and this wasn’t another dream. Neither knew how long the kiss had lasted but neither wanted to separate either. Against his own want and will, Jack pulled away to question Alex.

“You’re married.”

“Because things like that have stopped us before.” Alex chuckled, but stopped quickly when he could tell that he was being face with Jack’s serious side. The side of him that he rarely showed to anyone and Alex was one of the few,if not only outside of family, who had seen it more than once. “What is it?”

Jack let out a frustrated sigh. He let one of his hands stay on Alex’s waist while taking the other to grab Alex’s hand, the left one specifically.

“We were meant to stop this a long time ago. Why are we here?” Jack couldn’t help but rub his fingers over the matrimonial band.

“I told you, I missed you-”

“Alex” Jack interrupted, proving even further to Alex he was very serious about this.

“You know why Jack. This” Alex took his free hand and motioned between the two of them. “Will never be done. I don’t love her like I love you. I am in love with you Jack Barakat.” Alex waited for a response. Jack kissed him softly again before speaking.
“Then why is she wearing the other ring and not me…”

Alex felt every part of his heart break for the man in front of him. The man that he would much rather have as his husband any day and why it pained him too much to try and substitute him as best man in the wedding. He knew Jack went right back to California hours after the wedding, by the time the reception hit he was already four shots in with more on the way.

“You know I will never be satisfied with her Jack. I will never love her the way I love you and I will always come back to you. The wedding was just…” Alex took a second to think of the right words. “The wedding was for her, not me, not she and I both. It’s been twelve years, I had to do something.”

“Breaking up. That was an option.” Jack snapped. Alex didn’t blame him, he knew he honestly deserved a lot worse then that comment. He knew that he wasn’t good enough to be with someone as devoted, patient and loving as Jack despite how many times Jack would tell him otherwise.

“Jack, you know as well as I do that that wasn’t an option. I dug my own grave and now we are here. So we-”

“Do you not understand Alex?!” Jack stepped back from the other male. He ran his fingers through his hair and started to pace back and forth in front of the bed. “You couldn’t have just broken up the engagement so we could have been together? It doesn’t matter what anyone else thought of it, hell even what Lisa thought. She has been pissed off at you plenty enough times in the past, how is this any different?” While Jack yelled at Alex, the boy in question toed off his shoes, shoving his hands into his pockets, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“It’s easier.” Alex stated simply. Jack’s look was incredulous and Alex took his silence as his cue to explain himself. “It’s been like this since high school right? I tour, she stays in home, and then we come back for a few months and then I’m off again. That’s how it works. On tour I get to be with you and even off tour it’s not like you stay away for too long.”

“Yeah in theory that sounds great Alex but what about after.”

“After what?”

“When the band isn’t touring all the time. What happens when you are home for more than 60 days out of the year, what then? What about when she wants children? You say this is easier for us when it’s really only easier for you! You get to have the American Dream with a wife at home while you go out and tour the world and have a white picket fence with Baz and Peyton and eventually a kid. Where does that leave me?” Jack took a second to take a deep breath. He knew seeing Alex again after the wedding wasn’t going to be easy but he wasn’t expecting this. “I’m nothing more than a secret. The best friend, the band mate, soon to be Uncle Jack to your kids. And you know what? What am I going to tell your kids when they ask why I don’t have a wife? ‘Oh sorry kids, you see your Dad and I still fuck behind your mother’s back and I’m still so in love with him that I can’t ever marry anyone, isn’t that great?”.

Alex stare was locked onto his feet and he felt the heat of embarrassment tint his cheeks. He knew he was never putting Jack in a good position, and it was at the center of his guilt and self loathing but he couldn’t say anything. Jack was right, Alex had fixed the situation to where he got the better end of the deal, personally and publically.

“I’m sorry.” Jack stopped pacing and stood in front of Alex.

“What?”

“I said I….I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t do much but please you have to know that I am. If I wasn’t sorry I wouldn’t be here. If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t be here. You make it sound like I choose it all this was just to spite you but I swear I didn’t. We have never been a complete secret and you know that Jack.” Alex stood up out of anger or fear he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t planning the reunion to go like this either. “Ever since we started to gain fans they knew. Anyone who ever talked to us knew that we were together, we have never been exactly subtle. Even when we were fighting, or on a break, or whatever it may be people could tell because they knew that we only had eyes for each other.”

“That’s true, but you are avoiding the question Alex. What are you going to do in the future.”

