Sweet n Salty
Ad Nauseam
"There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed, or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of the will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon, and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was a time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that's what everyone else does." John Green (The Fault In Our Stars).
This quote popped up in my time line on Facebook from 6 years ago. And every time it pops back up, I have to stop, sit back, and think.
I've been too exhausted lately to write... I don't know what's wrong with me, why I have no energy, why I'm sleeping so late into the day, and then unable to function when I finally do get up. I couldn't even stay awake long enough to watch and NCIS: LA with my mom last night. My eyes hurt, and they were heavy, and just kept closing. But then I kept getting woken up in the middle of the night by my pump, because I changed out my CGM sensor pretty late in the day yesterday. I need to keep in mind that if I want to change it, I need to do it by noon, since so many alarms keep going off at various times until it's all set up. And even then... once it was all 'set up', it still kept on beeping and hollering at me because of my blood sugar.
Got some news today, that fits right in with everyone leaving... My NEW primary care doctor is taking time off to spend more time with her family. But I had three REALLY good doctors, that all worked together to provide me with the best care possible. My palliative care doctor was the first to leave, so he could go practice at the VA hospital. Then my psychiatrist just told me that he's retiring. And now, I got an email that my PCP is leaving for her family. I loved her. She's was willing to go further than other doctors and try things that other doctors didn't even think of. And she understood all the shit that I have to go through, and was willing to go the extra mile to try and get me at least a modicum of comfort. Like when I was having all those terrible migraine spells after my seizure in November. She gave me a migraine cocktail that finally brought me some relief. And she was the only female doctor that I had. So I felt a sort of... closeness with her, that I haven't felt with any of my other doctors, because they're all men.
I felt some sort of 'okayness' with my psychiatrist leaving, because at least Dr. Wilson could pick up all of the medications that he was prescribing me, without question. But now I have to find ANOTHER new doctor, AGAIN. And it's just... well, it's exhausting for one thing. But I guess that's the nature of the beast. Like I've said before, ad nauseam, my illness is going to outlive every doctor and medical relationship that I form. And, as being someone who absolutely hates change, this is just one more thing that I have to roll with the punches with, and come to acceptance with. Even when I really don't want to. You would think, with how often things change in my life, that I would be somewhat used to it by now. But maybe that's why I hate it so much? Because I rarely get to have a routine, so it's a blessing when I actually do have one.
This quote popped up in my time line on Facebook from 6 years ago. And every time it pops back up, I have to stop, sit back, and think.
I've been too exhausted lately to write... I don't know what's wrong with me, why I have no energy, why I'm sleeping so late into the day, and then unable to function when I finally do get up. I couldn't even stay awake long enough to watch and NCIS: LA with my mom last night. My eyes hurt, and they were heavy, and just kept closing. But then I kept getting woken up in the middle of the night by my pump, because I changed out my CGM sensor pretty late in the day yesterday. I need to keep in mind that if I want to change it, I need to do it by noon, since so many alarms keep going off at various times until it's all set up. And even then... once it was all 'set up', it still kept on beeping and hollering at me because of my blood sugar.
Got some news today, that fits right in with everyone leaving... My NEW primary care doctor is taking time off to spend more time with her family. But I had three REALLY good doctors, that all worked together to provide me with the best care possible. My palliative care doctor was the first to leave, so he could go practice at the VA hospital. Then my psychiatrist just told me that he's retiring. And now, I got an email that my PCP is leaving for her family. I loved her. She's was willing to go further than other doctors and try things that other doctors didn't even think of. And she understood all the shit that I have to go through, and was willing to go the extra mile to try and get me at least a modicum of comfort. Like when I was having all those terrible migraine spells after my seizure in November. She gave me a migraine cocktail that finally brought me some relief. And she was the only female doctor that I had. So I felt a sort of... closeness with her, that I haven't felt with any of my other doctors, because they're all men.
I felt some sort of 'okayness' with my psychiatrist leaving, because at least Dr. Wilson could pick up all of the medications that he was prescribing me, without question. But now I have to find ANOTHER new doctor, AGAIN. And it's just... well, it's exhausting for one thing. But I guess that's the nature of the beast. Like I've said before, ad nauseam, my illness is going to outlive every doctor and medical relationship that I form. And, as being someone who absolutely hates change, this is just one more thing that I have to roll with the punches with, and come to acceptance with. Even when I really don't want to. You would think, with how often things change in my life, that I would be somewhat used to it by now. But maybe that's why I hate it so much? Because I rarely get to have a routine, so it's a blessing when I actually do have one.