Divided Throne

The staff now tended to avoid Lily as if she were the plague. The council had agreed it might be best if she didn't sit in on any of the questioning and we're heading the investigation themselves. Lily resented it, but she preferred to keep as close to Lucian as she could anyway, and she didn't want him around anyone who might be trying to kill him.

That morning she had needed to discuss some preparations for the impending battle with Alec, Hamilton and General Rigorsky, and had reluctantly turned Lucian over to Belle until she could escape the meeting. Lucian enjoyed playing with his new puppy in the throne room, so after the planning meeting was over she made a beeline for it.

Lily froze in the doorway, startled and then alarmed to see Lucian sitting alone in the floor in front of Alec's throne, Snowball in his arms. One of the maids was cleaning a tapestry, shaking it out and saying something quietly to Lucian. She gasped and dropped the tapestry when she saw Lily standing there, face stormy.

"Your Majesty!" she squeaked. "I-I'm sorry-"

"Where's Belle?" Lily demanded, striding across the room. The maid cowered back slightly, as if afraid Lily would strike her.

"I-I don't know, Your Majesty. I just came in to do my chores and found the prince here..."

"I'm here," Belle said, darting breathlessly into the room and clutching a fresh shirt for Lucian. "He tore the sleeve of his shirt, so I went to get another one-"

"You left him alone?" Lily asked angrily. She stalled to Lucian and scooped him up before turning a glare on the maid. "Leave us," she snapped and the maid bolted from the room.

"Lily, I went just down the hall to his extra nursery to grab a shirt," Belle said. "I was only gone about a minute."

"Oh, a minute, well. That makes it all right then," Lily said sarcastically.

"What's going on?" Alec and Tobias entered the throne room, looking perplexed.

"I found Lucian in here alone with one of the maids," Lily said. "But it's fine, because Belle only left him by himself for a minute."

"I was right down the hall," Belle said. "I would have heard if anything happened."

"The reason I leave him with you if I'm not with him is because I trusted you," Lily said icily. "I never expected you to do something so idiotic."

Belle's eyes flashed with fury and hurt. "I would never put my own nephew in danger," she snapped.

"Lily, he's fine," Alec said diplomatically. "Belle has been a great help to us since this all started, and since before that. I know you're worried about Lucian but I think you owe her an apology."

Lily narrowed her eyes, lips set in a hard line. "He shouldn't be left alone at all until this is over," she said stubbornly. "It was careless to leave him in here unattended."

Alec frowned. "Lily, you can't just go around snapping at and terrifying everyone in the castle. Lucian is well-protected by everyone in this room, as well as Dominic and Samuel and Hamilton. You don't need to hold onto him all the time."

Tobias cleared his throat quietly, as if trying to signal something to his son. Lily felt a surge of emotions, none of them pleasant. She clamped onto the anger to hide her hurt and embarrassment.

"Fine," she snarled. "If you think I'm doing such a terrible job, then you take him." Lily passed Lucian into Alec's arms.

"Lily, I never said-"

"You all clearly know what to do better than I do, so I'll just pass the raising of him to your family." The words flew from her mouth like venomous darts. She pivoted on her heel and swept from the throne room. Alec caught up to her in the hall and planted himself in front of her when she ignored him.

"What was that?" he asked, looking bewildered and slightly annoyed.

"I don't know what you want from me," Lily fairly shouted at him.

"Well for one you don't need to be cruel to Belle; you know she'd never put Lucian in harm's way. Lily, what's going on?"

Lily yanked her hand away when he reached for it and he looked stung.

"I was never cut out for this," she burst out. "I'm not any more equipped to do this than Angie was, and you were all looking at me like you looked at her."

"No one thinks-"

"Everyone knows I can't do this, Alec! You think I'm going crazy, but you don't understand. This is the only way I know how to protect him." Lily felt tears prickle in her eyes and her voice cracked slightly. Alec reached for her again, his eyes full of concern, but Lily pulled away.

"Don't," she whispered. She darted past him and fled outside, ignoring him as he shouted her name. She found herself at the stables, and slipped a bridle on her favorite stallion, Phantom. She didn't bother with a saddle; just swung up onto his back and galloped out of the courtyard and toward the gently rolling hills. The wind against her face dried the tears on the cheeks, and the rhythm of the horse's hooves beating the ground drowned out her tumultuous thoughts.