“I don’t know!” Alex shouted, closing his eyes and biting his lip. He swallowed, attempting to keep the wetness that was peaking out at the corners of his eyes at bay. Breathing out through his nose he continued. “I don’t know….I just want you to be there. I can’t live without you Jack and-” A sob had welled up in his throat and he did his best to choke it back down but he knew Jack saw. “I don’t want to imagine my life without you.”

Jack walked over to Alex and brushed the hair away from his face. He moved his hand down to the older man’s jaw, tilting his head up to look him in the eyes. This was fruitless as Alex still had his eyes shut tightly, afraid to open them. Jack pursed his lips, unsure of how to respond, so he just led himself and Alex back down to the edge of the bed to sit. He held Alex’s hand tightly in his own. Alex seemed to have had a resurgence of courage as he squeezed Jack’s hand and then turned to face him. His eyes still held unshed tears and his breathing was stuttering as he spoke but he kept going.

“I don’t know what the future is going to do to us. To me, to you, to Rian, to Zack, to the band as a whole, I have no fucking clue. I haven’t made the best choices in my life, even when I think I am I am always hurting someone. I just need you to know that you matter before anyone else. I also know that both of us value the band over anything else in this world, more so when it comes to our relationship, the fans and the band come first. It’s won’t be perfect, it won’t be easy, but I am willing to put my so called marriage on the line to be with you Jack and that’s all I know.”

“Okay…” Jack began. “I love you Alex, more than I ever have or will love anyone else and that is really all I know. I still hate that the two of you are married but I also kinda see where you are coming from. I just need you to understand that for this to work, I’m going to need you to do your best to be a part of this relationship. I get you are married, sorta, so like before you will have to go back home to her, but you can’t just leave me in the dark wondering when you are going to come back. I love you, but I am not going to suffer any more than I already have.”

“I will Jack, I swear to you. Can I be honest with you man?” Jack merely raised an eyebrow at him. “Your drinking had me concerned some. After the proposal and then more so after the wedding. I know it was probably because of me, and even if you say it’s not I know I had to be part of it. I know you are also smarter than to hurt yourself but still. I don’t want you feel like you have to drink all the time so I was wondering if, in light of our new Jalex relationship,” Jack couldn’t help the large smile that spread across his face at the sound of their ship name, “ if you would move back to Baltimore.”

“Really?” Jack laced his and Alex’s fingers together. “Are you serious?”

Alex let out a huff of disbelief. “Of course I’m serious!” He punched Jack lightly in the shoulder with his free hand. “Why wouldn’t I want my boyfriend back in the same city as me? You know just the one you grew up in, we met in, fell in love together, I mean in case you didn’t notice I wrote a whole song about us and that city.” Jack rolled his eyes but laughed.

“I just meant, do you think it’s safe with Lisa that close?”

“Jack, honey I think we have already established that Lisa doesn’t matter in this situation. I care about her, and obviously I know her pretty well but you are mine. And as mine I need you to be closer so I don’t have to buy a plane ticket every time I want a quicky.”

“Oh so that's it!” Jack said with a fake offended tone. “I knew it! You only love me for my dick!”

“Yeah, why else would I keep you around?” Alex giggled. “Sex with you is way better then it is with her.” Jack laughed too but then gave a slight sheepish glance to Alex, who upon seeing it leaned forward to kiss Jack’s cheek. “There is no comparison babe. Being with her is just sex, it happens but it’s not satisfying. With you, it is so, fucking, hot.” The space between each word was punctuated with a kiss up Jack’s neck.

“I’ll do it. I’ll move back to Baltimore.” Jack said with only a slight pause between his words due to Alex’s actions, thank you very much. “I’m sure my parents will be happy about it too.”

“I know it’s going to make me very happy.” Alex said as he moved to straddle Jack’s lap, placing his hands back around Jack’s neck like before. “When?”

“Slow down there mister.” Jack teased as he placed his hands on Alex’s lower back. “Let’s actually finish the demo’s while you are here and then between you writing more songs and seeing what we actually like from the demos, I can start to move stuff back out to Baltimore. How about that?”

Alex kissed the man beneath him, it was a quick kiss but firm, putting all of his appreciation into it for what he said he was going to do.

“I love you, Alex.”

“I love you, Jack.”

Jack wasn’t sure when Alex physically did it, perhaps when he was releasing all the pent up anger he has had since the wedding, or more honestly the proposal, but he noticed the aftermath instantly. Jack felt no heat on the back of his neck, only the soft palms of the man on his lap. Along with his affirmation and the promise to move to Baltimore, this was just the last little thing Jack needed to really say that yeah, everything was going to be alright.