Enmeshment

I finished showering and I saw Eric was standing outside at the porch. His eyes gazing the horizon and sometimes rubbed his forehead out of frustration. I walked slowly to him, "hey…" and wrapped my arms around. He wrapped me closer to him as I laid my head on his shoulder. We were there in silent for a while.

"I can't save you," he suddenly talked. "They got you and I can't save you!"

"It's just a simulation…" I looked up to see his face.

"For fuck sakes!" He shouted and he moved away to sit on the bench. "Your last fear is your biggest fear. Losing my power used to be my last fear and now... It changed." I sat next to him. "I used to have fear of compassion and all I had to do to conquer it was to ignored it. Because it'll make me feel weak, and it can be use against me. That's why I always tried to be a dick around you but as much as I tried to ignored you it become harder and harder to stay away."

He paused again and looked straight into my eyes. "What if something happened to you and I can't help you? What if something happened the same like in the simulation? Four already used you to fight Molly to get on my nerves, what else could happen!? What if…" He stopped. "I can't loose you…"

"Eric..." I squeezed his hands.

Eric got up from his seat and gazing the horizon. I walked closer to him then slowly put my hand on his cheek and tilted his face toward me. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be with you..."

He smiled a little before I rested my forehead onto his shoulder. Eric kissed my temple as I kept squeezing his hand. Slowly his free hand snake over my neck and he leaned forward to kissed me. He cupped my cheek and his other hand moved to the back of my body, pulling me closer to him. My hand brushed over his firm hand way up onto his shoulder and I wrapped it onto his neck. Eric deepened the kiss that made my body pushed back a little. I wrapped my other arm onto his neck to steady myself as he pulled my back toward his chest.

I tiptoed my feet and end up standing on Eric's feet. He took steps backward back to the inside of his apartment. He was stumbled keeping me steady standing on his feet and made me giggle as our noses brushed to one another. He smirked and the tense that I felt from his slowly reduced little by little.

We were reaching the living room before Eric finally tripped over the carpet and we fell onto the sofa with him on top of me. He kissed me again and he trailed down onto my neck. I bit the skin inside my mouth when images from game night strike back again. I gulped and Eric knew something was wrong. He stopped and looked into my eyes as he brushed away my hair from my face.

"Something's wrong?" He asked.

I didn't want it to be like this every time I was so close with Eric. I didn't want this fear stuck inside of me forever. I shook my head and kissed him back. I brushed his hair in between my fingers as I pulled him closer to me. Eric's hand snakes under me and brought me up sitting on his lap as he lay back onto the sofa.

We were staring at each other and gave a little peck to one another. His hand, stands still on my hips right under the hem of my shirt but he didn't try to do anything. He knew that I still feel scared because of the incident. I was pushing him last time because I was too scared that time.

I slowly pulled off my black t-shirt and straight back kissing him afterward. Eric was caressing my back and it made me shivered every time his hand brushed my skin. He broke the kiss just so he could pull his shirt off. Then I saw a tattoo that I never seen before, placed on the left side of his chest.

"Is that..."

"The same one likes yours that I did on the back of your neck. Yes." He answered me before I could finish my sentence.

I smiled and he brought me back onto his lips. His hand trailed down my back and stopped at the strap of my bra. He unhooked it and it fell onto the floor. I felt so bare but Eric somehow made me feel comfort. He wrapped my body closer to his as he got up from the sofa with my feet crossed over his hips. He didn't break the kiss as he brought us to his bed.

He gently laid me down onto the mattress as he position himself next to me. He looked into my eyes as his thumb caressing my cheek. My body was heating up and didn't know how red my face is at the moment. Eric kept kissing me as he once again trailed down onto my neck. Taking his time as he sucked my skin. My breath was all over the place and I held it when he slowly made his way to my lower body. Kissing every bit of my skin from the top, down in between my chest and stopped at my stomach. His hand was now in the hem of my pants. Eric looked up back to me and I nodded.



