Smiltong's Shmorgus Board

Henry heard a knock on the window. Who or what could that possibly be, Henry thought to himself. He approached the window and drew up the curtains, only to see a figure with a large head and a skinny, green body. The figure knocked on the window once more. Henry pushed up the window.
“I’m sorry, who are you,” Henry asked politely.
“My name is Smiltong, and I come from the planet S-56.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Smiltong,” Henry said, “if you don’t mind me asking, why are you knocking on my window at 11:00 at night? Here on Earth, this time is private time.”
“How strange,” Smiltong said, “I have been watching you all day and it seems that you have been in private time since you woke up!”
Henry scoffed. “Jeez! Guess you guys from S-56 are real creeps. Here on Earth, we don’t stalk or stare at others. We keep our eyes on a screen!”
Smiltong climbed through the window and set his feet on the ground. His body jiggled, like jelly shaking in a jar. Smiltong was a lot taller than Henry expected. He must have been at least 6 foot 5 inches, much taller than Henry’s 5 foot 3 inches. Smiltong proceeded to jump on Henry’s bed and lay down. He put his two arms behind his head, as if he was sunbathing on a beach. Henry sat down at his desk and faced Smiltong, who was licking his dark green lips with a slithery tongue.
“Now, Smiltong, my mother doesn’t approve of unanticipated guests. You do not want to get on her bad side, believe me. Is there something you want?”
“Henry,” Smiltong uttered, “I want to take you on a trip. Would you like to come in my, oh what do you Earthlings call it, “unidentified flying object”?”
“You mean a UFO?”
“Yes, yes! That’s the acronym. So enjoyable. On S-56 we call it a Shmorgus Board. Anyways, are you willing to join me or not.”
Henry thought about the implications of this journey. Would his mother notice that he left? She knows that he is always in his room, playing a computer game. If anything, she would probably be glad that he left.
“Ok, Smiltong. I’ll join you. But under one condition.”
“Sure thing, Henry. What is it?”
“No anal probing.”

Smiltong drove fast. Once Henry had boarded the Shmorgus Board, Smiltong stepped on his alien gas and booked it across the sky. Henry looked through the window on the ship and looked down to see his former high school. Henry had attended that school for three years, until he dropped out to become a professional video gamer. After his career as a professional video gamer failed, he became an unemployed person who lived with his mother.
“Tell me, Henry,” Smiltong asked, “what is like to be a human who lives in his room all day?”
“Are you mocking me, Smiltong?” Henry asked.
“What is mocking?” Smiltong inquired, “I assume you mean to ask whether I am sincere in my inquiry? The answer to your question is “no”, I am not mocking you. What is it like? I have been watching you for a long time, but I cannot grasp what it feels like.”
“Well,” Henry said, “it’s quite nice actually. My mother brings food to my room every three hours. I take a bathroom break usually four or five times a day. Sometimes I go outside to walk our dog. It is a nice life.”
“Indeed” Smiltong remarked, “we have people like you on are planet too! We call them Slimes. Indeed, my roommate from my academy was a Slime.”
Out of apparent excitement, Smiltong pushed his alien foot further on the alien gas. The Shmorgus Board jerked forward. Henry fell back, yet managed to keep his balance by grasping one of the ship’s many railings. As Henry gained his bearings, he looked at the ceiling and noticed a symbol. The symbol was a large A with a circle around it. The A was big and red, and inside the structure of the A rested human bodies on top of each other.
“Where have I seen that before,” Henry said.
“Are you referring to the Great Symbol?” Smiltong asked, “That is the emblem of my planet.”
“Why the human bodies,” Henry asked, “you guys aren’t even human?”
“Oh how wrong you are, my dear Henry. If anything, my people are more human than you yourself. You see, the figures in that A simply appear to you as humans. Yet, to me, they appear as galaxies. The heads that you see look like giant black holes. And the legs look like far reaching stars.”
Henry touched the side of his head and felt a pulse. He closed his eyes and remained quiet for a few seconds.
