Something Sweet

He didn’t expect anything but any other ordinary day. There was nothing unusual going on, nothing much to turn over in his mind. His chair still squeaked when he slumped down in it, his coffee had gone a little cold on the train ride over, and the company computer was still as slow as ever booting up. Alex probably would have just written the day off as another boring run through of the same monotonous routine, another unexciting birthday wasted away, had it not been for what sat on the corner of his desk. Stupidly, Alex rubbed at his eyes a bit, as if that'd make it go away. Unsurprisingly enough, and a little to Alex’s dismay, all it did was make it more real.

“The fuck?” He whispered aloud, though quietly enough that none of the other early arrivers took notice. Not that they likely would have looked up if they had heard him, since the majority of the time, all the middle-aged and graying workers that surrounded Alex seemed to pretend he didn't exist. Alex didn't mind it, though, not really. He’d gotten used to being on his own.

Regardless, though, his co-workers were sort of the last thing on his mind as he stared at the cupcake that was placed on his desk. Pink frosting, sprinkles- all the works. It made him feel a little bittersweet inside, a bit like a kid again and missing the birthday parties with a whole array of kids and ice cream and the magical act of blowing out candles. But more than anything, it also made Alex a little angry. Because this had to be some sort of practical joke, right? Was he meant to believe that some non-existent friend on his floor had dropped off a cupcake on his desk, hoping to, what, brighten his day, something bullshit like that? And how did they know it was his birthday anyway?

As soon as he thought of the question, he found it answered, remembering the calendar pinned to the bulletin board hanging in the main hallway. He wasn't sure why anybody still bothered writing the company birthdays on the damn thing anymore, considering no one ever paid any mind to it. Though, Alex thought, with a feeling of disbelief and raised eyebrows, that he guessed he was wrong about that. There wasn’t really any other explanation as surely his parents, the only people in his life at this point that even knew when his birthday was, hadn't come into work to wish him a special day while on the job. They didn't even call him on the phone anymore. The thought brought a frown to his lips and a tight feeling of anger burning like bile in his throat. He shook his head and decided it best to forget about the whole thing, since neither the cupcake or dwelling on it was doing him much good.

As it turned out, as much as he wanted to put it behind him and get on with his day, the cupcake didn't seem to leave his mind. In fact, it was almost all he could think about for a decent amount of the morning. All Alex wanted to know was who’d done it, why it was there- it wasn't like he was close or even particularly friendly with anybody else in the office (and that was mainly because their grimaces rather intimidated him, though he wouldn't admit it). It began to frustrate him fairly quickly, especially because it wasn't really as though he could just prance around the workspace and ask around for any leads. They'd all bite his head off pretty quickly, Alex assumed. It drove him mildly crazy, but, being a diligent worker and with nothing much better to do, Alex made his best effort in staying focused on his work, eyes glued to his computer screen and not on the cupcake.

Fortunately, Alex didn’t have to wait all too long for the case to be closed, though as the minutes dragged on it sure as hell felt that way. He’d expected one of the nameless, scowling faces to be behind it all, and yet hadn't even considered that it could be the one person in the building that Alex did know the name of, that he wouldn't mind getting any sort of attention from. Because there’s no way that someone like that would have any reason to associate himself with Alex, or even have a want to, for that matter. Alex figured it was Susan from across the hall, the cat lady that very rarely offered him a slightly pained-looking smile. As it turned out, Susan hadn't even shown up to work that day.

“Oh, hey, you're here!” A voice rang out a little loudly in the routinely quiet workspace, causing Alex to jump a little embarrassingly in his seat, startled. Then after the second of shock was gone, a whole new feeling came over him. Something that felt a little like dread, anxiety, and excitement all in one. Alex didn't need to turn his head and look at the source of the outburst to know who it was, but he did so anyway so as not to be rude.

John stood there smiling warmly at him, easily resting his arms on Alex’s cubicle wall thanks to his height. In his frantic search for something cool and easy to respond with, Alex hoped he didn't look as stupid as he felt, sitting there blushing and maybe even shaking a little for a few seconds too many. It's not like he could help it- his teensy tiny (fucking massive) crush on John seemed to instantly turn him into the jittery, unsociable mess that he was, the part of him that usually only really showed up during the work Christmas parties (whenever he wasn't hiding in the bathroom, that is.) And even after all that build up that truly wasn't as long or as grueling as Alex’s mind made it out to be, he could only muster up an uncertain response, slightly mumbled, that he hoped wouldn't scare John away.

“I- um, yeah, I guess I am here.” And he felt stupid after saying it, but fortunately became transfixed on John’s grin again soon after, so the pang of embarrassment didn't last very long at all.

“Ah, I see you didn't eat it yet,” John remarks when he eyes the cupcake still perched on the corner of Alex’s desk. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

Alex muttered a thank you, his cheeks feeling hot and his fingertips a little tingly. He knew he must look a mess, all flustered and unsure of what to say in front of the guy who had more confidence in his right pinky finger than Alex had in his whole body. He still had a small suspicion kicking at his chest that maybe the whole thing was a prank, that the cupcake was set to explode and the whole office was on it and they're all going to laugh while Alex miserably picked frosting out of his hair. The friendliness John presented to him seemed undeniably genuine though, so Alex willed his irrational fears and assumptions away and almost felt a need to apologize to John for imagining him doing such a thing.

