Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous

I walk across the History classroom the following Monday and took the unclaimed seat in the back corner opposite where I usually sit. I could imagine the hurt look on Jack’s face but kept my head down, because actually seeing it would be too much for me.

I wanted to go sit next to him and tell him it was ok and that I forgave him and that I wasn’t mad and that I knew it wasn’t really his fault. I wanted it more than anything. I wanted to take him back with open arms and never let him go because he was broken and hurting and I understood.

But I was in a better place now than I was five years ago, and I knew that no matter the circumstances surrounding it, Jack had no right to hit me. No amount of stress, anger, sadness, or frustration gave him permission to take it out on me like that. I didn’t deserve it. I was better than that.

So, as much as it pained my heart, I sat on the opposite side of the room. I went to the library during lunch, because I wasn’t going to make our friends choose sides – they were his friends first anyway. I persuaded a girl in my next class to switch seats with me and she happily agreed to be closer to Jack.

I made the mistake of sneaking a glance at my…boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? We hadn’t established what we were anymore – that require some form of communication. My eyes met his, ever so briefly, but I saw the regret and the shame he was swimming in before he shifted his gaze back down to his desk. I looked away but when I looked back maybe five minutes later he was scrubbing his face, the sleeves of his hoodie now damp.

I tried to get out of school as quickly as possible at the end of the day avoiding anyone who might ask what had happened. I didn’t relax until Tom and I were home and I was in my room alone. Then I could feel sorry for myself, if only for a little while.

However, that became my routine: go to school, avoid everyone, go home, wallow in self-pity. I managed to keep it up for two weeks before Lzzy caught me at my locker and dragged me behind the school.

“Alright, moron, you tell me what happened right now or so help me God…” she growled.

“Liz,” I sighed looking for an escape.

“No!” she tugged my wrist to get my attention. “Last I heard you and Jack had gotten together then the two of you bailed on our plans to go out and now you’re avoiding everyone and Jack sits and sulks and won’t tell anyone why, so I deserve a fucking explanation why you hate us all of the sudden!”

I was taken aback. “I don’t hate you,” came out sounding so confused it was almost a question. “Of course I don’t hate you, any of you, you guys are the best.”

“Then what did you do to Jack because he won’t even talk to Rian. Hell, he barely even talks! He’s not himself anymore!”

“I didn’t do anything!” I was so close to tears, but I didn’t want to break down, not here, not in front of anyone else.

“You had to do something!”

“I didn’t! He hit me! Not the other way around! I didn’t do anything! I–“ A sob bubbled out of my chest to interrupt me while Lzzy watched me wide eyed. Well so much for not breaking down in front of anyone.

“He… Jack hit you?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Stop, p-please, just don’t tell anyone. You’re his friends a-and he needs you way more than me. I should go.”

“No, Alex you don’t get to make that decision for us. We’re your friends, too.” She shook her head. “I just, I never thought he’d do something like that. Are you ok?”

I nodded quickly, but the raise of her eyebrow said she didn’t buy it. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I want to tell him it’s ok but…”

“But it’s really not,” she agreed. “Alright. Alright, Jack already said he’s not coming today so you come and we’ll figure out what to do.”

Oh, right. It was a coffee day, but I hadn’t gone in almost three weeks. “I-Is everyone else m-mad at me, too?” I asked quietly, looking intently at the ground.

Lzzy pulled me into a hug. “Don’t worry sweetie, no one’s mad, we’re all just worried about you two.”

I nodded into her shoulder. “Thanks.”

At the end of the day I stalled. At my locker, I took way too much time to exchange books I had with ones I would need for homework. On the way to my car, I shuffled slowly, probably pissing off anyone walking behind me. In my car, it was too hot, then too cold, then the music was too loud, then I didn’t like that song, no I didn’t like that playlist, no I-

My phone buzzed indicating that Lzzy was asking what the hold-up was, so with a sigh I finally headed over to the coffee shop. Maybe I stalled once more, checking my hair in the mirror before I got out of my car. Eventually though, I slunk my way into the building and over to our usual table.

“Alex!” Lzzy announced, practically throwing me into the seat next to her.

