Status: Shared story
Heartless
Suspicions.
"I-I.." Brian stuttered, and before I could say anymore, he got up and left in the blink of an eye. What?
"Bri-" but it was too late. The door slammed shut behind him and I could hear his footsteps pound down the hall. I just sat there on the cold tiled floor, and wondered.
What did I do wrong?
What did I say wrong?
I didn't know what to do.. I told him I love him, which was the truth.. Was it too much for him? Yeah.. Maybe I'm delving too far into things. Or maybe.. Maybe Matt told him he loves him, and loves Matt more than.. Me.
"Ohh.." I whimpered, sitting by the toilet. Now what? What do I say to him now? He's.. He's probably busy with Matt right now, there's nothing I can do now unless I want to walk in on them sucking each other off.
"If that's how it is.." I huff, and stand up quickly, heading back to my guitar. Need to work on this album badly.
~*~
"Think that G needs to be tuned a 'lil, Zee." Arin said to me politely, as I was fiddling with some tune on my Schecter. Of course, I didn't notice, I was day dreaming..
"Oh? Thanks, man.." I say, and tune it up. Heh, he was right. We had just finished up on the last bits of Acid Rain, and we were working on a new song called Doing Time. I liked it, actually, it was fast and catchy. Reminded me of the old days, of City of Evil. Reminded me of how much closer Brian and I were.
Well, we still are very close, but I feel over time, that something has gone missing from our friendship. Was it after Jimmy died, we all suddenly woke up in our own way? I wasn't too sure what has gone.. Maybe I'm over thinking, jumping to conclusions. That's just me, I guess.
"Zacky? It ain't bed time!" Johnny said, showing me a sheet with words. I glared at him, but smirked as I took the sheet from him. They were song lyrics.
I see the writing on the wall,
I see the lifeless devils start to crawl
And I don't need no lessons,
After all,
Everybody's doin' their time.
"It's catchy.. I like it." I say happily.
"And it's mine." We all turn to see Matt walking over to us.
"Where were you?" I asked. Hm, he seemed a little flushed?
"Had to take a call there, done now." he replied, his tone higher than normal. Funny, he'd usually have answered with a cocky reply or said:
"What does it matter to you?"
I just shrugged. He had a phone call? He had a phone call! Let's keep it at that. Now, we'll ask about Brian. I mess with a few random chords before questioning him.
"Wonder where Brian is.." I mumble to myself, but loud enough for them to hear.
"Yeah.."
"Same here."
No words from Matt.
"You know where he is, Matt?" I ask him. His eyes widened the slightest when I asked him, but stood his ground.
"Uh, no, haven't seen him since I left.. He was here last." he replied, sounding slightly uncertain as he spoke, but tried to sound confident. I nodded, getting back to playing, trying to find the right chords and such for the song so far. The guys soon followed, Johnny with his bass and Matt doing his thing. But it didn't sound the same without Brian..
~*~
Roughly 15 minutes went by, and there was no sign of Brian. Now, I was getting worried. I could also see Arin looking at the door every so often. Hm..
"I gotta take a leak, guys." I said as natural as possible.
"You were there like a half hour ago, man." Matt said suspiciously. I got up, making my way to the door.
''When you gotta go, you gotta go!" I say, and leave. Well, I didn't really need to, but I really wanted to see where Brian was. What if he left us now after I said... "Confessed" my feelings to him.
"Brian?" I called into the bathroom. There was no reply, so I had a quick check inside there. Where would he go? Did I startle him so much he just got up and drove away?
"Bri-" I stopped, seeing he wasn't in here. Hm? Where else could I check? He couldn't go far from here, he knows we have work to do!
"We have an album to work on, Brian.. Don't fail us now.." I growled, heading down the hall. Oh, perhaps outside again?
"Aha.. Now we have him." I mutter, but at that moment when I turn the corner...
I suddenly can't move anymore.
My body doesn't want to function.
My eyes won't move.. Move away.
"Br-Brian?"