“Sorry it was kind of unexpected, I just… I saw your name on the calendar a few weeks back, and it seemed like it’d be a nice gesture, you know?” John’s eyes matched his smile, friendly and bright, and Alex hoped he didn’t look as nervous and jittery as he felt after looking into them. He couldn’t help it- after months of subtle pining after him, it felt a little surreal to finally be holding an actual conversation. And that’s when a thought came to mind.

Shit, did John know about his crush on him? Was that why he was being so nice? To pity Alex on his birthday and make him feel a bit better about his unrequited feelings? Alex thought he’d been pretty inconspicuous with the way he stole glances at the guy when he walked up and down the halls, going on coffee runs and whatnot. But what if this whole time he’d actually been gawking and gaping, his mouth hanging open stupidly as he all but drooled over John’s presence? The thought made him almost visibly cringe.

Or was it that maybe, even worse, John could just tell how lonely Alex was? Maybe all this time, when Alex had been looking in the mirror and half-heartedly convincing himself that the bags under his eyes were hardly even noticeable, everyone including John was taking them in and judging him for them. Maybe when he cried alone at night hoping for one of the friends he didn’t have to stop by and make him feel better, and he showed up to work late the next day, everyone in the whole building knew why. Why did this have to be happening? It was just a stupid cupcake, for fucks sake- they were supposed to make people happy, not worsen someone’s mood by a thousand. Which was potentially devastating to Alex considering he already felt close to shit most days.

Alex, not very much caring for the other possibilities, decided to settle on the idea that maybe John was just a genuinely nice person, and got everyone in the office a treat on their birthdays. Surely that would explain his actions, and also manage to not make Alex feel like utter crap in the process.

“So, do you not want it? Or are you one of those people that need gluten-free? I’ll be honest, I don’t even know what gluten is, but I’ll eat it if you can't have it.” John shrugged to himself, waiting patiently for Alex to answer. He really could only shake his head whilst opening and closing his mouth though, at a loss for what to say. He figured he could come up with something like, “Well no one likes me in this office and I figured since I don't have any friends that you’d be trying to play a trick on me and I didn't want the thing to explode in my face,” though he didn't see that going down very well. Fortunately, John didn't seem to need a proper response and continued talking anyway, enough for the both of them.

“Ah, jeez, I'm sorry, is this too weird? I just saw your name on the calendar a couple weeks back and- God, I don't think I've even told you my name. I’m John, by the way.”

Alex had to refrain from quickly responding with, “I know.” Even though he did know, hadn’t forgotten since they were first introduced during what Alex deemed The Photocopier Incident. If it could even be called a proper introduction; Alex had made him spill a bit of his coffee on the floor, and then just had to stand there completely useless and sorry and embarrassed as John insisted that he’d clean it up himself and that Alex didn’t need to help. Sure it sort of stung a little bit that John didn’t seem to remember their first encounter, but it was almost a full year ago- it only made sense that something so trivial would slip his mind. Alex was sure he wasn’t a very memorable person, anyway.

“Alex,” Alex said back, and only blushed a little bit when John grinned and responded with, “I know.” John brushed a strand of hair from out of his eyes, and tapped his fingers along the top of the cubicle wall, making Alex’s heart flutter with the look he gave him. “So anyway, I was wondering, if it wouldn’t be, like, super weird to ask, since we sorta technically just met, in a way…” He began, his words sounding somewhat unsure, his confidence still present but wavering. Alex thought it was rather cute.

“If you don’t have anything to do tonight, I was going to ask if I could take you out to a birthday dinner? O-or something else, it doesn’t have to be dinner. I mean, I just- I guess it does sound pretty stupid to ask because hello, it’s your birthday, you’ve probably got tons of plans with all your friends and stuff, right?”

Part of Alex used to always wish he had friends to hang out with on his birthday. Or any day, for that matter- anyone other than his parents, who didn’t even follow the stereotype of still treating their son like a kid, but instead acted as though he was some distant friend they called for a vaguely awkward dinner night every once in awhile. Now, though, Alex was gladder than he’d ever been that his schedule was as clear as day for the next, probably… well, a long time. And he didn’t even mind how lame that sounded because now he had a date with John and something to look forward to for once. Or was it not a date? Fuck it, either way, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He just barely suppressed his giant smile.

“No! No, um, I mean, I’d really like that, yeah.” Alex felt his seemingly ever-present blush flare up even more and figured his ears were turning red in that stupid way that they did when he got nervous. He hoped John wasn’t staring at him too intently to notice. Little to his knowledge, John totally was, but found it endearing and grinned just a little wider at the sight.

"Wow, seriously? Oh, sweet, that’s really cool. So, I'll give you my number? Or if you want, at the end of the day you can drop by my desk and we can go then?" His nervousness was all but gone, though Alex thought he could still notice a hint of it buried down under his confidence. He tried as hard as he could not to outright giggle at the sight of John so unsure and even the slightest bit shy. It was a lost cause, though, and he just bashfully grinned at John as a little laugh that he just couldn’t help bubbled its way up his throat. The giddy feeling spread throughout him, warming his chest and settling on his shoulders, taking away the melancholy ache that always seemed to weigh there. He hadn’t at all expected at the beginning of the morning that today, something would finally turn out alright.

After they’d settled on a plan, John turned to leave, smiling all wide and stupid as well, and Alex caught himself dead in his tracks, stopped spinning in his chair to let himself have a moment of realization. Two whole years of working with John, and that calendar was up all the time. Not once had he ever seen him give a cupcake to anyone else.

The end of the day couldn’t come soon enough.