“Hey,” I mumbled shyly as everyone curious eyes fixed on me.

“And just where have you been? We’ve been worried sick!” Cas scolded.

I sighed as I sunk down into my chair. “Sorry.”

“What happened with you and Jack?” Rian asked as calmly as it seemed he could manage.

I looked to Lzzy for help, because if I had to say it again, I was certain I would burst into tears.

She pursed her lips a moment. “There was an, ahem, altercation of sorts,” she said, carefully.

I saw Cas’s eyes widen in horror, but Rian didn’t seem to get it.

“You two got into a fight? That’s all? What’d you say to break him up so bad?!” I shrunk back in my seat at his harsh tone.

Cas kept her eyes on me as she put a hand on his arm. “No Ri, I…I don’t think Alex said anything. Did you, honey?”

I kept my eyes on the floor, but couldn’t catch my hand before it reflexively went to my cheek. The light bruise on my jaw had long since faded, but thinking about the day I’d received it always made me flinch.

“Oh Alex.” Cas was around the table, engulfing me in a hug before I even realized silent tears were spilling down my face.

Rian watched confused while I composed myself. I hadn’t had to talk about it after that day, and I didn’t realize it would be so hard.

“Oh….Oh! Oh my god, Alex, are you ok?” Rian exclaimed suddenly.

I managed a small laugh. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I’m not, like, hurt or anthing, just kind of, um, well…hurt, but not like physically hurt, like, um…”

“Yeah, we get it,” Lzzy saved me from my nervous babble.

And so, my routine shifted. Now, instead of going to the library, we split our table up at lunch. We were all crammed anyway trying to double the number of seats, so half of us took the table directly behind our usual one. This way, everyone could breathe their own air, and Jack and I didn’t have to awkwardly stare at each other the whole period. Who sat at which table usually changed by the day, but Lzzy, Cas, and I sat at the new table, while Jack and Rian sat at the old one. Always.

On Tuesdays, I went to the coffee shop with everyone. Jack had told Rian that he couldn’t come on Tuesdays anymore, and as soon as Cas had found out, she tackled me in the hallway telling me I had to go. No one knew why Jack suddenly had to go home on Tuesdays, but no one asked him many questions anymore. Not even Rian.

I wasn’t really “okay” just yet, but I was getting better.

Jack:
It had been nearly a month since I’d spoken with Alex.

The first few days were agonizing. I couldn’t do much of anything, mostly just laid there hating myself and when that became too much I cried myself into an empty dreamless sleep. I’m not sure how long that would have continued if it hadn’t been for May. She snuck in one afternoon.

“Jacky are you sick?” I wasn’t.

“Why won’t you come play?” I couldn’t.

“But Jacky I’m all by myself! Stop leaving me by myself!” I would never.

It took some convincing, but eventually I got up and faked a smile. Just for her. Anything for her.

Once I was done wallowing, my mom convinced me to go see a doctor, so every Tuesday I went to Dr. Bennett. It was hard at first. How do you open up to a stranger? Hi my name is Jack and I’m here because I have anger issues and I hit my boyfriend and I’m terrified of becoming a monster like my father? I didn’t think I could do it. I was in tears begging my mom to let me stop because I couldn’t do it. She said I had to finish the appointments we’d already made through the end of the month, but after that I could. By the end of the month, Dr. Bennett and I had a game plan to get my issues under control and the next month’s appointments were booked.

Miraculously, one day Alex returned to our lunch table, and divided it in two. I was grateful that I was finally able to stretch my legs and breathe my own air, but it struck me that Alex must absolutely hate me if he can’t even sit on the opposite end of a table from me. It hurt, but the fact that it was my own doing hurt even worse.

I realized that I’d kind of checked out when I had to tell Rian that I couldn’t go out on Tuesdays anymore, and he was surprised that I was saying anything.

My strut had become slightly more of a shuffle as I made my way over to his locker before school. “Hey Ri.”

He started. “Jack? Hey, everything ok?”

“Yeah, just wanted to let you know I, ugh, can’t go for coffee later or, um, any Tuesday.”

“You ok, Jack?”

I shrugged.

I wasn’t really “okay” just yet, but I was getting better.