I woke up lying prone in between Eric's arm and his body. I flexed a little bit to squeezed closely to him as I rested my head onto his chest. Eric was still sleeping and his mouth was slightly open and did a soft snore. His face wasn't that intense like he did the last time I woke up next to him. I was trying to remember what happened last night and started blushing when the memories came back.

I drew unbroken circle with my index finger on his bare chest and then changed into something abstract until I end caressing his skin. Eric groaned under his sleep when I did that so I stopped and just staring at his face as I rested my chin on his upper chest. If I could I'd watching him sleeping all the time since he was now looked like a sleeping bear.

I slowly rolled around trying not to wake him up after I pecked his lips. I sat up on the bed with the bed covers covering my body as I looking around searching for my clothes. I was about to left the bed when I remembered Eric tossed it on the couch when suddenly a hand held my wrist.

"Where are you going?" I turned around to see him still closing his eyes but he mumbled trying to pulled me back onto his arm.

"Showering..." I answered.

"It can wait! Go back here!" He released my hand just so he could stroke my lower back that making me shivered. "Rox...?" He whispered my name and opened an eye when I gave him no respond because I was too mesmerized by his sleepy face. "I won't let you go shower by yourself!" He murmured. I giggled and lay back beside him. He wrapped me under his arm while stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head. I looked up to see his eyes were starting to close again.

"Eric?" I talked and he hummed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Like you have a permission to do that?" He smirked. "What?"

"A-about yesterday? After we left Erudite. Did Jeanine say something to you? I m-mean you were pretty disturbed on our way back to Dauntless." My heart was racing when I asked him this question. What if he said that she knew about me being divergent? I didn't really believe that I'm one of them but if Jeanine suspected something that we were really in danger.

Eric didn't answer me immediately. He sighed harshly like usual. "She doesn't believe in you. She said that you look weak and shouldn't be part of the team. I don't like the way she said it, that's why I want you to pass the test. Be an official Dauntless member, so she could shut her mouth."

My eyes were blinking when he told me the reason. So Jeanine hadn't known anything about me. I was relieved and didn't realize my lips stretched from ear to ear.

"Why you look happy about it? You don't like doing a job with me!?" He frowned.

"No!" I turned my head around to see him. "Not like that!" I placed both of my hands on his chest and rested my chin on it. "I thought... Uhm... I thought she wants me out!" I couldn't think any other reason.

"She won't do it. I'll make sure of that," he said as he brushed my hair with his fingers.

"I'll earn my spot in Dauntless. I'll make sure of that!" I said copying him.

Eric smirked a little and brought me closer to him. He planted a few little kisses to my lips.

"Can I ask you another one?"

"Why you always have something in your mind?" Eric looked a bit annoyed.

"Just wanna know what Dauntless do with Erudite? You're always talking about this team thing, that I don't understand. What this team doing exactly?" His eyes were wondering around the room. Avoiding any eye contact with me. He stopped caressing me and tension was building inside him. "Eric?"

"We better get ready or we're gonna be late for breakfast!"

He tried to get up from bed and forced me step away from him. Eric walked away from the bed looking and wearing his boxer while I sat still wrapped up under the blanket. He was walking around in his apartment looking more annoyed than before. I knew something about my question kind of triggered him with something.

My eyes just following him around until he went into the bathroom. I got up from bed and walking close to the bathroom door. "Sorry I didn't mean to upset you," I said. I saw him standing in front of the bathroom mirror with his head staring at the sink. "Eric?"

He turned around and walked closer to me. "There are things that I can't talk about it now," he said as he held my hand.

"And this is one of that things?" I asked and he carefully nodded.

"For now I want you to keep your curiosity to yourself. Don't talk about our encounter with Erudite to anyone. Understand?"

"But why? Why is it so secretive?"

"I just want to keep you safe."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. You broke my nose once," he chuckled. "But after what happened in my fear landscape, I don't want to take any risk. Not when your life is on the line."

"You talk like we're going on a war or something," this time I chuckled but he kept his serious face. "Or is it?"