“What are you doing, Henry? Why are you so quiet?”
“You ask too many questions, Smiltong” Henry said. “I have a question for you: where are we going?”
Smiltong stood up from his pilot’s chair. His body jiggled, just as it had done when he stepped into Henry’s room. Smiltong approached Henry, bent down, and clasped his sticky hands on Henry’s cheeks.
“We are going far, my dear Henry. I would try and get some rest.”

Henry stared out of the Shmorgus Board’s window for a long time. As the ship climbed higher and higher into the night sky, Henry could taste the thin air. He started to become nauseous and light headed. Smiltong turned on his “Human Atmospheric Machine” so that Henry could breathe. Henry grabbed a large gulp of the alien manufactured air, and felt better instantaneously.
The ship eventually reached the International Space Station. Henry had read about this station online. He knew that Russians and Americans were in there, two peoples who had formerly been in great cold conflict. When Henry was younger, he used to tell his mother that he wanted to become an astronaut. Those dreams died fast, though, once he discovered the vast and accessible space inside the computer screen.
Henry lied on the floor and took a little nap. He woke to the sound of Smiltong yelling.
“Wake up, Henry. We have arrived to our destination.”
Henry forced his eyes open and noticed a fierce light coming through the ship’s windows. Henry stood up and approached the window. A bright, orange and yellow beam dominated Henry’s view.
“This is your sun, Henry” Smiltong said, “you are the first Earthling to see the sun this close.”
Henry rubbed his eyes with his fists.
“How can we be this close? Wouldn’t the sun’s heat destroy us if we got this close?”
Smiltong laughed. “My people have created a ship that could resist the heat of one million suns. Your sun is actually quite weak to our star.”
Henry didn’t say anything for a few seconds.
“Smiltong, I have a question.”
“Go ahead, Henry.”
“Do you ever feel alone? I mean, I’m not even sure if your species has a concept of loneliness. But do you ever feel…isolated? Or even unwanted?”
“Hmm, well” Smiltong began to respond, “on our planet we have a word betzor. This word means a lot of things to my species. Yet, it can be roughly translated into your language as “questioning.” A member of my species who experiences betzor finds oneself stuck in a loop, constantly challenging the basic foundations of one’s own existence.”
“How do your people cope with that”, Henry asked, “I mean, how can you escape something as awful as that?”
“Some of my species don’t, Henry,” Smiltong responded. “When a member of my species experiences such heightened betzor, then that individual immediately disintegrates into millions of pieces of dust. It is a peaceful, albeit undesired, ending.”
Henry looked back at the sun. Although the ship resisted the heat of the sun, he felt that he could sense a change in temperature. A small shift in his internal body chemistry. All of a sudden, the ship rocked with great intensity. Smiltong and Henry lunged forward, towards the control desk.
“Oh dear,” Smiltong said as he got up from the floor, “what was that.”
The ship shook again, this time more strongly. Henry banged his head on the control board and lost consciousness. He awoke to Smiltong working furiously at the control board of the ship.
“Good, you are alive,” Smiltong said, “listen, it seems that we have been discovered by some unfriendly types.”
“What do you mean, unfriendly types?”
“Well, I may have taken this ship without the explicit permission of my superiors. I left a note explaining my actions, I’m confident this is all just a misunderstanding.”
“Misunderstanding??” Henry yelled, “this seems like a little more than a misunderstanding!”
The ship jerked back and forth. Henry managed to get up and look out the window. He could see two ships, at least twice as big as the stolen Shmorgus board. On front of each of the ships was depicted the large emblems of Smiltong’s planet. Large laser beams shot out from the middle of this emblems, hitting Smiltong’s Shmorgus Board with great intensity.
“We need to get away, fast” Smiltong said, “Henry, hold on to something. We are going to use the hyper drive.”
“What? What is this Star – wait!” Henry screamed as the ship jerked forward and then accelerated into a great velocity.

“Henry, wake up Henry.”
Henry managed to get on his elbows and lifted up his head. “What happened, Smiltong.”