She didn't know how far she'd gone when she finally pulled gently on Phantom's reins to slow him. She had created a hill, seeing a large forest spread out below her. She could only see the castle's turrets in the distance. She slumped forward, burying her face in Phantom's mane.

"I can't do anything right," she moaned. "I'm so stupid."

Phantom turned his head to look at her with intelligent brown eyes.

"I know," she told him. "I know I need to go back, and I need to say sorry to Belle. You don't need to look at me all judgmental like that."

Phantom tossed his head and neighed, dancing uneasily. Lily looked up and realized the sky had grown dark with ominous clouds. A storm was coming.

"We'd best hurry," she said. "Maybe we should find someplace to wait it out before-"

A crack of lightning lit up the sky, striking one of the trees below them and nearly splitting it in two. Phantom reared, startled by the flash and the noise. Lily wasn't prepared and lost her balance, falling from his back and striking her head against a rock. Her vision swam, going hazy. She felt Phantom nudge her with his muzzle, but she couldn't make herself move. Her skull was on fire.

"Go home," she managed to mumble. "Phantom, go home."

The stallion pranced in place for a moment, but then she heard the sound of him galloping away. When he returned riderless they'd know she was lost somewhere. She was dimly aware of rain starting to fall in heavy sheets before slipping into unconsciousness. She drifted in and out, dreaming that she saw Angie kneeling next to her and stroking her hair.

Eventually she heard voices; saw a blurry face leaning over her. She was lifted and then set gently down again. Someone said her name but Lily couldn't make her mouth work to reply. Instead she fell back into darkness.



When Lily woke again, there was familiar ceiling above her instead of stormy sky. Her head was throbbing and her eyes felt gritty.

"So, you're awake," a soft voice said. Lily turned her head and let out a hiss as the pain in her head intensified.

"Easy now." Gwendolyn sat carefully on the edge of the bed beside her. "That's a nasty bump you have. Don't try to move or stand too suddenly; you'll get dizzy."

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked, reaching up gingerly to feel the bandage on her head.

"Since yesterday when we found you." Gwendolyn studied her face intently. "You gave everyone quite a scare, Your Majesty."

"I doubt anyone was that worried, considering what happened yesterday," Lily muttered.

"Of course they're worried. That darling boy of yours keeps asking for his mama." Gwendolyn smiled slightly. "He loves you very much."

"He's just too young to know better yet," Lily said miserably.

"What kind of talk is that? You're his mother. What's troubling you, Highness?"

Something about Gwendolyn's gentle voice and kind eyes broke the flood gates inside of Lily and prompted her to confess all the fears she'd been having.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she said angrily. "I don't know how to be good queen and wife, and indefinitely don't know how to be a good mother. I was left in a crate on the doorstep of an orphanage. What do I know about mothering? The only reason I even survived was by being ruthless. I was terrified when I was pregnant with Lucian, but then he was born and he was so perfect. And I know everyone thinks I'm being too harsh and overbearing, but what if he gets hurt and it's my fault? What if I don't protect him well enough? And what if I ruin him; what if he turns out to be just like me?"

Lily realized she was talking loud and fast, her words tripping over each other. She lowered her head. "He deserves a better mother than me. Belle and Alec are better suited to taking care of him. They had Tobias, and Carina. And I feel terrible every time I pass her portrait in the hall because it's like she's looking at me and she knows I'm not good enough for her son and grandson."

Lily looked up and was startled to see the sadness in Gwendolyn's eyes.

"Sweet child," she murmured, resting her hand on top of Lily's. "I'm so very sorry. You should never have had to grow up like you did."

"Thank you," Lily said, unsure what to make of Gwendolyn's tenderness.

"You have a welcoming party in the hall," Gwendolyn said after a moment, seeming to shake herself. "I've been sensing them out there, waiting for you to wake up. Would you like them to come in now?"

Lily hesitated. What would they all be thinking of her right now? What if they had heard her desperate outburst? Her shoulders slumped and she closed her eyes. They were probably all furious with her, but she'd need to face them sooner or later.

"Yes," she said hesitantly. "Send them in please, Gwendolyn."