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid!" He said. I went silence for a moment before I carefully nodded. He snake his hand onto the back of my neck and his other one pulled down the blanket that wrapped my body. He pushed me against the wall and made my body quivered when my skin touched the cold concrete. Eric kissed me passionately as our body pressed to one another.

"E-Eric we need to get ready..." I talked in between our kiss.

"It can wait..." He whispered before bit my earlobe.

"We'll be late..." My tummy felt ticklish when he kept rubbing the side of my stomach.

"We can multitasking then!" He picked me up making me squealed as we were headed to the shower.




"What's your plan today?" He asked me as he wore his uniform while I sat on he couch tied up my boots.

"I guess I'm gonna see my friends and... Uhm this thing with Tris, I guess I should talk to her..."

"You know you can talk to me if the stiff said something," he said.

"It's okay... She's just, I guess... scared at you..." I couldn't say to him that Tris and I were talking about the possibility that Eric would somehow killed me if he found out that I was Divergent.

"She better be!" He said as he bent down wearing his combat boots. I sighed and he looked up to me before walked closer and strokes my cheek after he was done with his boots. "Ok ok I'll try, but if she gets out of the way, I can't promise you!"

"Deal!" I kissed his cheek as I danced to the door making him smirked.

A minute later I waited outside his apartment while he locked up the door. Eric kissed my temple before we parted our way. I went to the dining hall looking for my friends who now probably were having their breakfast, while Eric went to his office upstairs. I saw Christina and Will sitting at the table in the center of the hall. I approached them and sat next to Will.

"Your bed was empty last night? Where were you?" Asked Christina and I just giving her a shrugged smile. "Anyway, do you know the reason Jack is no longer in Dauntless right before the cut?" asked Christina and I just silently stared at her. "Oh come on Rox! Eric kicked him out of Dauntless! Rumored said he is jealous and he doesn't want to see Jack hanging around you!" She grinned.

"I can't believe Eric can be so childish like that," said Will. "We kinda know that he has a thing for you, but kicked someone and turned him into a factionless just because he's jealous. I can't believe we have him as a leader!"

That was not the reason Eric kicked him out. Jack attacked me! That was what happens! I didn't like them talking about Eric like that. I wanted to clarify the whole story when suddenly someone grabbed me from behind and pushed me down from the bench. Jen looked furious. I got up and she slapped me hard.

"How dare you! Your jealous boyfriend just cut my brother out! I just know this morning! How dare you!" She slapped me again.

"Wow guys! Stop hey!" Will came between us and tried to stop Jen.

"He's factionless now and it's all because of you! My brother never did anything to you! How dare you do that! You fucking bitch!"

"Don't you dare calling me names!? And you said your brother never did anything to hurt me!? Don't you know what he did to me after game night!? He attacked me! He tried to rape me! Your fucking brother who I thought is my best friend tried to rape me! If it wasn't because of Eric…" I started to shake up.

Jen stunned and shook her head again and again. "Fuck you! You're a liar!" and then she ran away from the dining hall leaving with a lot of people staring at me.

"Wow that is something!" Christina shook her head. I went back to my bench as Will did the same. He rubbed my back, tried to calm me down. "He really did that?" Whispered Christina and I nodded slowly. "That's fucked up. I can't believe Jack really did that."

"Why you didn't tell us before?" asked Will.

"I didn't want to upset Jen, but now…" I sighed.

"Well, the good thing is he can't touch you anymore," said Will tried to cheer me up. "Though I feel bad for him, and also for Jen."

A moment later Tris came and she hugged Christina from behind before took a seat next to her. "Hey where were you last night?" asked Christina. "Is that your sweater?" Christina was just so curious about everything.

"Uhm... No..." replied Tris.

Al approached her and tapped Tris's shoulder. "Tris, can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. Please, can you ever forgive me?"

Tris got up from her seat. "If you ever come close to me again, I will kill you!" warned Tris.

"Tris..." stuttered Al.

"You need to stay away from me! You are a coward!" Shouted Tris in tears and Al left the dining hall in a hurry.

"Wow, wow, what happened to both of you?" Christina looked at Tris and I back and forth.