No sound, grumble, or what he'd usually say. He is lying motionless on the ground, him facing the floor. I manage to move my legs out of shock and over to his side. Is he even breathing?!
"Oh God no, please don't be dead.." I whimper, my breath shortening in panic as I turn him over on his back. What do I do!?
"GUYS!! HELP!! ANYONE!!" I screamed out for someone to hear, my voice becoming squeakier with every yell. I try check his pulse in his wrist, but I was shaking with so much fear, I couldn't even function.
"BRIAAAN!!" I wailed, holding him close to me. How long has he been here? I coulda helped him.. Saved him, to show my love, but no.. I feel two hands pull me up, and I scramble to get away.
"Get o-"
"Zacky? It's okay! What happened?" Johnny asked me, as I turn to see Matt and Arin deal with Brian. He takes me away from them so I can breath.
"I.. I went to the bathroom a-and.. There was no Bri, and t-then.. He was there! He was on the ground!" That was all I could muster up as I tried not to break down, a new flow of tears threatening to pour any moment. Johnny looked shaken up too, but stayed calm. I slowly look back again to see Arin on his cell phone, and Matt trying to wake him up. I could see his hands were shaking too.
"9-11? Yeah.. C-can you come over.. No, our friend, he-" He went outside to continue talking, and that was the last of the conversation I heard. I crouched down, holding my head in my hands.
I could have helped him.. I coulda saved him... I'm too late.
"Zacky? Come on, ambulance is here." Arin pulled me from my thoughts and held a hand out for me. I looked over to see them putting Brian on the stretcher securily. I just had to glance at it before running to the bathroom.
"Why Brian.. Why.." I croaked, locking the door and huddling into a corner, hugging my knees close to my chest. Why wasn't I there sooner? What happened.. He couldn't have passed out, he would have gained conciousness within minutes, right? He must have been there for like.. I dunno, 20!? Wait..
Wasn't Matt with him last?
Yes, he was. He must have been. Brian ran out of the bathroom, and I remember Matt walking in soon after me. Surely he must have seen him or heard him somewhere last. But does that matter now?
"What... What if.." I sniffled, trying to hold back a sob. I clamp my hands over my mouth to quiet down. I suddenly hear the ambulance sirens wail, and drive farther and farther away carrying Brian in it.
My Brian in it.
"Zacky? Are you in there buddy?" I hear Johnny call from outside the door, knocking softly. I tense up, wanting, but not wanting, him to console me, to let me know everything was gonna be okay. I slowly reach up and unlock the bathroom door, setting back down, not looking up.
"Hey man, what are you doing in here?" he asked, closing the door in behind him and he settled down beside me. I just shrugged, pretending I never knew I was here. Like that would ever work.
"Of course you know, and I do too. Look, they.. They're taking Brian to the hospital, and we can visit him when they call us. They wanted Matt to go with them, because if he wakes up, he will at least see someone he knows." he explained. Matt, hm? I just nodded, and sniffled. I felt him put his hand on my arm reassuringly, and I looked at him sadly. He looked startled, his amber eyes worried but he managed to smile.
"Are you afraid, Johnny?" I whispered, blinking back more tears. He looked confused when I asked.
"Afraid? Afraid of what, Zee?" he asked, like he's never heard such a word. Like a child asking what "tree" or "dog" is. I gulped hard, trying to hold back a cry.
"Afraid.. That he's.. With Jim-" I just couldn't hold it. I lost it, crying hard into my hands as Johnny tried to calm me down, but I presumed he felt the same way.
What if it's true? What if he is gone? I mean.. I didn't feel a pulse!! What if I was too late to save my best friend?! My LOVE!
"Zee, sshh, it's.. It's okay.." Johnny's voice was shaking but he could still speak. He wasn't laughing, or making fun of me for crying in front of him. I actually had a feeling he would too any moment. He understood how I felt. But this was nothing compared to the time we found out about Jimmy.
After a few long minutes, I calmed my breathing, and tried to relax. I never thought I would end up like this. Why is this so hard to deal with suddenly?