“You hit your head on the ceiling and passed out. You’ve been out cold for at least two minutes.”
Henry rubbed the top of his head on the area that he injured. He looked at his hand and noticed blood on his fingers.
“Smiltong, you need to bring me back home.”
“I can’t do that, Henry” Smiltong said, “I said we would go far.”
Henry stood up and went to the window. He looked out and saw another strong, fiery burning star. But it looked much different than his sun.
“Where are we, Smiltong?”
“We are in the Empty galaxy,” Smiltong uttered, “the loneliest place in the universe.”
“What do you mean “the loneliest place in the universe?”?”
“There is only a star in the galaxy, and that is it” Smiltong explained, “no other planets or comets orbit the star. The star stands idle.”
Henry looked at the star. He touched the glass separating the ship from the danger of space. He felt a coolness on the glass. How could we be in the loneliest place in the universe? He thought to himself. As Henry stared at the star, Smiltong was pressing various buttons on the control board.
“Henry,” Smiltong said, “I need to do something. Our ship is out of fuel. I need to go that star and collect fuel from it.”
“What?” Henry remarked. “You can do that? Also, you’re going to leave me all alone in this ship in the “loneliest place in the universe”?”
“I will not be gone long, Henry. I promise.”
Smiltong approached the center of the ship, directly beneath the emblem of Smiltong’s planet. When he reached the center, he opened a hatch and climbed into the floor. His body did not shake the same way it had before. Instead, it grew larger and puffy. As he was closing the hatch’s door, he spoke to Henry.
“If I do not come back, there is a button on the control board that you can press and it will bring you to my planet. Only do that out of necessity.”
“How would I know you weren’t coming back? What’s going to happen? Why would I go to your planet? I just want to go home.”
“Henry,” Smiltong said, “you will know if I am not coming back. My species are a kind species. They do not know your people’s tongue. But they can sense your emotions. Your inhibitions. Your loneliness. Do not be afraid, Henry.”
Smiltong closed the hatch. Henry heard the sound of something being released from the ship. He looked out the window and saw Smiltong’s shuttle traveling towards the star. As it moved closer to the star, it became smaller in Henry’s view. Eventually, the shuttle disappeared into the great light of the star.
Henry waited, and waited. He had no sense of time. He only had a sense of himself. He closed his eyes and thought about his mother, about his room. How long had it been since he was in his room? When did Smiltong pick him up from the comfort of his room? A day? A few hours? Maybe even a few seconds?
After what felt like an hour, Henry opened his eyes and moved his gaze towards the button on the control board. You will know if I am not coming back, Smiltong said. Henry wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to leave Smiltong behind. Smiltong had been kind to him, caring. In fact, Smiltong was right in saying that he could sense Henry’s emotions. Betzor, that’s what he called it. When one finds oneself stuck in a loop, constantly challenging the basic foundations of one’s own existence. That was it, yes.
What if they kill me? Henry thought to himself. After all, he thought, I was with Smiltong, who stole their ship. Maybe they’ll view me as a thief, a robber! They’ll rip my head off and swallow it down their throats.
Henry looked out the window once again. He looked at the star. On the star, he saw a small dot.
“Is that you, Smiltong?” Henry asked himself.
Yet, the dot did not get bigger. It stayed on the star like a speck on a face.
He’s not coming back, Henry thought to himself. I can feel it.
Henry approached the button on the control board and stared at it for a while. He saw that the button was quite small, relative to the rest of the control board. He held his finger above the button. Do I really want to do this? He asked himself. What if I die? He asked himself once again. Henry closed his eyes and his finger fell upon the button. Once Henry opened his eyes again, he saw a group of figures that looked like Smiltong. They all were tall, green and with big heads. They jiggled like jelly as they talked with each other. Many of them were licking their lips with their strange tongues.
“Betzor” Henry said, pointing at his chest.
One of the figures approached Henry, and put its hand on Henry’s heart.
“Betzor” the figure said. Henry felt as if the figure was smiling, but convinced himself otherwise.