Sweet n Salty
Everybody Leaves
That’s the thing about chronic illness. It’s going to outlive every doctor relationship in your life. There’s not really any doctors that are out there that are going to be in the field for 50+ years. So eventually, whether you love them or hate them, they’re going to love. And that really sucks when you love them. When you’ve been with them for years and they’ve seen you go from your worst - almost dying - to so, so much better. When they know everything about you. When you’re almost friends. But that’s the thing about a terminal illness. Everybody leaves. I’ve only met one person, outside of my family, who has stuck with me through everything. Through the best and the worst. But not everyone can handle being friends with someone who’s dying; someone who they will outlive eventually. Not everyone knows how to deal with that. Which is fine. Except for the person with the illness. Because we never know who is going to stay in our lives. It gets scary to get close to people... because how long are they going to be around for? How long is this person going to be my friend until they find a reason not to be here any longer or until they completely ghost me? Sometimes it’s a few weeks, other times it’s a couple of years.
But it’s different when it’s a doctor that’s leaving, the person in charge of your care. Especially when you’ve developed a relationship with them. Especially when you work together as a team, instead of listening to them telling you what to do. I don’t have many doctors that actually listen to me (which you would think that I would, with how many doctors that I actually have). It’s hard to find doctors that aren’t worn out, or that you’re just another number to them. I’m a person. With complicated needs. And I need someone that will work with me, not against me, or all by themselves. It’s so hard when you’re established with a good doctor; someone so good that everyone pales in comparison to them. And it makes me apprehensive because he said that, so far, he’s not sure who to recommend me to because, in his 30 years of practicing here, the psychiatry scene hasn’t developed or improved, and so there really isn’t any body good enough for me. Those weren’t his exact words, but it was the gist of what he was saying. I think he prescribes majority of my medications. But more than that... he’s provided me with outstanding advice, and perspective on life. And I just lost one of my favorite doctors a couple of months ago... but at least I still had my psychiatrist. What am I going to do now that he’s going to be leaving? Who am I going to put my trust in with my feelings and emotions the way I can with him?
But it’s different when it’s a doctor that’s leaving, the person in charge of your care. Especially when you’ve developed a relationship with them. Especially when you work together as a team, instead of listening to them telling you what to do. I don’t have many doctors that actually listen to me (which you would think that I would, with how many doctors that I actually have). It’s hard to find doctors that aren’t worn out, or that you’re just another number to them. I’m a person. With complicated needs. And I need someone that will work with me, not against me, or all by themselves. It’s so hard when you’re established with a good doctor; someone so good that everyone pales in comparison to them. And it makes me apprehensive because he said that, so far, he’s not sure who to recommend me to because, in his 30 years of practicing here, the psychiatry scene hasn’t developed or improved, and so there really isn’t any body good enough for me. Those weren’t his exact words, but it was the gist of what he was saying. I think he prescribes majority of my medications. But more than that... he’s provided me with outstanding advice, and perspective on life. And I just lost one of my favorite doctors a couple of months ago... but at least I still had my psychiatrist. What am I going to do now that he’s going to be leaving? Who am I going to put my trust in with my feelings and emotions the way I can with him?