"L-Look, Brian.. He's strong. He will pull through this. After Jimmy... Look at him now! If he stayed the way he did when we found out about Jam, do you think he'd be the Brian we have now? I know he'll pull through. I promise you." he said, his voice wavering at the last part, and pulled me in for a tight hug. At times, Johnny can be annoying and a short-shit, but we all love him I'm grateful he's my best friend, I couldn't ask for another Gnome.
~*~
"How much longer, damnit?!"
We were all getting impatient with the wait. Brian has been in the hospital for over 5 hours, and we haven't heard a word from them about his condition since then.
"Just.. Just give them some time." Arin said softly, trying to get me to relax. I couldn't wait here much longer, I have to know if he's gonna be okay!
"I... I have to see him." I mumbled, slumping on the couch in defeat, resting the side of my head in my hand. It wasn't fair. Matt gets to be with him, and I have to stay here in despair. I'm sure I love Brian more!!
"I know, Zee, I know." Arin replied, and I could tell from his tone that he was getting more tired as time slipped on slowly. Sure, we all were. This was killing me inside, every tick from the clock was slowly stabbing me from the inside out. Johnny then walked over to me, and sat beside me. I gave him a weak smile, which he returned.
"Look, my belief, is that if he was in a critical state, they would have called us, or Matt would have at least. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, they're good doctors there." he told me, putting his arm around my shoulder. I nodded at his statement, but something kept nagging at me. Maybe I was meant to feel this way, after all the shock and sudden news, I'm obviously gonna be thinking the worst! But this.. This felt different.
I checked my phone for the time, and saw it was just passed 8 o' clock, and sighed tiredly.
"Guys... We should just leave it for tonight.. It's getting late." I say, getting up. They didn't have to say anything to agree, and got up too. Might as well, we're gonna be here all night maybe before we get the slightest update on Brian.
"Stop!!" Arin suddenly yelled as I was about to open the door. I whipped my head around to see him pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket, and press the answer button. Johnny and I stared at him, impatiently waiting to know who was calling him.
"Matt.."
"Bri-" but it was too late. The door slammed shut behind him and I could hear his footsteps pound down the hall. I just sat there on the cold tiled floor, and wondered.
What did I do wrong?
What did I say wrong?
I didn't know what to do.. I told him I love him, which was the truth.. Was it too much for him? Yeah.. Maybe I'm delving too far into things. Or maybe.. Maybe Matt told him he loves him, and loves Matt more than.. Me.
"Ohh.." I whimpered, sitting by the toilet. Now what? What do I say to him now? He's.. He's probably busy with Matt right now, there's nothing I can do now unless I want to walk in on them sucking each other off.
"If that's how it is.." I huff, and stand up quickly, heading back to my guitar. Need to work on this album badly.
~*~
"Think that G needs to be tuned a 'lil, Zee." Arin said to me politely, as I was fiddling with some tune on my Schecter. Of course, I didn't notice, I was day dreaming..
"Oh? Thanks, man.." I say, and tune it up. Heh, he was right. We had just finished up on the last bits of Acid Rain, and we were working on a new song called Doing Time. I liked it, actually, it was fast and catchy. Reminded me of the old days, of City of Evil. Reminded me of how much closer Brian and I were.
Well, we still are very close, but I feel over time, that something has gone missing from our friendship. Was it after Jimmy died, we all suddenly woke up in our own way? I wasn't too sure what has gone.. Maybe I'm over thinking, jumping to conclusions. That's just me, I guess.
"Zacky? It ain't bed time!" Johnny said, showing me a sheet with words. I glared at him, but smirked as I took the sheet from him. They were song lyrics.
I see the writing on the wall,
I see the lifeless devils start to crawl
And I don't need no lessons,
After all,
Everybody's doin' their time.
"It's catchy.. I like it." I say happily.
"And it's mine." We all turn to see Matt walking over to us.
"Where were you?" I asked. Hm, he seemed a little flushed?
