We Are Giants

"Lizz?"

"What?"

"What happened at Sam's party?"

"Nothing."

"Lizz, it's extremely obvious that something happened. You and John–"

"Nothing happened, Ella."

"You're not fooling anyone, you know."

"I know."

---

The drive was quiet, so quiet that Kennedy turned the radio on to fill the void. The only station that wasn't filled with static was a country music one and almost everyone in the car slightly cringed. John shifted in his seat, causing his knee to bump into Lizz's.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"There's a barrier here for a reason, John," Lizz snapped, pointing to the wall of pillows between them.

"They're pillows, Lizz," John replied, unamused.

"They could be puppies and it's still a barrier. We wouldn't need one if you weren't a human giraffe," she added the last part quietly.

"I can't help my genetics," John rolled his eyes.

Lizz and John didn't notice when Kennedy and Ella exchanged a look. Lizz shifted until she reached a comfortable position. She threw her hair up into a bun and pulled out Looking for Alaska from her backpack before she started reading. Reading was a great distraction, it would take her mind off of everything.

She could see John out of the corner of her eye looking at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said, looking away.

Lizz exhaled, trying to let go of the negative emotions that were slowly building up since the road trip began. Had she known that John was going to come along, she never would have said yes to coming with Kennedy and Ella. She would have begged Garrett and Raveena to take her in their car, despite knowing they had no space left. She would have taken the trunk of their car over sitting in the backseat with John O'Callaghan for the next six hours.

The next few hours were silent and awkward. At least that's how it felt to Lizz. Despite trying to read, she was too hyperaware of everything to be able to focus on it. John was squished up against the door, trying his hardest to keep the distance between them as big as possible. He was listening to music on his phone and tapping along to the beat on his knee. It was becoming very distracting.

"Can you stop that?" Lizz said, looking up from her book.

"Stop what?"

"That."

"My, are we on edge today?" John smirked.

"Shut up, John," Lizz scoffed.

"If you guys are gonna kill each other, can you try not to get blood on the seats?" Kennedy asked, eyeing them from the rear-view mirror. "It's a new car."

"Tell that to her, I'm just trying to exist," John shrugged.

"Yeah, well, your existence is annoying as hell," Lizz replied, curtly.

"Okay, I think we need a break. The next rest stop is in two miles," Ella said, loudly. Lizz agreed with her. It was getting very difficult to not feel like punching John in the face. She leaned back against her seat and stared out the window until they reached the rest stop. Lizz practically flew out the door before Kennedy even turned the ignition off.

"Lizz, you need to chill," Ella said, catching up to her as they went into the restrooms.

"I can't. John sucks," she replied while playing with her hair in the mirror, wondering if she should switch her part.

"You are acting very obvious, Lizz. Everyone can tell something is up because you two have had your moments, but you were never this hostile to each other until the party."

"Blame him," Lizz shrugged. Ella rolled her eyes and sighed, giving up. She entered a stall and Lizz exhaled. Just a few more hours until they reached LA and she didn't have to be around John anymore. She made a mental note to call dibs on a spot in Raveena's car, even if it means kicking someone out.

Lizz and Ella made their way back to the car. John and Kennedy were already inside, talking to each other. When she climbed into the backseat, the air in the car immediately changed. Her and John made eye contact but Lizz immediately looked away.

"Ready?" Kennedy asked. We all nodded and he started the car, driving off towards LA.

It wouldn't have been so bad, if Lizz was being honest. Her and John always just existed around each other. They only really ever hung out because their friend groups overlapped and it was a dynamic that Lizz enjoyed. They talked sometimes, bickered most of the time, but it was all fun and games. Nothing was serious. In fact, if John was removed from her life forever, nothing would have changed. Except the party happened. Then everything changed.

For awhile, the drive was silent. Lizz pulled out another book to read, one she hadn't read before. She figured if it was new content, she'd be more focused on it. She read it for awhile and it worked, her focus on John shifted and she didn't even remember he was in the car until he would shift his position or clear his throat. But it was definitely better than before.

"Hey, a scenic point," Kennedy said, suddenly, pointing to a sign that said 'SCENIC POINT'. Lizz looked up and realized that there were enormous mountains all around them. She stared at them in awe, she didn't even notice before but they were stunning. "Wanna stop, you guys?"

"Sure!" Ella exclaimed.

Before Lizz could even say anything about wanting to get there as soon as possible, Kennedy pulled over to the side of the road. Everyone got out of the car and Kennedy and Ella practically ran excitedly towards the edge, to see the mountains. Lizz followed slowly behind but she could hear John's footsteps behind her.

They stopped and stared at the jagged mountains with bushes and cacti protruding from them. Lizz breathed it in. Being here right now was making her realize how petty her problems were, especially with John.

"Lizz," John said, quietly. "Uh, can I talk to you?"

She felt her stomach churn but she nodded her head. Ella shot her a look and she shrugged. They walked a little off to the side so that their friends wouldn't hear their conversation.

"We kissed," he said, suddenly, when they were out of range.

"John–" Lizz's started, her eyes widening.

"You and I, we kissed at Sam's party. We weren't drunk either and yet we kissed and now you look like you want to throw me off a cliff," John continued, his eyes never leaving her. "And I just want to say that I'm sorry. It's very obvious that it was unwanted now, so I'm sorry. I just don't want to make this uncomfortable for everyone else either."

Lizz kicked the gravel underneath her feet and she said, "The problem isn't the kiss, it's how I felt afterwards."

"What do you mean?" John furrowed his eyebrows. Lizz gave him a look.

"You and I are so different, I'm literally not your type, John. But I realize now that I'm overreacting to the kiss. It was nothing, it literally happens to you all the time, so I don't know why I'm blowing this so out of proportion. I'm sorry," she said, waving her hand and turning away. John stopped her.

"Wait, Lizz, you're not blowing this out of proportion, you're exactly my type," John said, as-a-matter-of-factly. Lizz's heart was pounding her chest and she looked up at him. "And I don't know if you remember the hundreds of times you and I would sit on the staircase of every house party and just talk to each other but I've grown to really like you every time that's happened."

"Wait...what?"

John smiled and shrugged. "I kissed you for a reason, Lizz."

Lizz noticed that the gap between them had slowly been closing and now there was only a few inches between them. She stepped back and looked up at him with disbelief written all over her face.

"So, I'm not just some number to you?" she asked.

"No!" he exclaimed, reaching out and placing his hands on her arms. "Is that why you're so pissed at me? Lizz, this entire drive has been killing me because all I wanted to do was put my arm around you and casually play with your hair or something. Being that close to you is making my hormones go into a fucking rage."

"So, you like me?"

"I think that's very obvious now. Do you like me?"

"Of course I do. Why do you think I acted like that all day to you?" she said without thinking. She blinked and John laughed; that was unexpected.

"Can I kiss you now then?" John asked, eagerly. Lizz looked around to see Kennedy and Ella's focus still on the mountains. She turned back around and stood on her tip toes. John bent down and their lips connected. Lizz felt excitement from this, like this was supposed to happen. She tugged on his shirt and pulled him closer, no longer caring who would see the kiss because this felt exactly right.

Lizz lied earlier. John was never someone that could leave her life without an impact. That was never true to begin with and she always knew that. She always knew that.