"Had to take a call there, done now." he replied, his tone higher than normal. Funny, he'd usually have answered with a cocky reply or said:
"What does it matter to you?"
I just shrugged. He had a phone call? He had a phone call! Let's keep it at that. Now, we'll ask about Brian. I mess with a few random chords before questioning him.
"Wonder where Brian is.." I mumble to myself, but loud enough for them to hear.
"Yeah.."
"Same here."
No words from Matt.
"You know where he is, Matt?" I ask him. His eyes widened the slightest when I asked him, but stood his ground.
"Uh, no, haven't seen him since I left.. He was here last." he replied, sounding slightly uncertain as he spoke, but tried to sound confident. I nodded, getting back to playing, trying to find the right chords and such for the song so far. The guys soon followed, Johnny with his bass and Matt doing his thing. But it didn't sound the same without Brian..
~*~
Roughly 15 minutes went by, and there was no sign of Brian. Now, I was getting worried. I could also see Arin looking at the door every so often. Hm..
"I gotta take a leak, guys." I said as natural as possible.
"You were there like a half hour ago, man." Matt said suspiciously. I got up, making my way to the door.
''When you gotta go, you gotta go!" I say, and leave. Well, I didn't really need to, but I really wanted to see where Brian was. What if he left us now after I said... "Confessed" my feelings to him.
"Brian?" I called into the bathroom. There was no reply, so I had a quick check inside there. Where would he go? Did I startle him so much he just got up and drove away?
"Bri-" I stopped, seeing he wasn't in here. Hm? Where else could I check? He couldn't go far from here, he knows we have work to do!
"We have an album to work on, Brian.. Don't fail us now.." I growled, heading down the hall. Oh, perhaps outside again?
"Aha.. Now we have him." I mutter, but at that moment when I turn the corner...
I suddenly can't move anymore.
My body doesn't want to function.
My eyes won't move.. Move away.
"Br-Brian?"
No sound, grumble, or what he'd usually say. He is lying motionless on the ground, him facing the floor. I manage to move my legs out of shock and over to his side. Is he even breathing?!
"Oh God no, please don't be dead.." I whimper, my breath shortening in panic as I turn him over on his back. What do I do!?
"GUYS!! HELP!! ANYONE!!" I screamed out for someone to hear, my voice becoming squeakier with every yell. I try check his pulse in his wrist, but I was shaking with so much fear, I couldn't even function.
"BRIAAAN!!" I wailed, holding him close to me. How long has he been here? I coulda helped him.. Saved him, to show my love, but no.. I feel two hands pull me up, and I scramble to get away.
"Get o-"
"Zacky? It's okay! What happened?" Johnny asked me, as I turn to see Matt and Arin deal with Brian. He takes me away from them so I can breath.
"I.. I went to the bathroom a-and.. There was no Bri, and t-then.. He was there! He was on the ground!" That was all I could muster up as I tried not to break down, a new flow of tears threatening to pour any moment. Johnny looked shaken up too, but stayed calm. I slowly look back again to see Arin on his cell phone, and Matt trying to wake him up. I could see his hands were shaking too.
"9-11? Yeah.. C-can you come over.. No, our friend, he-" He went outside to continue talking, and that was the last of the conversation I heard. I crouched down, holding my head in my hands.
I could have helped him.. I coulda saved him... I'm too late.
"Zacky? Come on, ambulance is here." Arin pulled me from my thoughts and held a hand out for me. I looked over to see them putting Brian on the stretcher securily. I just had to glance at it before running to the bathroom.
"Why Brian.. Why.." I croaked, locking the door and huddling into a corner, hugging my knees close to my chest. Why wasn't I there sooner? What happened.. He couldn't have passed out, he would have gained conciousness within minutes, right? He must have been there for like.. I dunno, 20!? Wait..
Wasn't Matt with him last?
Yes, he was. He must have been. Brian ran out of the bathroom, and I remember Matt walking in soon after me. Surely he must have seen him or heard him somewhere last. But does that matter now?
"What... What if.." I sniffled, trying to hold back a sob. I clamp my hands over my mouth to quiet down. I suddenly hear the ambulance sirens wail, and drive farther and farther away carrying Brian in it.
My Brian in it.
"Zacky? Are you in there buddy?" I hear Johnny call from outside the door, knocking softly. I tense up, wanting, but not wanting, him to console me, to let me know everything was gonna be okay. I slowly reach up and unlock the bathroom door, setting back down, not looking up.
"Hey man, what are you doing in here?" he asked, closing the door in behind him and he settled down beside me. I just shrugged, pretending I never knew I was here. Like that would ever work.
"Of course you know, and I do too. Look, they.. They're taking Brian to the hospital, and we can visit him when they call us. They wanted Matt to go with them, because if he wakes up, he will at least see someone he knows." he explained. Matt, hm? I just nodded, and sniffled. I felt him put his hand on my arm reassuringly, and I looked at him sadly. He looked startled, his amber eyes worried but he managed to smile.
"Are you afraid, Johnny?" I whispered, blinking back more tears. He looked confused when I asked.
"Afraid? Afraid of what, Zee?" he asked, like he's never heard such a word. Like a child asking what "tree" or "dog" is. I gulped hard, trying to hold back a cry.
"Afraid.. That he's.. With Jim-" I just couldn't hold it. I lost it, crying hard into my hands as Johnny tried to calm me down, but I presumed he felt the same way.
What if it's true? What if he is gone? I mean.. I didn't feel a pulse!! What if I was too late to save my best friend?! My LOVE!
"Zee, sshh, it's.. It's okay.." Johnny's voice was shaking but he could still speak. He wasn't laughing, or making fun of me for crying in front of him. I actually had a feeling he would too any moment. He understood how I felt. But this was nothing compared to the time we found out about Jimmy.
After a few long minutes, I calmed my breathing, and tried to relax. I never thought I would end up like this. Why is this so hard to deal with suddenly?
"L-Look, Brian.. He's strong. He will pull through this. After Jimmy... Look at him now! If he stayed the way he did when we found out about Jam, do you think he'd be the Brian we have now? I know he'll pull through. I promise you." he said, his voice wavering at the last part, and pulled me in for a tight hug. At times, Johnny can be annoying and a short-shit, but we all love him I'm grateful he's my best friend, I couldn't ask for another Gnome.
~*~
"How much longer, damnit?!"
We were all getting impatient with the wait. Brian has been in the hospital for over 5 hours, and we haven't heard a word from them about his condition since then.
"Just.. Just give them some time." Arin said softly, trying to get me to relax. I couldn't wait here much longer, I have to know if he's gonna be okay!
"I... I have to see him." I mumbled, slumping on the couch in defeat, resting the side of my head in my hand. It wasn't fair. Matt gets to be with him, and I have to stay here in despair. I'm sure I love Brian more!!
"I know, Zee, I know." Arin replied, and I could tell from his tone that he was getting more tired as time slipped on slowly. Sure, we all were. This was killing me inside, every tick from the clock was slowly stabbing me from the inside out. Johnny then walked over to me, and sat beside me. I gave him a weak smile, which he returned.
"Look, my belief, is that if he was in a critical state, they would have called us, or Matt would have at least. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, they're good doctors there." he told me, putting his arm around my shoulder. I nodded at his statement, but something kept nagging at me. Maybe I was meant to feel this way, after all the shock and sudden news, I'm obviously gonna be thinking the worst! But this.. This felt different.
I checked my phone for the time, and saw it was just passed 8 o' clock, and sighed tiredly.
"Guys... We should just leave it for tonight.. It's getting late." I say, getting up. They didn't have to say anything to agree, and got up too. Might as well, we're gonna be here all night maybe before we get the slightest update on Brian.
"Stop!!" Arin suddenly yelled as I was about to open the door. I whipped my head around to see him pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket, and press the answer button. Johnny and I stared at him, impatiently waiting to know who was calling him.
"Matt.."